Cowboy Take Me Away (25 page)

“It's hardly going to break the bank,” Chase said dryly. “And for that matter, maybe it's you?”

“Don't be an asshole,” she snapped, sick of his attitude. He might be pissed with her, and for good reason, but now he was just being rude. “Besides, your favorite foreman is headed this way. Now.”

Randy was crossing over from the big barn, his hand raised in a wave that she returned. Maybe she was wrong, maybe she was overthinking the situation, but she still didn't trust him. Or anyone right now for that matter.

Chase fixed his steely gaze on her. “Tell me then.”

“Let me mention that I've just delivered more canisters. I have some empty ones in the truck that I can put in there. Just see if he takes the bait.”

Chase scowled. “Fine. Do it.” He shrugged. “At least it'll prove your theory wrong.”

“Hey, Randy,” she called out, throwing Chase a fake smile and taking a few steps backward. “I've just had a quick look at the girls. They shipped frozen semen to us already, so I'm just gonna store it and then I'll leave you guys to it. It'd be great to have your help tomorrow when I'm back.”

“Sounds good,” Randy replied, raising his eyebrows as he reached his boss. “We'll be good to inseminate the rest soon?”

“Sure will. Nothing's gonna stand in our way this time around.”

Hope made her way back to the truck, fished out some canisters, and put them in her freezer bag, making it look like she genuinely had the frozen goods with her. She headed straight into the storage facility beside the office and put them in the small upright freezer, taking care to remove the existing labels on them.

When she emerged, Randy was still talking to Chase, so she took her chance to leave, heading back to her truck. She wanted to get home—to give her boy a cuddle and be the one to put him to bed. And a nice big glass of red wine was sounding good too. In fact, it was about time she invited Kate from work over. They always got on great, but she never seemed to have any time to socialize—it was either work or mom duties—but it was time she focused on building some friendships.

“Hope! Wait up.”

She groaned. Just when she thought she'd gotten away.

Chase was beside her almost immediately, falling into step alongside her before moving in front of her so she couldn't ignore him.

“Hope.” His voice was deep, commanding.

She stopped walking and looked up at him. Now she could see a different side of him—the fun, easygoing guy who'd always made her laugh was long gone. He'd been replaced with a confident man used to getting what he wanted, and it was a side of him she'd always known about and had seen, only that attitude had never been directed at her before.

“I don't want to argue with you, Chase. Not now.” She was tired and she just wanted to get home.

“You can't just walk away from me, Hope.” He blew out a big breath and shoved his hands into his pockets. “You come here, act like nothing's happened, and then bam! I've got a goddamn son I never knew about.”

Her skin prickled, like there were physical spikes pushing out from her body. She stared at him, long and hard. “I never wanted to hurt you. Don't make out like I'm the bad guy here.”

“Never wanted to hurt me?” he scoffed. “Fuck, Hope, that's bullshit if ever I've heard it.” He laughed. “And if you're not the bad guy, then who is? Because it sure as hell ain't me.”

Hope refused to be consumed by guilt. She'd been through so much and she wasn't going to let Chase make her feel like a bitch for making a mistake. So she'd made the wrong call? She was only human, and she'd only ever tried to protect everyone she loved.

“I've had to live with what I did all of Harrison's life,” she told him, hands on hips as she stared at him. “Do you think that's been easy?” Tears burned in her eyes but she refused to let them fall.

“I don't know what to think,” he said. She watched as he pulled his hands out of his pockets and put them behind his head, shutting his eyes for a second as he turned his face up to the sky. “All I know is that I'm a father and I don't know what the fuck to do about it. I don't know how to
feel
, Hope, and it's killing me.”

“I need you to know that I didn't do this to hurt you, Chase.” It was the truth, and it felt good saying it after keeping it to herself for so long. “We both had our futures all mapped out, and settling down with a baby wasn't part of that picture for either of us.”

