Cowboy for Keeps (12 page)

“That’s tough to hear every time you say it. It must be even harder to have to repeat to nosey people like me.”

It touched her that he would care. “I’m dealing with it. Be careful here,” she said, hoping to divert the conversation, but also concerned that Wyatt might hurt himself. “Concentrate on your balance. Use your stomach muscles to stabilize your back.”

He was standing close to her, looking down at her with serious eyes. She suddenly felt panic rising, but she couldn’t move. She had that overwhelming urge to take a step and wrap her arms around him. To feel the solid strength of his arms about her.

Wyatt shifted to lean against the gate post, and before she realized what he was doing he’d set his cane aside and lifted his hand to her cheek. The feel of his touch should have made her run all the way home, but she couldn’t move. She couldn’t breathe. She could only think about his touch and the gentle look that came into his eyes as he stared down at her.

“Amanda, I wish you would tell me what is really bothering you. My gut tells me there’s more to you giving up working with kids and coming all the way out here. What are you running from?”

W
hat was he doing? He was stepping over a boundary he hadn’t wanted to cross. But Amanda brought something out in him he wasn’t used to feeling. He’d been unable to stop himself from touching her. Her deer-in-the-headlights look the instant his fingertips touched her was expected, but he didn’t like it. He’d told himself not to do it. But he hadn’t been able to stop himself. It had taken everything in him not to demand she tell him earlier. All morning he’d been building up to finding out what was bothering her…or what she was hiding—if she was. “I have to tell you that I think you are an amazing woman.”

She shook her head and her eyes slid away from his. Did she not see that? Was that why she downplayed the fact that she was a runner? He had the sudden need to pull her into his arms.

He tucked his fingers into his pockets instead and forced them to stay there.

“Come on, Amanda, I know we’ve had our issues, but I really am a good listener. If you need a friend right now I’m here. Did this guy hurt you? Do something you haven’t said?” She wanted to tell him, he sensed that she did with every fiber of his being.
Come on, Amanda. Talk to me.

“Why are you so certain?”

She was still fighting it. “Because too much points to something being wrong. You love kids and yet you’ve given that up. Yes, you’ve been through a hard breakup, but most people would find comfort in doing what they love. You said you loved working with kids…so why aren’t you? And why do your beautiful eyes get the saddest expression at times? I saw it at church the other day.”

She looked shocked, and he wasn’t sure if it was because he’d noticed so much about her or because he’d called her eyes beautiful. But as quick as she looked shocked, the sadness flooded her eyes.

He couldn’t help himself. “What is it, Amanda?” He reached for her. To his surprise, she came into his arms and buried her head against his shoulders. Her tremble vibrated through him and he tightened his arms about her. Feelings of protectiveness like nothing he’d ever felt before surged over him. Amanda was right up there as being one of the bravest—if not
the
bravest—people he’d ever known. So what had her so shaken?

“I’m sorry,” she mumbled against his shoulder. She was so tense that he began rubbing the muscles between her shoulder blades in a gentle circular motion.

“Talk to me.” He was treading on quicksand. Amanda was in his arms, and he was going to have a hard time letting her go when she decided to back away from him.

But she didn’t move away. She took a deep breath and looked up at him.

She glanced out past the tomato bushes before pinning him with surprisingly clear eyes. Too clear, maybe.

“When Jonathan broke up with me, it was because—” Amanda shook her head. “I can’t… I can’t talk about it.”

Wyatt tried to follow what she was trying to tell him. She’d said she couldn’t blame Jonathan for calling off the engagement. That he’d made the right decision for both of them. That it was better to know it up front than later on. Wyatt agreed on all counts. She
was
better off without the guy. Still, he found no place in his heart for understanding the man. You did not tell a woman you loved her and then call it off. When a real man said those words, he meant them. There was no turning back. Wyatt had never found anyone who’d ever tempted him to even think about it.

But he’d never met anyone like Amanda. The thought should have thrown him, but it didn’t. Amanda was a woman well worth loving. Did she not feel like she was? Was that the problem?

“You’re hurting,” Amanda said. “What am I thinking? I’ve had you trapped here. Let’s get you back to the house.”

“I’d rather you talk to me.” She was closing him out.

“There are just some things I can’t put words to, Wyatt.”

