Crossroads (33 page)
Authors: Skyy
45
Lena stood on her balcony. The night view of the Memphis Bridge was the only thing keeping her calm. She held the piece of paper her doctor gave her in her hand. She wanted to let go of it, act as if it didn't exist. But the baby inside of her wouldn't disappear that easily.
She heard the door unlock. Brandon walked into the house. Lena took a deep breath. She opened her eyes wide. The cool breeze helped to dry the tears forming in her eyes. Brandon slid the balcony door open.
“What's up, Lena?”
Lena could hear the attitude in his voice. “How are you?” Lena couldn't turn around. She couldn't face him.
Brandon sighed. “I'm fine. You called me to come over. What's up?”
Lena held her hand out.
Brandon looked down at the piece of paper in her hand. He took the paper and read it. Brandon's heart raced.
Tears fell from Lena's eyes.
Brandon looked up at Lena, who still couldn't turn around.
“How is this possible?” Brandon's voice quivered.
“The last time we had sex, it was spontaneous. We didn't use any protection.”
Brandon's mind raced. He remembered the angry sex they had. The day they'd separated for good.
He felt his legs going weak. He sat down in the chair.
“I don't know what to say. I don't know what to do. I'm sorry, Brandon. I ...” Lena began to choke up. She couldn't get the words out.
Brandon turned to his soon-to-be ex-wife. He sighed. He stood up. Brandon moved behind Lena. He placed his big hands on her arms. Lena turned around. Their eyes met.
“Don't cry, Lena. It's going to be OK.” Brandon wiped the tears rolling down Lena's face.
“How, Brandon? How is it gonna be OK? We are divorcing. My mother won't even talk to me. And I ... I'm a mess! I keep messing things up worse and worse. No wonder you hate me. I'd hate me.”
“Lena, stop it.” Brandon's deep voice rumbled. He held on to her tight. “I don't hate you. Damnit, girl, you know I love you.”
“But last time.”
“I was pissed off!” Brandon threw his hands in the air. “Lena, do you know how hard it is for me to know I did this to you?” Tears rolled down Brandon's face. “I turned you gay.” Brandon walked into the house.
Lena's body froze. She watched Brandon pace back and forth. He stopped, falling down on the couch. Lena ran inside.
“Brandon, this isn't your fault. You didn't turn me.”
“If I would have been a better man, you never would have gone to her.”
“Brandon.” Lena fell to her knees. She put her arms on his knees. “I can't explain how it happened. All I know is that it did. It wasn't your fault or my fault. You ... you can't help who you ... fall in love with.”
Lena dropped her head. She couldn't bear to look at his hurt-filled face.
Brandon took a deep breath. He looked up and let out a long sigh. He put his hands on Lena's shoulders. Lena's lip trembled as she looked at Brandon's face.
Brandon couldn't take his eyes off of Lena. Thoughts of the happy times ran through his mind. He put his hands under her arms and helped her to the couch. Brandon put his arm around Lena. Lena placed her head on his chest.
“Lena, you know when we first met, you were so real to me. I was so crazy about you, even though I didn't want to show it. I was a freshman in college crazy over a damn sophomore in high school.” Brandon cracked a smile.
They could feel the tension clearing.
“I remember. We used to talk about everything. You were my bestfriend.” Lena looked up at Brandon's face. She ran her fingers through the beard he was growing.
Brandon took a deep breath, his large chest pushing Lena up and back down.
“What happened?” Brandon whispered.
“I think somewhere down the road we stopped communicating the way we used to, and we grew apart.”
“Lena, I look at some of my crew and teammates and the way they are with their exes, it's so brutal. I don't want that to be us. I don't want to bring a baby into something toxic.”
Lena sat up and turned toward Brandon. Brandon held her hands.
“I don't want that either. Brandon, you are the only man I've ever loved. You are one of my bestfriends. I think if we can just work on rebuilding our friendship, being honest with each other, we can make things work.”
Brandon stared at Lena. “Lena ... I want you to be happy.” He fought to get the words out of his mouth. “Even ... if it's with a woman?”
Lena gazed into Brandon's eyes.
Brandon let out a loud moan. He covered his eyes and rested his head on the back of the couch.
“Damn, do you really think this is that serious? Lena, for real, can you sit here and tell me that you are gay. Can you say you never want to be with a man again?”
Brandon's questions hit Lena with force. She paused. Lena didn't know the answers. She had been trying to figure it out. Was she completely gay? Did she never want to be with a man again? She still didn't have any answers.
They stared at each other. Lena's hands trembled, her bottom lip quivered.
“I ... I don't know.” Lena held Brandon's hand. “I don't know if this is something that is forever or if it is something that could change. All I know is that I fell in love with someone, and that I really, really like someone else, and they both happen to be women.”
“At one time you loved me,” Brandon said, placing his other hand on top of hers.
