Crash Gordon and the Mysteries of Kingsburg (53 page)

“Holy shit! Has the Moral Majority found out about this? I’m sure Jerry Falwell and Billy Graham will have something to say about it.” Gordon doesn’t necessarily
like
being a smartass, but sometimes he just can’t help it.

“All religious zealots, of any stripe, are the unknowing prison guards of society, but let’s not get into that just now….” Lloyd groans as if he’s suffering from a sudden stomachache. “I want you to understand more about the Nordic aliens, because you’re obviously related to them. They were at war with the Anunnaki long before they arrived on Earth. They were sent here to supervise without interfering. They were very wise and benevolent, if somewhat aloof. They didn’t share the Anunnaki’s reptilian instinct for territoriality and dominance. They had the same characteristics we attribute to angels. The Nordic aliens did, however, have one fatal flaw: They got horny. They, too, ‘went to the daughters of men and had children by them’ and those children became vulnerable to the Anunnaki.”

“I guess if I was an angel sent down here to watch over stuff, I might get bored and horny enough to want a little human poontang, too,” says Gordon, trying to identify with his Nordic alien ancestors. Dizzy, he thinks to himself,
I hope I don’t pass out….

“Now all this happened hundreds of thousands of years ago,” Lloyd reminds him. “Most of it took place on the lost continents of Atlantis and Lemuria. The hybrid children of the Nordic aliens grew to maturity. Some of them bred with other humans and their Nordic alien genes spread throughout the human population. But some of the other hybrid children were abducted and raped by the Anunnaki, and the offspring from those violent encounters became the race known as the Aryans. So you see, Hitler was onto something, after all…. The Aryans, as a rule, retained the more human features of their Nordic alien ancestors, but they also acquired some of the dominant reptilian traits from the Anunnaki DNA, making them prone to cruelty, selfishness, and malice. The Anunnaki strove to keep this bloodline pure. Human beings have a natural aversion to mating with reptilians, as do the Nordic aliens, of course. If it hadn’t been for the enforced breeding programs among the captive Nordic alien-human hybrids, the Anunnaki genes never would have gained a foothold. But that breeding did indeed occur. The resulting bloodline was the true
Serpent Rouge
–the red serpent, or serpent blood–passed down through generations of Merovingian kings with their fabled long blonde hair. That breeding is also why you’ll find Aztec descriptions of Quetzalcoatl as a white man.”

“The plumed serpent…” Gordon says again, getting it. “They combined the bird symbolism of the Nordic aliens with the snake symbolism of the Anunnaki.”

“Right. You’ll also find those two symbols combined in the caduceus,” Lloyd points out. “Two snakes spiraling upward on a winged staff, just like the double-helical structure of our DNA as discovered by Crick and Watson in 1953. We associate it now with medicine, but the caduceus was originally a symbol of commerce that first appeared in Sumer around the same time that construction started on the Great Pyramid at Giza. Hermes and Mercury carried the caduceus to identify themselves as divine messengers. It allowed them to travel unmolested wherever they chose to go. Cybele, Enki, and Anubis each had one, too. The caduceus also has a connection to Kundalini yoga, which awakens the ‘serpent power’ coiled at the base of our spines. In other words, Kundalini awakens the occult alien powers, like telekinesis and telepathy, which lay dormant in our reptilian DNA.”

Powers that could levitate and kill a brown Doberman pinscher?
Gordon wants to ask, but he doesn’t–because Lloyd is still talking:

“The spiraling snakes of the caduceus are thought to represent the two main subtle nerve channels (the ‘ida’ and ‘pingala’) that travel up the spine and central nervous system, crisscrossing each other at the seven major chakra points. The wings represent the two lobes of the brain–or the enlightened mind, freed from the shackles of mundane reality. But that’s taking us rather far afield.”

“Yeah, let’s get back to Quetzalcoatl,” says Gordon. “I had no idea the Aztecs thought he was a white guy.”

“That’s why Cortez had such an easy time of it when he came ashore to conquer them. The Aztecs thought he was Quetzalcoatl returning as promised. In Aztec legends, Quetzalcoatl was much like Christ. He was the god of the Morning Star and the patron saint of priests. He was said to have given the Aztecs corn to grow and he invented their calendar and books. Then he died and was resurrected. Like Christ, he promised to return someday, probably in the same ‘flying boat’ he first rode in on. In all likelihood, the true Quetzalcoatl was a leader of the Aryans who came from a relatively undiluted bloodline of Anunnaki-Nordic genes.”

