Cut Too Deep (28 page)

Hadley stretched out on the sofa with her feet in Miller’s lap. He removed her shoes and massaged her feet, paying close attention to her arches before moving up to her calves. Hadley closed her eyes and considered if she should tell him it may be possible the man following her didn’t have anything to do with Thailand. The probability her former guardian paid someone to track her movements was slim. Hadley wanted to believe it, but couldn’t bring herself to accept Harold Duwatski would put someone else in charge of his dirty work. He took too much pleasure in tormenting her. When warm lips pressed into the soft skin on the curve of her foot, she set all thoughts of Mr. Duwatski aside and focused on the intensity burning in Miller's gaze.

Miller smiled and placed her foot back in his lap.

“You don’t have dancer’s feet.”

Her eyebrows scrunched together.

“Is that so?”

“Yes, especially given your preference for ballet. I expected to see mangled toes.”

“Oh really?” Hadley chuckled. “You had expectations about my toes?”

His eyes darkened. “Oh, Love, there isn’t a part of your body I haven’t thought about.”

Hadley swallowed, warmth spreading low in her belly.

“Well then, I assume my toes survived because I didn’t start dancing until I was fifteen.”

She’d become rather skilled at deflecting his advances. He rubbed his top lip with his index finger, his expression slack.

“Hmm…remarkable.”

“What?”

“Starting late, but being offered an apprenticeship at the ballet.”

“It came naturally, but I worked my butt off to improve. I feel alive when I dance. At first dancing was an escape I greatly needed, but now it’s part of me.”

“Yet, you gave it up?”

“I didn’t have a choice.”

“There’s always a choice.”

“Not for me.”

Miller didn’t like her answer, but the day had already taken a toll on Hadley emotionally. He didn’t want to make her think of things that made her sad.

“I’m sorry about today,” he said softly.

“Thank you for taking care of me. I think I’m okay now. If you need to go back to the office, I understand.”

“What I
need
to do, is continue taking care of you.”

His emphasis on need sent her mind running again. Hadley didn’t want to end up like his wife, always calling on him to rescue her. She feared Miller would then be merely trading one addiction for the other.

“I’m fine.”

“I can see that, but I’m not! If anything had happened to you…” He shook his imaginative thoughts away.

“But, nothing happened to me. Mac was there, and I’m fine.”

“I should have been there.”

“You can’t be with me every second of the day.” He smiled secretively. “I mean it. I value my independence a great deal. You have no idea what it means to me.”

“I don’t like the idea of you being alone.”

“At times I might have to be.”

“Fine! We’ll compromise. You can pee alone.”

Hadley couldn’t help but laugh, but then she put on a grave face and sat up, pulling her legs under her.

“I’m serious!”

“I know you are, and I don’t want to smother you, but I’ll do whatever it takes to keep you safe. These men know your address. Would you consider staying at my place to appease me?”

“Why? It’s safe here. I have to buzz in visitors.”

Miller scowled. “Do you actually believe these people would be deterred by a buzz in lock? They could find a way in. My place is secure.”

Hadley remembered how easily Mr. Duwatski entered her building and agreed.

Miller flashed that delightful dimple.

“You can have your own room in case you need space. I live alone, too. I understand being independent.”

She nodded and tried not to think about the many women Miller had to keep him company. Her thoughts were unkind and undeserved. He treated her well. Hadley sent them away in a special delivery to Insecure Mountain.

“I don’t need space from you, but I don’t like not coming and going as I please.”

He reached over and tapped her nose.

“You can still come and go as you please, only now you’ll have company.”

She smiled.

“Thank you.”

Hadley noticed the security desk she missed on her last visit to Miller’s place when one of the guards greeted Miller as they passed. Once in the elevator, Miller inserted a key card before pressing the button for the top floor. She missed that on their last trip as well, but did feel safer now.

Miller showed her to a living room with a fireplace. A wall that spanned at least twenty feet was filled floor to ceiling with books. A beige sofa split two matching oversized chairs with ottomans.

“I need to make a few phone calls. Make yourself comfortable and help yourself to anything in the kitchen. I won’t be long.”

Miller kissed her cheek before leaving her. Hadley eyed a blanket draped over the couch. The emotions of the day fatigued her. She curled up in one of the chairs with the blanket to warm her. Within minutes, she fell fast asleep.

Pissed and looking for vengeance, Miller sat at the desk in his study. He picked up his phone. When Nick answered, he unleashed his anger.

“Have you found anything out?”

“It’s only been a day, Miller. I’m working on it.”

“Well fucking work faster. I’m not paying you to fail. Someone followed her today. I need answers.”

“I’m doing everything I can.”

“It’s not enough.”

Miller ended the call and made another, this one to his cousin.

He found Hadley asleep in the chair. Her eyes opened, and the sleepy smile she gave him made his knees weak.

“Hey.” He sat on the ottoman and leaned over her. “I’m glad you got some rest.”

“How long was I asleep?”

“Maybe an hour or so.” A long look passed between them while Miller thought about how best to broach the subject of keeping her safe. “I spoke with Paul, and he’s agreed to let you work from home for a while. It’s safer. I can set up an office for you here.”

“You did what?” she asked, positive she heard him incorrectly.

