Crushed (47 page)

She wanted him to be a bad guy, so she wouldn't feel pained by looking at his wrecked appearance.

It simply wasn't going to be that easy, and she knew it in the bottom of her heart.

All the anger she'd felt the night Rylan had been shot was impossible to recreate now. This wasn't a matter of choosing between Rylan and Luke, it was a situation where she could either forgive or condemn.

She knew while looking at Luke that she would forgive him. Even if Rylan hadn't forgiven Luke for his mistake, Sophie knew she didn't have a choice.

The others didn't understand, but Luke was apart of her family too. She couldn't include him in her life here, but she could offer him support. She was all he had.

She sighed as she linked her hand through his. They'd been sitting on opposite sides of the steps, but she closed the distance.

"How've you been?" She asked, knowing it was a weak way to start the conversation.

He stared back at her with wild, pained eyes, which was his only answer.

"Luke, it's okay, you know." Sophie wanted to start off with the most important information. "Rylan doesn't blame you. He knows it was a mistake. For sixteen, he's very wise in his own way." Luke didn't seem convinced with this, so she continued. "His doctor says he'll be able to walk again. He's healthy and strong, so he'll be fine. If you don't believe me, I'll show you the official report."

She tried to smile, but it felt wrong. It just didn't feel right to pretend everything was okay when it wasn't. For the others, pretending had been their way of moving on, but Luke wasn't like that. His pain could not be avoided with fake smiles and assurances.

"I know you're never going to forgive yourself." Sophie whispered. She glanced out into the darkness, her heart squeezing in her chest. She honestly had no idea what to say to him. "I know that...but we don't blame you."

She sat still, waiting for him to respond. The night was unusually warm and the weathermen had predicted a thunderstorm was on its' way. Normally, Sophie enjoyed thunderstorms, but she found it hard to consider enjoying anything at the moment.

"I don't..." Luke whispered, covering his face with one hand. "I don't think I'll ever be happy again."

His comment brought her back to reality. She turned to stare at him with wide, hurt eyes.

"How can I?" He continued.

Sophie felt like crying at his agonized expression. When she listened to him, she didn't have a doubt in her mind he was telling the truth. He believed every word he said.

"I took away that kid's future. One mistake and I ruined everything."

"Luke." She squeezed his hand but he tugged it away.

"It's not fair. It's not fair that one decision can change so much." He clenched his teeth in frustration. "This is all I can think about every day."

Sophie wanted to argue with him, even though she knew he was right.

He'd just realized something insanely painful. In life, there are no redoes. People make mistakes, that's a given, but second chances are taken for granted. He'd let his control slip for one single moment, and he would never be able to wipe away the guilt.

As Sophie watched him, she felt herself begin to cry. It was unfair. It was so terribly unfair. That one moment could determine someone's entire future. It was scary, and so very unfair. Sophie wondered if something like this would happen to her as well...if one bad decision would leave her as guilty as he was.

"I want to say the right thing." Sophie muttered, clenching her fists. "I want to say something that makes everything better. I should be able to do that right? We're friends, and friends are supposed to have that kind of power. Why does it feel like I can't say anything? Why is sorry the only thing I can think to say?"

Luke watched her with eyes that were burning. "I don't want to be like this. I don't want to steal...I don't want to be the bad guy. I'm tired of being helpless and controlled. I'm tired of dreaming of a better future only to realize I don't deserve it. I need out." His voice had turned begging. "I've got to get away. I can't do this anymore."

Sophie's eyes widened. All the pain she'd known was built up inside of him was leaking out.

"I have to get away." He stood from the steps, his fists clenched.

"Luke, wait a minute." He was moving too fast for her to react. "Don't do anything reckless. I know you're upset right now, but calm down."

"Sophie, you don't understand." He turned around to her.

The man she was staring at now was a stranger.

"You chose this life. I didn't. Max owns me." His voice was shaking. "I'm a pawn, don't you get it? They promised you your dreams, but I only got threats. I was just a piece of trash Max picked up off the side of the street."

