Criminal Minded (18 page)

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Authors: Tracy Brown

BOOK: Criminal Minded
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Lamin came home with blood on his clothes. He had Olivia with him and she was an emotional wreck. They both took showers in the two bathrooms in our home, while I sat on the couch wondering what had gone wrong. Olivia came out of the shower first and sat on the couch wrapped in a blanket, rocking back and forth. I kept my distance since she was obviously traumatized and I waited for Lamin to emerge. When he did, he pulled me into our bedroom and explained what had happened.
“Donovan’s dead.”
My heart hit the floor. “Dead? What happened, Lamin? Why is Olivia beat up like that? Did he hit her?”
Lamin nodded. I recalled his words earlier as he left to go to Olivia’s house. “I’ll kill that nigga if he lays a hand on her.”
No further explanation was necessary. I touched his hand gently and looked at his strong, handsome face. Lamin was my warrior. I loved him, despite the fact that our lives were spiraling into madness. I came into our relationship hoping Lamin would get out of the street life. He did, and we prospered. My happily-ever-after was right within reach. And now this. But no matter what, I was riding for Lamin. The secrets we kept would go with me to my grave. I had gone through hell with this man. He kissed me, hugged me close to him, and inhaled my scent. “I love you, Lucky.” Lamin said it as he looked in my eyes. His gaze seemed to probe me, looking for something that I couldn’t figure out. I wished at that moment that I could tell what he was searching for in my eyes. I wanted to show him whatever it was that he was looking for. I was
that
devoted. Lamin put his bloody clothes in a plastic garbage bag to be disposed of, while I made Olivia comfortable in the guest room. I told her that I was there for her if she needed to talk and prepared to make my exit. She stopped me when I got to the door.
“Lucky.” Her voice was low and soft. I turned to face her. “Thank you.”
I blew her a kiss and gave her a reassuring smile as I headed out the door. I found Lamin sitting by the living room window gazing out at nothing in particular.
“Baby, come lay down.” I wanted to hold him. I wanted to tell him that it was alright and that I had his back. But Lamin wouldn’t be laying down any time soon.
“Go to sleep, Lucky. I’m gonna wait until Zion calls. I’ll come to bed as soon as I hear from him.”
I walked up behind Lamin and put my arms around him. “You did what you had to do, Lamin. Don’t worry about a thing.”
Lamin smiled weakly. “I’m fine. Go to bed.”
I kissed him and looked at his hands, still bloody despite the shower he’d taken. I walked to the kitchen, got a basin of water and an old dish cloth, and returned. I dipped the cloth in the water and scrubbed my baby’s hands. Little by little, the traces of blood disappeared. Lamin smiled at me, and I knew it would all work out.
Then the phone rang. It was Zion.
I handled my business and called Lamin just as the sun was coming up. He answered the phone on the first ring.
“La, that’s all a done deal, alright?”
He hesitated. “I hope you’re sure about that.”
“I’m sure. You don’t have to second-guess me, Lamin.”
“Nigga, I gotta second-guess everything you say from now on!”
“Why? Why, Lamin? What reason did I ever give you to doubt me?”
“You’re fuckin’ my baby sister, Zion. That sounds like a reason to me.”
“Lamin, you’re acting like a little kid. I never shorted you. I never took advantage of Olivia. I always got her back safe. She was never hurt while she was with me. We came up in this shit together. You ain’t got no reason to doubt me. If me dealing with Olivia makes you this mad, nigga, I’ll leave her alone. But you can tell Olivia that I do have feelings for her. Tell her I hope she’s okay.”
Lamin held the phone and said nothing for a while. Then to my surprise, Lamin spoke in a low tone and said, “You tell her yourself.”
I thought I heard him wrong. “What did you say?”
“I said ‘you tell her,’ nigga!” Lamin sounded like it was hard for him to say it, still. “I gotta let Olivia live her life. You tell her what you feel yourself. Let her make up her own mind. But if you hurt my sister, Zion …”
“I’m not gonna do that.” I smiled, happy that Lamin was opening this door for me. “I’m not gonna do that at all.”
