Crossing the Barrier (41 page)

Memories of kissing that boy she didn’t even know brought back memories of kissing Malakai.

Malakai whom she loved more than life itself.

Malakai, who was gone.

Malakai, who was disgusted by her.

As she looked at herself now, she understood why.

Tears came to her eyes.

“Malakai,” she simply said before letting a sob escape, a sob that came from as deep as her pain ran.

Even drunk, she couldn’t escape the pain.

“I know,” David said, taking her in his arms and hugging her to his side. “He’s an idiot, I know. Now come, I’ll drive you home. Give your keys to Sandra, okay?”

Lily retrieved her keys from her pocket and gave them to Sandra. She then let David guide her to his truck and drive her home.

Chapter Seventy-Seven

MALAKAI

Over the weekend,
Malakai had talked himself out of speaking to Lily. He knew what his mother had told him, but somewhere deep inside he still thought he would only end up hurting her.

It didn’t mean he hadn’t wanted to at least see her and hopefully see that she was doing better, but she wasn’t at school that Monday morning.

Again.

Numb with fatigue from his sleepless nights, Malakai made his way to the cafeteria, got himself a lunch that was half what he would normally eat, and made his way to the table where he usually sat. He didn’t know who he sat next to, but behind him, an excited Zoe arrived, telling her girlfriends she had something to show them. Malakai zoned her out, slowly eating his food without tasting it.

“… and then, she got hammered real good. Look at this. One shot. Two shots. Three shots. Then she kissed this guy. Man, oh, man wasn’t she slutty and all. Look at those pictures,” she said. “And then, you guys won’t believe what happened next. She threw up all over him! She looked like such a loser.”

The girls behind him giggled.

“Wow! To say Malakai dated her,” one of them said.

Malakai slowly turned around. He could have sworn a cold wind had just blown through the cafeteria. He had dated only one girl in his life, and that girl was Lily.

“Easy, dude,” David murmured next to him.

“Malakai, look at this,” one of the girls said, shoving a phone into his hand.

Malakai saw the picture of Lily throwing up on some guy, and all he saw was red. The sound of the cafeteria was replaced by the pounding of blood in his ears. Standing up, he threw the phone on the ground and stomped on it.

“Hey! That’s my phone, you jerk,” Zoe screamed, getting to her feet and turning to him.

“You bloody bitch,” he said, shaking with fury despite his quiet tone.

Behind him, Malakai heard the other students become quiet. Next to him, David also got to his feet.

“You’re going to pay for this,” Zoe screamed, pointing at her phone.

“You’re the most despicable person I’ve ever met,” Malakai said, the nails of his right hand digging into his palm.

He needed the pain right now; otherwise, he would hit her. But he didn’t hit girls. Had she been a boy, she would already be sprawled on the floor.

“You’re mean, you’re heartless, you’re cruel, and you’re vile. When you don’t get your way, you make other people do your bidding to ruin those you think offended you.

“Lily has never, ever done anything to you. Lily is better than you. In fact, you couldn’t be half as good if you tried and gave it your best shot. But you wanted her out of the way anyway, and you took advantage of Wes and convinced him to molest her.”

Quite a few people gasped in surprise.

“And when it came out, you told all who would listen it was all him, all his idea. But I know better.”

“It wasn’t me,” she defended herself, fake tears coming to her eyes.

“Yes, it was. I was there, remember,” Andrea said, getting to her feet.

“And so was I,” David added, crossing his arms.

It was so quiet in the cafeteria Malakai thought every single student had turned into statues.

In that moment of silence, Zoe’s fake tears were replaced by a nasty snarl.

“She deserved it. She didn’t belong with us. She’s a band geek. Someone had to remove her. But no, Malakai, you had to go for her anyway. What’s to be expected? You’re only a wannabe white boy after a piece of white trash ass.”

In the silence that followed, Zoe realized what she had just said and glanced around, trying to find an ally but finding none.

Malakai had no pity for her.

“And now you just showed everybody who you really are,” he said.

Before she added anything, Malakai turned around and left the cafeteria, his fist still clenched at his side.

Why did Lily get so drunk at a party? That wasn’t like her.

But Malakai had brought this upon her.

He realized he was outside when he was standing next to his jeep. Then he realized he had left his bag in the cafeteria, his bag that contained his phone and his keys. He didn’t want to go back there. He just couldn’t remove the picture from his mind of Lily being sick all over this other guy. He shut his eyes, but the image wouldn’t go away. He put his forehead against the metal of his jeep, willing the cold to calm him.

“Malakai,” David called, running to him.

Malakai didn’t want to speak to anyone. He didn’t want to see the boy who was now such a big part of Lily’s life.

“What the heck, dude?” David said, stopping next to him and throwing Malakai’s bag on the ground. “What the heck has been going on with you? Why did you leave her? You obviously still love her.”

“I can’t be with her, David. She deserves someone who will be there for her, someone who won’t leave her, someone like you. And if she’s with me, that’s exactly what will happen. I’ll leave her, just like my parents left me.”

“You’re telling me you left her because you’re afraid you’ll eventually leave her? Dude, that doesn’t make sense. That’s exactly what you did—you left her! Now she’s miserable, alone, trying to nurse a broken pride and a broken heart.

“What the heck is wrong with you? You’re as miserable as she is, if not more. Why don’t you just walk all over your freaking pride and go talk to her?”

“I…I can’t.”

It wasn’t even a question of pride at this point, just doing what was right.

“Why? Tell me one good reason why? And it better not be that she doesn’t want to talk to you because if you think that’s the case, you’re a fool.”

