Coveting Love (Jessica Crawford) (42 page)

CHAPTER 26

Darkness had invaded her life. That was how Jessica felt after her encounter with Jeffrey. She was ashamed of her behavior and had decided to return home early. She hoped getting back to her normal life would be the best answer to her problem.

After making an excuse to Amy that they needed her back at the magazine, she packed her bags and headed for home. Amy and Randy promised they would bring the baby for Christmas. Then they put their friend on a plane home.

A heavy feeling hung over both Amy’s and Randy’s hearts as they realized their initial concerns had grown worse. Jessica was going to need some strong support from both of them.

The flight seemed too long, and Jessica had to keep herself from thinking about the situation she had created. She vowed again not to see Jeffrey. She knew she kept making these promises, but couldn’t help it; it was extremely difficult to stay away from him. It was no longer possible to deny her physical attraction to him. She had proven that, but Brandon was the one with whom she longed to spend her life. Why couldn’t she break the spell?

She found a nice older woman to talk to on the airplane. She was drawn to her immediately. They talked incessantly about the principles of marriage. Jessica told her all about her upcoming marriage. By the time the plane finally landed, her companion had filled her head with numerous tips for achieving a happy marriage.

She stepped off the plane and looked around the large airport, disappointed that no one had come to great her. She felt lonely. There has to be a better way of life than this, she thought, as she hailed a cab and waited impatiently for the driver to come and give her a hand. When it was evident he wasn’t going to, she threw her bags into the back seat and stepped in after them.

Upon arriving home, she felt tired—worn down, in fact. She hoped she wasn’t coming down with something. That would be all she needed. She shoved her luggage into a corner and collapsed on the bed.

As she lay there drifting off to sleep, she thought about how many times she performed this ritual: pack, trip, unpack, repack, home—collapse on bed in sheer exhaustion. The whole thing was becoming old news.

When she woke and looked at the clock, she was surprised to discover it was nearly six p.m. She had slept the entire afternoon. Her stomach began growling, making her aware she hadn’t fed it all day.

She didn’t feel like eating alone, so she picked up the telephone and dialed John’s number; he was always a good distraction. After securing a date for pizza, she jumped into the shower, hoping it would refresh her.

John was exceptionally entertaining all through dinner, sensing that Jessica needed a little uplifting from the ordinary trials of her life. He had always envied Jessica’s way of keeping matters calm, but lately, even he had noticed her distraction. He had a suspicion it had something to do with the gentleman who kept calling her. He had no idea whom it was, but knew it wasn’t Brandon. Whoever it was had her confused, and John felt helpless about it.

“
You’re home a little early from Amy’s, aren’t you?” he asked as dinner was brought to their table.

“
Yes,” she replied “I just couldn’t handle being away that long. I’ve been gone so much lately I’m beginning to feel as if I don’t have a home anymore,” she said dismally, shoulders slumping.

John stared at her with suspicion. She felt a strange impulse to tell him the truth, but resisted. She doubted he would understand. John didn’t pursue the matter.

“
Have you made any plans for the holiday yet?” she asked, changing the subject.

“
Unfortunately, yes. My folks have insisted I visit them for the holiday season.”

“
You sound disappointed. You’re still not getting along with your family?”

He shook his head. “They still don’t approve of my relationship with Eric.”

“
I see,” she said, nodding in understanding. “You’ve been living with Eric for what, nearly eight years now?”

“
That’s just about right,” he said. “You would think they would have come to terms with the relationship by now, but they haven’t. Sometimes when I visit, it seems as if the floor is a blanket of eggshells. Each of us is afraid we’ll say something to offend the other. I want to tell them about my life. I want them to understand about my relationship, and I want them to meet Eric. I know they would like him if they would just give him a chance.”

“
What you’re asking doesn’t seem like much to you, but some people just don’t feel comfortable about homosexuality. An open-minded mother raised me, but even she is drawn to the old-fashioned dream of seeing her daughter happily married and settled down with children. I’m not sure what even she would do if I suddenly showed up one day and announced that her dream of grandchildren was shattered because I was in love with another woman. It’s the way of life.”

“
But not my way!” he demanded, slamming down his fist on the table. All I’m asking for is a chance to be me. To live the way I believe is right for me. I want to be happy, and Eric makes me happy. If they don’t approve, then that’s up to them, but the least they can do is give Eric a chance.”

She took a long drink of Diet Pepsi and sighed. “I think you’re right about that, John. Why don’t you risk it all; talk to them again. Tell them how you feel, let them know that you don’t want to choose between them and him. Tell them you don’t want to flaunt your relationship in front of them, but you would like it if Eric would be welcomed in their home. You might be surprised. In fact, maybe they’re waiting for you to address it.”

John shook his head and sighed in exasperation. “I suppose you’re right. I guess it wouldn’t hurt to try one more time. I will talk to them when I go home for Thanksgiving. In fact maybe I will risk it all and take Eric with me.”

“
There, that’s the spirit. Do you feel better now?”

He laughed. “Yeah, I do. But I thought I was supposed to be cheering up you.”

She shrugged. “I’m fine. I just needed some company. It’s nice to talk about someone else’s problems for once.”

“
Are you spending the holiday with your mother and new stepfather?”

“
No. Believe it or not, I haven’t met Brandon’s family yet, so we thought it would be a good time to bite the bullet.”

“
So the big meeting has finally arrived. The big final inspection, look you over, 'either they like you or they don’t' meeting huh? Are you nervous?”

“
A little bit,” she confessed. “But from what Brandon says about them, they seem like nice people. I don’t think I’ll be too uncomfortable.”

