Crushed (23 page)

He clenched and unclenched his jaw, probably trying to come up with an argument. He
didn’t move to start his truck, though, so
she
let
her
eyes drift out over the lake. The reflection of the moon radiated outward in silver
ripples.

She
wondered if Reece had brought them
t
here out of habit, on a whim, or without any
conscious thought. It was here
that she and Reece
had shared
their
first kiss.

Their
first
real
ki
ss, not the countless ones on her
chee
k or her
forehead or the firs
t few light ones he placed on her
lips
. But their
first real kiss was here, at the lake.
And if she
wan
ted to get technical about it, she
had finally kissed him. She had
got
ten
tir
ed of waiting for him to think she was ready
. S
o she had just gone
ahead and show
n
him that
she
was.

Reece had kissed a
few
girls by that point in hi
s life.
As for
her, her
first kiss was with Ethan.
Looking back, she was
no
t quite clear if Ethan kissed her because he found her
thirteen year-old, knobby-kneed, flat-chested, tomboy self all that alluring or if
it was to wage a sil
ent war against his sister. As she
gr
ew older and supposedly wiser, she
had begun to believe it was the latter.

Which it did. Fortunatel
y Emma’s
ire was directed solely at her brother.

And then there was
Tate
Daniels
.
Cleo didn’t
have a whole
lot
to say
about him other than he asked her out, Emma insisted she go. They
dated for a short while.
A
few months at the most
. Then he decided she
wasn’t worth all of the const
ant family drama she
was pulled into. Things like her mom
showing up at the grocery store in her pajamas. Or falling asleep in the w
aiting room at the clinic. Or Cleo
having to cancel
a date because she
needed to take care of Luci.

She shook her head. She needed to stop reliving the past.

“Reece?”
she
pressed. “It’s probably best for both of us if you bring me home.”

“You’re right,”
he
finally said. “I’m sorry. I’m just…obviously having a really hard time letting you
go.” His voice sounded different, strained. An ache bubbled up inside
of
her
.
“I don’t know how to
.”

“You need to,”
she
insisted tho
ugh it went against everything she
wanted to say.

He was quiet for a while, still making no effort to leave. Finally he spoke again.
“Did you
mean what you said? That maybe
someday things would work out?”

“I shouldn’t have said that. I
was feeling…” she searched for a word. The best she
could come up with was, “Nostalgic.”

“Emma said—”

“Emma was drinking,” she
reminded him. “You know how she gets.”

He started his vehicle. “I’m so tired of arguing with you,” he said, his voice resigned.

He drove
her
home in silenc
e and as always, the sight of her house made her
stomach clench.

Most of the other houses on the block had lights glowing in their windows,
behind their closed curtains. She hadn’t left any lights on. Her
house looked so dreary as Reece pulled into the driveway.

Dark. Empty. Lonely.

Full of awful memories.

She
let a sigh slip and instantly regretted it.

“I could stay. Maybe you would get some sleep. I could sleep on top of the covers.
T
otally innocent,” Reece offered as he pulled into the driveway.

He had absolutel
y no idea how hard it was for Cleo
to turn him down. The offer of being close to Reece
and
getting some sleep
was more t
empting
for her
than he could imagine. She
couldn’t accept, though.
She
knew if Reece said he’d keep thin
gs innocent, he would. I
t was her
self
she
didn’t trust.

“Thanks,” she told him as she
manufactured a smile. “But I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

Reece didn’t respond. He let out a sigh as he gripped the stee
ri
ng wheel. He was staring at her
house. She
wondered if he was thinking the sa
me things
that
she had just been. Knowing that she
c
ould be in Reece’s c
ompany and she had just turned him down
made he
r house look even drearier.

“Okay,” he finally said.
She was sure he had to have known she
’d turn him down. He sounded disappointed but not surprised. He reached for his door
handle.

“What are you doing?” she
demanded. She worried,
illogically
,
that he was going to invite himself in for
a sleepover regardless of what she
just said.

“It’s dark out. I’m walking you to th
e door,” he explained. He gave
her
a look that clea
rly said she
should not even have to ask.

“You don’t need to do that,” she sighed as she reached for her
own door handle.

His simple res
ponse was to roll his eyes at her as he
let himself out
.

She
followed, keepi
ng a careful distance between them as they
walked the fe
w dozen steps up the sidewalk. She
had an irrat
ional fear that if he touched her
a
gain, he’d burn right through
her defenses
. He darted looks at her but she pretended not to notice as she dug in her pocket
for her
key.

