Cupid's Revenge (3 page)

“What? What’s wrong? Did you tell them about the engagement?”

“They brought the cats,” he whispered.

“Oh good God in heaven.”

Blue whined agreement.

Xu Ming and Lu Zhi (Zooming and Lucy) are Burmillas, a cross between Burmese and chinchilla cats. Silvery grey, howlingly rare and beautiful beyond words. They were also spoiled beyond words and had to be groomed like six hundred times a day and ate only homemade cat food. A blue blooded princess in residence couldn’t be more work.

“How did they travel?” I asked.

“Not very well apparently.” Alex blinked. “Oh, by plane.”

“They didn’t drive? Poor cats,” I said feelingly. I wanted to explain to Alex how insane that was, but from his expression he apparently already knew this.

“It’s Dad who’s frazzled. They howled all the way from the airport. He looks absolutely gray. I suggested they have a nap.”

Oh damn. This was going to be a great reunion.

“Look, maybe we shouldn’t tell your folks right away about being engaged.” Before Alex could get offended, I added: “Your folks are stressed out right now and frankly I don’t know how happy they are going to be. Let’s give them a fighting chance at saying the right thing when we tell them.” That was kind of blunt. I decided to spread the blame. “And anyway, Mom is bad enough to deal with right now. She called me six times today to try and talk about wedding stuff. I don’t want to be double teamed before dinner. And you know that if they can’t get to me to plan stuff then they’ll go after you instead. I can go to work and turn off my cell, but you’re stuck here where they can find you. Before you know it they’ll have booked a polka band for the reception and have you wearing a purple tux with a pink loafers.”

Alex looked thoughtful. He didn’t try to tell me that it wouldn’t happen. His mother was the stronger personality.

“Well… maybe we should wait a little. Let the jet-lag wear off.”

I didn’t point out that there was no jet-lag from California to Washington.

“Did you find any prints on the extension cord?” he asked instead of pursuing the question of openness with the parents. Before I could answer, his folks came through the new door that connected the two sides on the duplex. Alex’s parents slipped through and the door shut quickly. Almost at once I could hear scratching and feline wails of anger on the other side of the door.

“Chloe!” Bob sounded mildly pleased considering he looked like he had a headache. Rosemary’s voice when she echoed him was neutral. We didn’t hug but we all managed to smile.

“How was the flight?” I asked, pretending not to hear the cats next door. I needed this like I needed domestic terrorists. In fact, the cats kind of were domestic terrorists.

“Ghastly. The seats were so tight that Bob got bruised knees and they confiscated my lip gloss,” Rosemary answered. Bob had been allowed to utter my name but that was all he was going to get to say. “We had to go into that horrible body scanner. They even searched Xu Ming and Lu Zhi! As if my precious kitties were terrorists!”

“Poor kitties!” I said sincerely, though I kind of agreed with airport security on this one. “I doubt these TSA people have any animal training. Let me hang up my coat and I will start dinner. I think we could all use a peaceful meal. Alex, would you open the wine?”

With those words I fled to the bedroom. I couldn’t delay the confrontation for long, but I needed a minute to myself.

They brought the cats! Without telling me or Alex! Didn’t they understand that cats are territorial? We’d be lucky if Apollo and Aphrodite didn’t leave smelly expressions of displeasure in our shoes. I would have to remind Alex to keep the closet door closed until his parents left.

Chapter 4

“Now look,” I said to Zooming and Lucy, though Blue, Apollo and Aphrodite were lined up by the sofa and listening too. “We are all civilized creatures in this house. There will be no more acting like godless heathens and sharpening the claws on the drapes and screaming at the cook. They are ugly drapes but Alex chose them and you will respect that. And if you make me angry there will be nothing buy dry kitty kibble for breakfast.”

I saw movement from the corner of my eye and caught Bob slipping through the connecting door. I couldn’t be sure but I thought he was laughing. That was good. At least one of my future in-laws had a sense of humor. Alex’s aunt, Mary Elizabeth was a nice woman, but I wouldn’t say that she was over-endowed with playfulness and whimsy. And if Rosemary had any sense of humor at all, I’d seen no signs of it.

Bob and Rosemary were going to breakfast with Mary Elizabeth, so I was again thwarted in my attempt to have a solo conversation with either of them. I was thinking unkind thoughts about couples who become conjoined twins, but stopped myself when I considered how I was with Blue. And how much did I want to talk with either of them anyway?