Bitterness laced his every word. Only now did Sophie realize Luke hadn't come here to be comforted. This was sounding increasingly like a farewell speech.

"You know what Max told me when I asked to leave the first time? He said people like me don't deserve to dream." Luke's whole body was shaking. "If I stand still and let him control me, then he'll be right. I won't deserve to dream."

"Luke, wait a minute." Sophie stood and took a step towards him but he was already backing away.

"I'm going to change the game." He muttered, his eyes narrowing. "I'm going to take them down. Rob might not think it's possible, but I'll do it. For me, for your parents, for everyone who came before us, and for the people who may come after us."

"Wait!" She ordered desperately. "Give me time. These paintings...Cleo and Max would give anything to have them back. If we find them I can bargain for our freedom. All of us. Just wait a few more weeks." It was her last attempt to calm him down. It was all she had, and he knew it.

"Weeks?" Luke scowled, shaking his head. "You're never going to find them." He pointed a finger at his head. "I understand them now...your parents. I feel what they were feeling back then. Desperation to escape, I know what that's like. Those paintings no longer exist. If I were your parents, I would've burned them. All of them. Show Cleo and Max that they can't have everything they want."

"Luke..." Tears were streaming down her face.

"Come with me." He offered out his hand. "Escape with me."

"I can't." Sophie didn't hesitate for a moment. She couldn't help but hear the crazy edge to his voice. "I have other people I care about."

"Them?" Luke pointed into the house.

"Yes, them. They need me. You're not the only one who wants escape. Those kids deserve a future better than this."

"I can't wait anymore." Luke backed away from her. "I want to wait for you, but I can't. I've waited too long already. I'm sorry."

He turned towards his car, but Sophie was too slow to stop him. By the time she'd made it to the driveway he was already backing out.

He didn't look at her once as he drove away into the night.

Sophie shuddered, fearing that he was about to do something reckless.

Thunder rumbled in the distance, a foreboding warning of what was to come.

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

We'd come to accept the danger of our occupation, but I don't think we really ever knew how bad it could get.

Just as Sophie had been unable to comfort Luke, Robert and the others could not find anything to say to cheer her up.

They'd only gotten pieces of the full story, but everyone understood what the news meant. Luke was now a wild card. He was filled with anger and desperation, which made him almost as dangerous as Max.

Sophie sat curled up on the couch, her arms wrapped protectively around her knees. Gwyn placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder, but Sophie's thoughts were so far off, she didn't notice it.

Rob was pacing around the living room, a grim expression on his face. Sophie was glad that Teddy was spending time with Rylan in the kitchen so that he wouldn't have to deal with the dark atmosphere in the room.

"He didn't say where he was going?" Rob asked, his eyes narrowing in thought.

"No, Rob, we've been through this." Sophie rubbed her temples with her hands. She didn't want to snap at him, but he'd been interrogating her for close to an hour. There were only so many times she could relive the story.

It was nearing midnight and they were all exhausted. Gwyn was struggling to remain alert, and even Robert looked like he wanted to sleep. Sophie felt guilty for burdening them with her story, but she'd been so panicked after her meeting with Luke she hadn't known who to turn to. While telling Robert everything that had happened, somehow the kids had gotten mixed into the mess as well.

Robert stopped pacing, looking as if he'd come to a decision. His serious frown faded into a soft smile, and when he spoke again, his voice was calm.

"Gwyn, why don't you and Teddy get some rest?"

Gwyn wanted to protest, but she knew from Robert's tone he wasn't in a debating mood. She was obviously too tired to put up an argument anyway.

"Fine." She whispered, turning to hug Sophie tightly. "Everything's going to be fine." She continued, trying to smile. "Tomorrow will be a better day. I promise."

Sophie managed a small, "Thank you," as Gwyn left the room.

"I'll be right back." Robert followed Gwyn out of the room, leaving Sophie by herself.

It felt suffocating to be all alone now. Sophie's mind was swimming with the thoughts and fears she didn't know how to silence. She'd grown used to the calm for so long, it was painful to reawaken the chaos.