“I’m not good enough for her.”

“Bullshit! You’re everything she ever wanted.

“You know what, Malakai, I think your problem is not that you’re afraid you’ll leave her; you’re afraid she’ll leave you. You’re such a moron! Do you really think so little of Lily to believe she would want to give herself to you if she wasn’t in it for the long haul? You’re a fucking idiot, Malakai. If it weren't for my promise to her, I would beat your ass.”

With that, David stomped away, cursing Malakai all the while.

As Malakai retrieved his bag from the ground, what David had just said hit him.

David was right. David had seen right through him.

Malakai was not afraid to leave her; he was afraid she would leave him. And because of it, Malakai had pretty much ruined the best thing he had ever had.

His mother was right. He was not like his parents. If it weren't for his insane fear of ending up alone, he would never have left Lily.

He had to go to her. He had to go to her now. But where was she?

Malakai opened his bag and retrieved his cell phone. He quickly found Sandra’s phone number and texted her.

Where’s Lily?

Home
, came the reply, ten seconds later.

Retrieving his keys, Malakai got into his jeep and drove away. He had to try to save his relationship with Lily.

Chapter Seventy-Eight

LILY

Lily thought her
head would explode. She had cried all night, and now she had this huge headache that just didn’t want to go away. After taking two ibuprofens, she wrapped herself in a blanket and sat on her balcony. The weather was perfect, not too cold, not too warm, and little puffy clouds were chasing each other in the sky.

She had been sitting there for a while, sipping a hot chocolate, when she heard a knock on her door. She didn’t want to see anyone and ignored it. The knocking came again, insistently.

She got to her feet, and as she made her way to the front door, she put her cup on the counter and brought a hand to her temple. She squeezed to try to stop the pounding.

Then she perceived urgency, urgency that was coming from behind her door. It must have been quite strong for her to feel it with her shields so firmly in place.

She took the last few steps, unlocked all the locks, and threw the door open.

Standing there, looking at her, was Malakai.

“I…” he just said.

He was there, silent again, staring at her, scratching the back of his head, and Lily didn’t dare move. She was afraid he would disappear if she did, like a mirage, or she would wake up to find out it was just another dream.

“I’m sorry,” he finally said. “I…I love you, Lily, and I’m such an arse…”

This was what Lily had been dreaming of for the last twelve days—Malakai, coming back to her and apologizing. Standing there, staring at the boy she loved more than anyone else in the world, she believed she was effectively dreaming.

Malakai sighed, glancing at the ground between them. Then he looked up and extended his hand to reach for her, but she didn’t move. He had hurt her so much she was afraid all those pretty words were only that: pretty words.

“I love you,” he said again, his eyes finding hers, his hand just short of her belly. “I really, really love you. And I’m sorry. Things have happened in the last few weeks, and I should have talked to you, but I didn’t know how. I owe it to you to tell you why I reacted the way I did, why I’ve been so stupid.”

Lily stared at his hand a moment more, then hesitantly nodded. She took a step back, opening the door wider, and let him into her apartment. He looked around quickly, then turned to her.

“I…I’m scared,” he said.

He didn’t make sense to her, but Lily waited for him to find his words. She was still afraid this wasn’t real, that he would walk right out of the door in the next moment, or she would wake up and he wouldn’t be there, filling a space in her apartment that had looked so empty before.

“All my life, people have left me, my mum, my gran, my dad, and I’m scared I’ll be just like them. I’m scared I’ll leave you, but I’m even more scared you’ll leave me,” he finally said, pointing at his chest.

Lily’s eyes opened wide at the revelation. Why would he believe she would want to leave him? She wanted to know love with him, she wanted forever with him.

“I know it doesn’t make a lot of sense, but I’m scared because you deserve someone who will take care of you and will be there for you no matter what. Not someone who happens to break his arm just when you needed him the most.

“When you told me you wanted to be with me, I was so afraid. Then, I just couldn’t shake the feeling I was exactly like my parents, and I would eventually leave you like they left me. I was so disgusted with myself for loving you so much, for wanting to love you when I believed I would just end up hurting you. And I did just that too,” he said, shaking his head and looking at the ground again before raising his eyes to hers. “But I’m a lot more afraid you’ll be the one leaving, and…”

“Malakai! Stop!” Lily finally said, raising her hand and putting it against his chest. “Don’t say anything else. I don’t want anyone else. I want you. Only you. No one else,” she said, shaking her head firmly. “I want you to be there for me. I want to build a life with you. I know sometimes you won’t be able to be there, life happens and you just can’t help it, but I still want you, just you.”

Malakai looked at her, his head tilted to the side as if he hadn’t heard her right. Then in the next moment, he took the step separating them and pulled her against his chest. The moment his arms encircled her body, Lily sagged against him and closed her eyes. It felt so good to finally be in his arms again, and despite her shields, she felt the caress to her soul. She felt the turmoil but also the love coming from him. He really did love her, after all.

“Can you really love me even if I’m all screwed up inside?” he asked, putting his cheek against the top of her head.

“Oh, Malakai, you’re not screwed up. Everybody has issues. And I love you. Only you. Always.”

The relief coming from Malakai was so thick Lily felt it as her own.

“I’m afraid,” he said.

“Don’t be anymore. Just be there for me.”

“Always.”

Chapter Seventy-Nine

LILY

Lily was still
in her pajamas when someone knocked on her door that Saturday morning, four weeks later. She extended her newly recovered power but didn’t recognize the person behind the door, just that he was in a hurry.