She wished she felt as confident as she sounded right then. In all honesty, she was afraid Jeffrey would show up and lay claim to her. He seemed to be doing that a lot lately. She thought the playful side of him might not be able to resist playing a little game with his brother. Then the two brothers would get into a brawl and the blame would fall to her.

John waved his hand in front of her face. “Hey, where’d you go?”

She snapped back to the present. “Just drifting on a farm. Hey how are those photos for the magazine coming?”

“
Great, all finished, just waiting for your final approval,” he boasted. “Want to have a look now?”

She glanced at her watch; it was nearing eight o’clock.

“
I’m kind of tired. Can it wait until morning?”

He said, “Sure.” But his face showed deflation. Jessica took pity on him.

“
On second thought, I’m going to be busy in the morning. Why don’t we take a quick look?”

He beamed. “Are you sure?”

“
Yeah, why not.”

They left the restaurant together, both feeling slightly better than when they had first entered it, each finding comfort in a friend’s love.

**********

CHAPTER 27

To most people the holiday season brought magic and love, warm, touchy feelings where one might forgive any indiscretion. It could however, be a troublesome season for many, as Jessica soon discovered.

Thanksgiving came and the day finally arrived for Jessica to meet her future family. The day before Thanksgiving, she waited anxiously for Brandon to come and get her. She would spend three days at the ranch, and was more nervous about it than she had originally thought.

Brandon’s brother, Matthew was the first to greet her. She took an instant liking to him; he was quite charming. He raised her hand to his lips and kissed it tenderly.

“
It’s so nice to finally meet you, Jessica. My brother’s descriptions of you do not do you justice. You are lovelier than the morning,” he complimented, his voice throaty, his manner aristocratic.

She blushed as she mumbled a thank you. She glanced sideways at Brandon but he shrugged his shoulders. “I’m afraid Matthew is just a touch nostalgic and a bit melodramatic,” he apologized.

“
Thank you, Matthew. I am equally pleased to meet you,” she returned, meaning every word she said.

He looked into her eyes, a twinkle of mischief in his own. “Brandon is quite lucky that he found you first, and lucky that I hold such a high respect for him, or I might find myself chasing after you, too.”

She laughed lightly, but immediately thought of Jeffrey. If only they knew, she thought.

“
I’m flattered, but as you can see I am quite fond of your brother. And I’m not in the market for someone else, even though you are just as handsome as he is.” She felt Brandon relax beside her.

“
Oh well, then I guess it’s my own loss, isn’t it?” I suppose if you’re any indication of what I might find on out-of-town business trips, I’ll just have to start making all the trips myself.”

“
As far as I’m concerned, after Brandon and I are married, you can do just that. Until then, it’s the only time I ever get to see him, so let’s just keep status quo,” she teased.

“
Yes, well, if you’ll excuse me, I must check on the kids and get back out to the fields. I’m afraid we’re running a little behind on the fall harvest. He kissed her hand again as he left the room. She heard the door slam behind him.

She turned to Brandon. “Did he say kids?”

“
Matthew’s a widower.”

“
Oh. I’m sorry.”

“
It’s been a long time.”

“
How old are the kids.”

He thought for a minute. “Hazel’s nine, Ryan’s seven, and Brian’s six.”

“
When did his wife die?”

“
Four years ago. She was in a car accident. There was a family on vacation. The father was tired and fell asleep at the wheel. Mary was on her way home from a pottery class at the community center. It was a new hobby. Matthew felt guilty over it for a while; he was the one who convinced her to take the class. Eventually, with a little help from a grief counselor, he was able to overcome the guilt and move on. He’s okay now.”

“
Matthew’s quite a charmer. It’s a shame he’s all alone.” She had a twinkle in her eye.

“
Do not even think about it. Don’t even think you can fix Matthew up with some poor, lonely girl. He’s happy with his life. He has his kids and the ranch, and for now at least, that’s enough for him.

“
Come on, I’ll show you to your room. You can freshen up a bit before I take you to meet Mother. She’s quite anxious.”

She followed him without saying a word, thoughtful about Matthew. She ran names through her head. Stacey? No, not Stacey; she was far too dependent. Brenda? No, Brenda would send him to the poor house within a month. She grinned, thinking of the poor fellow that Brenda had last sunk her claws into. Amber? Amber could work. Amber was beautiful, charming, sincere, witty, and loyal.

Brandon turned on her. “I said forget it, Jess.”

“
What? I didn’t say anything.”

“
You don’t have to. I can tell by the look in your eyes. You’re still thinking about which girl you can introduce to Matthew. Just drop it. Matthew will find his own wife. You just concentrate on becoming my wife.”

She pouted. “Oh, all right. You win, but don’t blame me when those kids grow up neurotic because they didn’t have a mother to depend on.”

“
They have a whole staff of mothers.”

“
It’s not the same.”

“
It’ll do,” he said.

He opened the door to her room and stepped aside so she could enter. “It’s beautiful,” she said.

The room, furnished in antiques, housed a large four-poster bed in the center of the oversized room, sheer draperies cascading around it. An old-fashioned washbasin with an old-fashioned porcelain bowl and pitcher stood against one wall. The room was bare of a closet, but an armoire stood against the wall next to a dressing screen. Brandon stepped over to it and opened the door.

“
I think you’ll find adequate space in here to store your things.”

A brief image of The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe flashed through her mind. For a moment, she thought she might actually be able to walk through a magic door in the rear of the cupboard.

The bedroom window faced the front of the house. Jessica had to step through a small alcove to get to it. A window seat spread the distance from one end of the massive picture window to the other. She bent over and opened the window. A crisp breeze swept through the room, bringing the fragrance of the fall season with it.