“And I still love you. You are the only man I've ever loved. That doesn't just go away. But I can't deny the other feelings I have. And I think it's something that we are both just going to have to deal with.”
They sat in silence. Neither wanted to let go forever, but both knew that the love they felt would never be the same.
Brandon let out another deep moan. His lips curved upward, he smirked.”
“This would have been so much easier if you would have given me a good-ass threesome.” Brandon started to laugh.
Lena smiled. She hit him with a pillow from the couch.
“Ugh! OK, OK, I'll be all right. My baby mama is a lesbo. But, damn, can you leave these nigga-lookin' girls alone and at least get you a fine-ass bitch? Hell, you too damn fine yourself to be with these little boy-girls.” Brandon sighed. He put his arm around Lena.”
“Yeah, let me go find an Alicia Keys to date.”
“Hell yeah, that will work. Maybe we can do it
She Hate Me
style, and I can date both of you.”
She Hate Me
style, and I can date both of you.”
“Shut up.” Lena hit Brandon on his arm.
They both laughed.
Brandon wrapped his arm around Lena. She rested in his arms again. Lena still felt safe in Brandon's arms, but she knew it wasn't in an intimate way anymore.
“We're gonna be OK.”
“Yeah, baby doll, we are.”
Lena, and Brandon's eyes met. Brandon leaned in, planting a kiss on Lena's lips. They both knew that the flame that they used to feel for each other was dying out, yet a friendship was rising from the ashes.
46
Sahara's body was on fire. She wanted to feel Cooley next to her. The beautiful atmosphere was making her wet in anticipation. She took a swig out of the bottle of champagne as she walked into the main VIP room. She peeked into each of the booths. Others were involved in their own affairs. She was ready to have one of her own.
Sahara caught a glimpse of the back of Cooley's head. She smiled, walking through the booths to the corner. She smiled, wondering what Cooley was looking at on the wall. Sahara walked closer, and she noticed a small arm wrapped around Cooley's back. She gasped at Cooley kissing someone. Her heart pounded. She rushed over to the table.
“So, is this the new look?” Sahara stood over the table.
Cooley turned to face Sahara. Heather's face filled with fear.
Cooley sat back in the booth. “What's good, Sahara?”
“What's good? You tell me.” Sahara turned to Heather. “You got five seconds to get the fuck up out of this booth.”
Heather took heed.
Cooley grabbed her hand. “You don't have to go nowhere.” Cooley looked back at Sahara. “Why don't you go back to ya date? That's where you wanna be right.”
“Are you kidding me?” Sahara's high voice caused others to turn around. “You back here, fucking with this bitch because of Bobby?”
Cooley remained calm. “You're causing a scene.”
“Does it look like I give a damn about a scene?” Sahara yelled. She pointed at Heather. “You better get the fuck out of here.”
Heather was too afraid to move.
“Don't threaten her. She hasn't done anything wrong. Now, like I said, go back to your little date. We're done.”
Cooley's words spewed like venom. Sahara's mouth dropped. She couldn't speak.
“We got a hot show coming up for y'all. Sahara is about to hit the stage in a few.” The DJ's voice echoed through the building.
Sahara couldn't take her eyes off of Cooley.
Cooley looked at her. She glanced away, unable to look Sahara in the eyes. Sahara shook her head. She took the bottle of champagne and shook it, spewing the contents all over Cooley and Heather.
“Fuck you, Cooley.” She threw the bottle down on the table. “I hope it was worth it.”
Sahara ran all the way out of the room. Cooley was frozen from shock and the cold champagne. Heather screamed, standing up, shaking her dress. Cooley picked up a napkin and wiped her face. She walked away, leaving the soaked Heather in the corner.
Cooley exited the VIP, her clothes soaked. People looked at her, some curious, others laughing. Cooley saw the entrance to the green room. She wanted to go after Sahara, but something was holding her back.
“Oh my God! Cooley, what happened?” Tee said, rushing up to her boss.
“Nothing! Just get me a cab.” Cooley started walking toward the entrance.
Tee followed, obeying her orders without question.
The lights on the stage illuminated. Big Ron walked out on the stage. People turned toward him. Big Ron was handed a microphone. Cooley didn't care to watch; she fought her way through the crowd.
“A'ight, y'all. It's the moment you have been waiting for. The newest star on Jam Zone is about to hit the stage.” Big Ron hyped the crowd up.
Cooley couldn't get out of the building fast enough. She made it to the door as soon as Sahara's name was called.
Sahara walked out on stage. She knew the show had to go on, even if she was dying on the inside. She hugged Big Ron as she took the mic, forcing a smile. Her eyes focused on Cooley about to walk out of the door.
“Thank you. Thank you so much.” Sahara couldn't take her eyes off of Cooley.
Cooley couldn't fight it. She turned around, immediately making eye contact with Sahara.
