Cowboys and Highlanders (44 page)

“We can’t talk now.” She stood, but he held to her fingers and gently tugged her back down.

“I can’t go back out there and wonder what’s going to happen when TJ returns.”

“You’re my best friend, and I don’t want to hurt you. But I won’t lie to you either. I can’t explain my feelings for TJ. I don’t know what they are.” She touched his hand. “You go do your job and I’ll do mine. When this thing is over, we’ll figure out the rest.”

They walked to the door, and she stepped outside with him. Before he walked away, he leaned in to kiss her. She put her hand on his chest.

“When this is over.”

Joseph kissed her quickly and put his hat on. She smiled and turned away from him. “Well, hello.” Sissy had been standing right behind her.

“How come you’re kissin’ Train?” She took another bite of bread. Butter cream coated her fingers and greased her cheeks.

“A kiss is good luck.” She took Sissy’s hand and led her back inside.

Sissy nodded, accepting the easy answer.

Allison made a pallet for her and the children close to the front door of the shack so people wouldn’t have to look for her if they needed to leave. Sissy slept next to the wall and Michael, snuggled in a ball, lay tucked close to her body. Exhaustion overcame her too, and she fell asleep.

A few hours later, she felt a hand on her shoulder.

“Allison?”

Although she’d been asleep, she hadn’t forgotten where she was, nor could she mistake the voice. “When did you get back?”

Like the other men, soot covered his face. He put his finger to his lips to hush her. “Sshh, come with me.”

Michael still slept in her arms. TJ carefully picked up his son allowing her to slide out from behind him, and then he placed him back on the pallet next to Sissy.

Please don’t let the house be gone
, kept racing through her mind. Instead, when she stepped outside she heard laughter. “It’s raining,” she whispered, lifting her face to feel the sprinkles.

“Your garden is gone, but the house is safe. We knew the rain was coming. We prayed it got here before the fire. It was close.”

“Too close.”

“I’m sorry I wasn’t here. Everyone is talking about how you took control in the shack. I don’t think you’ll have to worry what the women think about you. Betty can’t stop chattering about you.” Standing in front of her, he rubbed her arms. “I know you were scared.”

“No more scared than anyone else. Joseph deserves the praise. He shouldered most of the responsibility. He fought for your land as if it were his own.”

TJ’s face darkened just like the smoke from the fire had blackened the sky. “Good. His job is to protect the ranch along with the stock, and anyone living here. He did what’s expected.”

She furrowed her brows. “You’re a jackass, TJ.” They were back to jealousy. “Expecting Joseph to risk his life is more than you have a right to. You should find him and thank him.” She stepped away and walked back into the shack.

“Wait.”

She ignored him.

Inside the shack, Cake had hot coffee. But now that the danger had passed, and the sprinkles were becoming a downpour, the men returned. Mothers gathered their children to take them home. As they left, Allison received countless hugs.

“How are you doing?” Joseph came up behind her and put his hands on her shoulders.

Allison stiffened and then forced herself to relax. The scent of charred forest along with smoked tobacco clung to his sweat-soaked shirt. She turned to him. “I’m sure the same as you. Good…tired.”

Fatigue clawed at his face. His blood shot eyes needed sleep. “You did great,” he said.

They were the only two people left in the room. He stood close to her side as she folded the blankets used for beds. “Under different circumstances I think I would have enjoyed myself.” She smiled at him as he took a blanket from her pile and folded it. The muscles in his arms flexed.

“TJ made it back.”

“I know. I spoke with him a while ago. Our garden is gone.” She tried to smile. “It could have been worse, but I can’t say I’m not disappointed.”

He stopped her hands from folding. “Listen to me,” he whispered. “In a minute TJ is going to walk through the door. All I know is that every time I try to see you, he makes damn sure I don’t.” He glanced at the door as if to ensure they were still alone. “After he turns in, come to the stables.” He wiped a smudge of soot from her cheek. “Will you meet me?”