Lamin hung up and I took a deep breath. I sat back and closed my
eyes and thought about the day’s events. I thought about the blast from the gun when I fired. It wasn’t the first time I’d taken a life, but still it shook me. I’m human. I thought about Olivia, then. When I held her in my arms, I wanted to tell her how I felt about her. I came so close to just saying it—saying I love you. She was so vulnerable and so defenseless, and I had never seen her like that before. I liked seeing her without her tough exterior. I wanted to be with her. I realized that for the first time as I wiped her tears. It dawned on me that I had never told any woman ‘I love you.’ I sipped my Heineken and decided that when the time was right, I would say those words to Olivia.
In the days that followed, neither me or Lamin brought up what happened that night. It was just another scenario that we would take to our graves. Our conversations were somewhat forced, though. So I began to fall back, and give Lamin time to adjust. I called Olivia a few times, but she wouldn’t let me come see her until all her swelling went down. I had to laugh at how vain she was, avoiding visitors until she was camera-ready again. So I patiently waited, knowing that when I finally got to talk to her face-to-face, I was gonna step up to the plate.
twisted
To get her mind off the drama with Donovan (and to get her
away from Zion for a while), I sent Olivia with Aunt Inez on a two-week trip to Aruba. I figured Aunt Inez could use a break after enduring years of hard work and Curtis’ return to prison. We were all upset about that. Olivia really needed to relax worry-free. She needed time to think and escape all the drama. So, I paid all the expenses and sent them on their way. I hoped that by the time they got back they would each have a clear mind.
On the day that I brought the two of them to the airport, I called Dream and asked her to meet me at one of our favorite restaurants. I got there about twenty minutes late, and Dream was already seated at the table. She looked upset, and I started explaining my lateness as soon as I sat down.
“I had to take my sister to the airport and I got caught in traffic.” I was explaining myself more and more, both to Lucky and to Dream. I had finally figured out that I was in over my head.
Dream touched my hand across the table and rubbed it. “It’s alright, Lamin. Don’t worry about it. I ordered my lunch already. Do you want something?”
I shook my head. “I’m not hungry. I just wanted to come and see you.”
She moved her newspaper aside as the waitress brought her food and set it down on the table. I noticed the headline.
BODY OF PHYA MANAGER WASHES ASHORE ON ROCKAWAY BEACH
I stared at the article a little too long and Dream spoke up. “Did you hear about this? Somebody killed the group’s manager!”
“Damn,” I said. “That’s fucked up.”
She chewed her salad. “It’s sad what happened to him. Somebody shot and killed him and dumped his body in the water. The article said his car was never found and his wallet was missing, so it looks like a robbery gone wrong. They had to identify the body by his dental records since it was decomposed so badly.” Dream seemed genuinely upset. “He was a jackass, but he didn’t deserve to die like that.”
I shook my head pretending to be saddened by the story. Inside, I was relieved that the police suspected robbery was the motive. It had been weeks since the incident and I was growing paranoid. I would sleep a little easier now. Since that weight was lifted off my shoulders, I decided to tell her the real reason I wanted to meet with her.
“I think we gotta slow things down a little, Dream.”
She stopped eating, put her fork in her plate and sat back in her seat. “What’s wrong?” she asked.
“Lucky’s asking a lot of questions and shit. My home life is getting stressful, and I can’t handle that kinda drama on top of everything else I have to deal with.” I leveled with her. “I’m startin’ to get so comfortable with you that I’m leavin’ clues around. Lucky found a credit card receipt from some flowers that I sent to you. I had to play it off like you were a client that I was trying to entice but it still caused me some friction. I just feel like I need to step back a little.”
Dream looked upset but she kept her composure. She sat silent for a few minutes. Then she said, “I’m not happy to hear you say that, Lamin. But I understand. You’ve been honest with me about your relationship from day one, so I shouldn’t be surprised.” She hesitated. “It’s just that …”
“What? Say it.” I wanted her to flip on me. It would have made me feel better if she wasn’t so mature about it. It would have been easier
for me to walk away if she told me to kiss her ass. But Dream was too classy for that. I reached for her hand and stroked it as she spoke.
