Crossing Lines (Cops and Docs #2) (5 page)

She sat up in the bed and pushed the covers from her body, intent on regaining dominion over herself before irrational emotions took over once more. Nora scanned the room in search of her clothes, but remembered that most of them were in tatters on the kitchen and living room floor. She spotted a folded piece of white paper on Kelli’s night stand. Nora reached for it. She needed to know what it said, but at the same time, she had to steel herself against the power of Kelli’s words.

Went to my mom’s for a while. Wait for me. We’re not done.

Fervently, she concentrated on her breathing. Her hand trembled. Disliking the involuntary reaction, she folded her fingers to make a fist and crumpled the note with the action. Somehow, those three sentences sparked both arousal and anxiety, simultaneously. She wanted neither. Instinct urged her to flee. Nora took another stilling breath. If she disappeared now, the damage she left behind could very well be irreparable. She had gained so much—a family and Kelli—who needed her now probably more than ever.

Her need to leave, to go in search of herself, was selfish.

Nora’s eyes burned. She was a mess. What good could she be? She was no rock, and she never claimed to be. At the moment, Nora didn’t know who she was at all, and that took precedence over everything else.

She scurried out of Kelli’s bed and threw on one of Kelli’s T-shirts and whatever else she could find to fit. The voice in her head that urged her to run was louder than ever.

Nora obeyed it.

CHAPTER 3

Kelli leaned against the elevator railing as it slowly moved toward her floor. She ignored the people around her and pushed her cell phone closer to her ear.

“You sure you’re okay with staying? I wasn’t trying to push Mom off on you or anything—”

“No, it’s fine. I’m too beat to drive home anyhow.” He yawned, proving his point. “I hate that I didn’t find him tonight. We coulda stopped this shit-storm before it really got a chance to start.”

“Yeah, true.” Kelli struggled to keep her own eyes open. She’d stayed a lot later at her mother’s than planned.

“Hell, I should just take more time off to concentrate on this. He’s our baby brother. We have to do something.”

Kelli figured a miracle was due. Too bad she didn’t believe in those. “I know, but I’m so tired of this shit. It’s hard not to give up. I feel so—”

“Helpless?” Sean finished for her. “I got your back with this. You know that. I’m just glad that Mom took this better than I thought she would.”

“She did. Granted, she’s allowed to be pissed at us for lying to her, but I guess this is bigger than all that.”

“She’s holding it together for now, Kel, but you know how she is.”

“Yeah, that’s why she shouldn’t be alone.” The elevator stopped on Kelli’s floor. She got out and walked quickly down the hall to her apartment. Kelli was glad she wasn’t alone either. Not now with all kinds of shit being thrown at her. It felt good to have someone to lean on who was outside this whole… She didn’t even know what the fuck to call it. Kelli stopped at her front door. Her heartbeat doubled…hell…tripled as if she’d just jumped hurdles, but this wasn’t a nice feeling. She may have…no, she knew, she’d pushed Nora too hard last night.

Sean yawned again. “Okay, I’m gonna try to get a little sleep and head out again later in the morning. Maybe daylight will shake him loose.”

“I hope so,” Kelli said, as she opened the door to her darkened apartment. “When you leave, I’ll come stay with Mom.”

“Okay, you try to get some rest too.”

Kelli snorted. “Yeah, right.” She ended the call and stood in the middle of the living room, staring into the bedroom. Her guts twisted. She wasn’t sure how Nora was going to react to last night, but she had to face it. Kelli kicked off her shoes and headed toward the open door.

Stopping abruptly, she stared at the empty bed. Fuck. Apprehension rattled in her chest. Kelli glanced over her shoulder to the living room to search for the trail of Nora’s clothes. With the exceptions of shoes and underwear, the rest of it was still there. Her gaze swung back toward the bathroom. Light shined from the small space at the bottom of the door. Kelli breathed. She couldn’t remember ever feeling so fucking relieved.

“Hey, Nora?” Kelli knocked once and entered.

The bathroom was empty.

Water dripped from the faucet. It sounded so loud.

Kelli’s guts clenched, keeping pace with her growing anxiety. The feeling crawled its way to her throat and made it impossible to swallow. Maybe there was a hospital emergency? Maybe… Goddammit. Who was she kidding? Nora would’ve called.