She nodded and then asked, “Do you know where they found TJ?” She realized she was holding her breath. Until she knew the truth, she would continue be torn between the two of them. That wasn’t fair to Joseph, but her heart and her head told her two different things.

His lips formed a tight line. “TJ and I aren’t seeing eye to eye right now, but that’s between him and me.” He paused, the muscle in his jaw ticked. “You know where he was.”

Allison glanced at the door. Outside TJ laughed, talking with the men he worked with every day and their families. He had his life. The children, the ranch…his time with Sandy.

“I guess I do.” Her heart felt as if it plummeted into her stomach. She wanted to believe he’d delivered her letters and then checked into a respectable hotel. Why should TJ sleep alone when Sandy was willing…more than that, Sandy wanted TJ in her bed? “I’ll meet you.” She hurried from the building, trying to escape before anyone saw her tears falling like the rain.

* * * * *

Allison lay in her bed soaking her pillow with tears. Bone tired, yet, she still couldn’t sleep. She couldn’t get Sandy, her arms and legs wrapped around TJ out of her mind. The taste of bile filled her mouth. She snapped her eyes closed and fought the tears.

Footsteps came down the hall. She froze, her breathing instantly becoming shallow and her heart racing. She recognized TJ by the cadence of his gait. A soft knock against the door didn’t rival the pounding in her chest.

He knocked again, a little harder.

“Allison,” TJ said. “I know you’re awake.”

She didn’t answer. He waited a few moments. Then the sound of his footsteps drifted away.

Allison slowly exhaled. No way was he coming to her after he had been with Sandy. As much as she wanted him, loving TJ would only ever cause her hurt. She thought of Joseph. He was a good man…a safe man. Kind and gentle.

She sighed heavily. TJ made her brazen with desire. Joseph touched her with tenderness. The situation was hopeless. She ached for TJ, but she was going to give her heart…her life to Joseph. Now how was she going to convince herself that she was making the right choice?

Allison cracked her bedroom door and peered into the hallway. TJ had finally gone to bed. With the lantern from her room, she made her way down the stairs and outside onto the porch. There she blew out the flame and left the lamp for when she returned.

She navigated her way with ease. It was usually dark when she went to the stables. Unlike before, instead of avoiding Joseph she walked along the path for a secret rendezvous.

Half way down the slope she ran. Out of breath, but buzzing with anticipation and apprehension, she pulled open the stable door. Joseph waited for her, sitting on a bail of hay. He leaned against the barn wall with one leg propped up beside him.

“Hi.”

He snapped his head in her direction and stood.

Allison closed the stable door and leaned against it. “Have you been waiting long?”

“Maybe.” He smiled. “I worried you wouldn’t come.”

Her head tilted to the side. “I told you I would.” She crossed to Sugar’s stall, pulled an apple from her pocket, and offered it to the horse. She rested her head against the Sugar’s snout and stroked her neck. “Good girl.”

“TJ picked her just for you.”

Even with the dissention between the two men, she could hear the respect Joseph had for TJ. “I’ve never been comfortable around horses,” Allison said. “My father could be overprotective. On the first day of equestrian lessons, I fell off my horse and broke my ankle. I was never allowed to ride again.”

“Do you want to ride?” he asked.

“Now?”

He nodded.

“Okay.” She went to grab the saddle.

“We won’t need that.” He slipped a bridle onto Sugar and led her out of the stall. Once they were outside of the stable, Joseph took Allison’s hand. “I’ll help you up.” He patted the horse’s rump.

He lifted her on top of the horse and then effortlessly climbed on behind her. He handed the reins to Allison. “Do you want to ride astride?”

She shook her head. As she sat sidesaddle, Train had one arm around her waist and with his other hand, he showed her how to hold the reins.

“Are you sure?”

“Why? Is that how you want me?”

His crooked grin expressed his thoughts differed from hers.

“Astride on the horse, Mr. Spenser.”

“I want you to see how it feels to fly.”