Miller looked down and rubbed his forehead. He didn’t want to argue, but could feel it coming. Hadley definitely heard correctly, his words eerily cognizant of a man she hated. The hairs on her neck rose.

“It’s only for a little while, to keep you safe,” he insisted.

Hadley stood up and went to the window, looking down on the bustling city below, a city she was free to walk around in if she damn well wanted to.

“You shouldn’t have done that!”

His footsteps thumped against the hardwood, and then she felt him behind her.

“I need to know your safe.”

Her vision blurred. All Hadley saw was her father, acting concerned and manipulating her mother. “I need to know you’re safe.” Those were Vitale Rosanov’s exact words, the ones he used when he convinced Hadley and her mother going outside was dangerous. Realistically, Hadley knew her father’s motives were drastically different from Miller’s, but in that moment, she snapped. She’d tried to be strong for too long. The nightmares of her past weighed heavily on her soul, and now in a moment of weakness, her inner turmoil spilled out. Insecure Mountain erupted with fiery anger.

When she spun around on him, she saw the surprise in his eyes, but it didn’t stop her.

“You don’t get to own me! You don’t get to decide when I come and go, or who my friends are, or where I fucking work! I’m in charge of my life, damn it! I decide! I’m free to do what I want, when I want, and with whom I want! You can’t just make decisions for me and speak to my boss behind my back!” As venom and spite flowed out of her in words, she transformed into someone she hated. The screaming and hollering burned her throat, but she wasn’t finished. “If you’re looking for some wounded female to control, then call one of your whores or find your wife, because I’m not going to allow you to control me! I don’t need you to fucking rescue me!”

Her entire body trembled as past met present in a disturbing way.  She’d lost control. As her words replayed in her mind, Hadley heard her demeaning father, only the words were from her lips to a man she cared a great deal for and didn’t want to hurt.

Miller clamped his jaw tight, desperate to maintain control. He’d yet to show his temper with Hadley, knowing some of her experiences, but he was livid. He stepped close to her, ignoring the fright in her eyes. Ice water coursed through his veins. He reached out and gripped her arm rougher than he should have.

“Do you honestly still think of me as a ‘pig’, some animal of a man that wishes to manipulate the direction of our relationship, so I can gain some control over you? Do you think I’m the type of man who wants to break you down, so that I can abuse you? Do you?” Miller’s voice boomed. Hadley shook her head vehemently. She’d never seen him angry and she was terrified. “I’ve done nothing but show you how much I care about you. I’ve been decent and gentle with you, but you’ve spit on the very essence of who I am. You’ve gutted me, and all to sabotage our relationship and prove that you’re so fucked up nobody could possibly love you! Well, guess what, Love? You proved nothing!” Miller was screaming now and let go of her arm. “I don’t understand what the fuck you’re trying to do to me.” He reached up to pull on his hair, hoping pain would replace anger.

What Hadley saw sent her recoiling to the floor, her hands covering her head as she screamed, “No! Don’t! Please!”

Miller knelt beside her, placing a hand on her back. She flinched.

“Oh, Jesus! What are you doing? Oh, fuck…no!” Hadley looked at him through thick tears. “If you think I’m a man capable of striking a woman, then I have completely failed you.”

Miller stood and Hadley reached for him, but he moved fast and was already down the hall. The force of the door he slammed sent Hadley right back to her old bedroom and she began to wail. She pushed all the wrong buttons and forced him to show his temper. She questioned if that had been her goal. Everything Miller said was accurate, except Hadley’s reasons for sabotaging. It wasn’t about proving she was fucked up, it was defining her worth in the most dysfunctional way possible. She stood, holding her trembling fingers to her lips. She didn’t want to lose him, but she didn’t know what to do to keep him, either.

Miller paced the floor of his study, his fists twitching at his sides. He wanted to punch the wall and throw anything he could get his hands on. He refrained, knowing this type of fighting was all too personal for Hadley. If he allowed it to escalate, she may find comfort in it. He knew she was damaged. Now, he feared she was completely destroyed, her trust irreparable. As hard as he’d worked to show her a tender and kind side of him, she would never have complete faith in him. Disappointment was pointing its ugly finger, and Miller would be damned if he lost her.

He swung the door open and marched down the hall. Hadley watched nervously as Miller stomped toward her. He didn’t stop until he pinned her to the wall and held her hands above her head. Her breaths came in quick gasps. Their dark gazes locked. He could feel her heart beating furiously against his chest.

“I don’t want to own you! I don’t want to control you! I don’t want any whores, and I don’t want my estranged wife! I want you—your past, your present, and your future. Every beautiful moment, regardless of how imperfect or fucked up they are, I want to share them with you. Give me some control. Let me love you. Trust me to do right by you. I know I’m far from perfect, but my desire to protect you is genuine. I’d give my fucking life if it meant you could see another sunrise. I love you, Hadley Walker. Now, let me show you.”

Miller hadn’t hid his love for her, but the actual words ‘I love you’ spoken from his lips was the most beautiful thing Hadley ever heard. She believed him.

“I love you, too.” Telling him was effortless.

His lips were on hers, skin gliding over skin. Miller released her hands and lifted her into his arms. Her legs wrapped around his waist and her hands found his hair, tugging and pulling. Their tongues performed a slow dance as a feeling of pure bliss swept through Hadley’s body. She released the kiss, panting and looked directly at him.