Cowboy Daddy (18 page)

Michael’s words returned to him. “I’m sorry, son. The problem is with you. The problem is with you. With you. With you.” The words echoed.

“No!” Jake said loudly. “No!” he roared. “Dammit, no!”

Anne backed away from him. He advanced on her. She grabbed for the door, but first she accidentally bumped it with her heel and it slammed shut. Her blue eyes widened with fear.

“Stop it,” she commanded.

He froze in his tracks and fought the demons. With conscious effort he relaxed his muscles one by one. He turned from her and returned to lean against the counter. Slowly sanity replaced rage. With awareness came humiliation. She’d used him.

“You will not pawn another one of your bastard children off on me,” he said softly.

A gasp was her only reply.

He didn’t wait for more, he simply continued. “I don’t know if this is what you did with Bobby. Was he Laurel’s real father or did you try to trick him, too? Or are you such a slut you can’t remember who knocked you up?”

“What’s wrong with you?” she asked, coming up and standing next to him. “Why would I lie about this? Why would I pass another man’s child off as yours?”

“So you could stay here, with Laurel.” He turned suddenly and grabbed her arms. “It won’t work.” He shook her. “By God, it won’t work.”

“Stop it,” she cried. “Just stop it.”

He let her go and stared at his hands. What was wrong with him? In all the years he’d been married to Ellen, he’d never been this angry before.

“I’m not lying,” she said. A lock of hair fell into her face. She brushed it back impatiently. He saw the tears in her eyes. “I swear, Jake, I’m not lying. My last relationship ended about four years ago. I haven’t been with a man since. Why are you doing this? Why won’t you believe me? You were there. You know what happened.”

“Because I’m sterile,” he said. “I can’t father children.”

The tears spilled over and ran down her cheeks. She squared her shoulders. Strength flowed through her. He could see it in the way she raised her head and tilted her chin. She defied him. “I’ve been honest with you from the beginning. I’ve been willing to accommodate myself to you and your wishes. I’ve tried to be fair with Laurel and with you. Not once have I lied or used my position against you.” She wiped her face with the back of her hand. “You and I made love almost three weeks ago. We were irresponsible and didn’t use protection. I’m pregnant. The child is yours, Jake. Believe me or not. There’s nothing more I can say to convince you.” She walked over to the bathroom door and opened it. Before she left, she turned back and stared at him. “Did it ever occur to you that the doctor made a mistake?” The door shut behind her.

He looked around for something to throw. He needed to vent the rage inside him. How dare she try to pawn off some man’s bastard. What kind of a fool did she take him for?

He gripped the counter, squeezing tight until his hands ached. The doctor might be wrong. Hell, what other piece of goods would she try to sell him? Maybe she wanted him to start digging for gold in the paddock. The doctor might be wrong. Why not say the doctor lied? He closed his eyes and exhaled sharply. Even as he tried to forget, Michael’s words returned, getting louder and louder. “It’s your fault. Your fault. Yours.”

God, it was a waking nightmare. He couldn’t escape from the past. That lying, cheating, no-good bastard. Of all the people to give him the news. Why had he been the one?

Michael lied whenever it suited him. That was one of the reasons Jake hadn’t wanted to continue doing business with his father-in-law. Michael had been willing to cheat anyone out of a buck. The only person in the world he cared about was Ellen. He would have done anything to protect her. Anything at all.

Suddenly Jake straightened and met his own gaze in the mirror. Disbelief and the desire to make it true battled with reality. It couldn’t be that simple, could it? Just one lie in a long line of lies? He walked out of the bathroom and headed for the phone sitting on the floor by his bed.

* * *

A
nne washed the red apple, then wiped it dry. She placed it in the paper bag and folded over the top. “Laurel, you’re going to be late,” she called.

The teenager slowly entered the kitchen. Anne glanced up at her. “You’re going to be late,” she repeated, then realized Laurel’s eyes were red. “What’s wrong?”

“I heard you and Daddy fighting,” she said softly.

Anne’s heart stopped. Oh, no, anything but that. She swallowed hard. “What did you hear, honey?” she asked, praying it wasn’t as bad as she thought.

Laurel shrugged. “Nothing you said. I just heard you yelling at each other.” She blinked several times, but the tears still escaped. “Don’t fight with my dad. Don’t go away.”

“Oh, baby” Anne moved close to her and wrapped her arms around her slender body. “Hush. I’m not going away.” At least not yet, she thought, wondering what on earth she was going to do. “We were just arguing. Grown-ups often do that. Sometimes it gets loud but it doesn’t mean we hate each other.” Anne gave her a reassuring smile even as she knew she was lying. Jake thought she was a slut, and she thought he was a weasel bastard. Not a great basis for a relationship. Still, none of that had anything to do with Laurel.

The teenager moved away and went to pour herself a bowl of cereal. Anne didn’t want to think about food. Not this early. She couldn’t even face coffee, she thought, turning away from the pot. Good thing because caffeine probably wasn’t healthy for the baby

Baby. Her knees grew weak and she had to grab a hold of the counter. She was going to have a baby. All last night she’d been frantic with worry, wondering if her suspicions were correct. She’d had to wait until this morning before she could take the test. Then she’d been so furious with Jake for lying to her that

she hadn’t had time to absorb the news. She was going to have a baby…another baby. She pressed her hands to her stomach as if she could already feel the fragile life growing inside of her.

“You okay?” Laurel asked from her place at the table.