“I told myself that I would be able to keep my feelings in check, knowing that you’re involved with someone. But I connected with you. No matter how hard I tried not to, I started to feel for you—”
“I feel for you, too, Dream, but—”
“Let me finish.” She took a deep breath and looked in my eyes. “I love you, Lamin.”
I was at a complete loss for words.
“I know that doesn’t change anything. But I just wanted to say it to you because I’ve been holding back for so long. I want you to be happy. So as much as I don’t like the fact that you need to do this, I do understand.”
She took a sip of her wine and summoned the waitress for the check. Not knowing what to say or do, I reached for my wallet to pay the check. Dream stopped me and whipped out her platinum Visa, paying the bill herself. I felt like I needed to say something.
“Baby, don’t think for a second that I don’t care for you, too. I do. I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place. I owe Lucky. She’s been there for me at times when I really needed her. And as much as I want to be with you, I can’t afford to be selfish. I feel like I’m givin’ up so much by walkin’ away from you. But I care about you so much that I keep letting my guard down, and I’m slippin’. I just need to get myself in check for a minute, that’s all.”
Dream listened to me. She picked up her chinchilla jacket and grabbed her purse. “You know how I feel about you now, Lamin. If you change your mind, call me. I’ll be missing you in the meantime.”
She got up and walked out of the restaurant, leaving me to question if the decision I had made was the right one.
all eyes on me
I couldn’t believe my eyes. I sat at the table in the kitchen
surrounded by boxes as I sipped my morning coffee. Lamin and I were just two days away from moving to our minimansion in New Jersey, and I was so excited. As much as I loved our brownstone, I was anxious to start a new life with Lamin in a new place.
But as I sat staring at the gossip page in the
Daily News
, I prayed that my eyes were playing tricks on me. The picture of Lamin holding hands with a woman at a restaurant in Manhattan didn’t lie, though. I stared at that photo for a long time. Then I read the caption underneath.
HIP-HOP MOGUL LAMIN MICHAELS AND SONY MUSIC EXECUTIVE DREAM BIGGS AN ITEM?
My eyes welled up with tears and I wiped them quickly. I read the article next to the photo and my tears soon turned into rage.
Entertainment mogul Lamin Michaels has been spending lots of time with Sony A&R Dream Biggs. The two were spotted lunching at the popular soul food eatery Esmee’s, where a waitress tells us the pair affectionately ogled each other. Michaels, whose megamillion-dollar company Shootin’ Crooks
has been in high demand for video and movie production, was previously linked to the leggy stunner Laila Matheson with whom he attended many events around town. Insiders say that Dream has expressed her love for the handsome CEO who has recently been called one of hip hop’s most eligible bachelors.
I slammed the paper down on the table and snatched my purse off the counter. I rifled through the papers in my bag until I found the receipt Lamin and I had argued about. He told me that the flowers were sent to “a Sony exec” he wanted to do business with. I read the name on the receipt and my worst fears were confirmed.
Dream Biggs.
I held on to the counter for support. This nigga was playin’ me! That muthafucka! With the newspaper in my hand, I stormed down the hallway to our bedroom where Lamin was sleeping. Now I knew how he was spending all his time lately. I smacked the shit out of him while he was sleeping, and he woke up fumbling all over the covers, his eyes squinted and his mouth open in surprise.
“WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU, LUCKY?” He stood and towered over me. I wasn’t scared of him, though. My rage gave me courage.
“THIS IS WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME, LAMIN!” I threw the newspaper in his face, and he caught it. I watched him read the article and look at the picture, and I saw the look of guilt on his face. My heart sank. As angry as I was—as fed up as I was—I wanted Lamin to have an explanation for this. I wanted him to tell me that this was all just a misunderstanding. But he couldn’t. And I think that shit hurt more than anything.