“Try. It might help.”

Instead of answering him she walked away. His hip and back strained as he pushed himself to cross the ground to catch her. “Amanda, I know you and I got off on the wrong foot. I was an idiot, but I hope you consider me a friend.”

She turned back to him, her beautiful aquamarine eyes glistening with unshed tears. “Thank you, Wyatt. I like the idea of you being my friend. But—”

Wyatt’s heart clutched, and he wanted to pull her back into his arms and comfort her. “You are a remarkable woman, Amanda. I hope you know that.”

“I can’t do this, Wyatt. What I’m dealing with is something I have to deal with on my own.”

She walked around to the truck and got in. Her statement only caused more questions. He should back off. Give her what she wanted.

It was none of his business.

But, staring at her through the windshield, he knew he wasn’t going to be able to do that.

Amanda couldn’t forget the feel of being in Wyatt’s arms a few minutes earlier in the garden. Or that she’d almost told him everything! It had been only by sheer willpower that she’d stopped herself before revealing how totally empty she felt inside. Knowing Wyatt, he wouldn’t have understood that at all.

He’d have tried to comfort her. As he’d done so sweetly before. She’d been grateful for his concern, but she didn’t want his sympathy.

As it was, she was having a hard time figuring out how to handle this new relationship they’d begun. He’d wanted to be her friend. And he’d said such nice things about her—she felt awkward believing that he thought she was remarkable. And yet he’d said so.

As she waited for him to stretch out on the table, she tried not to think about how nice it had felt to be in his arms. It had been just as comforting as she’d suspected it would be…even if she’d thrown herself at him. But it had been so much more.

Unbidden, she suddenly wondered how there couldn’t be a woman in Wyatt’s life. Melody and his brothers had said no, but maybe there was someone they didn’t know about. He could have a whole little black book or he could as easily be free and unencumbered.

Just like she was—free as a bird to date whomever she wanted.

That thought had her staring down at her bare ring finger. When she’d talked to Wyatt earlier, she’d realized that she had absolutely no feelings for Jonathan. Hadn’t for a while.

There was no lingering sadness at the idea of Jonathan’s ring not being there. The only sadness—the deep, neverending sadness—was the reason his ring wasn’t on her finger.

I want children of my own.
His words seeped through her soul like unshed tears filling her up on the inside.

She’d told herself there was no reason to dwell on it. God had a plan for her life and it wasn’t to have children. She would find a way to come to terms with that. Just as she’d found a way to come to terms with the fact that she had only one leg.

Someday she’d understand what His plan was where children were concerned. She just had to deal with the ups and downs she faced until that time came. And right now she had to figure out what to talk to Wyatt about.

“Do you compete in marathons?”

His question was like a gift, as if he knew she needed help. “I do two or three a year, but nothing major. My priority has been my work. After I realized that it gave me a purpose when I lost my leg, I backed off from the running.”

“But the running is also a way to reach and inspire people.” He glanced over his shoulder at her.

“Oh, I believe so, too. It’s just that I was so busy with my work with the kids that I didn’t have the time to train as heavily as I needed to. I enjoyed helping kids gain confidence after losing their limbs. There is nothing like watching a kid walk for the first time after…” She faltered, realizing she’d started talking about her work as if it was as natural as breathing. She remembered how rewarding her work had been. Only twenty minutes earlier she’d been in tears thinking about it.

“I can see where that would be rewarding. It’s worthwhile. It means something, Amanda.”

“I know it does.” But that didn’t mean she could go back to it.

“Do you think you’ll be able to go back to working with kids later on?” he asked gently.

He was reading her mind. “I don’t think so,” she said.

“Why?” He looked over his shoulder again. His eyes sharp. Digging. “Why is that? I have a feeling you were great with kids. You said you loved it.”

“I have my reasons. How does this feel?” She pressed a knot too hard to distract him. He jerked.

“Hurts,” he gritted. “If I didn’t know better I’d say you did that on purpose.”

“Well, I did, but only because I need to in order to make it better. You know that.”

She was testy. But this was not what she wanted to talk about. How in the world had she let this conversation go to this?

“Why can’t you go back to doing what you love? What is it that you aren’t telling me?”

