Crashing Into You (27 page)

The waiter asked for my ID
and I happily showed it to him, the real one. When he stepped to the back of
the restaurant, I clapped my hands together, and smiled at Evan. “Now I can get
this night started!”

He didn't smile back. “Syd,
are you okay?”

“Yeah, why?”

“You just ordered a Jack and
Coke. You do realize that, right?”

I pressed my elbows against
the counter and clicked my tongue at the top of my mouth. “I just turned
twenty-one, Evan. It's Friday night, and I've had a tough week. Can't I have a
little fun?”

“Yeah, of
course
you can. I want you to.” He bit
down on his bottom lip and looked away from me. “But…”

“But what?”

He shrugged. “All right. If
that's what you want, then go for it.”

The waiter dropped off our
drinks, and I guzzled down the Jack and Coke in a matter of seconds. Evan
hadn’t even taken a sip of his soda yet.

“Whoa, whoa, easy,” he said.

I pounded the glass against the
counter, and said, “Another, please.”

The waiter glared at me, and
set his elbows down on the counter. “Just one more,” he said, and headed to the
back, again. “This isn't a bar, ma'am.”

“I understand! I really
appreciate it, sir—”

“
Sydney
.” Evan grabbed my arm. “What the fuck.”

“Excuse me?” I flung my arm
away from him, and shifted to the other end of the stool.

“What are you doing? Ever
since I picked you up tonight, you've been acting so weird. And now you're
sucking down mixed drinks? Is this the real you, or have I been dating someone
else?”

The waiter brought me a
second Jack and Coke, much to my delight. I took two big gulps, and set the
glass down. “You would know, wouldn't you?”

“What's that supposed to
mean?” Evan asked.

“You like when there’s
different versions of people out there, don't you, Evan? If one dies, no big
deal. Just move on to the next.”

He put his hands up in the
air, stupefied. “Okay, I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

I tapped my fingers against
the counter, then pushed my second drink to the side. “I figured you wouldn't.
Listen. I don't think I can do this anymore.”

“You can’t do what?”

I sighed. I couldn't play
this game for another second. “I
saw
you!” I took a long pause, and let the three words seep into his skull. “Okay? I
saw you with Michelle.”

“What? When?”

“
Today
, dumbass!”

He crossed his arms, and sat
upright. “Today? How? You don't even have classes on Friday.”

“I don't, but I had to get my
parking registration, I told you that on the phone. You lied to me, Evan. You
said you were at your internship all day.”

“I was. I mean, I wasn't
lying...” He licked his lips, a touch frantically, and said, “The office closed
at noon today, so I had the afternoon free.”

“So instead of calling me,
you went and hung out with Melanie, part two.”

“Melanie, part
what
?”

“You heard me.” I took the
last gulp of the drink, and looked him straight in the eye. “Are you having sex
with her?”

He glanced at the other
patrons. People were starting to stare at us. “Syd, we shouldn't be talking
about this here—”

“So you are. You know what?”
I pushed away from the stool and headed to the exit door. “You can eat by
yourself. I’m going home.”

“Syd, wait!” He threw some
cash on the counter and followed me outside.

My feet struck the rocky gravel
that ran up alongside busy Pico Boulevard. I started marching, toward a bus
stop, a cab, anything that would take me away from this place.

“Syd, come on,” Evan said,
and reached for my arm. I swatted him away, but he stayed close behind. “Come
on, don’t do this.”

“Stay away from me,” I said.

“It’s not what you think! Michelle
and I are just friends. I
love
you.”

I finally stopped, and spun
around. I stared into his eyes, and said, “She looks… just like Melanie.”

“You think I don’t know
that?”

“I mean,
exactly
the fucking same. Do you understand that?”

Evan pushed his hands against
his hips. “Well… she got that haircut...”

I ignored his comment. “How
do you think that makes me feel, Evan? The only reason I get to even be with
you, is because Melanie died. And it sickens me.” My eyes welled up with tears.
I tried to suppress them, but with no luck. “And it’s made this really hard.
Because every time you look at me, I wonder if you’re wishing she was alive, if
you're wishing I was her.”

He shook his head. “That’s
not true. You know that’s not true.”

“And now, with her sister
around, it’s like my worst nightmare realized. You want Melanie back... and
there she is. It's like she never left.” A tear trickled down my cheek. I
turned my head, and wiped it away.

“Hey,” he said. “Hey, come
here.” He pulled me close. “I loved Melanie. But now I love you. And when we're
together, and when we're not together, all I think about is
you
. I promise.”

I still couldn’t look him in
the eyes. I glanced to my right, at all the cars rushing past. They were a big,
scary blur.

“You say that, Evan… but…”

“I’ll prove it to you, okay? I
was trying to be Michelle's friend. She's been through a lot this summer, and I
wanted to reach out and be someone she could turn to. But if me spending time
with her makes you uncomfortable, then... it's over.” He snapped his fingers.
“Just like that. I'll tell her I don't want to see her anymore. You're the one
I love, Syd. And I don't want to lose you.”

“Evan...” The whole world was
spinning. I blinked a few times, tried to focus on something. I looked at the traffic
light up ahead. “You don’t have to do that just for me.”

“I want to. I want to make
this work between us.”

The cars passed by faster and
faster. The signal in the distance turned from green to red. “Oh Evan…”

He smiled. “What?”

“I’m gonna... I'm gonna throw
up.”

I ran to a bed of bushes on
the other side of the gravel and dropped to my knees. I gripped the sharp wire
fence in front of me, opened my mouth wide, and spewed all over the ground. I upchucked
once, twice, three times.
 

I fell to my back, and peered
up at the smoggy evening stars.

