Crude: A Stepbrother Romance (22 page)

So, Knox moved rooms.

Fine
; be like that.

That horrible wake up and the worse exchange of words immediately afterwards was so tense that hearing the news from the staff that he was finally moving into his new room came as a relief. I mean, it’s obnoxiously overt, just up and dragging his stuff into the unfinished wing like that, but whatever.
 

Knox acting like a child; what else is new.

OK, at first  it was almost weird with that much quiet on my side of the house, or having the bathroom to myself again. I’d gotten used to his messes; the toothpaste missing a cap a leaking onto the counter, the gross used q-tips on the floor
next to
the waste bin. Gross, yes, but it was also familiarity.

Hours later, the bathroom is much cleaner, but it’s also sort of boring that way.

But whatever, a day later, it’s better like this. I’ve been horrible with school prep and practice with him next door, which was getting ridiculous anyways.

Not to mention horribly inappropriate.
 

With him gone from the other side of the wall from me, I hit the books. And I’m trying but certainly failing at trying not to think about the fact that I begged him to take my virginity the other night. I mean can you even
imagine
? Losing it
drunk
to my fucking
stepbrother?
How fucking trashy would that be? It’d be like something out of a daytime soap.

No freaking way.

Later that night, Amanda and my father head out to go play tennis or have cocktails with the Rileys. After I’m sufficiently satisfied that Knox has locked himself in his new room on the other side of the house, I go downstairs to play

And I
really
play.

I don’t play my
own
stuff, seeing as some of the cleaning staff is still around, but that doesn’t mean I have to stay on-book for my Columbia trials either. Instead, I play the next best thing: Chopin.

I play with my eyes looking almost through my hands, the world around me fading away. And it’s heartbreaking and full of sadness and melancholy as the notes drip from the keys, filling the great room that I’ve purposefully left dark. It’s so sad, in fact, that suddenly I realize I’m crying as I play.

I’m running from the room and back up to my room, and I’m pulling the keyboard out from under my bed and plugging in headphones. And then, with my songbook in my lap and a pen between my teeth, I start to play; r
eally,
really play. And suddenly, the words just start flowing, and for once, they’re real words, not ones I
think
I should write.
 

For once, the words that flow onto the page are from the heart instead of the head, and for once, they’re
really
about me instead of a made up version of myself.

I’m furious in my scribbling, just getting the words out across the pages as the tears start to trickle down my cheeks, and then I’m playing it again and again and again as they finally start to fall. Because I know what - and
who
- the words are about, this time.
 

And it’s killing me inside.

*****

“You play beautifully, you know.”

It’s two days later, and I turn at from the keys in front of me as Amanda comes steps into the room, smiling at me with two cups of something steaming in her hands.

“Oh, uh, thanks.”

It occurs to me that Amanda and I haven’t spent a whole lot of time together just the two of us without my dad there, which I guess is a little strange considering they’re getting married in a few months. That’s another weird thought, actually. This isn’t my dad’s
girlfriend
anymore, this is my soon-to-be step-mom.

Amanda frowns suddenly, worry crossing her face; “Oh, I’m sorry, did you have more practicing to do?” She shakes her head; “I’m so sorry, Paige, I’ll come back when-“

“No, it’s OK,” I say, getting up from the piano bench; “I’m done.”

Amanda smiles and hands one of the mugs in her hands to me; “Jasmine tea.”

“Thanks.” I take the cup warm mug in my hand, blowing on the steam coming off the top of it.

“Look, I don’t know if this is silly, but I just thought it might be nice for us girls to spend some time together,” Amanda shrugs in a very Knox way at me; “You know, just you and me.”

I grin;
apparently I’m not the only one that’s been thinking that.

She shrugs; “I figured a rainy day might be a good time, since you wouldn’t be out with your friends or a hot date or anything”

Oh, right, all those wild times with all my crazy friends.
And the closest thing to a hot date I’ve had, well, ever, is-

“He likes you, you know,” She says suddenly; “Knox, that is.”

I quickly drop my eyes into my tea mug;
what is she, a freaking mind reader?

“Oh, I don’t know about that,” I say quickly, shaking my head; downplaying any hunches she might have.

“He’s a tough nut, my son,” She says with a light laugh and shake of her head.

Tell me about it

“
But
, I know my son, and I can
tell he likes you.”

“Well, he’s-”

What, nice? Confusing? Occupying my every thought and creeping into places of my mind and my body where I shouldn’t let him go?

“He’s a nice guy.”

She rolls her eyes; “Oh, yeah. Well, my ‘nice guy’ of a son just quit his job at the fields your father got for him.”

I raise my brows in surprise; “With Mike?” I guess it
was
a little strange that I’d seen him around the house all day the last two days.

