Curtains (2 page)

Was Jil
l
'
s outburst guilting me into wanting something more?

This had to be guilt, pure and simple.

I shook my head in dismissal, drained my tumbler then nodded a thank you to the waitress as she replaced my empty glass.

I texted Heidi to let her know that I was at the bar, but got a verbal reply.

"
I see you, bonehead
.
"
She laughed as she joined me. Fresh martini in hand, she scrutinized me as she took her first sip.

"
You look guilty. Whose heart did you break today
?
"
she asked as she set her glass on the table. I studied my sister, whose eyes matched mine. One could easily tell we were family. She smiled at me, but I did
n
'
t let her question go unanswered.

"
Another failed attempt at casual dating
,
"
I said dryly
.
"
And
I
'
m not sharing
.
"
Noticing the slight redness around her eyes, I realized the reason for her late arrival
.
"
Heidi, why do you insist on en
t
ertaining every man tha
t
gives you a minute of attention? I told you this one was a total waste of time. I believe my words were
,
'
If in the first few months you have to fight for his attention in any way, he is not interested
.
'
Not in the way you want him to be
.
"

"
I know, I jus
t
...
"
She sipped her martini again, averting her eyes before meeting mine as she found her words
.
"
Do
n
'
t you ever get tired of being alone, Rhys
?
"
I opened my mouth to give my usual answer, the one I was forced to give at every family gathering for the last ten years, but the words would
n
'
t come. Twenty minutes ago, my answer would have been a definite no. Twenty minutes ago, I had no issue stating that I would never settle down. When I did
n
'
t give her an answer, she smirked
.
"
There is hope for you yet, brother
.
"

"
I
'
m rarely alone. I have girlfriends
,
"
I reminded her.

"
You have dogs that bark and beg disguised as women. Really, Rhys, who the hell are you to give relationship advice
?
"
She popped an olive into her mouth, her resentful stare showcasing her contempt for the harsh truth I just delivered. She did
n
'
t know about my lifestyle, but she had met a few of my subs and had realized quickly my relationship dynamics were different from others. Though I always treated my dates with nothing but the utmost care, it was easy to tell the relationship was purely sexual. Heidi was the only one I trusted to be social with that part of my life. I sipped my whiskey.

"
I
'
m not in any position to give you advice, but since you decided to run to me with your issues instead of a more qualified girlfriend,
I
'
ll give you this.
I
'
m honest. I tell them exactly what I want up front. Instead of planning your life around a kiss or a rare soft look they may gift you, why do
n
'
t you try listening to them first?
I
'
m pretty sure he was passive about dating. If he was more aggressive, we would
n
'
t be having this conversation
.
"

"
Rhys, jus
t
..
.
let it go. I came for dinner not a lecture from my brother who has
n
'
t had a steady girlfriend since grade school
.
"
She swallowed the contents of her glass, looking as if she would rather be anywhere but at a table with me.

"
Heidi,
I
'
m sorry yo
u
'
re upset
,
"
I said, knowing I was being a dick
.
"
Listen to me, you are worth it
,
"
I said, catching her eyes, hoping she would hear me
.
"
You are. A ma
n
'
s needs are simple and yours will always be complex. Wait for your aggressor
.
"

Her eyes were now full of tears as she looked at me, a picture of fresh pain with a ghost of a smile haunting her face
.
"
How can you not want to experience
this,
Rhys? Does
n
'
t it look like fun
?
"
She laughed and I laughed with her as I ordered her a fresh drink for each hand.

After dinner, I watched my sister drive away, furious she had
n
'
t let me call a cab or drive her home myself.

I was sure she was on her way to try and convince the object of her affection to reconsider.

Restless from the da
y
'
s events, I made my way back to The Barracks, and gave pause when a pair of startling blue eyes greeted me at the bar. I sat next to her with a grin
.
"
Sandra
.
"

PRESENT DAY

Christmas sucks.

"
Violet, come hang your ornament
,
"
my mother called to me from the living room as I stood in the kitchen staring at my phone
.
"
Can you just do it, Mom
?
"
I asked, pouring my fourth cup of bourbon with a splash of eggnog.

"
No, m
a
'
am. Thirty-three years, i
t
'
s tradition
,
"
she said to me as I rolled my eyes
.
"
Do
n
'
t you roll your eyes at me
!
"
I shook my head, my cup halfway to my mouth, knowing she had
n
'
t seen it. She was a damn freak of nature.

"
Call Rhys and have him come over and bring the baby
,
"
she said, walking into the kitchen and grabbing my eggnog out of my hand and capping the bourbon
.
"
Wha
t
'
s the matter with you
?
"

"
Nothing
,
"
I said, eyeing my father who was tinkering with a train piece from the set that toured the bottom floor of the house every Christmas.

My mother eyed me as I avoided answering her
.
"
Fine,
I
'
ll assume Rhys has plan
s
tonigh
t
. Come hang your ornament and stay out of your fathe
r
'
s bourbon
,
"
she scolded.

"
Here, here
,
"
my father replied, looking up at me through his glasses as he inspected his project closely.

Hmph, men and their toys.

"
Fine, no booze, no boys. Le
t
'
s party
,
"
I said dryly as my mother whisked me away to the tree. The house, as usual, looked incredible. My mother had always made it so during the holidays. But this year, I wanted no part of it.

"
You want to tell me what stick has crawled up your butt? You usually love Christmas
,
"
she said, handing me my ornament. I stuck it on the nearest branch, my mother immediately catching it as it popped off.

"
Whoops
,
"
I said under her heavy eye, hurt in her stare as she re-hung it carefully.

"
What happened, damn it
?
"
she asked in a harsh whisper, her hand on her hip.

"
I
happened, Mom.
I happened
.
"

He happened.

She happened.

They happened.

I felt sick. Collapsing on the couch, I threw a pillow on my head to cover my face, feeling the burn move through me from the bourbon. I hiccupped as she pulled the pillow away.

"
This is not how you act on a holiday, madam
,
"
she scorned, pushing me so I was forced to sit up then plopped down next to me.

"
Mom,
I
'
m thirty-three. I should have my own family now, not be bothering you two on Christmas Eve
.
"

"
Tha
t
'
s the dumbest damn thing I have ever heard in my life
,
"
she huffed
.
"
Even if you had a family of your own they would all be here.
I
'
d make sure of it
.
"

"
Fine. True. Whatever. I sure hope
I
'
m enough
,
"
I said, throwing my own personal pity party. I knew for a fact my mother would
n
'
t put up with it for long. So much so, that when her back was turned, I carried my bourbnogup to my paren
t
'
s guestroo
m—
my old bedroo
m—
and drank it until I felt comfortably numb. I stared at my phone, but I could
n
'
t do it. I could
n
'
t call Rhys when he was probably surrounded by family. What would I even say? What else was there to say? Tears fell heavy as I tossed and turned, thinking of how it had all played out.