“Fuck!” Isn’t that what got her into trouble in the first place? Kelli sat on the bed. The sheets rustled. She could smell her. She could smell
them
. An ache formed in the pit of her belly. It spread quickly. Kelli reached for the covers, planning to rip them from the bed. The sound of crumpling paper caught her attention. Kelli followed the noise to find her note wadded into a ball as if it meant nothing.

That ache? Blossomed into all-out pain, and it hurt like a motherfucker.

* * *

Kelli tried to blink away the grit in her eyes. She leaned against her bedroom door. The bed was still unmade. She hadn’t been able to bring herself to touch it. Last night’s events were rooted there, both the good and the bad. Sleep had passed her over, but she still needed to be alert and ready for anything. Kelli drank so much coffee that her eyelashes felt as if they’d been taped to her forehead. The clothes she wore, yesterday’s jeans and T-shirt, were rumpled and uncomfortable. That part was easy enough to ignore. There wasn’t a damn thing she could do about all the emotions—anxiety, anger, disbelief—beating her ass. Taking deep, slow breaths, Kelli did the best she could to center herself, to keep from being ripped apart.

Her family was in the forefront of her mind, but Nora was there, too. Kelli expected Nora, the woman, to retreat a little, be pissed as hell, and get over it. They were in this relationship thing together, no matter what. But, she also thought the friend she’d found in her would stay, especially now when she needed her the most. They had come too far for anything else, or so she thought.

It had always been difficult for Kelli to ask for help or even admit that she needed it, for that matter. With Nora, reaching out was easy, and that made Nora a big, important piece in her life. Kelli was disappointed and hurt. She felt abandoned. Yes, she knew she had crossed a line. Nora was a complicated woman, and to keep her walls down, Kelli couldn’t steamroll through things like she usually did. Nora needed room to breathe, and last night, Kelli had pretty much smothered her. She hadn’t thought running was an option for Nora anymore. She was wrong and that fucking sucked.

All this shit was way too hard to swallow. Kelli shook her head to clear it. It all seemed so surreal. She expected more out of the people she gave her loyalty to. She had been there for Nora through the whole lawsuit bullshit. Kelli scoffed. Obviously, it was ridiculous to assume she would get the same in return.

Kelli refused to feel guilty. She took what she needed, and Nora enjoyed it
big time
. Her blood heated with the recent memory. Nora clung and clawed at her, leaving imprints on her skin and much deeper ones inside. Her breathy moans still teased Kelli’s ears. She closed her eyes as images of Nora, sweaty and writhing, danced behind her eyelids. Kelli’s stomach twisted ferociously, reminding her of what she still wanted, despite it all. Exhaling shakily, Kelli took one last look at the room and turned away.

Her body was stiff and full of tension. The emotions that she was trying to keep contained threatened to break free. Heat rushed to her face, and a trickle of ice inched down her spine. Kelli wasn’t the type of person to sit on her ass and wait for things. When she wanted something, she went after it, and right now, she needed answers. She
deserved
answers. Part of her wanted to understand, but there were parts of her that were too damned angry. She had to get it all out. Determined to do just that, Kelli started searching for her shoes.

* * *

Nora wiped away the steam from the bathroom mirror. She peered at her reflection. Her eyes were bright, wild, and her lips were still swollen from the previous night’s activities. She looked away quickly. She didn’t want to see herself like this, but something else caught her eye. Nora paused at the sight of a reddened bruise on her collarbone. She traced over it with trembling fingertips. The resulting sting was enough to cause her stomach to clench. Nora turned away, burying the feeling. It paved the way for a deeper introspection that she wasn’t ready for.

Kelli’s patience and understanding had fostered trust and a sense of safety, which were two of the three things that helped Nora to function within the confines of their relationship. The third concept was simple. She needed to maintain a modicum of control. Kelli had taken that from her. As a result, Nora didn’t trust herself, and her trust in Kelli was teetering. Was she so broken that all it took to send her over the edge was one intense, unrestrained encounter? Clearly, the answer was yes. And that made her pause as much as anything Kelli had done.

She swallowed for the tenth time, but couldn’t dislodge the lump of emotion stuck in her throat. Nora had some idea of the damage she probably caused when she left, but she never intended to hurt Kelli. Fight or flight was instinctual. Fleeing hadn’t been a choice. It was the only clear route that led to self-preservation.