“You should have let me decide whether Harrison was part of my future or not.” He shook his head. “And what happened to you being on the pill?”

Hope bristled. “I didn't lie to you about that.”

“I never said you did,” he countered straight back.

“Remember how I'd been really sick with a chest infection?” she asked. “Turns out the antibiotics I'd been on must have counteracted my pill. I didn't find out until I was about four months' pregnant, and by then it was too late to do anything about it, even if I'd wanted to.”

“You thought about aborting?” he asked, the shock in his voice palpable.

“Yeah,” she confessed, “I did.” Hope sucked in a deep breath, still battling tears, only this time it was at the guilt and pain she still felt whenever she thought about the termination she'd once considered. “But life without Harrison, it's”—she swallowed, hard—“not even worth thinking about.”

“Hey, at least you got to make that decision.”

Anger swelled within Hope, burned her skin and blurred her vision. “Don't, Chase,” she snapped. “Just don't.”

“What? Point out that you got to make all the decisions about our child while I went about my life without a clue that I was a father? That you were pregnant?” He ran his fingers hard through his hair. “Geez, Hope. You didn't have the right.”

Her breath came out as a big, ragged sigh, anger turning to sadness. The reality of what she'd done was huge, the weight on her shoulders almost unbearable. “Do you honestly think this was easy for me? That I meant to hurt you?” She shook her head and started to walk. “I did what I thought was right, and five years ago it seemed like the best decision.”

Chase's hand shot out fast, grabbing hold of her wrist and forcing her to stop. “The best decision for you or for me?”

“For you.” She didn't fight him, waited until he let go of her. “I did it for you, Chase, because I didn't want to be the ball and chain that ruined your life.”

The silence between them was almost unbearable, the only noise the odd moo of a cow or whinny of a horse.

“Not a day has gone by since I found out I was pregnant that I haven't thought about you, Chase, or the fact that I've kept Harrison's father from him. But I was twenty-six and pregnant. We'd just graduated and we had our whole lives ahead of us. I knew what you wanted, and a baby wasn't part of that plan.”

“Was it part of yours?” he asked, no longer fierce, his expression softer all of a sudden.

“Don't you dare,” she fumed. “Of course it wasn't part of my plan, but I've done the best I could and I'm a damn good mom.” Hope stared at him, wishing she'd never come. Her boss had asked her to make the trip over—the King family were big-time clients by anyone's standards—but she should have made up an excuse not to come. “The ball's in your court, Chase. I did what I did because I actually gave a damn about you, and I didn't want to ruin your life.”
I loved you
. That's what she should have said, but she didn't. Instead she dug her fingernails into her palms and faced him. “I have to go.”

Chase stood in her way again, but this time he didn't look like he was filled with the full fury of Neptune. “Can I ask you one thing?”

She shrugged. “Sure.”

“If you hadn't ended up coming here, if Nate hadn't said anything, would you ever have told me?”

Hope wished she could sink into the earth below. It was a question she asked herself constantly, and she didn't truly know the answer.

“Honestly? I don't know.” She shook her head, looking back at Chase and wishing she were anywhere but here. “I kept telling myself I would, as soon as I was finished working here, but I'm not sure. I just wish you could understand that what I did wasn't to hurt you.”

“Yeah, yeah,” he muttered. “I heard you the first time you tried to make me believe that bullshit.”

Hope bristled, but she didn't react. “I'll see you around, Chase.”

“Did Harrison think your husband was his dad?”

So much for only one question. She inhaled deeply. “No. He knew he was his stepdad. When we first got married I let my husband think I was pregnant with his child, but the moment Harrison was born I had to tell him the truth. He hated me from that moment, I think, but what I did to him didn't mean it was okay for him to take everything from me. Not for a second.”