“I thought you loved me, Lamin.” I didn’t even try to fight the tears anymore. I felt like I had a knife in my chest that was ripping at my heart. I wanted to curl up and die.
“I do love you, Laila—”
“YOU DON’T FUCKIN’ LOVE ME!!”
Lamin reached for me and I swatted his hand away. “Don’t touch me! Don’t you ever fuckin’ touch me again!”
“Lucky, come on, baby. Stop it!”
I shook my head as I looked at him. I was disgusted, heartbroken, angry, embarrassed, disappointed, and frustrated all at the same time. All those emotions overwhelmed me, and I just needed to get out of that house before I went crazy. I turned to leave, heading for the closet to get dressed so that I could go. Lamin grabbed me from behind and I struggled against him. I fought him with all my might. But my small 120-pound frame was no match against Lamin’s 185 pounds of muscle. He overpowered me, scooped me up in his arms, and held me close as I wiggled around in vain trying to get free.
“Lucky, stop, please! Just let me talk to you!” Lamin’s voice cracked with emotion but I wasn’t moved.
I finally stopped fighting him, let my body go limp in his arms, and he carried me to the bed where he layed me down gently and wiped my tears. I was inconsolable.
“Why did you do this, Lamin? Why? What did I do wrong?”
“You didn’t do nothing wrong, Lucky. It’s me, not you. Stop cryin’, baby.”
My rage came back. “Then why, Lamin? What did I
not
give you? Why the hell did you cheat on me?”
Lamin closed his eyes like he was trying to block out reality. It seemed like he was trying to make everything go away. Then he opened them and looked at me. He was silent for a moment. Then he spoke.
“Lucky, I never meant to hurt you, baby. Since I got in this industry I meet all kinds of people—all kinds of women …” His voice trailed off. “I’m human, Lucky. I’m human and I fucked up. But don’t walk away from me for makin’ a mistake. I’ll fix this. I swear I will. I already told her that it’s over …”
“You’re a liar, Lamin!”
“I swear, Lucky. On everything I stand for, I swear I told her it’s over. I love
you
. I only love you. You gotta believe me.”
Damn, I wanted to believe him. I swear I did. I wanted so badly to believe him. I cried, wishing I had never picked up the newspaper
that day, wishing I had never found out that the only man I ever loved was giving his love away.
Lamin kissed my tear-stained face. “I love you, Lucky. I’m sorry.” He kissed my lips and untied my robe. I don’t know why I let him do it. Maybe I wanted to feel him; maybe I needed to have him inside of me, thinking that it would fill the void I had in my heart. I was so devastated, so heartbroken, that I felt a physical void in my body. I felt a physical emptiness, and I wanted Lamin to fill it. I let him kiss me slowly as the tears rolled down my cheeks. I let him tell me over and over that he was sorry; let him put his lips between my thighs and take me away from the pain. I felt him enter me and make love to me slowly and tenderly, and I heard him tell me again and again that I was the only one he loved. I wanted to believe him. Even after we both reached our climax, I tried to convince myself that he was sincere as I fell asleep in his arms.
When I awoke, Lamin was gone. I lay there for a while with so many thoughts running through my head. I realized that I no longer cared about where he was. I was finished. Making love to him had been beautiful. But it didn’t change the facts. Lamin had cheated on me—publicly—with another woman. A beautiful woman whose career would always cross paths with Lamin’s. He had not only been unfaithful, but he had destroyed the unshakable trust that I had in him. I made up my mind at that moment to leave him. There was no salvaging our relationship because I no longer trusted him. As much as it hurt me, as much as it tore me apart, I began to pack my things. There were boxes throughout the apartment that had been prepared for our move to New Jersey. I thought about the new house that I was walking away from, and I almost hesitated. But that house, all the jewelry and the trips, the cars, and the shopping sprees—it would have been enough for me if I didn’t love Lamin. But when you love someone—really love them with every fiber of your being—all you want is them. And he was no longer mine.
