Crave the Darkness (28 page)

Chapter 28

I
refused to leave The Pit until Levi confirmed my appointment with his ex, Pamela. But now we had a plan in place. Levi instructed me to come alone, thirty hours from now, to where her coven met in Pioneer Square, an old abandoned retail space that the coven had had reclassified as a religious sanctuary. I tried to argue that my time frame didn’t allow for thirty hours of waiting, but Levi countered that Pamela would need the moon to be in a certain phase, at the perfect position to draw on etheric energy—whatever
that
was—and so forth. He instructed me to get as much detailed information from Anya as I could about Kade, his pregnant female who’d died, and anything else she thought might be pertinent. This would be no time for secrets, and though I knew that Anya deserved to be left alone so she could grieve for her husband, her life was on the line and I had to act. Now.

By the time I trudged through Xander’s front door, the sun was about to rise. Stifling—much too warm—the gray hour of dawn brushed against my senses like someone was trying to roll me up in a wool blanket. I wanted to shut myself up in my room and pray that when I woke, all of this would just be a nightmare. The soft sound of Anya’s sobs filtered down from the second story of Xander’s mansion, echoing into eerie silence like the wails of a haunting spirit. As I took the stairs, my bare feet weighed me down as if made of lead. I could barely boast the people skills of a Rottweiler, so I wasn’t quite sure how to act or what to say when I finally got to her apartment suite.

Louella, Julian, and Myles stood watch outside of Anya’s door, just like I’d asked. I breathed a sigh of relief, glad that I could count on them to follow orders. I tried not to think about Asher and the fact that he defied me every opportunity he got. I could only hope that he’d done as I asked and escorted Tyler and Adira back to his apartment. Right now, they needed protection just as much as Anya did. “How is she?” I asked in a hushed tone as I approached the group.

“The king is with her now,” Louella said quietly. “She’s been inconsolable, and he seems to be the only one who can calm her.”

Xander said that he loved Anya like a sister. Aside from Dimitri, I’d never seen Anya being social with any other members of Xander’s staff. In fact, I’d never really seen her be social with
anyone
. Just one more personality trait that we shared. What I was about to do wasn’t going to be fun. “Stay out here,” I said. “Julian, check in with Liam and get an update on the situation at Tyler’s for me.”

“Can do,” he said as I pushed open Anya’s door.

The room was completely dark. Despite the fact that the sun was just about to crest the horizon, the heavy drapes had been drawn to prevent any light from seeping in. Anya sat on the couch, curled into a ball, resting her head on Xander’s chest. He absently passed his hand down the length of her unbound hair as he murmured in her ear. His rich voice accented the cadence of the words he spoke to her in Russian. And though I couldn’t understand a word of it, I got the gist of his comforting tone all the same.

My heart lurched in my chest at Xander’s compassion. He seemed so much more real to me in this moment. Not just the king: haughty, entitled, gorgeous to a fault and arrogant enough to brag about it. Now he seemed so selfless, softer somehow. His voice infused me with calm and I wondered if it had the same effect on Anya. “Anya . . .” My own voice broke, the total opposite of calm. Palms slick with sweat, I wiped them on the ball gown and twisted the ring on my thumb nervously. A chill raced up my arm as if the ring were somehow angry with me. Did it perhaps echo Tyler’s emotions?

“All I asked is that you protect him.” Her sorrowful words were muffled by Xander’s shirt. “While you played my king and that bastard Jinn against one another, Kade slipped in without notice! You killed him, Darian!
You
let Dimitri die!” She choked on the words that were followed by more of the wracking sobs that made my gut knot up.

Xander’s gaze met mine, glowing like warm embers in the dark room. He didn’t have to use words to express what he was trying to say; I could read it on his face:
She doesn’t mean that. She’s consumed with grief. She’s lashing out. Forgive her
. “You’re right, Anya. This
is
my fault.”