Sahara sighed. “I know you are ready to hear my songs, but I wanted to start with a song that I absolutely love and, and a song that I dedicated to someone very special.”
Sahara began to sing Etta James's “Trust in Me.” The music began to play. Cooley's heart dropped. Sahara sang to Cooley, refusing to take her eyes off of her.
Cooley watched as Sahara poured her feelings into the song.
The crowd was silent, hanging to every word coming from Sahara's mouth.
Cooley wanted to run to the stage, take Sahara in her arm and apologize for everything. She took a deep breath, lowered her head and walked out of the building.
Sahara continued to sing as the tears flowed down her eyes.
47
Cooley didn't want to go home. She walked the downtown streets for hours. She stopped and sat in Olympic Park. The place was swarming with people, but she didn't notice anything. Cooley wanted to cry. She tried to squint her eyes as hard as she could, but nothing would come out. Sahara's song played over and over in her head. She wanted it to all go away.
Cooley finally got into a cab. Even with the traffic, she made it to her downtown loft in less than ten minutes. She looked at the door. She couldn't go in. She had the cab driver keep driving.
By the time she made it back to her place she had run up a hundred-dollar cab fare. She handed the cab driver six twenty-dollar bills. He thanked her for her nice tip. Cooley didn't respond. She walked into her building.
Cooley walked into her dark apartment. She hit the light switch and jumped. Sahara looked up. Her eyes bloodshot, and makeup smeared. Sahara stood up. Cooley couldn't move from her spot.
“I know why you did what you did. Cooley, that was not my idea. He just grabbed me and did it.”
They both stood in their spots.
Sahara's eyes twinkled from the water forming. “I cursed him out, told him never to contact me again.”
“It doesn't matter now.” Cooley walked past her couch.
Sahara turned around. “It does matter. Cooley, I know why you did what you did. I'm not mad. We're OK.”
“No, Sahara, we aren't!” Cooley snapped. “I can't do this. I don't want to do this anymore.”
“Cooley, please, it wasn't my fault.” Sahara ran up to Cooley.
“It's not about that. I just don't want to be in anything. I never did.” Cooley's straight expression didn't change.
Sahara took a few steps back. “So, you really want to stand here and just give up on us over something so stupid?”
Cooley couldn't look at Sahara. “It's too complicated. I never wanted a relationship to begin with. So ...”
Sahara shook her head in disbelief. “No, this isn't you talking. You are angry at me, and I know that. I was wrong for the champagne butâ”
“Sahara, I don't want to be with you!”
Cooley and Sahara stared at each. Cooley shifted her eyes away from Sahara's tear-filled face.
Sahara couldn't take it anymore. She picked her purse up and walked toward the door. Cooley wanted to stop her, but she couldn't.
Sahara grabbed the doorknob, she paused. She turned around.
“No!” Sahara dropped her purse and stormed back up to Cooley. She wrapped her arms around Cooley and held on with all her strength.
Cooley's eyes widened.
“I'm not letting you do this, I'm not letting you walk away from us!”
Cooley closed her eyes as Sahara held on to her. Cooley could smell her sweet perfume. She could feel her heart beating. Cooley shook her head. She pulled Sahara off of her. She turned her back, walking toward the kitchen.
Sahara yelled her name with a high-pitched screech, causing Cooley to stop.
Cooley turned around.
They stood face to face like two cowboys at high noon.
“I know you care about me. I know deep down you don't want to do this.” Sahara's voice was calm, but filled with raw emotions. “It's easier for you to run away from it.”
“I'm never going to change!” Cooley threw her arms up. “I'm always going to be me. I'm no good for you or anyone else!”
They stood in silence for a moment. Sahara's eyebrows raised. It made sense to her. “I'm not Misha.”
“What?”
“I'm not Misha. I'm not going to give up on you because you have a few flaws. I know you are good for me. You are meant for me, and I am meant for you. Cooley, I'm standing here telling you that I accept you for who you are, and I am not going anywhere. Can you honestly stand here and look me in my eyes and tell me that you don't love me ... that you want me to leave?”
Cooley stared at the woman pouring her heart out to her.
Sahara stood in her spot, vulnerable and open. No tears fell, she couldn't cry anymore. She waited on Cooley to answer.
Cooley's bottom lip trembled. She knew Sahara loved her. She knew it was her moment.
“I don't love you,” Cooley responded in a very low tone.
The words hit Sahara like a Louisville slugger. Sahara lowered her head in defeat. She couldn't cry. She was all cried out. She walked slowly toward Cooley. She pulled a keychain out of her pocket, dropping Cooley's house key at her feet. Sahara turned around, grabbed her purse and walked out the door.
Cooley watched Sahara walk out the door. She stared at the closed door, hoping Sahara would walk back in. She knew she was gone for good. Cooley looked down. She saw her single key lying in front of her. She reached down to pick it up. She stood back up, leaving a small puddle of tears on the floor.
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