I started taking boxes out to my car. I loaded several stacks into my Benz—loaded up the trunk, the backseat, and the passenger seat—and
went back inside to get my clothes. I cried the entire time. I put the last of my belongings into my suitcase and took one more walk through the house that I had made a home for us for so many years. I walked into the bathroom and recalled the times after his shooting when I had bathed Lamin when he was too weak to stand and bathe himself I remembered how he had needed me then and wished I could turn back the hands of time. I thought back to the night a few weeks prior when Lamin came home with blood on his hands, and I helped him wash that blood off and helped his sister get over her trauma. I went into our bedroom once more and reminisced on the times we’d made love or sat up late at night watching old movies and just loving each other. I walked through the kitchen where I had learned to cook soul food dinners for my man because that was what he liked. How I had made Thanksgiving and Christmas special in that kitchen over the years; turkeys, collard greens, macaroni and cheese, corn-bread stuffing, candied yams—all dishes I had mastered to keep Lamin happy. Thought back to the first time he told me he loved me—on a yacht in the middle of New York Harbor. That’s when I lost it. I cried. A good ole ugly cry. The kind of cry when you don’t give a fuck what you look like or who hears you. I cried my guts out for Lamin. Then, when I ran out of tears, I pulled myself up off the floor and fixed my clothes. I brushed myself off and grabbed my suitcase. I was leaving.
But that’s when Lamin came through the door. He seemed surprised when he saw my suitcase in my hand. He looked around and noticed so many boxes were missing and he shook his head.
“Don’t do this, Lucky. Don’t leave me, baby.”
“Lamin …”
“NO!” he yelled. “Don’t do this shit, Lucky! I’m sorry.”
He fell to his knees and I was confused for a minute. I saw him fumble through his pockets and then he pulled out a red velvet box. “Please, Lucky.”
I realized what it was, and I was shocked. He opened the box to reveal the biggest, most beautiful princess-cut diamond engagement ring I had ever seen in my life. I got teary-eyed just looking at it. It
was hard enough to walk away without him putting that exquisite piece of jewelry in my face.
“I know I fucked up. I know I did you wrong. I was stupid and I was selfish and I am so, so sorry. Please believe me. I love you, Laila. Please marry me and we can work this out.”
I was crying despite my efforts to keep my emotions in check. To my surprise, Lamin was crying, too. I saw a few tears fall down his face as he stared into my eyes. It broke my heart to see him cry. It was the first time I had ever seen him show emotion on that level in all my years of being with him. I shook my head.
“No. No, Lamin …”
“Please don’t say that, Lucky. Please don’t tell me no.” He looked so genuinely sad. But my mind was made up.
“No, Lamin.” I walked around him and he got on his feet and grabbed me by the wrist.
“Lucky, how you gonna walk away from me like this?” He seemed amazed that I would turn him down.
“Lamin, you walked away from
me!
Every time you fucked another woman you walked further away from me. So don’t act like I’m the one who did this to us! You played me, Lamin! You were fuckin’ this bitch and God only knows how many others. I can’t handle that. I just can’t.”
Lamin’s facial expression changed. I saw the pain in his eyes, but at the same time, there was anger there. He stared at me, still holding tight to my wrist.
“After all the shit I did for you, Lucky? After all the shit I did for you, you’re gonna walk out on me?”
I couldn’t believe him! “What you did for
me?
What about what I gave up for
you
? I walked away from my family for you!”
“Your family wasn’t takin’ you on trips to the Caribbean or buyin’ you cars, thousand-dollar watches, diamonds, and fur coats!”
“Fuck all that shit, Lamin! I can’t believe you would even say that to me! Is that what you think I wanted from you?”
“Well, you didn’t turn it down, Lucky! I always took care of you.
You lived better with me than you ever lived in your life, and I never heard you complain.”
“That’s because you’re never home to hear me complain! Did you think that money would satisfy me? I never wanted your money. I would have loved you the same if you were broke. But I wasn’t enough for you, and I’m tired of it. Just let me go, Lamin!”
He shoved me by my arm toward the door. “Get the fuck out then, Lucky. GO! Fuck it! If you want to walk away, WALK! I’m through beggin’.”
