Crazy Ever After (20 page)

Spoiling you. Samara recalled Travis’s assertion that she was spoiled rotten. Maybe she had been. But that was a long time ago, and she’d been independent and on her own for a long time.

“You should buy yourself something nice too,” Samara choked out, that guilt chewing away at her insides. “A new pair of shoes or something.”

“Maybe.”

Two pairs of jeans, three trendy little tops and two pairs of shoes later, they walked into a lingerie store.

“Mom, I don’t need this kind of stuff!” Samara glanced around at the abundance of satin and lace displayed on hangers and counters.

“It’s underwear, Samara. If you only planned to stay for a few days, you must need underwear.”

“Well...” Samara blew out a breath. Okay, yeah, some panties and a couple of bras would be good. But lord, she didn’t need a freakin’ black velvet corset or silky nightgown.

But a silky nightgown was what she ended up with, thanks to her mother, along with a cute pair of plaid shorts and matching tank top that served as pajamas and a pile of silky thongs, lace boy shorts and matching bras in yellow, peach, and turquoise. As she held up each little garment, she couldn’t help but wonder what Travis would think. Her stomach swooped, imagining him removing the little turquoise thong panties and matching lace bra from her body...

“Samara?”

She blinked at her mother.

“What’s wrong?” Mom asked, her forehead creasing. “I just asked you twice if you’re ready to have lunch.”

Heat flooded her cheeks. “Oh. Um. Sorry. I was thinking about...work.”

Mom gave her an odd look. “Let’s have lunch now,” she said. “I know just the place.”

They walked to the restaurant, only two blocks away. The small place was nearly full, and a delicious aroma of dark roasted coffee and toasted bread greeting them as they walked in. Trust her mother to pick a place that served great coffee. Samara could tell just from the smell.

They were shown to one of the last tables, a small one for two in the middle of the restaurant.

Samara waited until they’d almost finished eating before bringing up the subject she needed to. She’d procrastinated long enough. It wasn’t going to get any easier.

“Mom.”

“Mmm?”

“There’s something I need to talk to you about.”

“What is it, sweetie?”

Samara looked down at her half-eaten salad. “I— I screwed up really bad. And I have to apologize.”

Her mother’s forehead wrinkled. “What is it?”

Samara drew in a long slow breath. “When I left home seven years ago, I left because I was mad at you.”

Mom went very still. “We’re going to do this now?” She looked down at the table and gave a short nod. “Okay. Obviously you were mad. You didn’t even want to talk to me.” Her voice cracked. “I never knew what I did that made you so angry.”

Mom had tried calling, emailing, had even come with Dad once to visit her. Guilt struck another heavy blow at Samara. She couldn’t think of any soft way to say it, so she just blurted it out. “I thought you were having an affair with Travis.”

Her mom stared wide-eyed across the table at her. The noises of the restaurant—chattering voices, clinking cutlery, light music—filled the silence between them. Mom’s brows drew down. “Travis? An affair with Travis? Why on earth would you think that?”

“I overheard you two talking one day. It was just after...oh, god, this is so embarrassing.”

Mom said nothing, her mouth pressed into a firm line, but her expression told Samara to keep going.

“I had a big crush on Travis back then,” she confessed, nearly choking on the words. She studied her mom’s expression. Had she known that? “One night, I told him that. I kissed him. He...” He’d kissed her back. She’d never forget that. But... “He rejected me. Of course. Said I was too young for him.”

Still Mom said nothing, but her mouth softened.

“I was pretty devastated about that. I thought I was in love with him.”

“Oh, Samara.”

“Then a few days later, I overheard you and Travis talking about hurting Dad, and Travis was saying he was sorry...” She related the rest of what she’d heard.

Mom’s eyes closed, and she looked as if Samara had just picked up her fork and stabbed her with it. Her throat worked, and then she opened her eyes. “How could you think such a thing?”

“I was hurt. I was young. I was stupid. I don’t know.” She paused. “I guess I was just so hurt by his rejection that was the first thing I thought when I heard you talking, and I grabbed onto it and I...I felt like you’d stolen him away from me.”

Her mother’s eyes closed on a flash of pain that echoed in Samara’s chest.

“How could you think that?” Mom whispered. “That’s awful.”

