CRAVE (9 page)

“Did you know your name?”

He debated about whether or not to tell the truth, but decided to keep it simple. “No. I asked the female. She told me I’m Crave.”

“Did any of the people who were here earlier seem familiar?” He shook his head no. She pointed to the things Dandy had collected. “How about these things? Does anything here mean something special to you?”

“No. Nothing and no one is familiar. Nothing and no one is recognizable.”

“But you recognize Newland by the view out the window.”

“Yes.”

Dr. Reising could see that Crave was beginning to get a little agitated.

“Let’s talk about something else. Do you remember what you did before you were captured?”

Crave’s eyes darted around like he was searching for a memory. “Sort of. I think I was a fighter.”

“Why do you think that?”

“I think I have memories of training exercises. Drills. And scrimmages.” In his mind he saw flashes of mock battles with his peers, but their faces weren’t clear.

She nodded. “Did any of the people who were here talk about your relationship to them?”

“The female told me the scarred woman is my mother and the tall man is my father. I learned I have a brother when this chair was brought in.”

“How did that make you feel?”

“Like they expect something from me that I can’t give.”

“That’s understandable. Do you think you want to remember?”

He cocked his head to the side. “I don’t know about that. I know I want to get out of here.”

“Let’s talk about that then. If you walked out of here today, what do you imagine you’d do with your freedom?”

“What are my options?”

Dr. Reising laughed and Crave liked the sound of it. He hadn’t seen a person smile since he woke up.

“That’s a good question,” she said. “Since I don’t live here, I don’t know the answer.”

“I had bacon and cinnamon rolls. The woman with the scars made them and brought them earlier.”

“Did you ask for that?”

“Yeah.”

“Why do you think you asked for that?”

“I guess I liked it. Before.”

Dr. Reising nodded. “I suspect you did.” She looked at Crave for a few beats and seemed to make up her mind about something. “Your people went to war to get you back, Crave. Your mind and body had experienced too much stress while you were captive and you snapped. They built this facility to keep you safe and keep others safe from you.”

“You’re saying I was crazy.”

“I wouldn’t put it like that, but yes.”

“How long?”

“It’s been almost three months.” She paused to let that sink in before she continued. “There are people here who love you very much. There are others who have known you all your life. They’re not going to understand that you don’t know them. Do you think you can live with that?”

“Is there an alternative?”

“Not at the moment.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means that matters of the mind are tricky. You may never get your memory back. You may get bits and pieces as time goes on. Or one day, for no apparent reason, it could all be restored in an instant. I wish I could tell you something more conclusive, but that’s all I got.”

He smiled at the sudden casualness of her speech. “Thank you for telling me the truth.”

She’d been carefully evaluating Crave’s body language, facial expression, and every aspect of verbal communication for clues to his stability.

“I’m satisfied that you should be reintroduced into Exiled society, but I’d like you to go slow. Whenever, if ever, you begin feeling overwhelmed, I need your promise that you will extricate yourself from that situation and return to a place where you feel in control. Like a room of your own where people won’t bother you. I’ll instruct your family to make sure you have such a place.”

He nodded. “Does that mean you’re letting me go?”

She smiled. “You’re a free man on one condition. I want to have conversations with you twice a week for a while. Will you agree to that?”

Crave grinned. “Small price to pay, doc.”

She rose from her chair. “Wait here while I have a brief talk with the people waiting outside. Then someone will be in to let you go.”

He smirked. “Wait here?” Each hand grasped a vertical iron bar on either side of his body. “Don’t think I’m going anywhere.”

Dr. Reising smiled again. Every time Crave spoke she was more convinced that lock-up was no longer in his best interest. She hoped she wasn’t wrong because a powerful creature like Crave could potentially do a lot of damage.

When she emerged from the recently constructed Newland jail, the little crowd outside gathered around her, eager for her evaluation.

She pulled her long sweater tighter and wished she’d brought something heavier. She couldn’t help but notice that, either the Exiled weren’t as sensitive to the biting wind or they did a better job of covering their discomfort.

She looked to Free. “Can we go someplace out of the wind to talk for a minute?”

Free looked surprised by the question, but quickly recovered the in-control expression he usually wore. He looked at Cage. “Will you stay back? I’ll catch you up after.”

Cage nodded and didn’t look the least bothered about being tagged for guard duty.

“Let’s go to my house,” Free said to the others.

Ten people crowded into the kitchen. Serene put two kettles on the stove to heat for tea. She was good at listening while she busied herself with tasks and knew she wouldn’t miss anything by offering hospitality.

Six people sat at the table, while the others either stood or helped get cups for tea. Free gave Dr. Reising his usual seat at the end of the table.

“Thank you,” she said. “I know you’re eager for news and I apologize for making you wait. The take-away is this. Except for his selective recall, he’s doing very well. Judging from what you’ve told me about the trauma, which we haven’t yet begun to address, I’m pleased with the progress.”

The steam kettles whistled, one right after the other. While Joy and Serene began filling cups, Dr. Reising continued. Serene set the extra cinnamon rolls that she’d made earlier in the middle of the table. Charming and Carnal’s crew practically dove for them.

