Cowboy Country (60 page)

“You want to use a Luke Grayson song? Holy crap! That’s huge!” Megan exclaimed. “He has four songs on the top forty right now!”

Rebecca smiled, seeing Megan’s excitement at the mention of a top charting artist’s name. That excitement was what she was hoping she would get from the spectators during her class. In freestyle dressage, it wasn’t just about performing a spectacular routine, it was also about the music and the emotions you were able to stir from your audience. It was all judged, including the audience response. She had always listened to pop and country music but when she had heard this one particular song, it had struck a perfect chord that would naturally flow with a horse’s movement. She had played the song,
Love Everlasting
, over and over again, visually creating a routine in her head that she believed would be a show stopper.

She had thought that getting permission would be easy but found it was harder than she had imagined. It hadn’t been hard getting Mr. Grayson’s managers names off of the CD she bought but getting the approval was turning into a nightmare. She left message after message on the phone number she had been given and her emails were returned with vague responses, stating that her request was under consideration and they would contact her in the near future. It was turning into a very frustrating situation.

“Don’t get too excited. They haven’t authorized me to use his music yet. It seems that a lot of people want to use his music and to use it without having to pay any royalties or giving him credit. It’s really becoming a big issue.” Rebecca explained.

“It’s still so exciting! What song did you pick? Do I know it?” Megan asked excitedly, almost spilling her drink as she moved towards the edge of her seat.

Rebecca giggled at her friend’s enthusiasm. “I don’t know, it’s called
Love Everlasting
but I haven’t heard it on the radio yet.”

“Oh, my God! I love that song! It’s on his older album and it’s so beautiful! You
have
to use it! It will be a hit!”

“Don’t get too excited yet. I have to meet with them next week to see…”

“You’re meeting with Luke Grayson next week? And you didn’t tell me sooner? This is awesome! I
have
to go! I’ll be your counselor, or your manager, oh hell, I’ll be your luggage carrier!”

“Hold it, Megs!” Rebecca laughed, reverting to the teenage nickname had she called her. “I’m pretty sure it’s just his managers. They had me mail them a video of what freestyle dressage was and I know this is probably just a preliminary meeting. You know, to make sure I’m not some psycho.”

“Does Kip know you’re going? Is he going?”

“Yes, he knows and as usual, he doesn’t care, so no, he is not going. It’s just another “horsy thing” to him. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s forgotten about it already.” Rebecca grumbled.

“I’m sorry, Rebecca. I’m sure he does care, in his own way.” Megan tried to soothe her but even she didn’t believe her own words.

“Nice try but even you know Kip could care less. He’s all software and computers and I’m all horses. But we knew that going into the marriage.” Rebecca added softly.

“Sorry to interrupt, ladies.” Kip surprised them both when he popped his head out of the front door. “My mom’s on the cell phone and I believe she wants to wish Rebecca a happy birthday.” He held out the phone to Rebecca and gave a slight smile. “Just bring it back into me when you’re done.”

Rebecca nodded and stone-faced took the phone. “Hi, Lorena, how are you?” she asked pleasantly.

“Happy birthday! How’s my favorite daughter-in-law?” Lorena’s voice blared through the phone and Rebecca had to hold it away from her ear.

“Doing fine and thank you.” she answered. There had never been loving exchanges between her and Lorena. Lorena had four daughters but Kip was her only son and she was very involved in his life. For reasons only known to Lorena, Rebecca had never been good enough for her son. Her sickly sweet voice put Rebecca on her guard and she wondered what Lorena wanted now. Probably to make dinner plans for the three of them.

“You’re welcome. So tell me what did my fantastic boy do for you on your birthday?”

“Oh, nothing so far. He got tied up at the office, as usual.” Rebecca could have kicked herself for adding the last comment but the anger was still boiling inside.

“Well, you have to forgive him, having to work so hard to support that hobby of yours.”