“I know.” The words barely made it past her dry lips and painful throat. “But that was how I felt.”

“Why are you telling me this? Why now?”

“Travis told me it wasn’t true. And I knew I had to apologize for acting like such an idiot all these years. Oh, Mom.” Her voice fractured. “I’m so sorry.”

Her heart hurt so badly she could barely think straight. Her hands trembled as she waited for her mother to say something.

Her mother was silent for several agonizing moments before she spoke. “Seven years, Samara. You thought your heart was broken? Well, you broke mine. We were so close. I love you so much. Do you know how much it hurt me for you to turn away from me like that? And for me to have no idea why?”

“I—I think I know. It hurt me too, Mom. I missed you. But I just couldn’t forgive you for doing that to me. And to Dad.”

“Did you ever think I deserved to at least know what I’d done? If only you’d come to me… We could have cleared that all up seven years ago. Why didn’t you come to me?”

Samara fiddled with her cutlery. “Because it hurt.” Tears thickened her voice. “Yeah, I was angry that you cheated on Dad. But it hurt so much that Travis had just rejected me, and yet he was with you. I was...jealous.” It was so hard to admit that, even to herself, that the word came out barely audible. Jealous of her own mother.

“But he wasn’t with me, Samara.” Her mother’s voice softened. “That never happened.”

“I know that now.” Samara wiped a tear with her fingertips and reached for her water goblet, hoping to wash down the painful lump in her throat. She drank the cold water, her throat raw and aching. “But then I just hurt so bad. But you’re totally right. I only realized that lately, even before I found out the truth, that I didn’t handle it very well. It just seemed the longer it all went on, the more entrenched I got into the whole ‘poor me, poor Dad, how could they do that to us?’ thing.”

More sticky silence stretched between them.

“I was going to talk to you,” Samara continued. “Even before I found out the truth. I know I should have talked to you back then. I was stubborn and stupid.” She paused. “Do you think you can forgive me?”

Her mother blinked slowly. Thought about it. “I don’t know,” she finally said, and Samara’s heart sank. “I’m just so...hurt and angry that you would think that.” She looked off to the side and closed her eyes briefly. “And that you held that inside you all that time. For no reason.”

“I’m sorry.” Samara looked down at the table.

Mom sighed. “I love you, Samara. I also know you and how stubborn and independent you are. How you tend to jump to conclusions sometimes.”

“I’m working on that,” Samara mumbled.

“I think...I might need a while. I can’t believe that you would think I would do such a thing. I can’t believe you put me through that...” Mom lifted a hand to her face and rubbed her forehead. She swallowed hard. “Well. Just telling me about this whole mess is a huge step. I’m proud of you for that at least, Samara.”

She didn’t feel like she deserved her mother’s pride at that moment; she felt like a crumb on the floor the restaurant.

Mom swiped at a tear. “I just wish we hadn’t lost all those years.”

“I’m so sorry.” Samara reached across the table and took her mom’s hand. “I really, really am.” She held her mother’s gaze, and her mom nodded. “But Mom… What was that conversation about? I asked Travis, and he wouldn’t tell me. He says he doesn’t remember.”

Her mother avoided Samara’s eyes. “Oh, Sam. It was something else entirely.”

“Then what was it?”

Mom bit her lip. “It was a business thing. Travis thought Parker was…oh, this is such old water under the bridge. Travis, for some reason, thought Parker was doing something illegal. But he wasn’t.”

“Illegal? That’s crazy. Why didn’t Dad just tell him that?”

“He tried. But…uh…” Mom paused and struggled for a moment. “Parker was very hurt that Travis would think that about him. You know, this might be something…I’m not sure how much to say about this. Now that your father’s gone.”

“It all sounds very mysterious.”

“It’s not. It’s just…a big misunderstanding.”

Their lives seemed to be full of big misunderstandings. Samara sighed inwardly. “Big enough that Travis had to move to L.A.?”

“Well, I always wondered if there was more to that decision than even I knew about.” Mom’s eyebrows drew down. “I suppose that might be something to talk to Travis about.’

“Yeah, right. I tried that. He’s pretty tight-lipped about it. Which I guess is understandable, if it was all his fault.”