“Why didn’t the Anunnaki just rule the Aztecs themselves?”

“They did–from beneath the Earth’s surface. See, you have to understand… the Anunnaki (and the Nordics, as well) have been evolving for millions of years. Think of how far our civilization has advanced in only the last two millennia. Of course, a large part of what we accomplished was just back-engineering of rediscovered ancient alien technology, but nevertheless–a jumbo jet would look quite impressive to a 1st-century man who’s only ridden on donkeys up until then. Now multiply that rate of technological progress exponentially. The Anunnaki have learned how to possess human bodies and make them do their bidding. I think they do it by holographic projection, although I’m not certain as to their exact methods. What I
do
know for sure is that it requires the host to be carrying a specific gene that only appears in Anunnaki-bred neural DNA.”

“I remember reading somewhere that a single strand of neural DNA can act like an antenna that picks up the broadcast signal for the whole entire holographic universe.” Gordon is too drunk to consider the full implications of that statement. What he really needs to do is sit down. There isn’t another chair in Lloyd’s office, so he sits on the floor.

“That kind of thinking begs the question: ‘How do I trust my senses when my senses are nothing but a constant stream of mathematical algorithms–or, to be more precise,
Fourier transforms
–being broadcast to me from parts unknown?’ Let’s not go there….”

“Okay.” Gordon burps.

“The Anunnaki live in a vast subterranean network of tunnels and caverns that honeycomb the Earth’s crust,” Lloyd tells Gordon. “Passageways into that labyrinthine world are hidden in the Andes, the Himalayas, Egypt, Greece, Malta, Angkor, Britain, France, China, and under Dealey Plaza in Dallas, Texas, among other places. There are tunnels under the Aztec temples that lead to chambers full of bones just like the Templars found. It’s no mere coincidence that the Pyramid of the Sun at Teotihuacán used the royal cubit as its unit of measurement, as did the Great Pyramid at Giza, along with other ancient structures throughout the world. They were all built under the supervision of the Anunnaki.”

“Did they build Disneyland, too?”

“They had a hand in it, along with the Stanford Research Institute…” Lloyd says, barely pausing, “but let me finish what I was about to tell you in regard to Teotihuacán. It was the largest city in Mesoamerica 2,000 years ago. When the Aztecs rediscovered it some 1400 years later, the first thing they did was conduct massive human sacrifices at the Pyramid of Quetzalcoatl. The skeletons of over 200 men and women were found there laid out in neat rows. Some scholars now estimate that in the waning years of the Aztec Empire, before the conquistadors arrived to rout them, as many as 250
thousand
Aztec lives were being sacrificed annually. I was told by a very trustworthy source that those sacrifices were made at the behest of the Anunnaki, who emerged from their blue flame-sheathed doorways beneath the temples and feasted on the spilt blood. It was the same story during the First Crusade–remember how the crusaders fighting at the mosques on Temple Mount waded in blood up to their ankles? That’s why they were victorious, even though they were hugely outnumbered. They were willing to pay the blood tribute to the Anunnaki, while the occupying Muslims at the time were not. Historically, wherever you find serpent worship, you’re also likely to find human sacrifices–and often
cannibalism
. Starting a war that kills millions of people means nothing to the Anunnaki. They think no more of it than we think of the thousands of cows, sheep, and pigs we slaughter each day to feed ourselves.”

“You’re a sick man, Lloyd…” Gordon says. Actually,
he’s
the one who’s going to be sick. Very sick, very soon.

“The Anunnaki use blood as fuel to maintain control over their human puppets. They also feed on human fear. Fear and hatred connects us to them–maybe by way of that neural antenna you mentioned earlier. The more we can be manipulated to project any sort of distorted negative emotions, the more energy they can absorb and use against us. The Anunnaki want us to crave fortune and fame–those are the carrots they use to get us to do their bidding–but more than that, they want us to crave abjection. They want us to fight their wars, put ourselves in demeaning situations, get addicted to drugs and alcohol, get angry, get divorced. Most of all, they want us to die painful, horrific deaths. Now do you begin to understand why the Templars rose to power and were so utterly decimated? They were furthering the Anunnaki agenda. The Assassins? Same thing. There was an Anunnaki lair under the fortress at Alamut.”