That did it! The man was entirely too inquisitive. Maybe it was because he was a lawyer. “Wyatt, I’m not on the stand. I’ve made it clear that I don’t want to talk about this.”

His brows dipped. “When a client goes on the defensive like that it’s not a good thing.”

Amanda’s brows did some major dipping of their own. “See, that’s where you are obviously confused. I am not your client. You are mine.” With that she turned and marched out the door.

Unprofessional—you bet.

But she didn’t care anymore. The man needed to back off. And he needed to do it now.

“Y
ou look beautiful!” Amanda stood inside Ashby’s Treasures, the dress store beside Lacy’s Heavenly Inspirations. It was a cute boutique store that carried a little bit of everything—even bridal dresses! When Susan had called and asked Amanda to come see her dress, she’d been honored to be included. She’d also been glad to get away for a little while.

The dress was white with beading along the edge of the bodice and along the bottom.

To go with the dress, Lacy had swept Susan’s blond hair into a soft style that exposed her neckline. Amanda thought all brides were beautiful, but she didn’t think she’d ever seen a happier one.

Amanda hadn’t known exactly how she would handle seeing a bride, but she’d felt as if she would be fine. It had been a shock to realize how little it bothered her not to be marrying Jonathan.

She wasn’t certain that she’d even loved Jonathan. He had been convenient—was that the right word? It made her sound so horrible. But the truth hurt sometimes, and she was afraid that she’d convinced herself that she was in love with him because he was willing to marry her even though she was damaged. She hated that word, but what else was she? She couldn’t have children. That couldn’t be fixed.
Damaged
seemed an appropriate word choice. She needed to face reality and move on.

“Susan, I think everything works great together,” Lacy said from where she was standing beside the mirror. “Amanda and Ashby, what do y’all think?”

“You’re beautiful, Susan,” Amanda said. “And I love the hair the way you did it, Lacy.”

Ashby was smoothing Susan’s train out. “I think it’s perfect. This dress was meant for you.”

Susan was studying her slim, elegant reflection in the mirror. “I love it. I’m so excited I don’t know what to do.” She met Amanda’s gaze in the mirror. “I can’t thank you enough for coming here and helping Wyatt. If it weren’t for you he would be miserable and I wouldn’t be standing here yet.”

“He’s doing great. His arm is doing well. I told him yesterday that he could start using it. He tried to hide it but he was really happy about that.” She had gotten secretly tickled at the macho way he took the news. He’d clearly wanted to jump up and down and do flips, but instead he’d nodded and just flexed his arm. Of course he’d thanked her—carefully. They were both treading on eggshells around each other. He at least was taking her hint and not asking her personal questions for now, and for that she was thankful.

“So what are you going to do when this job is over?” Susan asked.

“She’s going to stay in Mule Hollow,” Lacy chimed in.

Ashby smiled. “You can’t go wrong moving here. I love it.”

“I’ve thought about it. I really have.” That got big smiles from both of them. “From the first moment I drove into town and saw Adela’s Apartments. I’ve thought about it. But I can’t.”

“Why not?” Lacy crossed the room to be closer.

“You like it here, don’t you?”

“Yes, she does,” Susan answered for her. “I can tell. And Wyatt would be happy if you did that.”

“Wyatt will be in Dallas. Besides, there is nothing going on between us that he would care one way or the other if I stayed or not. Besides, my job would make moving here impossible.” That might not have been true, and she knew it.

Susan and Lacy looked at each other and shook their heads as if she was totally missing the big picture. She wasn’t—they just didn’t have all the facts.

“Wyatt will be back and forth.” Susan reached for the hook at the neck of the gown. Amanda moved to help her. “Thank you,” she said, then continued talking.

“We are hoping someday soon he’ll decide to come home for good and help with the ranches. Until then, if you were in town that would give him more reasons for coming home.”

Amanda laughed nervously. “Y’all, I’m his physical therapist. Not his girlfriend. And like I said, my job could make the move impossible.”

“You could be. And nothing is impossible,” Lacy said, not giving up.

“
Lacy,
I could not be. Besides that, I would never fit into his lifestyle in Dallas. I’m not a black-tie-event type person and he reeks of it. I’m also—”

“That is a no-brainer,” Lacy said, rolling her blue eyes. “You can fit in anywhere.”