“I’m not saying it was all his fault,” Mom said carefully. “Parker can…could be very stubborn.” Her lips lifted slightly. “That might be where you get it from.”

Samara shook her head. “Whatever it was, that’s what I overheard, and I know I jumped to conclusions…”

Mom looked conflicted, as if she wanted to say more, but she reached for the bill their server had brought. She waved away Samara’s offer to pay, and they left the restaurant and went home.

After carrying all their purchases into the house, Samara surveyed the goods and said, “Mom, you’ve spent way too much money.”

“I can afford it,” Mom said. “You heard your father’s will.”

“I know, but...” Samara hesitated. “Mom...did you know Cedar Mill is in financial trouble?”

Her mom lifted her chin and her lips compressed briefly. “I did know there were problems, yes,” she said. “Your father was confident he could turn things around. And I had faith in him.”

“But he’s gone.” Samara opened a shoe box and stared at the sandals inside.

Mom drew in a long breath. “Yes. He’s gone. But I have faith in Travis too. That company is his life, and he won’t let anything happen to it.”

A knot of anxiety tightened in Samara’s stomach. She looked up. “What about me? Do you have faith in me? Because I want to help turn things around.”

She’d confessed her stupidity to her mother, apologized, let her mother buy her a truckload of shoes and clothes, and let her enjoy doing that. But her mom was pretty pissed about that whole mess. Would she support her on this?

“Of course, I do, Sam. Some day you’ll be a great leader for Cedar Mill Coffee.”

Samara swallowed, and her fingers curled tightly around the shoe box she held. “Not someday, Mom. Now. I want to do it now.”

Her mom sank down onto a chair. “Oh, Sam. I know you do.”

“I know I can do it. I want to pick up where Dad left off. I want to make sure the company is run the way he would have wanted.”

“Your father would be so proud of you.”

Samara smiled. “So if it came to a vote… you’d vote for me to run the company, wouldn’t you?”

After a short pause, Mom said, “No.”

Samara froze then blinked, the cardboard box digging into her fingers. “No?”

“No. I’m sorry.” Dayna’s voice was as soft and silky as the lingerie they’d just bought. “You’re smart, and you’re educated, and I know you love the business. If Travis weren’t here, that might be the logical move. But compared to him, you’re so young, and you still have so much to learn. He’s been involved in the business for years.”

Samara stared at her. Her eyes burned, and she wanted to scream. “He talked to you, didn’t he?” she demanded, voice shaky. “He convinced you of that.”

Dayna’s forehead creased. “No. he didn’t have to convince me of that. It’s―”

Samara slapped the lid on the box and shoved it back into the shopping bag. Insides churning, she stood. “Fine. That’s fine. I know you’re still mad at me.”

“Samara. Wait. Don’t do this again. Talk to me.”

“There’s nothing to talk about.”

She gathered up as many bags and boxes as she could carry and climbed the stairs to her bedroom. There she sank onto the side of the bed.

That old familiar burn of jealousy and sting of rejection heated her. Even though she believed both of them when they said nothing had happened, the fact that they were siding against her hurt like a bitch. Her heart tightened, and she pressed a hand between her breasts. She closed her eyes. For so long she’d kept her emotions closed off, focused on school and work and career. Now holes were being ripped in that tight restraint, and she was losing control. She was letting people in when she knew all that would happen was more hurt.

How could it be anything else?

She shouldn’t have had sex with him. She shouldn’t have let her emotions get involved again with him, dammit. She’d opened herself up to him and told him her deepest, most humiliating secret, and now he and her mother were still plotting against her.

When she finally got her emotions under control, she ignored the bags of clothes and shoes cluttering the floor and pulled out her father’s laptop. When Travis had found her with it yesterday, her heart had missed a beat, but he hadn’t recognized it as her father’s; in fact, he’d barely seemed to notice it.

Because all his attention had been focused on her.

She was so damn confused! One minute she was pissed off at him, the next she was all melty inside over him. How could she really know what was going on in his head? They’d both agreed that, even though they were sleeping together, nothing had changed in their little competition to see who would run the company. Her mother said he hadn’t convinced her to vote against Samara. So why did she feel like they were ganging up on her?

She blinked and refocused on her father’s computer. Her father was the only person who had never let her down. Except for now. Now, he was gone too.