Xander’s eyes widened a fraction of an inch, but otherwise he didn’t react to my statement. Of course, he’d tell me later not to blame myself, that none of this was my fault, blah, blah, blah. But I’d never stop feeling guilty, or considering myself responsible for what had happened tonight. “Xander, do you think Anya and I could have a few minutes alone?” I asked, knowing that I had a snowball’s chance in hell of getting her to open up to me. “I need to talk to her privately.”

He gave me a look like he really,
really
didn’t think that was a good idea. Anya pulled away, assessing me with a slightly less contemptuous look than I expected. “I have nothing to say to you.”

“Anya . . .” Jesus, how to proceed? “You heard Kade. Forty-eight hours. It’s time to end this. Let me help you.” I paused, glanced down at her bloodstained dress. “Let me help your child. Dimitri’s child. Please.”

“Five minutes.” She sniffed. “And no more.”

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Xander looked at Anya, but I knew the question was directed at me. “You’re overwrought . . .”

“I want to talk to her,” she said. “But”—she reached out and grabbed on to Xander’s shirtsleeve—“will you come back when she leaves?”

Xander brought Anya’s hand to his lips and gently kissed her knuckles. “Of course. I’ll be right outside the door if you need me.”

As he walked past me, Xander reached out and took my hand in his. He didn’t stop, just let my fingers brush through his palm as he walked. I turned my head, watching from the corner of my eye as he left the room. The High King was many things, but heartless, he wasn’t.

“The death rites will be performed tomorrow at midnight,” Anya said through another round of tears. She sniffed and cleared her throat as if steeling herself against emotion in my presence. When she spoke again, she was the stone-cold bitch from our first meeting. “I won’t be able to participate,” she said, flatly. “Because of my pregnancy, I am prevented from sending my husband’s soul to the afterlife.”

I’d never been to a Shaede funeral, and I couldn’t help but wonder what had been done with Azriel’s body and
soul
after I’d killed him. “Why?” I probably shouldn’t have pushed her, but I wanted to know. “What’s going to prevent you?”

“My pregnancy prevents me from joining with the shadows.” Anya gave a sad laugh. “I must remain corporeal until the child is born.”

I put two and two together, deducing that the death rites revolved around leaving the physical body behind. Probably metaphorical for something. It made me hate myself even more for failing to keep Dimitri alive. “I failed him,” I said, coming to stand beside her. “I let you down, and I’ll never forgive myself for what happened tonight. Nothing I can do will make amends, I know. But I’m going to protect you no matter what. I just—I need your help.”

“What? Too weak and foolish to do the job on your own, Darian?” Tears glistened in Anya’s violet eyes but didn’t spill over her lashes. “I always knew that bringing you into our fold would be our undoing. If only my king had listened to me.”

If only
. “Anya,” I pleaded, “
help
me. I know you’d just as soon kick me as give me a hand, but if I’m going to have any chance of beating Kade, I need you.”

Anya snorted. “Xander puts too much faith in you. But not me. I
knew
you’d let me down. You’re worthless.”

“That’s enough, Anya.” Xander strode through the door and slammed it behind him. One of the drawbacks to superhuman hearing is the fact that conversations are rarely private. “You are grieving, so I will forgive your thoughtless words. But know that future disparages against Darian will not be tolerated.”

“She let him die!” she shouted through a fresh round of tears.

“She did nothing of the sort,” Xander said with a sad shake of his head. “Did you not see how she fought to get to Dimitri?”

Anya bit down on her bottom lip to still its quaking. “She promised me she’d keep him safe.”

“And she did everything in her power.”

I really hated being talked about right in front of my face. Xander’s rationalizing wasn’t getting me any of the information I needed and it certainly wasn’t doing anything to assuage Anya’s grief. She’d lost her husband just hours ago. She deserved every bit of the rage she felt. And if she wanted to take it out on me, I was more than happy to be her punching bag. “Xander, I don’t need you to stand up for me.” He gave me an incredulous look so I added, “Not that I don’t appreciate it. Look, I’ll meet you in your room when I’m done here, okay?” I , okay?looked to Anya for concurrence. “Would that be all right with you?”

She gave a solemn nod of her head and I turned back to Xander. “Please. Leave us.”