 Alex could have been having breakfast with me, but he was out giving my dad a jump-start since his van’s battery was dead and it looked bad when the new mayor wasn’t in his office by eight. So I was alone, baby-sitting spoiled cats and supervising the interspecies encounter group.

We were trying the group experience since, left on their own last evening, the cats had attacked the drapes and screamed ceaselessly until Bob and Rosemary got back from their walk. Hence my lecture to the cats about respect for personal property. All things considered, I thought we were doing pretty well. There had been no hissing, spitting or barking when the connecting door opened and worlds collided.

Just as I was patting myself on the back, two things happened almost at once. Bob and Rosemary left, the wind banging the door loudly and making us all jump. Then the phone rang and I got up to answer it, turning my back on the ungrateful vipers I was trying to nurse to my bosom. Seeing an opportunity to eat something other than health food, Zoom skidded across the table, scooping up my bacon and knocking my abandoned toast on the floor. The plate it was on didn’t break but my coffee cup went over and there was mocha everywhere, including my shoe.

I gave a bellow of rage which startled Alex and he immediately began demanding to know what was wrong. I ignored him except to say ‘damn cat’ and hung up the phone.

Blue, torn between taking part in my plan to catch the bacon thief and cleaning up my spilled toast and coffee made the correct decision and pounced on the feline marauder first.

Zoom, faced for the first time in her life with a stronger personality, wisely went limp. Blue, roused to unprecedented action, picked her up by the scruff and brought her over to me.

“Oh God. Good girl,” I said to Blue, taking the cat from her. Blue has a soft mouth and was doing a low, slow tail-wag, but I was terrified at how close the stupid feline had come to disaster. I don’t know how many PSI’s a Rottweiler’s jaw can exert but it is surely enough to snap a cat’s neck.

“Dumb kitty,” I said resuming my seat, but stroking the cat with gentle hands. Her gray coat was blotched with drool and coffee. “Stupid, stupid kitty. What if Blue wasn’t a good doggy? Next time just ask for bacon. I’ll share if your mommy isn’t around.”

Blue, her job as enforcer complete, sat down to enjoy some slightly dusty toast with jam and coffee. The other three cats were on the back of the sofa looking on with enormous eyes. Apollo and Aphrodite had never seen Blue acting like a dog, and Lucy had never seen any dog act like a dog. They may not have seen a dog period.

The phone rang again. Laying the cat over my shoulder, I went to reassure Alex.

“It’s okay,” I said at once. “Blue didn’t eat her.”

“That’s good to know,” the chief said agreeably. “Though I am sure whoever ‘she’ is that she deserved it. Blue is an excellent judge of character.”

I snorted. “You have that right. My mother-in-law-to-be’s cats are the worst-mannered animals I have ever met. They already tore up the drapes in Alex’s office and stole my breakfast.”

Zoom began purring hysterically into the phone. Maybe she liked the chief’s voice.

“Maybe she learned a lesson,” I said optimistically as the chief strangled a laugh. “It has to be scary when a dog jumps on you.”

“This is a cat we’re discussing, right? Can they learn lessons?”

“You have a point. And both of them are as stupid as they are loving. Honestly, I thought A-p-o-l-l-o was the dimmest cat around.” I moved the phone to my other ear since I could hardly hear above the purring. “Sorry for the digression. I thought you were Alex. I hung up on him when the cat spilled the coffee. Did the lab get the prints off the extension cord?”

“Yes, nine sets of them. All with a perfect right to be there. What I was calling about was your friend, Agatha Graves.”

“What’s wrong?” I asked with sudden alarm. “Is she hurt?”

“She’s fine, but someone wrote an obscenity on her garage door in the night. In bright colored chalk.”

“Huh. Which obscenity specifically?”

“Traitorous bitch. She mentioned that it was spelled correctly.”

“So, probably not one of Debbie Mullin’s fifth graders.” But maybe Debbie Mullins herself? Or someone who knew about Debbie having colored chalk for her kids and trying to shift the blame onto her or them? Mrs. Graves lived only a block from the community garden. “So, you want me to see Mrs. Graves before I come into work?”

“It might be wise. Just in case there is a connection with the other matter.”

“Okay. I think I also better go check on the storage locker. Just in case anything happened in the night.”