Clearly entertained by the scuffle, Reising waited for it to be over and then said, “First, I’m going to want to see him twice a week, partly to monitor progress and partly to draw him out about the experience with the Rautt. I told him it was a condition of release and he agreed.”

“Why do you need to do that?” Serene asked as she poured tea for the doctor. “Wouldn’t it be better for him to not remember?”

“I can see why you’d think that,” she said. “It seems logical. But the fact that he’s not actively recalling doesn’t mean those memories are gone. They’re temporarily hidden from his consciousness, just under the surface, but they’re still there.”

She took a sip of tea.

“Hmmm. This is good. Thank you. Look at it like this. It’s like having an infection. We don’t want to wait for it to fester underneath the skin. We want to force it to the surface so we can lance the boil and release the pus.”

Though Exiled weren’t known for being squeamish, that image caused both Easy and Yellow to stop chewing and look at the rolls in their hands like they’d just become unappetizing.

“If one or more of those memories surfaced without warning, it could be dangerous to the people around him.” Everyone in the room fell silent, considering that.

Dandy’s quiet voice pierced the heavy atmosphere from where she stood in the corner, arms folded in front of her mid-section. “He has dreams,” she said. “Bad dreams.”

Dr. Reising nodded. “Not surprising. So I guess the question is for you.” Her eyes moved around the room. “It’s a double-bind situation. Releasing him is not without risk to the community, but I don’t think he’ll progress very fast being kept in confinement.

“If you decide you’re willing to take the risk, he definitely needs to be restricted to Newland. For now.”

There was no sound in the room as Dr. Reising let that challenge hang in the air while she took another sip of tea and eyed the empty platter where cinnamon rolls had been.

Serene picked up on that and said, “Oh. Would you like a cinnamon roll? I can make more and they’ll be ready in, ah, half an hour?”

Reising smiled. “Maybe next time. They did smell divine, but I need to finish up here and get back to the city. Duty calls.”

Free spoke up. “You said ‘first’. What’s second?”

“This one is tricky. I don’t even know if it’s possible to get the cooperation of an entire community in keeping a secret, but ideally, I think it would be best for Crave if he remembers his brother’s death and his mother’s, ah, injury on his own. Without prompting. If that’s too much to ask, we’ll deal with it, but in a perfect world, he shouldn’t have to confront that until he’s strong enough psychologically.”

Free looked at her like she’d just said something outrageous. “A perfect world,” he repeated, as if she’d just claimed the cow jumped over the moon. He looked at Serene then Charming and at each of Carnal’s crew, one by one. They nodded assent. “We’re going to have to keep him in the cell until everybody can be notified, but it shouldn’t take long. Charming, you go to the city and make sure the word’s been passed to everybody working down there.” He looked at Carnal’s crew. “You know what to do. In thirty minutes we’re opening the cell. Get it done.”

They nodded and headed for the front door on a mission to make sure every Newland resident was an active participant in the conspiracy of silence.

Crave stood with cat-like stillness, listening for any sound that would indicate someone was approaching the door, coming to deliver good news or bad. There was a chair nearby, but he was too anxious to sit.

He had no idea what he would do with freedom once he had it. He just knew he wanted two things: out and choices. If he got out, he’d sort through the choices. All he heard, for what seemed like a very long time, were sounds of popping from logs releasing moisture as they burned, and the relentless wind coming in gusts from the south. Beyond the bars he could see that even the window glass rippled at the force of the gale.

He could read disappointment on the faces of the strangers who claimed to have ties to him, but he couldn’t manage to feel bad about it. They were all just strangers. Faces he’d never seen before and, frankly, none of them looked like people he would seek out and choose to get to know better.

He didn’t really want to agree to meet with that human doctor twice a week either, but it was a relatively small price to pay for freedom.

His head jerked in the direction of the door, eyes focused on the latch as it was pulled upward to admit someone from outside. Who would it be?

It was the male identified as his father, Free. And he had a key in his hand.

“Crave,” he said in his deep gravelly voice, “you’re free with a couple of conditions. For now you stay on Exiled property and you meet with Dr. Reising two times every week. Give me your word and I’m opening the door.”

“I agree.”

Free inserted the key into the large, heavy-duty lock and turned. When he pulled, the door opened outward. Then he took a step back.

“We have a place for you to stay. No expectations.”

Crave nodded, but said nothing. Free returned his nod. “This way.”

Outside, a couple of people were waiting, including the girl who’d been sleeping on the floor outside his cell when he’d first awakened. He glanced at her, but his gaze didn’t linger. She had eyes that somehow managed to be sad and hopeful at the same time. He didn’t like the way she looked at him. Although she said nothing, she made him feel like she desperately needed something from him. If that something was a casual coupling, he would oblige without question. She was appealing enough, nice curves, pretty face, but her expression said she wanted a lot more than that.

Crave walked next to Free through the middle of the settlement toward the Extant’s house that sat at the north end. He took everything in on the way. Some people they passed greeted him like they knew him. He said hello, but couldn’t muster enthusiasm for much beyond that.