“That’s true,” Susan added, heading toward the dressing room. Ashby followed and held the dressing room door open for her. Susan paused. “Why would you even think you wouldn’t fit in?”

“I don’t want to fit in. I’m a simple girl. I like blue jeans and running shoes. I don’t like dressing up and mingling.”

“So does this mean you aren’t coming to my wedding?”

“Of course I’m coming. I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

“That’s what I hoped you’d say. See you in a minute and then we can all go to lunch.”

“Are you all right?” Lacy asked when they were alone.

“Sure. Why?”

Lacy studied her. “Because you look so sad.”

“I just had something on my mind, but I’m good.”

“Are you sure? I’m a good listener.” Her eyes sparkled with compassion.

Amanda shook her head; she just couldn’t talk about it. “I’m fine. Really.”

“I don’t believe you, but I’m not going to press you. If you need to talk, I’m here. Oh, and don’t try to get out of coming Friday night to Susan’s party at my house, either. I’ll come chuck you in my car and haul you there kicking and screaming if I have to.”

Amanda laughed. “I’d like a ride in that car.” Lacy was the owner of the ancient Cadillac convertible. They matched since they both looked like fun.

Lacy grinned. “Then you’ll have one. I love my car. It’s different and makes me happy.”

“I think it matches you,” Amanda said. “You are unique. I love that about you.”

“Well, thank you! When my baby is born, the one thing I want him or her to know is that God loves people who aren’t afraid to be the way He made them. I love that in my job I get to witness to people every day. And hopefully make folks smile—even if it is just because I talk too much.”

“There is way more to you than that! I like that you are sure of who you are and what you’re here to do.” Amanda knew Lacy witnessed in everything she did, so that was no surprise. It made Amanda feel like she was failing the Lord even more than she’d already been feeling. She’d walked away from her kids and now, since being here with Wyatt, had she done anything that could possibly be called a witness?

“Don’t keep patting me on the back,” Lacy said, waving her pink-tipped fingernails. “Believe me, God has His hands full keeping me in line. That’s what’s so great about Mule Hollow. I just love all the friends I’ve made since being here. We keep each other straight and help out and pray for each other. We have each other’s backs. How about you, Amanda? Does someone have your back?”

Amanda hesitated and Lacy winked at her. “You should really think about staying. I’m serious. Logistically, it might make your job harder—but something could probably be figured out about that. Believe me, though, if you pray about it and God leads you to hang out with us, then you should stay.”

Amanda sighed. It was tempting. It really, really was.

“But just so you know, you’ve been given a reprieve on the matchmaking efforts of Norma, Esther and Adela. They have been so distracted by trying to find preachers to come in on Sunday that they haven’t had the time they usually do to try and get something going with you and Wyatt.”

“They know I’m leaving and that wouldn’t work.”

Lacy laughed. “Girlfriend, don’t you know that those three don’t know anything of the kind? They know God has put you and Wyatt here right now. And they know that you are single and so is he. And they also know that there’ve been sparks flying between y’all from day one. To them that’s like waving a red flag.”

Amanda hated that they were having a hard time finding a preacher, but she was glad they had something distracting them. The last thing she needed right now was a posse after her in full pursuit!

Wyatt had made a huge mistake. He’d pushed Amanda too hard and now she’d withdrawn from him. She did her job, but if he so much as looked like he was going to get personal with her, she clammed up. He’d been praying for guidance and hoped that she might talk with Lacy or Susan. All he knew was she needed to talk to someone.

“So did you have a good time with Susan and Lacy yesterday?” Wyatt asked when she came in the next morning.

“Yes, I did. It was a good trip.”

She looked more at ease than she had the last couple of days, and that made him happy. He couldn’t stop thinking about her. Couldn’t stop wanting to give her a reason to smile. He’d been praying lately—something he’d let slide over time—that God would help her with the struggle she was having. He wished she would feel comfortable enough to confide in him. He’d started to care about Amanda, and he couldn’t even pinpoint when it had happened. It had just happened.

When it came to Amanda, his unsureness was a new experience for him. Even different from the lack of confidence he’d felt about his recovery when she’d arrived. For a man who’d had all the confidence in the world just a couple of months earlier, his world had been shaken up on all corners.

“Susan and Cole are going to be happy.”
That
he was confident of.