“Mhmm,” Amanda says with a sigh, shaking her head. She start to move towards the sofa, but then she turns suddenly, a frown on her face; “Ok this is going to sound really silly, but I think-” She shakes her head and rolls her eyes as she looks into her tea; “There’s something that’s been on my mind, and it’s just something I’ve
noticed
and I wanted to talk to you about it.”

Oh God, she DOES know.
I can feel the color start to drain from my face, my hands clenching tight around the mug of tea.

“I think I just want your blessing, Paige.”

HUH?

“With your dad, I mean. I realize we sort of sprung this on you, and- well, I just want to be sure you’re OK with this.”

I smile and nod, exhaling slowly; “Amanda, you and my Dad are adults, and-”

“I know that, Paige, but being an adult doesn’t mean you just stop thinking about things like suddenly coming into other people’s lives in a fairly permanent manner.”

I raise my eyebrows at her; “
fairly
permanent?”

Amanda laughs; “
Quite
permanent,” She raises a brow at me, not altogether different look than her son; “Smart ass,” She says with a sly grin and a laugh; “And since I’m
sticking around
, maybe you can get to work on my son.”

I wince, looking quickly away so she doesn’t see my face.

“He’s- Oh I have no idea. He’s angry, at me I think, but I don’t quite know why. Maybe for getting remarried.” I sit next Amanda on the couch, not saying anything, since I don’t know how in the
world
I’m supposed to talk about Knox right now with his
mother
, but I can tell she mostly just needs someone to listen.

“He’s a smart kid, you know. I just wish he’d follow through on all those acceptance letters. It’s
such
an opportunity for him!”

I frown, and this time, I do open my mouth; “Acceptance letters?”

“Oh, from all the schools his guidance counsel sent applications to.”

Wait-

Amanda shakes her head while I just sit there with my jaw on the floor; “He has such disdain for the idea of even
going
to college, even though he tests so highly he’d basically be able to matriculate to Junior or even Senior level.”

“Wait,
what?
”

She turns; “Did he not tell you this?” She rolls her eyes; “Well, that sound like him. He’s even got acceptance letters from
graduate
level business
schools, you know.”

I’m in shock. Snarky, cigarette-smoking, tattooed, authority-bucking Knox Shepherd is also apparently kind of a genius? Why haven’t I heard this from him?

Amanda shrugs that same very
Knox
shrug again; “It’s all there waiting for him, if he’d just decide he wants it.” She turns to me and smiles; “But again, he
likes
you; maybe
you
can get through to him.”

Yeah, maybe.

A darker and jealously green-tinged thought enters my head then, and I frown;
Oh, he likes me? Likes me like he liked Cynthia Roberts?

It’s silly, and it’s petty to let something that happened in Knox’s past get to me like that, but it does. It’s
there
, this dirty, dark stain that I can’t seem to scrub out. And I know I shouldn’t, but there I am opening my mouth before I can even stop myself; “Can I ask you about something?” Amanda smiles and raises her eyebrows at me, and I swallow the doubt as I just throw it out there; “What happened to him junior year? With- um, with-”

Amanda’s smile drops from her face; “Did
he
tell you about that?”

I shake my head; “I just heard it somewhere.” Her frown deepens and she shakes her head and looks away, making me wince; “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t-”

“I took her to court, you know.” Amanda sighs and sips her tea before turning back; “She got the case thrown out on some ridiculous technicality, and we didn’t have the money back then to go after her again.” She puts her mug down and rubs her eyes with her hands; “I’ll tell you, if he’d been my daughter and that
woman
had been a man, it would have made headlines. But they took one look at the piercings and the tattoos and his track-record discipline-wise at school and passed judgement right there.

Passed judgment exactly like I did. Judged him without even hearing his side of the story…JUST like I did.

“Amanda, I’m sorry I-”

“No, it’s fine, you might as well know,” She says, smiling wryly at me and rubbing my arm; “She was a
predator
, that woman; going after my son like that. He was
so
young, Paige, and so lost after his father-” She trails off and looks down, frowning; “It was terrible for him, you know, all the blowback
he
got just for being the victim like that. Knox was never exactly a pillar of good behavior, but I think after that, he just stopped trusting authority at all.”

She looks up and shakes her head; “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t dump my family baggage on you like this.”

“I asked.” I reach out and take her hand, giving it a squeeze.

Amanda squeezes my hand back as she looks up; “Look, Paige, I- I don’t expect to ever be your mother,” She looks at me so sincerely and so honestly, that I just want to hug her right there; “But I hope we can be friends.”

A smile spreads across my face, and then, I
do
hug her; “You know what, I’d like that.”