“What about Kingsburg?” Gordon asks. He’s half-joking, but if there
is
more bad news, Lloyd might as well give it to him all at once.

“You’re a bright boy…” says Lloyd standing up from behind his desk, “I thought you might have figured that out by now. Kingsburg–the
Swedish
Village–has some of the purest Nordic alien-human bloodlines anywhere outside of Scandinavia. The Aryans have to replenish their own gene pool with the purer Nordic bloodlines from time to time or they start looking too reptilian. That’s why I live here, even though I have the kind of money that would allow me to live anyplace in the world: Kingsburg is a prime breeding ground.”

The ceiling is whirling down on Gordon like a slow circus ride. He lies flat on his back so gravity can do a better job of holding him to the floor. Lloyd appears in his field of vision, leaning over him–his fat red face scarily upside-down.

“Your father came from that very pure bloodline,” the upside-down Lloyd says. “He didn’t have the Anunnaki neural gene that would allow him to be controlled, so the Anunnaki had no use for him, aside from breeding purposes. They were never going to let him become the Hoo-Hoo Club’s Snark of the Universe. They control the people at the top levels of all the world’s secret societies–and by that route they also control the highest levels in government, finance, big business, big media, big religion, organized crime, and the military, as well. So you see… after the conception of your brother, Derek, your father’s work was done.”

Lloyd leans in even closer. To his horrified amazement, Gordon thinks he sees the flicker of a purple forked tongue. “But your
mother
… well, she’s Aryan.” Lloyd grins. “She, like me, would like nothing better than to drink your blood.”

□ □ □ □ □ □ □ □ □

The following morning, waking feels to Gordon like being dropped out the other side of a black hole. At first, he doesn’t know where he is. A giant black cat seems to be lapping milk from an enchanted pond somewhere near his head.
Ssslurk, slurp, slurp
…. Opening his eyes, Gordon finds himself on the floor next to his own bed. The air purifier under his nightstand is running out of water–that’s the cause of the slurping noise, so wet and sinister on this surreal morning, like an anteater sucking saliva through its long, tubular tongue. Gordon is surprised to discover he’s still wearing his clothes from the previous night. Double-checking, he’s relieved to see they’re not covered with vomit.
What did I do?
a tiny voice asks within him. He doesn’t have much of an answer.

He’s still drunk. Drunk in that
It’s-morning-the-sun-is-out-I-shouldn’t-be-drunk
sort of way that portends many long and difficult hours to come. He’s incredibly thirsty. He wants to go stick his head under the faucet in the bathroom sink and drink deep, but he’s not sure he can stand up yet. Puking is still a very real possibility. And what if he runs into his mother or his Uncle Gerald out there? They’re sure to be pissed off at him for staying out so late.
How did I get home?
he wonders. His memory of last night is hazy. Gordon remembers the party, remembers talking about the Templars with Lloyd in his office (
man, that seemed to go on forever…
), and he remembers Lloyd bringing out his evil green bottle of absinthe. But after that–
nothing
. He must have blacked out.

Gordon recalls a dream he was having just before he woke up. A very unsettling dream. He was walking through a primeval forest with a man whose face he couldn’t see. They came to a giant toppled tree with its huge root system ripped halfway out of the black, fertile ground. It was Yggdrasil, the World Tree. Gordon thought he saw the face of the Old Testament God in the pattern of the tree’s bark. He pointed it out to the man, but the man didn’t seem to be interested. Maybe it was just a trick of the light. At the same time, however, Gordon heard a voice saying, “
God is on his knees.
” They walked over to the tree’s upended root system, where the voice had emanated. A deep hole was there where the roots had torn loose from the soil. Gordon saw multi-colored laser beams crisscrossing at the far end of the hole. The man told him the laser beams were part of a high-tech alarm system. He said they could dig beneath the laser beams with their hands and if they were careful not to interrupt the lasers’ paths, they could get to a treasure on the other side. So they started digging. The laser beams rose above them and fell behind as they dug deeper. In the end, just a few pale green absinthe beams remained and Gordon was able to squeeze past them into a cavern. From there, he embarked on a journey to the underworld. The dream became a little murky at that point. He vaguely recalled some sort of an awards ceremony later, during which he was congratulated by the recently deceased actor, Henry Fonda, the star of
The Grapes of Wrath
and
Young Mr. Lincoln
. Then he woke up with his reality-warping hangover.