Rebecca gritted her teeth and fought back a nasty response. From the day they got married, Kip had insisted on separate checking accounts. Because Rebecca’s pride had been hurt, she agreed. They would split all of the household bills right down the middle and whatever each person earned, was theirs to keep. There was no community funds. For Kip, it was new cars, new computers and his attire. For her, it was an older, Ford diesel truck and her horses. Neither person knew what the other had in their account, although Rebecca’s was growing larger and larger with the sales of her foals and stud fees. She was very comfortable but lived extremely frugal. Judging her appearance and how she lived, no one would guess that she had over fifty-thousand dollars in her account.

“Well thank you for calling me. I’d better get you back to Kip.” she tried to end the conversation.

“You know, dear,” Lorena interrupted, “just between us, woman to woman, if you would just lose that twenty-five extra pounds that Kip has mentioned he might be a little more attentive.”

Rebecca felt like someone just slammed a fist into her stomach. “What?” she stumbled.

Lorena, oblivious to Rebecca’s response, continued. “And if you would be just a little more adventurous in the bedroom, I mean, you
can’t
expect a man to be satisfied with a missionary position all of the time. He needs variety and if he can’t get it from his wife, he may likely wander, dear.” She rambled on as if they were discussing a new cookie recipe.

Rebecca must have blanched because Megan was at her side. “What is it? What is she saying?”

Rebecca put her hand up to signal for Megan to wait as she sputtered into the cell phone. “Kip talks to you about
our
sex life?”

“Well, you can’t expect a mother and son not to communicate. He was frustrated and I could just sense something was wrong so we talked at lunch the other day. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. All married couples run into a dry spell every now and then.”

“I have to go now. We’re over at a friend’s house and they’re getting ready to serve the cake. Thanks for calling, Lorena. Bye!” Rebecca hit the end button and blew through the house towards the dining room with Megan following on her heels. Both Kip and Rob looked up as Rebecca stormed into the room.

Holding his cell phone up, she stood shaking. “You told your mother about our
sex life?
” she whispered, the anger barely contained in her voice.

If Kip heard Megan’s surprised gasp, he didn’t let on and returned Rebecca’s stony stare. “What sex life?” he responded coolly. “We’ve been having problems in that area for some time and I needed someone to talk to. Besides, you can’t expect me to keep secrets from my mom. We talk and she gives me advice.”

She glared at him. “If we were having
problems
with our sex life, I would expect you to talk to
me
so we could work it out. Not your mother!”

“You’ve been too busy with your damned horses to talk to you about it. If you made a little more time for
us
maybe I would have talked to you. Besides, you can’t tell me you haven’t talked to your mom or Megan about it.” he snapped.

“Actually, I
can
say that! There’s such a thing called boundaries and subjects that are meant to be kept between a husband and wife. This is
one
of those subjects. And what about you making some time for me? I didn’t ride at all today and have been waiting for you to spend some time with me on my birthday!” She felt the tears begin to fall as the hurt and betrayal of the entire day surfaced.

“Ok, guys. Emotions are high and this is probably not the time to get into this.” Megan stepped in. “Rob, get you guys another couple of beers. Rebecca, I’ve got the wine bottle, it’s a gorgeous night, let’s go back on the porch.”

“Fine.” she quipped, throwing the cell phone at Kip and felt disappointment when he caught it. She turned and stomped back out to the porch. Picking up her wine glass, she sat back down onto the white, wicker chair and let her tears fall.

Megan came out a few minutes later with two bottles of wine and silently filled Rebecca’s glass before she sat down on the other wicker chair. Several minutes of silence passed as Megan allowed her friend to work her frustrations out.

“Feeling a little blind-sided?” she asked quietly.

“You could say that. Good, Lord, Megan, his mother? He talked to his
mother
about our sex life? That’s just…” she trailed off.

“Creepy.” Megan finished for her.

“Yeah! Creepy! I would
never
talk to my mom about our sex life!”

“Have you been having problems? I mean, I don’t want any details but did you see this coming at all?”

