Craving Redemption (19 page)

I’m not sure if I said hello, or just kept staring at her, but she smiled genuinely at me and I found myself smiling back.

“So here’s the deal,” she told me, as she put her elbow on the table and leaned her chin on it. “Everyone saw you and your escort this morning—he’s smokin’ hot by the way—and everyone around here tries to keep their distance from shit like that. It’s easier if they just pretend that the Aces don’t exist, know what I mean?”

I was nodding stupidly as she spoke, trying to wrap my mind around the fact that people were actually scared of Asa, so I barely caught what she said next.

“—so we can hang out, if you want to.”

“What? Sorry, I didn’t hear you,” I told her, feeling like an idiot.

“Dude. I’m sitting right in front of you and you’re watching me talk. Pay attention,” she told me seriously. “My mom’s screwing one of the Aces, so I know how you feel. People barely talk to me around here and I grew up with them. They’ve known me for years. I get it. So if you want to hang with me—the offer’s open.”

I was trying to process the fact that Asa was scary and her mom was screwing one of the guys he worked with, so I didn’t say anything back. When she finally huffed out a breath like she was annoyed and went to stand up, I grabbed her forearm to stop her.

“I could definitely use a friend around this place,” I answered her ruefully.

“Great! We can have slumber parties, and paint each other’s nails, and do each other’s hair…” she told me dreamily, her eyes going unfocused as she thought about it.

For a split second I looked at her in horror, wondering what the hell I’d done.

“Ha! I’m dicking with you!” she giggled infectiously at the panic on my face. “We’ll just smoke pot and watch ‘Dazed and Confused’ and you can tell me all about the hot dude that followed you to school today.”

And that’s how I met Farrah.

Chapter 29

Callie

The first night without him was the hardest, and the fact that he was busy as hell didn’t help matters much. I lay in bed that night, listening to every creak and thump in the apartments around ours, and tried not to crawl inside the closet so I could get some relief from my racing heart.

I’d like to say that the next night was easier, but it wasn’t.

The third and fourth nights weren’t any better.

But on the fifth night, something finally clicked—or my body was just too tired to stay awake any longer, because when I got home from school, I fell asleep on the couch. I didn’t wake up until sunlight hit my face through the tiny window in the kitchen.

I hopped up from the couch and ran to the bathroom. Sleeping for sixteen hours was no joke when it came to matters of bodily functions. I didn’t even think about the fact that I’d been radio silent for all that time until I picked up my phone and my heart sank in my chest.

I had forty-seven missed calls and one hundred and four text messages. All of them from Asa and Gram.

I called Asa first.

“Are you okay, Sugar? Where are you?” he roared into the phone. I pulled it away from my face so he wouldn’t burst my eardrums, and when I heard him quiet down a little I brought it back.

“I’m so sorry!” I told him anxiously, “I fell asleep after school and I just woke up!”

“What do you mean you fell asleep after school? It’s Saturday,” he asked , his voice an ominous rumble that made the hairs on the back of my neck tingle.

“I know it’s Saturday, I’m not stupid. I fell asleep yesterday after school and didn’t wake up until today,” I answered, enunciating every word.

“Are you seriously lying to me right now? What the fuck, Callie? That’s like twenty-four hours of sleep.”

“No it’s not. It’s sixteen, and I’m not lying,” I snapped back. I was starting to get a little peeved at that point. I knew he was worried, so I would let him get away with a little pissy behavior, but I couldn’t believe he was accusing me of lying.

“Why the hell would you need to sleep for sixteen hours?” he scoffed back, as if I was being completely ridiculous.

“Because I haven’t slept since you left, you jackass!”

My hand flew to my mouth at the confession, and I berated myself silently as I realized what I’d done. I’d played the happy-go-lucky, well-adjusted girlfriend on the phone that week, and all of the lies and assurances I’d given him were wiped out in an instant.

“Aw, Sugar. I’m sorry you’re not sleeping,” he crooned quietly, his bad attitude completely vanished. “What’s keeping you up? You scared or are you having a hard time shutting your brain off?”

“A little of both, I guess,” I confessed, “but it’s getting better.”