They had so much to do, so much to plan. With Luke acting like this, there was no telling how difficult their situation would be from now on. This mission was going to take everything out of her, and the hope that she would find the paintings was fading.

She remembered Luke's comment that he would've burned the paintings had he been in her parent's place. From the beginning, Luke had been her biggest supporter, and now even he was surrounded by doubt.

Robert pushed open the door to the living room, carrying in two dark blue mugs. He smiled down at her, and she glared up at him suspiciously.

"Calm down. I'm doing something nice." He passed her a mug.

Sophie had to force herself not to drool at how delicious the hot chocolate smelled at close range. She hadn't eaten anything for almost half a day and its' warmth was addicting. She took a long, greedy sip, ignoring when it burned her tongue.

Robert took a seat across from her on the couch. He rudely stretched out his legs on top of her, and she shifted her body to where her legs were on top of his.

He grinned as he offered out a bag of large marshmallows he'd been hiding in the pocket of his jeans. She grabbed it out of his hand, and stuffed two in her mouth. By this point, she was too hungry to care about appearances.

"Guess I should've fed you sooner." Robert laughed at her, shaking his head.

"What's up with the mood change?" Sophie asked suspiciously. She was reminded of when she'd first moved here and he'd always seemed to be changing personalities. He'd gotten better with time, but she wondered if he was slowly slipping back into the same distant thief.

"You're stressing out enough for both of us, so what's the use in me worrying?" He nudged her with his foot. "You've had a rough day, so it's my job as team captain to comfort you."

Sophie sipped her hot chocolate, feeling her body warm instantly. She didn't want to admit it, but his strategy was working wonders. He hadn't solved anything, but she couldn't think of a better way to fight off stress than with marshmallows and hot chocolate.

"It's not wrong to worry." She reminded him. "If I watched Luke leave without being concerned, what kind of person would that make me?"

"Not going to argue with you there, but I'm not going to let you have a panic attack from all this." Robert's smiled faded as his blue eyes caught hers. "I know he upset you, and what he said is something to be concerned about. I just don't like you caring this much about him. I want to get him out of your mind, and that's what I'm going to do."

"That's selfish." She rolled her eyes, assuming he was joking.

"Never said I wasn't." He leaned forward, his eyes intent. "For the rest of the night, you're not going to think about Luke, Max, Cleo, or anything dealing with your parents or those paintings."

"Oh, I didn't realize there's a switch I could pull to forget everything." She scowled, unimpressed by his suggestion.

"Don't underestimate me. I'm a very good distractor." He shrugged, a sly grin creeping up on his face. "Since you came back from Max's, I haven't had time to show you my skills."

Sophie laughed at the sleazy face he was making. "You sound so lame right now."

"Well, at least you're laughing." He shrugged again.

Sophie's laughter died away as she realized that for a moment she'd forgotten about everything. It felt wrong to let their problems slip away, knowing that they'd spent a week living calmly. The childish, more selfish part of her begged for just one more night. Robert always seemed to want to push away their worries, and even when she knew better, she kept allowing him to.

He noticed her conflicted expression and sighed. "If you give me tonight, I'll surprise you with a thoroughly detailed plan of how we're going to figure out the Diana situation."

"I thought you said no to my plan?"

"You wanted to fight on her turf, but I'll find a way that's safe and effective."

"Impossible." She muttered.

"It wouldn't be worth doing if it wasn't." He replied.

Despite not wanting to give in to him, she smiled. The hot chocolate wasn't the only thing warming her up inside.

"So what do you want to do if we're going to sit here and ignore all our problems?"

"Talk." He answered simply. "Not about missions, just about stuff."

"Stuff?" Sophie grinned, shaking her head. "What kind of stuff?"

"Anything." He motioned to her with one hand. "Go."

She felt awkward now that she had to think about what to say. She pretended to examine the lamp beside of her, occasionally glancing at the shadows in the room to make it look like she was thinking.