She’d left in such a hurry that she
’d forgotten to leave the yard light on. Reece’s headlights sliced through the nig
ht, illuminating the lock for her
.

He shuffled his feet and she
knew before he spoke that he was going to try again. “I don’t like the thought of
you being here all by yourself.”

She
forced a laugh. “Reece, how is this any different than any other night?” Paul was
almost never home on the weekends.

“It just is,” he insisted. “I mean, I know it’s
not like Luci would be any
protection
.
I
t’s just the thought of you being alone. I don’t like it,” he said as he ran a hand
through his hair.

She
didn’t like it either.

There was no way she
could admit that.

“I could sleep on the couch,” he offered.

She shook her head. “I’ll be fine,” she assured him as she slid her
key into the lock. The lock clicked b
ut she
didn’t immediately open the door.

“You can’t make me stop worrying about you,” he told her. “You may be able to say
we can’t be together. And you may be able to decide to be with someone else. But you
can’t make me stop worrying.
I’ll
always
worry. And I’m always going to care
about what happens to you.
You were too much
a part of my life for too long. Maybe you can turn it off overnight. I can’t. I don’t
care how much space you try to
shove
between us.
You’re never going to be able to push me away completely. I’m not going to let you.
You’re always going to be a part of me.”

She wondered if he realized how badly she was shaking. There was no way he could know
how much her heart was breaking right then. She said the only thing she could. The
only
thing
she dared to say.
“
You said you would stop pushing.
”

He shrugged
unapologetically
. “That was before you cried in my arms at the thought of me with someone else. That
changes things. Whether you like it or not, it does.”

She didn’t have anything to say to that.

It didn’t matter because he wasn’t done.

“You can tell me a hundred times that you’re over me. And you know what? Yesterday,
I would’ve believed you.” He let out a harsh sounding laugh. “Yesterday I
did
believe you. But not anymore. And I don’t get it. I don’t understand what’s going
on. But I know this isn’t you.”

Her breath caught in her throat. She wondered if he noticed.

She
wasn’t sure if she heard crickets or frogs, or some other night creature chirping
along with
the sounds of an infrequent car driving by. The air was damp and cold. The scent
of fallen lea
ves and autumn swirled around them
.
She
was glad
she
’d grabbed a jacke
t as a shiver rippled through her
.

She
made the m
istake of glancing at Reece as she tucked the key back into her
pocket. His eyes were pleading the way he wouldn’t allow his words to right then.
“I’m going right home. If you change your mind or if you need anything…”

With everything in
her she held onto her resolve
. She knew that if she gave in n
ow, there was a good chance there would be no going back. And she couldn’t have that
. No matter how badly every bit of her ached for
it
.

She could tell he wanted to pull her into another hug. She kept her arms folded around
her chest in a completely uninviting stance. If he pulled her into a hug, she was
fairly certain she’d end up kissing him. And that would probably lead to inviting
him in. Which would lead to asking him to stay
. A
nd that would likely lead to things
not
staying the least bit innocent. Because she didn’t want them to be.

“I won’t call,” she said quietly.
“
So don’t be waiting. In fact, I think you should probably go back to the party. It’s
where you belong. Not here with me.”

She
opened the door, intending to dart inside
but Reece grabbed hold of her
wrist. “If you have a night to yourself, why
aren’t
you with Ethan?” he asked
.

She shrugged
. “He was busy.
He had some frat party this weekend or something.” It was the truth but she realized
her
mistake immediately as Reece’s eyebrows shot up.

“Isn’t that the kind of thing you would take
your girlfriend to?” he asked.
“Isn’t that the kind of thing you would
want
to go to?” he demanded.

“
It was too far to drive home,” she
said.

The words hung there
.
She
was waiting for
Reece to ask why she
didn’t
just
stay with
Ethan. Without Luci at home it wasn’t
like Paul would care or notice. But he didn’t ask that question. He saved his words
for something else.

“Are you happy?”

“Yes,”
she
s
aid without hesitating
. S
he
knew if
she
waited to
o long, she
might tell the truth.

“You’re not. I can see it in your eyes.” He shook his head. “When did you turn into
such a liar?”

It wasn’t like
she could tell him it was the night she came home to find Landon Hildenbrandt in her
living room.