“Shit, Callie, I wish I could be there,” he complained. “I’ve got some shit going down the next two weeks, but I may be able to come down for a couple days the week after.”

“Okay, that sounds awesome!” I exclaimed, and the excitement in my voice had him laughing quietly. “Hey—I better get off of here and call Gram. She’s been blowing up my phone all night.”

“Yeah, I bet. I called her last night,” he warned, and then I heard him sigh, “I was getting ready to get on my bike and come looking for you.”

“Well, damn,” I huffed in mock annoyance. “I should’ve slept for another hour.”

“Not funny, Calliope. I’ll call you later, yeah?”

We said our goodbyes as the background noise on his phone got louder, and once we hung up I wondered what he was doing. It sounded like he was surrounded by people, but I wasn’t confident enough to ask about it. I didn’t want him to think I was checking up on him or something ridiculous like that.

My phone call to Gram sounded eerily similar to the one with Asa, but thankfully, Gram said that she would be headed up to check out my place later in the week after she dropped Cody at the airport. It filled me with relief that she was coming to see me, but it also made my stomach drop to know that Cody was headed back across the country and what that meant.

The coroner had finally released my parents’ bodies and my parents were getting their funeral.

On one hand, I was glad that they were no longer being poked and prodded in some sterile lab, but on the other, it was gut-wrenching to know that their time was finally coming to a close. Soon they’d be buried in the ground, and I struggled with the fact that I wouldn’t be there to say my goodbyes.

I’d never gotten to say goodbye.

It also made me sick to my stomach when I thought of the way I’d been so focused on Asa and my new life. I’d pushed my parents’ gruesome death to the back of my mind so I could just get through each day, and I’d latched on to new problems in order to hide the old ones. Because of this, I’d been projecting all of my angst onto things that weren’t impossible to change. I could never get my parents back, they were completely lost to me—but I could change the situation with Asa even if I was refusing to do so.

Knowing that the things I was upset about could change if I wanted them to gave me a sense of control—the control I’d lost when I took that drink at that party. If I just kept my mind on matters that were easily rectified, I could lock the door on things that I knew could never be fixed.

Missing my boyfriend, and choosing that to be my solid focus, made me feel normal in a life that was far from it.

So that’s what I did.

I got up that day, did my laundry, and took a shower. I went along living a life that I’d never envisioned for myself, and pretended not to know that my parents were being buried just three days later.

Instead, I thought about Asa, what he was doing, and why there were so many people with him when I’d talked to him on the phone.

It wasn’t until I was in bed that night, lying in the quiet, that I thought about my parents and how much I missed them. Then, once I’d pulled the blankets up and over my head, I let the tears and gut-wrenching sobs envelop me.

Sorrow was such a small word for such a huge emotion.

Chapter 30

Callie

I woke up Tuesday morning with a feeling of dread.

Holy God, my parents were going to be buried that day and I wasn’t there. I wondered if they knew what was happening, if they’d understand why I wasn’t there for Cody and Gram. I had a feeling that they’d be relieved that I was out of danger even though they wouldn’t be too pleased about my living arrangements. I curled further into my blankets and let quiet tears run over the bridge of my nose and into the hair at my temples. I missed them—even their overprotectiveness that had plagued me for as long as I could remember.

I didn’t move when the alarm went off beside my bed, letting the grating beep go on and on until it finally quieted. I wasn’t sure what time it was, but it didn’t really matter anyway—I wasn’t getting out of bed. If the day of my parents’ funeral wasn’t cause for a day off, I wasn’t sure what was. Instead, I reached under my pillow for my cell phone and sent off a quick text to Farrah.

“
Not going to school today”

“Y?”

“Sick”

“Bullshit! Just saw you yesterday.”

“Text you later”

“WTF?”

I tried to fall back asleep, hoping that it would make the day pass quickly, but thirty minutes later there was a pounding on my front door. My heart raced and my entire body froze. I couldn’t think of any reason that someone would be at my door. Only Asa’s friends knew where I lived and I hadn’t seen them since he left.

I opened up my phone quietly to call Asa when I heard a familiar voice yelling.

“I know you’re in there!” Knock. Knock. Knock. “Open up, Callie! I better see vomit!”