She stepped around him when he didn't say anything else and headed straight for her truck, jumping in and buckling up before he could even think about stopping her. Hope bit down hard on her lower lip and blinked repeatedly, focusing on turning the vehicle around and driving away. It wasn't until she reached the road that she pulled over, her shoulders heaving as her entire body started to shudder, big sobs bursting from her mouth. Tears poured down her cheeks, tears she'd held in check for so long finally releasing. Hope slammed her palm into the steering wheel over and over again before collapsing forward, her forehead against the relative cool of the leather.

She'd loved Chase so hard it hurt. The kind of love that made a girl do crazy things, like pretend she didn't like him, push him away and then be repulsed at seeing him with other women … and the kind of love that finally let her give in to one long, lingering night of passion. And when she'd found out she was pregnant, she'd been too proud to come after Chase and let him know. Because she'd hoped, even before she knew, that he'd come after her anyway. That he'd decide that nothing was more important than them being together after flirting for so long, being best friends for years, and then only having one night together.

But he hadn't come and she hadn't been about to chase after a guy like him—he was used to women flocking after him, and she didn't want to play the part of desperate wanna-be girlfriend. And she sure as hell hadn't wanted to be the sad girl who'd snagged a guy like Chase just because she was knocked up. Chase had called, sent her a few texts to say hi, but he'd never once said anything about wanting to be with her.

So she'd raised Harrison the best she could, with a husband she'd thought loved her enough to get past what had happened, when in reality all he'd wanted was her money.

She raised her head and wiped her face, reaching up and angling the rearview mirror so she could deal with her panda eyes. Nothing had worked out as planned in her life, nothing. But crying over spilled milk wasn't going to help her any.

Hope pulled herself together, took a few sips of water, and cranked up the radio. Everything would seem better in the morning, or at least she hoped so.

*   *   *

Chase arrived at the hospital the next morning to collect his granddad alone. He'd already spent his entire drive there on the phone, organizing his temporary release, and he was looking forward to seeing him. If there was one person who could give him some perspective, it was his granddad.

He knocked and then pushed open the door to his room, grinning when he saw the old man sitting on the edge of the bed, dressed in a checked shirt, sleeves pushed up, and a nice pair of trousers. The thing about their granddad was that no one would ever guess he came from money if they just saw him walking down the street. He dressed like a rancher and acted like a rancher—the only thing that gave him away was the expensive watch glinting at his wrist or the even more expensive cars he liked to drive.

“Looking good, Granddad.” Chase hugged him when he stood, taking care to support him without making a big deal about it. He kept his arm around the man's shoulders as he grabbed the bag from his bed.

“The nurse is meeting us there,” he said, nodding and pointing toward the door. “Now let's get out of here.”

They made their way down to the car after Chase had signed him out, checking they had the medication they needed and confirming when he'd have him back. He'd brought his SUV so it was easy for his granddad to get in instead of him having to bend down.

Chase closed the passenger door, then ran around and jumped in. It was quiet for a few minutes until his granddad made a soft grunting sound and turned so he was staring straight at him.

“Out with it.”

Chase raised an eyebrow. “Out with what?”

“Whatever's on your mind. You're not saying a word.”

“There's been a development.”

“Bloody hell, if it's about the ranch just come out and say it.”

Chase chuckled. “If it was about the ranch I'd have told you over the phone.”

“Then what the…”

“It's about Hope.”

“Who's Hope?” They were both silent a moment, then his granddad turned back to him. “Not Hope from college? The one I told you…”

“That I should have married? Yeah, that Hope,” Chase finished for him.

“You've been talking to her?”

“She's the AI specialist we've been using. Long story short, she's here and we have some unfinished business.”

His granddad laughed. “As in you want to sleep with her, or you want to take my advice and try to marry her? I always told you that one was a keeper, the way she kept you in line back then. Only reason I didn't have a damn heart attack wondering what the hell you were up to while you were away.”

“We have a son.”

The laughter died from his granddad's lips and when he could, Chase pulled over. He turned the engine off and dropped his head to the steering wheel for a moment, taking a deep breath.