When she left Kelli’s apartment, Nora expected the crushing weight on her shoulders to dissipate, but it was still there, anchored by her own shame. Kelli had reached out in a moment of need. Nora wanted to give. She
tried
to give. In the end, she took it all away.

A sharp pain pierced her chest. Finally, it passed and became slightly more manageable. This was her natural state, being alone. Her heart and mind would eventually remember. In Nora’s opinion, there was no other alternative. It was either lose herself in Kelli or retain what remained and deal with the inevitable fallout. She couldn’t be the person Kelli wanted or deserved. In time, Kelli would see that. Nora was sure. She steeled herself. Eventually, Kelli would come. She needed to be ready for the confrontation she would bring with her.

Later, Nora entered the living area. Intent on getting back to routine, her plan was to take the rest of the weekend to prepare herself for upcoming surgeries. Her front door swung open violently. The fact that Nora had left it unlocked was a testament to her scattered state of mind. Kelli entered and took away Nora’s ability to breathe with the finality of her movements. Startled and apprehensive, Nora’s heart thudded, but warmth filled her just the same. It was too soon. She was nowhere near ready for this.

A muscle in Kelli’s jaw flexed, and her gaze held enough anger to start a fire. Nora’s insides tightened. Kelli walked toward her. In reaction, Nora stepped back.

Kelli made a sound in the back of her throat. It sounded dangerously like a growl. She moved quickly, slamming Nora against the wall. She gasped as her back made contact, but the sudden heat that blanketed Nora made her forget about everything else. The woman standing in front of her had owned her not too long ago. A hard shudder rocked her. Kelli gripped Nora’s upper arms, digging slightly into her skin.

“Is this what you’re running from?” Kelli’s voice was thick, gravely. Then, without warning, she descended, kissing Nora with bruising intensity. Kelli nipped at Nora’s bottom lip until she whimpered. Kelli forced her way inside her mouth, and Nora was helpless. Anger and pain emanated from Kelli. Still, Nora’s body leapt to attention, making way for a thick swell of arousal.

Nora melted. Her thought processes muted. She wrapped her arms around Kelli’s neck. Kelli wedged her thigh between Nora’s legs. Nora cried out as her swollen flesh found both relief and continued stimulation, simultaneously. Her hips began to undulate.

Abruptly, Kelli ended the embrace. Her own breathing was ragged, her expression needy. She took a step back, grimacing as if she’d been wounded.

“Is it?” Kelli hands were fisted, but the rest of her was trembling.

Mind clouded, Nora had no idea what Kelli was referring to. “I—”

“Answer me! You can’t be that selfish or self-centered to just leave me like that! So just tell me, why?”

Nora snapped back to reality. She didn’t know what to say. “Kelli, I—”

“We fucked, Nora. It was hard and dirty.” Kelli leaned in brushing her lips over Nora’s ear. “We did, and it was so 
fucking
 good. Wasn’t it?”

Unable to stop it, a whimper escaped Nora’s throat. Everything inside her felt scorched by the heat between them. Her body arched forward just as it had the night before.

“It terrified you, but you know what?” Kelli traced Nora’s ear with her tongue. “I could do it again, right here…right now. And you would let me.”

Nora was blown away by the audacity of Kelli’s words, as well as her primitive reaction to them. The statement was true and very difficult to swallow.

“Be mad at me, but tell me why you left. Talk to me…why?” Kelli pulled away. The anger had seeped from her voice, and pain filtered in.

Nora’s lips parted. Kelli’s gaze was penetrating, fathomless. Words clogged in Nora’s throat.

The seconds ticked by.

Kelli nearly vibrated with tension. “We still haven’t found Antony, in case you’re wondering.” Sarcasm dripped from her every word. The patience that Kelli usually displayed was gone.

Nora’s own fury began to germinate. Was it rational to feel this way? She wasn’t sure, but it was easier to handle than the pain and shame Kelli’s words wrought. “I know I’ve hurt you, but you could at least give me time to gather my thoughts and speak!”

Kelli looked incredulous. Her eyes were wide and her mouth was parted slightly. “You don’t think I’ve given you enough time?”

Nora closed her eyes and looked away. Kelli had given her all the time in the world. They wouldn’t have made it this far otherwise. “That isn’t what—”

“What did you mean then?” Kelli asked.