Creed of Redemption (S.I.N. Rock Star Trilogy #2) (13 page)

Their plan was supposed to be just for a little while, but then when their dad started grooming Sevyn to one day take over his acquisition and merger company, they formed a plan to bring Diesel in. Right now their father doesn’t even acknowledge that he has two sons. Now that he is dying, the two of them are formulating a way for them to both be owners of the company before the plan can be blocked by the board.

Diesel recalls that part of his life, and I can see the pain in his eyes. I just want to hug him. I can’t even imagine what that feels like—to not feel accepted or to have to change your identity in order to be allowed back into your home. It makes sense now why he is so reluctant to let people close to him.

“I’m so sorry you had to go through that, Diesel. That’s awful.” Sevyn nods in agreement.

“The times that I took Diesel’s place in the house were so that he could take mine in the company. I needed help with few projects and in turn, I helped him with some of his music. This also allowed us to test our detectability with everyone. Kind of like, on the job training. My brother truly has the intellect of a fucking genius. He deserves to be right next to me when we reveal the company has two new owners and not just one.”

I’m so glad we’re having this talk. Having this insight helps me to understand Diesel more. He’s had to deal with shit no kid should ever have to go through. He just looks out the window now and I know our morning of flirtation is gone. He has a distant look in his eyes that I haven’t seen before. I wish I could take him into the bedroom and make him forget—for now anyway. I hear footsteps and voices coming our way and that thought is now dead. He gets up and heads toward the back and I reach for him. Sevyn shakes his head so I pull my hand back.

“Don’t,” Sevyn warns. After Diesel is out of ear shot he tells me to give him space. “He just needs a minute. He’ll come back when he’s ready. He doesn’t want any sympathy. It makes him feel weak. It took me a while to understand what he needs when he gets like this and the answer is nothing. He deals with it in his own way—a way that works for him.” I nod, but it still breaks my heart. He was there for me when I was down, even though the reason was because of him. Now I feel like I’m just sitting here when he needs me. Lily and the guys join us at the table. I nibble at my food. I’m worried about Diesel. The bus slows to a complete stop and he is the first one off.

We’ve stopped so they could get a few things from the store. The next stop on the tour is Las Vegas. I was tempted to tell Brooke to fly up for the weekend so we could gamble. We both have always wanted to go. Now I’m in a funk. I stay on the bus when everyone else gets off. I lay across my bunk and finally do the writing I was supposed to do this morning before I got distracted. So far I’ve only written about the two shows they’ve played and a behind the scenes account of what the guys do to get ready. I know I need something more—more insight.

I’m glad I got all of that out. I don’t plan on telling that story again. Lourdes deserved to hear it for what I put her through, but I’m retiring that part of me as of now. I will take over Beck Investment Firm with Sevyn, because more than anything, that is what he wants. It’s my restitution for the shit my father put me through. I just hope he lives long enough to learn that the son he wrote off is just as fucking capable as the one he put on a pedestal. That would make all this ten times more worth it. I’m a little thrown that Lourdes hasn’t tried to talk to me all day, to be honest. I told her my life story. Something that, up until now, only Sevyn and I knew about. I didn’t even tell the friends I was staying with at the time. Not all of it anyway—just need to know shit.

Well the main thing is I finally explained it all to her. I hope she got what she needed. I hope she now knows that what we shared was real. It wasn’t some game or sick joke Sevyn and I cooked up for the hell of it. She wasn’t a pawn for our enjoyment. I can’t make her care about my past. It’s my cross to bear. Me reliving that fucking dark time of my life for her sake and her reaction, or lack thereof, is what I needed to move on. I’ve avoided her all afternoon and she didn’t attempt to check on me.

I was a little jealous earlier when I came into the kitchen and saw my brother’s hand on her. I had to show them both who had the power to make her melt. She tried to act unfazed, but I know I could fuck her with little effort if I wanted to. Thing is, she continues to be my weakness. The more I allow things to grow beyond platonic with her, the more I find myself going down the same path that I need to put a fucking road block on. I need to see what Ivy’s up to. If she is down with just sex, then I may just be willing to hook up with her again. I could use the distraction. I’ll see where her head is at later. Right now, I need to get ready. We go on stage in an hour.

“You ready, man?” Xander says taking a seat next to me.

“Why wouldn’t I be? Fuck yeah, I’m ready.” The extra enthusiasm is for his benefit. I know I’ll snap out of whatever the hell this is the minute our music starts.