"My favorite color is green, my favorite animal is a lemur and I like chocolate ice cream." She stuck out her tongue at him. "If you don't give me better instructions, that's the only kind of stuff I can give you."

"So predictable." Robert shook his head in disappointment.

"What's your favorite color?"

"My favorite color, or my secret favorite color?"

Sophie groaned as she shoved another marshmallow into her mouth. "Both."

"I like blue because I look good in blue. My secret favorite color is orange, but I look awful in orange so I don't tell many people. You should feel special."

"Oh, trust me, I do." Sophie laughed at how childish he sounded. She knew he was acting like this to make her feel better, but even knowing didn't change anything. "Okay, since you're set on playing around, I have a tougher question for you." She raised her eyebrow, hoping this would knock him off his guard. "What made you like me?"

She didn't realize how juvenile her question sounded until she heard it aloud.

"Not romantically, just in general. What made you want to keep me around?"

Robert seemed to be considering whether to brush her question off with a joke, or answer it seriously.

"I honestly want to know." She pressed. "I always thought you hated me."

"I guess I did treat you like that." He sighed, clearly not liking where his game had gone. "Do I really have to answer?"

"Yes," She ordered. "I'm agreeing with this whole stress-free evening thing, so you have to play along too."

"You want the honest answer?" He asked, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. He paused for a long time, as if waiting for her to take back her question. When she never budged, he finally replied. "If I had to choose, it was one moment...one thought to be exact."

"One thought changed your opinion about me?" Sophie's curiosity overcame her.

"It was like a snowball...it started with just one thought, then kept rolling into a larger, unavoidable mess."

"What was this thought, then?"

"I like her eyes.'" He smiled up at the ceiling. "Your eyes always seemed to be curious and stubborn. I would look at them and know I would never be able to avoid you entirely."

"What happened after that?" She was beyond interested in what he had to say.

"I enjoyed making you mad. It was fun tricking you, and watching your reactions. It wasn't always easy, you're very clever...but it was a challenge I loved."

Sophie smiled, looking back on their time together with amusement rather than annoyance.

"There were other things...your laugh, the way you treated the kids, and the way you always had to prove yourself to me, but there was one final thing that sold me."

"Explain." She nudged him with her foot to continue.

"Whenever I would do something good, you would look at me with pride." He stared down at his mug, refusing to meet her eyes. "I've done many things in my life that I'm not proud of. I doubt theres ever been one person who has been truly proud of me before. Then you come along, and all of a sudden I feel like impressing you. I feel like becoming a better person because I want you to be proud of me."

Sophie wasn't necessarily good at being swept away by dramatic statements. She'd always been a skeptic about things like romance, but Robert had a way of knocking her off her feet.

She certainly had no idea he'd thought of her that way. Her heart raced in her chest at the thought that she was that important to him.

"I am proud of you." She replied after a minute. "You screw up sometimes, but you also know how to amaze me." She suddenly felt awkward. "I've never really met anyone like you before." Her face began to turn red and she suddenly felt like she understood everything Gwyn and Rylan had been going through.

The room suddenly felt hot and uncomfortable. She set down her mug, and lifted her legs from his lap.

"I think I'm going to get some sleep. Long day and all that stuff." She stood from the couch, but he grabbed her hand tightly.

"You can't escape that easily." His lips were curled into a smile, and he pulled her back down on the couch. He moved so swiftly she didn't know how to react. One minute she was standing up, and the next she was on his lap.

"Is this one of your strategies?" She asked, blinking away her surprise.

"Is it working?"

He leaned into Sophie, and she took a deep breath. She knew what he was trying to do, and she wasn't going to play his game.

"Not at all." She whispered back to him. "Good try."

She stood up from his lap and headed for the living room door.

"Come on." He groaned. "I almost had you."

"Not good enough. Try again." She turned to leave, but he clicked off the lamp behind her. She scrambled in the darkness, groping for the hallway light-switch. She couldn't find it, and she heard him laughing behind her. "How old are you?" She asked in annoyance.