“Good plan. Don’t worry if you are a little late. Things don’t get busy downtown until ten this time of year.”

I glanced at the clock.

“I will probably be late, but not by much if I leave now. I’ll let you know if I find anything.”

“Good.”

Alex came in the door as I hung up the phone. He looked from me to the dishes on the floor. Zoom still clung to my shoulder, purring away. I picked up a napkin and started blotting her.

“I expected a dead cat and maybe dead parents after the swearing,” he said mildly. “I tried calling back but the line was busy.”

“I’m sorry you got dragged home. Was I swearing? I was thinking bad things inside but didn’t know I said any of them out loud.”

“Yes, you were swearing.” He smiled broadly. “Even your dad heard you. He thought it was funny.”

“I wasn’t even aware of it.” I walked forward and handed Alex the cat then bent and retrieved my plate and mug. They were sparkling clean. Blue is thorough. “That was the chief. I have to leave as soon as I change my shoes. I need to check on the gazebo and go see Mrs. Graves. Someone wrote ‘traitorous bitch’ on her garage door last night. It could be unrelated, but I think our arsonist is getting pissy and maybe reckless. More reckless. This isn’t like the storage place. Mrs. Graves has outside security lights that work on a motion sensor. If we’re lucky maybe the neighbors will have seen something.”

“Mrs. Graves didn’t see anything?”

“No. She hates the lights that go on several times a night and sleeps with blackout shades in her bedroom.” Alex opened his mouth to point out the illogic of this behavior but closed it again. “I know. It isn’t logical, but there you are.”

“We are as God made us,” he agreed, looking down at Zoom, half in affection and half in disgust. His jacket was covered in hair. So was my right shoulder.

I kissed his cheek, wishing for just a moment that I could be a conjoined twin and skip going out.

“Gotta go.” I headed for the bedroom.

“Tell you what, you go see Mrs. Graves and I’ll go by the locker. This afternoon I will do some checking on the various queens and sweethearts. Maybe we’ll get lucky and someone will have a record.”

“Take Blue with you,” I said. It was hard to add the next part. “I was afraid for a second that she would actually hurt Zoom. I was very angry about the spilled food and Blue sort of picked up on that.”

“Let’s play it safe. I’m locking the cats in the guest bedroom. Mom can let them out when they get back from breakfast. And if they tear up Mom’s clothes, then so be it.”

I thought about the drapes. I didn’t like the ones in the guest bedroom either so I just nodded.

“I’ll come by the locker after I see Mrs. Graves. The chief doesn’t expect me until ten so I have some leeway.”

“So he’s taking this seriously?”

“Yes. I don’t know if this is good or bad. What if it’s all nothing? I’ll feel like an idiot.”

*  *  *

Mrs. Graves had zero to add to the chief’s report, though she held off washing her door until I arrived and could see things for myself. The handwriting was kind of high up for a child and was neat enough to be calligraphy. I took a picture with my phone and then helped her wash off the door.

Alex didn’t report disaster but I went by the storage facility anyway. As I suspected, Alex had been pressed into work, making carnations and stuffing them into the high places. I rescued him by suggesting he make a donut run and he accepted gratefully. My motives weren’t all altruistic. I hadn’t gotten to eat my breakfast and I was starved. Blue stayed with me at the locker since I needed moral support and she wouldn’t be allowed in Big Daddy’s Donuts anyway.

“Mrs. Graves will be here soon,” I told Mom and Aunt Dorothy. “She had a bit of trouble at her place last night. Graffiti. Probably kids just messing around, but maybe it was our saboteur again.”

I thought this sufficiently interesting to divert Mom and my aunt from wedding talk, but Althea and Dale were back from their honeymoon and settled into Dale’s house. Aunt Dot, short a daughter and still in wedding mode, was only too happy to help Mom worry about me and my lack of plans.

They tried to talk gowns and reception sites while we worked on the gazebo ceiling but I was politely unresponsive and making only one observation, which was that men didn’t like to be fussed at and Alex and I could always just elope to Las Vegas if things became too much of a bother.

Mom took the hint and hushed her sister, but I knew a private mother-daughter talk was coming. I wasn’t acting like a happy bride-to-be. What I would say to Mom was a mystery because I wasn’t entirely sure why I didn’t want to just rush right in and let Mom plan everything so we could be married by March.