“What?” Anne stared blankly at her. “Oh, sure.” She was going to have a baby. A second chance to do it right. On the heels of joy came confusion. What was she going to tell Laurel? What was she going to do with a newborn? What about her promotion? What about her career? What about Jake? Why did he continue to lie to her? Why didn’t he think the child was his? Had he been telling the truth when he said he was sterile? But he couldn’t be—she was
pregnant,
and he was the only man she’d been with. What if he never believed her? What if—

“Annie, you’re not listening to me,” Laurel complained.

“I’m sorry.” Anne forced herself to take a seat at the table. Questions swirled through her head. She tried to ignore them and concentrate on Laurel. “What were you saying?”

“School pictures are next week. I need you to help me pick out something to wear.”

The request was light-years away from what Anne wanted to think and talk about. Scratch that, she thought suddenly. She certainly couldn’t tell Laurel she was pregnant. Not yet. And certainly not until she’d figured out what was going on with Jake.

“Okay, a school picture. What about that red blouse you bought in Houston? You could wear it with your black pants.”

Laurel shook her head. “I don’t like the collar. It puffs my hair out.”

“Then your cream sweater with the pink flecks. That would photograph well.”

Laurel slumped in her chair. “What would I wear with it? It only looks good with jeans.”

“The pictures are from your chest up, aren’t they?” Anne asked, struggling to keep her patience. “What’s wrong with wearing jeans?”

Laurel rolled her eyes. “It’s picture day. We’re supposed to dress up. Mom always told me to wear a dress.”

Mom this, Mom that. Anne drew in a breath. She was trying to be understanding. Really she was. But every time she turned around she heard yet another truism from the sainted lips of Ellen Masters, as voiced by her daughter.
My
daughter, Anne thought defiantly.

“I can’t deal with this now,” Anne said, standing up.

“But the pictures are next week.”

“Fine. Then we have the weekend, don’t we?” She pointed at the paper bag. “Your lunch is ready. The bus will be here in about ten minutes. Please don’t be late for it.” She started walking up the stairs.

“Where are you going?” Laurel asked, trailing after her.

“My room.”

“Why?”

Anne didn’t bother answering. Why was she going to her room? Because she was tired, pregnant by a man who refused to acknowledge even the likelihood of his paternity, in a strange house, possibly risking her job, definitely risking her promotion, and sick to death of hearing what “Mom” would have done about any situation imaginable.

* * *

A
nne taped several wallpaper swatches next to the window in Laurel’s room. She’d promised the girl she would help her there first. The delicate floral prints belonged to different color schemes. One was rose, the other a pale blue. She’d already narrowed the selection down to several bedroom sets. Laurel could pick the one she liked best.

Anne walked across the room and looked at the samples, trying to get a feel for which would be more attractive. It was possible that Laurel would hate all of them. She stared at the patterns, then hurried back and touched their smooth surfaces. Pink and blue. A boy or a girl. She swallowed. She was having a baby.

Her legs grew weak and she sank to the bare floor, pulling her knees up close to her chest. A baby. She closed her eyes and allowed the feelings to wash over her. Regret. There was so much regret. She remembered the terror almost fourteen years ago when her period had been late. She’d waited and waited, praying every night and morning that God would make her not be pregnant. She’d waited until her clothes hadn’t fit anymore before going to her mother and confessing her horrible secret. By then she’d been over four months along.

Anne hugged her knees closer. Life grew inside her. Precious life. A tiny being who would grow into her child.

She could remember the pain of labor. Of how she’d tried not to cry out. She’d been young and healthy, and it had ended quickly. But they hadn’t let her hold her baby. They’d whisked the infant away, then judged her—the unwed mother —with their cold stares. Most of all, she remembered the emptiness of her heart. How she’d cried all night after her own mother had gone to the motel next door to rest. She’d tried to console herself with thoughts of college and a new life. She tried to imagine what the young couple would be like and how they would treat her baby. But it had been hard to think of anything but the pain inside her and how her arms had ached to hold her child.

She raised her head and looked at the posters Laurel had on her walls. There were a couple of young men from a popular TV show and a few of rock stars. Teen magazines lay around the floor and across the bed. Tubes of lipstick, the only makeup her father let her wear, were scattered on the single dresser.

Laurel was almost grown-up. Soon she would be entering high school, then college. Anne picked up a small tattered teddy bear and held it in her hand. The poor thing had lost most of its fur. One eye was gone and the threads that made up the nose were coming loose. She hugged the bear to her breast. This toy was as close as she would come to the child she’d lost that summer. She would never know what Laurel had been like as an infant or a toddler. She would never see that first step, hear those first words. She would always wonder.

She clenched her stomach tight. Was this new life an exchange for what she’d already lost? Or was it more punishment? How could she be happy about being pregnant now? Her world was turned upside down. What was she going to do with a baby? What about her job and her promotion? What about child care and labor and maternity leave? How could she live in Houston if Jake lived in Colorado?

What about Jake? He was acting crazy. What if he never believed it was his child? Did that matter?

She looked at the bear and smiled at its worn face. No, she told herself firmly. It didn’t matter. She would have this child on her own. She would figure out a way to make it work without Jake. She would find her own answers and go forward.

But what was she going to tell Laurel?

She dropped the bear and lowered her forehead onto her knees. How could she explain to the child she’d given up, that this time she wanted to keep her baby? There were plenty of logical reasons why she could now keep her child, but she had a feeling none of that was going to matter to Laurel.

The sound of a car stopping by the house followed by a door slamming shut brought her out of her reverie. Jake was back. She hadn’t seen him leave, although Laurel had mentioned something about it when she’d yelled her goodbye.

Anne scrambled to her feet and walked out into the hallway. She didn’t know if she should go into her room and lock the door behind her or go confront him. She shook her head wearily. What was she going to say to him? She’d told him the truth. If he didn’t believe her before, no new words were going to change his mind.