“Syd?” Evan said, crouching
down beside me. “Oh God, are you all right? Let me help you up.”

“Wait,” I said. “Just give me
a minute.”

I put my arms above my head
and stared up at the sky. After a few serene seconds, Evan hunched over me, and
blocked my view. His face was all blurry.

He could have been anyone.

Chapter 31

Monday.

I rolled over and reached out
for Evan. Pressed my hand on the other pillow, on the opposite side of the bed.
But he wasn’t there.

I started my morning with a
shower, then got dressed and headed out to the kitchen for breakfast. Lukas was
already at the table, reading his Entertainment Weekly and eating his typical sugar-loaded
cereal.

I heated myself up some
oatmeal and took a seat across from him. “So where have you been all weekend? I
haven't seen you.”

“Yes, that’s right.” He
didn’t look up at me.

“You been busy?”

“Maybe.”

“Yeah?” I asked. “With anyone
in particular?”

He finally shifted his gaze
from the magazine to me. His face turned an adorable red. “Maybe…”

I had been wishing all week that
they would get back together. I so wanted Lukas to be happy. But I still needed
confirmation. “Yeah? You and Robert wouldn't have a date tonight, would you?”

He put his spoon down. When
he smiled, a yellow moon marshmallow glistened from his front two teeth. “It
is
Monday, isn’t it?”

“Oh my God! Lukas!” I jumped
out of my chair and gave him a big, violent hug. “I’m so happy for you!”

“Thanks,” he said. “I’m
really happy, too.”

“You guys are perfect for
each other.” I sat back down, and pushed my bowl aside. I was too excited to
eat. “If you hadn’t worked things out with Robert, I would have given up hope
for
all
romance in this world, I
swear.”

“Yeah, we had a good chat on
Saturday. I couldn't really feel him out at first, but then the conversation
led to some kissing, and then that led to more kissing...”

I grinned, and leaned forward
against the table. “So you're not on a break anymore.”

“Of course not,” he said. "We're
in the best place we've ever been.” And then Lukas did something he rarely ever
did: he got up, and hugged
me
. “Thank
you, Sydney.”

“Me? For what?”

“You know. For getting me to
come to my senses. If I'd messed up what I had with Robert...” He stepped back,
and grabbed hold of my hands. “Guess what I told him yesterday.”

It took me a few seconds. But
then it came to me. “No. You didn’t.”

He nodded. “I told him I
loved him.”

“Oh my God,
Lukas
.” I wrapped my arms around him,
again, and this time pressed my face against his bony chest. “That's amazing.
What’d he say?”

“He said he loved me, too.” I
looked up, just in time to see his eyes sparkle with a teary glaze.

I shook my head, and said, “You’ve
wanted this for so long. No one deserves this more than you. You know that,
right?”

He bit down on his lower lip,
and blushed.

I grabbed my bowl and dropped
it in the sink. “We should totally celebrate tonight. I was thinking I’d make a
salmon pasta dish, I’ve had that fish in the freezer since the day we moved
in…”

“Uhh, but it’s Monday,
remember?”

My eyes widened. “Oh! That's
right, you’ve got your date.” I crossed my arms and leaned against the kitchen
counter. “Wouldn't want to break tradition.”

“You know it.” Lukas glanced
at the clock on the wall and headed toward his bedroom. “It's almost nine, you
about ready?”

“Yep! I'm all set.”

He grabbed his backpack and a
long-sleeved shirt, then returned to the main hallway. Instead of walking to
the door, however, he started inspecting the living room, started looking under
each piece of furniture.

“What is it?” I asked.

“Have you seen my umbrella? I
thought I put it over by the lamp.”

“I haven’t seen it, no. What
do you need an umbrella for?”

“Have you looked outside? It's
supposed to rain today.” He glanced at me, from the other side of the room. “You’re
not wearing
that
, are you?”

I looked down. I had on a light
blue tank top over a tight pair of black jeans. As he continued searching, I walked
up to the sliding door past the sofa. He was right; the clouds were black and
foreboding, a promise of a downpour in their wake.

“Perfect day for a movie,” I
said.

“What was that?” Lukas asked.

“Nothing.”

I returned to my bedroom,
slipped my dorky pink LMU sweatshirt over my tank top. I picked up my bag from
my nightstand, and double-checked that I hadn't forgotten my theology paper.

“All right, I’m ready,” I said,
and approached the front door.

“Fuck. I can’t find it.” He
pushed against the center of his glasses and took one last look behind the
sofa. “Let's hope it doesn't start pouring. Maybe we'll get lucky.” He picked
up his backpack and threw it over his shoulder. “So what about you? How are
things with Evan?”

I bit down on my tongue for a
moment, then said, “They’re…
interesting
.”

“Good, interesting?”

I shrugged. “I'm not really
sure yet.”

On the drive to campus, I
told Lukas about all the drama with Evan and Michelle. He stayed quiet most of
the time, and just listened. When I told him Evan and I hit a rough patch
Friday night, only to make up the next morning and spend most of the weekend at
his place, he seemed pleased with the promising outcome. But he wasn't stupid,
and he could sense my frustrations; we both knew that things were still on
shaky ground between Evan and me, at least until he severed ties with Michelle,
completely.

Our walk to U-Hall across
campus was rain-free, thankfully, despite the foreboding clouds above us. Even
better, the walk was pain-free, too.

“You okay?” Lukas asked.

I shifted my eyes toward McCarthy
Hall; I didn't ignore it this time. I looked at that third floor window I used
to call my own. Every time I passed by I wondered who lived in there, wondered
if he or she knew of the tragedy that took place in that room.