“How could I know
this
was coming?” she snapped then dropped her head, embarrassed that she was taking out her anger on her best friend. “Sorry. I knew we were getting into a rut in that area but I figured it was because we were both working so hard and tired at night. He never said anything, just that if I were to lose a little weight, he could get more excited. And I’ve definitely been trying to tone up more but with our schedules, we’ve been eating a lot of take-out and…”

“He told you he would be more excited if you lost weight?” Megan cut her off, disgust in her voice. “You have
some
curves, you’re a woman! You’re supposed to have them. What does he want, for you to be anorexic like him?”

Rebecca smiled at Megan’s comment, and then frowned. “No, nothing like that. But I have put on some weight since we’ve been married. It’s just so hard with trying to juggle our different hours and still trying to be together. There’s times that we don’t eat supper until nine at night, then we go to bed on full stomachs and it’s nothing healthy. I just wish we could be like normal people.”

“Rebecca, there’s no such thing as normal people, so go back to eating at five and let him eat whatever when he gets home. You need to start taking care of you.”

“I’ve thought about it but then we’d never have a meal together and I wasn’t raised that way. A family that eats together stays together.” She knew the excuse sounded feeble but in her family, it had been a steadfast rule and her parents had been together for thirty-two years.

“Then you need to realize that you and Kip are an exception to the rule and change it. Do you love Kip?” Megan asked quietly.

Rebecca jerked her head up and opened her mouth to defend her marriage. Seeing the compassion in Megan’s eyes caused her to rein in her knee-jerk reaction, take another drink and look out over the porch railing at the view across the valley. She considered the question seriously before answering.

“I think I do. Does that sound lame? I’ve never met someone that has been so accepting of my life and wanted me for me.”

“You know I love you to death, Rebecca, but playing devil’s advocate, it doesn’t sound like he accepts you for you at all. With the horses or your body.”

Having had the same thoughts creep in her head before, Rebecca shrugged. “But I said ‘I do’, till death do us part. A little late now, don’tcha think? I made a promise and I need to keep it. A Gordon never gives up.”

“Ok,
that
sounds lame. If someone makes a contract with you to buy one of your horses and they don’t honor that contract, don’t you break it and tell them they can’t have the horse?”

“Well, yes, but this isn’t a contract to buy a horse, it’s a commitment to be with someone.”

Megan sighed, knowing that Rebecca wasn’t in the mood to see what was so obvious, they had a loveless marriage. She filled their glasses again and decided to change the subject, wanting to lighten the mood on her friend’s birthday.

“You’re going to do what feels right for you. Just know I am always there for you. With that being said, tell me more about your trip to meet with Grayson’s managers next week.”

Rebecca laughed at the twinkle in Megan’s eyes and took another drink.

CHAPTER THREE

They argued most of the way home. Rebecca crying because of the embarrassment she felt and Kip screaming that she was being unreasonable, but by the time they got home, Kip agreed that he wouldn’t talk with his mother anymore about their sexual problems. Taking this as a positive move towards fixing the problems in their relationship, Rebecca put on a little black teddy she had been saving for a special occasion. It being her birthday and the two of them starting to work on their marriage felt like a special occasion.

Kip was thrilled seeing her twirl in the little lace, barely anything there, fabric and patted the empty spot on the bed next to him. They began to kiss and fondle each other and he pulled her on top of him. Knowing that she needed to experiment and be open to his needs, she tried to relax and enjoy their intimacy. She began to move rhythmically and was quickly aroused. Feeling herself begin to climax, she pushed herself up into a sitting position.

“Oh God, baby. You have me so turned on in this teddy.” Kip gasped. “You can’t even tell you’re a little heavy. You’ve got to wear this more often.” he whispered hoarsely, moving her hips faster with his hands as he reached orgasm, oblivious that her body had stiffened with the pain of his words. When he finished, he gently rolled her off of him, got up from the bed and disappeared into the bathroom to clean up as he always did after they made love. He never stayed and cuddled, always quickly going into the bathroom to wash off, as if what they had just done was disgusting. When he came back to bed, she laid facing away from him, feigning sleep. He pulled the covers up without a word and fell asleep, oblivious to the tears she was shedding into her pillow.