“Good. You just seemed a little out of it today. You didn’t come out of that room all day. Just wanted you to know I was here if you needed to talk,” he offers. “Oh, and thank you for being there for my sister. For some reason she reaches out to you more than she does her own brother.” He chuckles, but he wouldn’t be if he knew why.

I change the subject by discussing the need for some rehearsal time with Reckless Ambition before our next show. I still want to bring Ivy and Anderson in on a couple of our songs. I need to focus on some new songs too.

We talk until it’s time for us to go on.

The lights dim and we take our places. Xander strums the first few chords before Gable joins in on drums. Keyser comes in with his guitar and the fucking crowd goes ape shit before the first lyric leaves my mouth. “One way or another, I’m going to find you,” I begin. It’s our rendition of Until The Ribbon Breaks’
One Way or Another
. The beat is sexy as fuck. I use its sensual undertones to seduce the audience. I pull my T-shirt over my head and run my hand down my abs. The response is fucking astounding. I decide to give them a show. I continue the lyrics while unbuttoning my jeans. I stroke my dick through my underwear, giving them a peek at the outline of my cock through my underwear. The women are eating it up. I bet I just made all their pussies wet with desire. It just so happens that I’m feeling a little bit generous. Maybe I’ll let some lucky woman, or a few, get a taste. For now, that’s all they get. I tuck my shit back into my jeans and zip them back up. I leave the button undone though. My guys give me a look of curiosity, but they don’t miss a beat. You’d think my extra performance was part of the show. We continue the rest of our set with me shirtless and seducing the fuck out of the crowd. Our whole performance was one big act of foreplay and now I’m ready to sink my shit into some pussy. It’s time to get back to being me.

W
e’re back in our dressing room and the guys are giving me shit for my little ad lib tonight. Xander isn’t too impressed, but Gable and Keyser don’t give a shit. They think making women wet their panties can only be a good thing. They buy the fucking tickets. Men do too, but an abundance of women in one place is going to bring the men too. Lourdes and Lily are off in the corner talking about who knows what. I can’t be worried about what she thought about tonight. There is a knock at our door and we all stop talking, wondering who it is. I get up and open the door. It’s one of the security guys.

“Hey, man. I know Xander said to not let anybody back here, but there is a woman up front that is insisting that she knows you,” he says. So that’s why we haven’t been having any groupie action. Xander has been cock blocking his own boys. I can’t help but laugh at his slick ass.

“Who is it? Did she give a name?” I look behind me and see that they’re all listening.

“No. She says she’ll only talk to you,” the security guy explains. Well I’m not about to let some woman back here on her word. Not one that I haven’t picked out as my fuck tonight.

“Take me to her,” I say. I wonder who this mystery woman could be. Probably somebody I fucked and already moved on from. I’ll give her a few minutes of my time but that’s it.

I walk out with the security guy who has yet to give me his name. He is a few steps ahead of me for my protection. I see the blonde hair first and then the outline of her comes into focus. I stop a couple feet from her with a slack jaw. I’m not believing my fucking eyes right now.

“Hi, Diesel.” She smiles. That fucking voice. It’s been so long. Melissa sounds like a little girl, but she is all fucking woman. She’s short, like Lourdes. They’re even built the same. Tiny waist with a big ass and tits. The only other woman to fucking obliterate my heart is standing before me. Although she’s never gotten as far as Lourdes, she’s the one who introduced me to a world beyond Vanilla. You can’t tell by looking at her, but she’s even freakier than I am. My dick hardens from the memories. Unfortunately, I also remember than she walked away after she got bored with me. She needed someone more hardcore.

“What are you doing here, Melissa?” I ask, eager to get straight to the point. Is it my inevitable fame that has brought her forward?

“Don’t be like that. I just wanted to see you.” Her smile is gone. I hate that her damn voice so damn cute.

“Why?” I push. She’s going to have to give me more than that.

“Umm…” She looks down to the floor and my cock jumps at her submission. She is playing with me. She knows me in that sense better than anyone else. She knows what gets me going because she pulled this out of me. My demons were created by her. “I’ve missed you.”

“No. Why are you here now?” I don’t do vague.

“I didn’t know how to find you before, after you left New York. I made a mistake, but when I came to find you, you had left. I heard about your band touring with Reckless Ambition on the radio and I knew I needed to come. I knew there was a chance you wouldn’t see me, but I needed to say that I am sorry.” She is still looking at the floor. “I’m not that same person from a few years ago Diesel. And if I had to guess, neither are you. I had to grow up—to find myself,” she finishes.