“You made a good match, Mr. Turner.”

He was pleased by her teasing tone and the sparkle in her soft eyes. It was starting off like a good day. “I just saw the obvious and acted on it.”

She tilted her head to the side. “And what was the obvious?”

“There was just an electricity in the air when they set eyes on each other. And then later at the reception Susan seemed to make something in Cole come alive that I hadn’t seen since his fiancée died.”

“I didn’t know about that.” Amanda’s heart hurt for Cole.

“He had a hard time. But he went on with his life at the same time. He was even his happy-go-lucky self at times, but it took time. When he saw Susan, I just had a gut feeling that something could come of it.”

“Well, I think that’s great. Susan was so happy yesterday. She looked beautiful in her dress. Which brings us to your therapy. I want us to head outside today. We need to try different surfaces to build your balance. Are you up for that?”

The phone rang and he started to reach for it but stopped. This was important. And he wanted to continue his conversation with Amanda. Nothing was urgent that was happening in the office. He also knew from the tiny movement of Amanda’s jaw and the slight quirk at the edge of her lips that she was fighting patience with him and his work. “I’m up for it,” he said, standing up slowly and feeling his hip strain. It was getting better, and walking always seemed to help it. “Is now a good time for you?”

Amanda didn’t try to hide her pleasure at him choosing therapy over work. Only she was wrong, it was therapy with
her
he’d just chosen over the call.

Wyatt had a good heart. An unselfish heart that was easy to see and she liked that. Amanda and Wyatt were walking down the gravel road with cattle grazing on either side of them. She was amazed at his perception and intuition in intervening in his brothers’ lives in order to help them find the loves of their lives. One day he would find the love of his life and the lucky lady would be getting a jewel. But today, she was walking with him in the pasture.

If she moved to Mule Hollow, would he come home more? Would he come home to see her? Lacy and Susan had her thinking.

Pushing the thought away, she watched him walk. His gait was improving, but there was still a way to go. The hitch in his hip movement remained very pronounced. She’d hoped to have him in better shape for the wedding just because she knew he would like to walk down the aisle as normally as possible. “Your persistence is paying off.”

“Thanks to you. Lucky me to have you in my corner.”

Amanda’s heart skipped a few beats as she met his serious eyes. It would be so easy to let her emotions lead her right now. But emotions were deceiving. She’d learned that with Jonathan. “You would have done great with anyone.”

His brows dipped. “I don’t think so. You taught me more about courage and real strength than anyone else could have because of what you’ve been through and how you handled it.”

Others she’d seen had been through much more than she had. “There are kids out there who have been through far more than me. Kids who don’t have the money to have the best prosthetics or the money to continue therapy that will enable them to walk without limps. But they keep on working at it even after I’m pulled off the job. Those are the ones who have really been through it.”

“See, that’s what I love about you,” Wyatt said.

“You will not let anyone feel bad for you. You are determined to keep your chin up and think positive. And to think of others.”

That’s what I love about you.
Amanda’s heart had stopped at the words. Oh, she knew it wasn’t true. She knew it was just quirky word choice. Still…

She pushed her hair behind her ear and concentrated on the road. There were rough spots along this stretch and while she was watching his gait she could very easily forget to think about her own. “You give me too much credit.”

“You give yourself too little.”

She smiled at that. “You have an argument for everything.”

His lips curved up slowly. “I am what I am.”

“That is the understatement of the decade.”

“You are as much an avoider of questions as I am at pushing them.”

Amanda stopped walking and he did, too. A swallow flew by being chased by another. They dipped and dived—much like the conversation. Wyatt wasn’t going to let her get away with forgetting that she hadn’t told him everything. And maybe she really didn’t want to. “I’ve realized I didn’t love Jonathan,” she said unexpectedly.

“Really.” His surprise couldn’t be disguised, but to his credit his expression remained neutral.

“We should start back before you overdo it and your back starts to tighten up.” She began walking slowly back the way they’d come. Wyatt fell into step beside her, his gait slow but steady. She gave him a sideways glance, knowing she had to look as embarrassed as she felt. “I think I let my emotions convince me that I was in love with him. It had taken me so long to decide to go out—I had pretty much convinced myself that no man would ever want me. And here, on my first venture out, I’d found one. It’s embarrassing.”