Farrah’s yelling and knocking escalated as I stumbled my way into the living room. I wasn’t sure how she found out where I lived, but I wanted to hug her for showing up.

I opened up the door, almost getting punched in the face as I caught her mid-knock.

“Damn, girl. You look like shit,” she told me as she pushed her way inside. “But you’re not
sick
.”

I shut the door behind her, flipping the two deadbolts I’d begged Asa to install before he left. I’d never again be caught unaware by someone coming into my house.

“So, what’s up? That Ace hottie drop you?” she asked me, dropping onto the couch.

I laughed a little at her guess; little did she know she was sitting on his furniture.

“No, he’s fine. Still in Oregon, though,” I replied, walking into the kitchen to brew some coffee. If I was going to be staying awake, I needed a boost.

“Well, what’s the deal? You look like someone kicked your dog,” she asked in an exasperated tone, following me in and taking a seat at one of our barstools.

“My parents’ funeral is today,” I answered quietly, deciding to just rip of the metaphorical band-aid. If she was staying, she’d have to know eventually. I didn’t think I’d be able to keep it together for long.

She was silent behind me, and I gave her a minute to let the news sink in before turning around to face her. By the time I was looking at her again, she’d wiped all surprise off her face but was looking at me with sympathetic eyes.

“A gang in San Diego broke into our house and shot them while I hid in the closet,” I explained, not sure where the verbal diarrhea was coming from, but feeling an immense sense of relief from just saying the words out loud. I hadn’t been keeping it a secret, but it felt like one.

“Dang. Tough break,” she told me seriously, and I couldn’t help the snort that made its way out of my nose. Tough break? God, she was so unflappable.

I think that’s why I’d chosen to tell her. She’d seen pretty much everything while living with her mother.

We spent the day watching movies and eating everything in the house. The movies didn’t keep my mind off what was happening, but the marijuana she’d brought with her did a pretty admirable job. By mutual agreement, we didn’t discuss my situation with Asa. She had to have been really curious, but she didn’t ask. I think she was used to not being able to ask questions about things—living occasionally with her Ace quasi stepdad made sure of that.

However, by the afternoon, I was dying to discuss stuff with her. I wanted to know her opinion on everything—my relationship, the weird living arrangement, and Asa’s job.

“So, he just… claimed you and then moved your ass up here?” she asked lazily, rolling her head against the back of the couch until she was looking at me.

“Yup. Just like that,” I replied, trying and failing to snap my fingers in emphasis.

“Yeah, he fucked up.” She nodded slowly.

“What’s
that
supposed to mean?” I gasped, offended.

“Not about you, idiot.” She waved her hands in front of her. “He never shoulda left you down there in the first place. He shoulda made sure you were safe first.”

“Well…” I paused, thinking over her words and then answering strongly, “he couldn’t have known what would happen.”

She watched me closely for a few seconds and then turned her face back toward the TV.

“Sure. You’re right,” she stated, already focusing on the movie.

“Do you think it’s weird, me living here and him just coming to visit once in a while—even though he’s paying for everything?” I asked, pulling her attention back to me.

“I wouldn’t know. I mean, we only see Gator once in a while… but he’s got a wife,” she replied distractedly, not realizing that each word she spoke was like a slap in the face.

I took a minute to control my facial expression, fiddling with the blanket I’d dragged off my bed to cuddle with. I didn’t want her to see that I felt like shit at her comment. Did Asa have a wife? He seemed too young for it, but he could easily have a girlfriend in Eugene. Or… an old lady. That’s what the guys had called their significant others when they’d visited.

There wasn’t any way to become emotional without making it seem like I thought Farrah’s mom was a slut, so I made myself think of other things.

“Your mom’s boyfriend is named Gator?” I asked her, with a small laugh.

“Yeah, how fucking stupid is that?”

A few hours later, she had to leave to take her car home so her mom could drive to work. I wasn’t sure what her mom did for a living, but I’d seen her once before and I wouldn’t have been surprised if she was a stripper. The fact that Farrah stayed home alone most nights made me feel even more connected to her. We were two teenage girls that had to play grown-up every day when school got out, and knowing that she was living a similar life made me feel less alone.