It wasn’t a question so much as a request. Xander’s interference was making an already bad situation worse. I walked—okay,
pushed
—Xander to the door and ushered him out. “I can take care of myself,” I whispered. “Go away.” I shut the door in his face without another word. “Can you say,
high-handed
?” I asked in an attempt at levity as I walked back to the couch.

“He’s the king,” Anya said, her voice monotone. “It’s his right.”

“If you say so.” Damn, this was hard for me. I wanted to offer my condolences, tell Anya how sorry I was for her loss. I wish I hadn’t been so closed off from the world for so long. Because now more than ever, I didn’t want to come across as an insensitive bitch. “I really liked Dimitri.”

One corner of Anya’s mouth turned up. “He liked you, too.”

“I have a plan. I know how to take Kade down. But I can’t get to him without your help.”

“What do you want to know?” Anya asked, scooting over to offer me a place on the couch.

“Let’s start with this demon bible,” I said as I sat down, “and go from there.”

* * *

As I walked down the hall to Xander’s room, I processed everything Anya told me. What Kade had really been after was the book. I’d had a sneaking suspicion. A coldhearted bastard like Kade wouldn’t have gone after Anya simply over a broken heart. That was just his excuse. Anya had kept the demon bible—a sort of esoteric insider’s guide to the Incubus world—after she’d stolen it from Kade’s father. Trouble was, it was thousands of miles away, in the keeping of someone she trusted. Plus, according to Anya, she’d never been able to open the damn thing. It had some sort of magical lock that prevented anyone except for maybe Kade’s father from getting a look inside. We’d negotiate with Kade if we had to. Give him the location of the book. But she and Dimitri had agreed long ago that if the contents of the codex were so well protected that no one could get past the locks, it probably contained information that would be dangerous in the hands of someone like Kade. In fact, as he lay bleeding on the ballroom floor, Dimitri made his wife promise that she’d never give Kade the book, no matter what. So out of respect for her husband’s wishes, I promised Anya we’d give up its location only as a last resort.

Not an option I was particularly excited about.

Demon bibles aside, Anya had given me all the ammo I needed against Kade and then some. I had his dead female’s name and stats down to a T. And I hit the jackpot when she’d managed to find me a picture to give to Levi’s ex. I felt confident that I’d have more than enough to offer Pamela when I met with her tomorrow. I was going to stop that Cambion bastard. No one else was going to die at his hands.

It was already nine in the morning, and most of Xander’s household staff had been up and working for hours. I entered the king’s suite wanting nothing more than a few moments of peace so I could get my thoughts in order and maybe get a few hours’ sleep before preparations for Dimitri’s funeral began.

“How is she?” Xander’s quiet voice seemed to encircle me.

“Sleeping,” I said. “But you should check in on her soon.”

“I’ll let her rest for a while,” he said. “How are
you
?”

I didn’t even know how to answer. Exhausted . . . frustrated . . . confused . . . angry as hell . . . disappointed in myself . . . the list went on and on. “I let everyone down,” I said. “Anya’s right, Xander. You shouldn’t have put your faith in me.”

“Darian . . .” The Shaede King’s arms wrapped around my waist, and he brought me against his chest. He smelled like the forest after a hard rain. “You aren’t some superhero. You must accept that there will be disappointments in life. Good men die, and sometimes the villain wins. It has nothing to do with you letting anyone down. It’s simply the nature of this life. You have to learn to take the good with the bad.”

He put his hands on my shoulders to put me at arms’ distance. He bent down, his face close to mine and stared into my eyes. “Breathe, Darian. Clear your mind of worry.”

“I can’t.” Jesus, I couldn’t breathe. My lungs refused to work. “Oh, god, Xander. How could I have let him just stroll in like that and slit Dimitri’s throat?” As I drew in tight little breaths, I wondered if I’d pass out. For weeks—no for months—my world had felt like it was spinning out of control. And after years of holding on so tightly and exercising complete control over my life, I felt more lost than ever. Losing Dimitri and witnessing the destruction of Anya’s happy life was my breaking point. The pain—the outright injustice of it all—was just too damn much.