“And I need to change positions for that?”

“Yep.” He held her tighter as she spread her thighs and straddled the horse. Her voluminous skirt kept her skin from direct contact with the horse.

“Ready.” She adjusted to a comfortable position.

“Tell Sugar where you want her to go.” Together they gave the horse a command to move with the flick of the reins. “We need to warm her up a bit.”

“I feel like I’m going to fall off.” She laughed as the horse quickened her pace.

“You’ll get used to it. Hold tight.” He laced his fingers with Allison’s while gripping a fist full of Sugar’s mane. With his arm tightly wrapped around Allison, he hollered at the horse and dug in his heels. Sugar took off running.

Allison leaned into Sugar’s neck and Joseph shifted bringing their bodies close enough to be one. The soft ground absorbed the impact of the horse’s hooves. Her heart raced at the same speed. Joseph moved his arm, unintentionally brushing the underside of her breast. Her nipples tightened. Her breath hitched. Then she relaxed and gave Joseph her trust and control.

His warm breath fanned against ear. “Close your eyes,” he whispered. “I won’t let you fall. You’ll feel like you’re flying.”

She squeezed their linked fingers. “I want to see.” The ground blurred. They rode in the opposite direction of the scorched hills, heading toward the side of the lake where the cattle grazed.

For several minutes, they soared over the grounds. Then Joseph gently pulled on the reins. They slowed. Allison sat up and her head rolled back onto his chest. Laughter erupted from her gut and shattered the silence around them. She let go of the death grip she had on Sugar’s mane. The wind had whipped her hair around her face. Her blood pumped through her veins. She put her hand to her heart to quell the rampant beating.

The horse, tired from the exertion, snorted, bowed her head, and began a leisurely pace. Allison shifted to the side again. Joseph kept one arm wrapped around her back and the other lying across her lap as his hands held the reins. She rested her cheek against him.

“I smell the fire.” Her finger traced the striped pattern of his shirt. Beneath her fingertips, his defined muscles tensed and relaxed. “How bad was it?” She lifted her head and glanced into his face. He hadn’t shaved for a couple of days. He looked older than his twenty years with a shadow of a beard.

“TJ could’ve lost everything.”

Allison wondered if perhaps she comforted the wrong man. Then she reminded herself that TJ sought comfort with someone else. She had to think about her own future. She didn’t want to spend her life watching TJ give his affection to another woman. She had to at least explore the possibility she could develop real feelings for Joseph.

Flattening her hand against his chest, she felt the rapid beating of his heart. “I wish I could tell you what you want to hear.”

He kissed her temple. “You don’t have to say anything.”

“You once said to put our cards on the table. I don’t want to mislead you. Or make promises I can’t keep.” She didn’t look at him, but instead fidgeted with the buttons of his shirt. “I wish TJ didn’t have the memory of his wife keeping him from wanting a future. I might love him, I don’t know.”

Train stiffened. She stopped touching his shirt and looked out into the distance. ”It doesn’t matter. I’m done trying to make him see me.” Now she looked into Joseph’s face. “I know it doesn’t feel good to be told you’re second choice.” She looked away again and swallowed hard. Was she really about to give up any hope of being with TJ?

“I guess I got just one question.” Their eyes met. “No polite way to ask a woman if she’s been with another man. I’m not talking in your previous employment. I don’t feel like that’s any of my business.”

“I wasn’t a whore,” she interrupted. “I cleaned up after the best people I’ve ever known. They took me in when I had nowhere else to go. And believe me, I was prepared to do what I had to not to go back to Boston. But those ladies saved me. But as for TJ, no, he never touched me.” She briefly closed her eyes, fighting back tears. “I’m not a whore.” She hoped she sounded convincing because kissing TJ underneath the tree had nearly turned her into one.

“I’m sorry I upset you.” He pressed her head back against his chest. “I could get over you being with other men, but not TJ. I couldn’t be with you knowing…knowing he’d been with you, too.”