I stood looking at him because I no longer recognized him. This Lamin was unfamiliar to me. I turned, picked up my suitcase, and walked out of his life for good.
I knew I fucked up. I underestimated how high-profile I was and I never expected to see a picture of me and Dream in the newspaper. But I never meant to hurt Lucky like that. I thought we would work it out, though. After we had sex, I laid there thinking about how I could make things right with Lucky. So I left, went to my jeweler and chose a ring that I thought she would love. I never expected her to tell me no.
My pride was wounded. I really did love Lucky. I cared for Dream a lot, but it didn’t come close to the love I had for Lucky. And she had walked out on me. I wanted her to forgive me and let me make it up to her. And when she didn’t stay, I was shocked. I was hurt.
So I reacted. Maybe it was impulsive, but I drove to Dream’s Manhattan condominium. When I got there, I rang the doorbell. She opened the door looking lovelier than ever. She had taken out her trademark cornrows, and her long hair made her look angelic. She wore a long-sleeved white collared shirt buttoned halfway. Her only other clothing was a pair of panties, and I wondered for a minute if she had company.
“Come in, Lamin. I’m surprised to see you.” I came in and saw that
she had been cooking and heard her Nina Simone CD playing. Her place was cozy, and I always loved coming here. Dream saw the expression on my face and knew something was bothering me. “What’s wrong?”
I handed her a copy of the newspaper and showed her the photo. She read the article and her mouth dropped open in shock. “How did they take this picture without us knowing? And what ‘insiders’ told them that I fell in love with you?”
I shrugged. “Probably the nosey-ass waitress.” I walked over to her couch and sat down. Dream came and sat beside me.
“Did Lucky see this?” she asked.
I nodded. “Yup. So we had a fight, she moved out, and here I am.” I looked at Dream. “If you want me to leave, I will. I don’t want you to think that the only reason I’m here is because Lucky left me.”
Dream tilted her head to the side. “Would you be here if she hadn’t left you?”
I thought about it. “To be honest with you, Dream, I don’t think I would have been able to stay away from you for long.”
She smiled. “Then I don’t want you to leave.” She went to the bar and poured me a drink without me asking for one. She brought me the drink and sat back down, and it showed me how thoughtful Dream could be. She always anticipated what I needed or wanted, and that shit meant a lot to me. Especially then, when I had been through so much that day.
“Do you want to talk about it?” she asked.
I shook my head, swallowed my drink in one gulp. “Nah. There ain’t really nothin’ to talk about. But you could come a little closer and help me forget about it. Is that alright?”
She smiled again and said, “Yeah. That’s alright.”
We had hot, sweaty, uninhibited sex on her living room floor. I had her long legs on my shoulders, diggin’ her back out. I hit it from the back, gave her rug burns on her knees, and even got her up against the wall with one leg flung over my arm. Afterward, we lay on the floor in front of her fireplace while she fed me.
“This shit is good. Where’d you learn to cook like this?” My mouth was full of her delicious beef stew.
“I got a lot of skills you don’t know about.” She looked so pretty laying in the glow of the fireplace. We sat in silence as she fed me, and it was a very romantic moment. But, I couldn’t get Lucky off my mind. I couldn’t believe she really left me.
Dream’s voice broke my reverie. “Can you spend the night with me for the first time, Lamin?”
I smiled at her and realized that I wanted to do more than spend the night. Shit. If you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with, right? On an impulse, I got up and reached into the pocket of my jeans laying on the floor nearby. I came back and sat beside Dream and pulled out the ring box. I flipped it open and her eyes widened in surprise.
“If it’s alright with you, I want to do more than spend the night. I think I might want to spend my life with you, Dream.”
She hugged me so tight and kissed me over and over. “Oh my God, Lamin!”
She said yes, and I was happy. Maybe it was just a substitute for the real happiness I had experienced with Lucky. Maybe I was jumping into marriage with Dream because I couldn’t be married to the woman I really wanted. But whatever my reasons were, I was getting married. I kissed Dream—the woman who would soon be my wife.

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