Covering the Carolinas (54 page)

“
Sunshine, the leukemia is
back.”
Oh God
, please no! I can’t lose him. I won’t lose him.
“I’ve known for some time now, but I didn’t want you to worry
about me. I’m living my
life like I always
have, but this time I’ve chosen a different path.” With those
words, I know
he wants his quality of life, not
quantity. Not that I agree with him, because selfishly I want to
keep him forever, but for some strange
reason, I understand. He is a strong man, one that works from
sun up to sun down. He drives like a bat out of hell, doesn’t ask
for help, and if he can’t do those things, then life is not worth
living. I
don’t want him to leave this Earth, but I
also don’t want him to spend years in a bed helpless. Making this
realization is the hardest, but most freeing at the same
time.

“
Grandaddy, what do you need me to do?” He
takes a step back and looks at me.

“
Nothin’, I’m living my life
to the fullest every day. None of us are guaranteed tomorrow, but
if tomorrow doesn’t come, then I want to make
sure I have nothing left to regret.”

“
I’m here to help make that happen. What’s
first?”

“
Sunshine, nothing’s changing, but first thing
tomorrow, I’m goin’ shoppin’!” He cackles.

“
For what?” I’m also scared to know what he’s
talking about.

“’
Round the corner. I don’t
want you have to worry about what I might want when I’m gone. So,
I’m going to take care of it for ya.”
Holy cow, he’s going funeral shopping! Are you kidding
me?!

“
Do you want me to go with ya?”

“
Nah, Cole can. You need to
go to school
.”

“
Okay,” I say, and I’m truly
unsure
of how I feel about him shopping for his
own funeral. It’s kind of morbid when you think about
it.

Emmett

As Cole and I
wait
for Raegan and
Mr. Lowery to finish their discussion,
he looks at me.

“
You know she’s about to go
ballistic
.” I say.

“
Yeah, like a damn tornado coming straight
toward me.” And, that’s the only way to put it, because I know it
will hurt her, but it’s a minor detail in the grand scheme of
things.

“
I guess it’s now or never, Cole. I know we
promised we’d talk to her about it, I just didn’t think it would be
as soon as we got back.”

“
I know, but she has to know we’re here for
her.” I nod in agreement as we quietly step back into the
barn.

Chapter 38

Raegan

“
Does Cole know?” I ask Grandaddy.

“
Yes, he knows things are
changing, and so does Emmett.”
Wait. What did he say? He knew and didn’t tell me? Oh, heck
no!

“
What do you mean Emmett knew?” My voice
rises.

“
Sunshine, calm down. I wanted to tell you,
but I wanted you to live your life without worry. I also knew you
would push Emmett away if I told you, and I will not let you do
that again. He loves you. I need to know he’s in your life when I’m
no longer here. That’s why he knows. Please, don’t be mad at him.
If you’re gonna be upset with someone, be upset with
me.”

Trying my best to choose my words
carefully, I toss that thought out the window and let my lips move.
“Mad? I’m freakin’ pissed! How could y’all? I love
all
of you! You kept
this away from me for what? Me to have some fun? Seriously?!” I say
as I start to storm out of the barn but realize it’s no use when
Cole and Emmett block me from leaving.

Looking at both of them, I step
toward them, and they look like they are watching a ghost. “I’m
pissed, but he’s what’s important right now
, not
either of you. I will not give in to what my head is telling me to
do, but I also will not be lied to.”
Guess
that’s kinda funny since I’ve lied about Grandaddy for months
before. I guess what comes around goes around.
“Boys,
I love you both, but that man over there, he’s my world. And, if
this is the end of the road for him, y’all are gonna have to man up
and do what needs to be done, no questions asked.”

Cole and Emmett look at each
other. “We’re not going
anywhere,
Rae,” Emmett says, and Cole agrees. “So, that’s
it, Rae? You’re not going to push me away?”

“
No, but just remember, you’re not the focus
right now. Grandaddy is.”

“
I understand. What do we need to do?” Emmett
replies.

“
I have no idea. I guess we
need to ask him.” With that, we look toward Grandaddy. I walk
toward him and hug him. As I tell him I’m sorry for my behavior, I
feel two sets of arms engulf us both. At this point, I know that
the four of us are in it for the long haul. We are in this
together—Grandaddy, Cole, Emmett, and I. We spend the next hour
discussing what will happen over the next month or so. I’ve now
learned Grandaddy’s future and how it will affect his
body.
After supper, Cole and Emmett go home,
and I make sure to let Emmett know my feelings for him
haven’t changed. Lighting up the screen, I send
him a text explaining exactly how I feel.

As Monday begins a
new week, it begins a new way of life for each of us. Emmett
and I go to school while Cole and Grandaddy work on the farm. After
school, we both hurry over to help out any way we can, and we
repeat this routine each day. When the weekends arrive, I do most
of the work. I even let Jordyn in on the secret. She cries forever
when she learns the news, and then she
gets
pissed
, because I kept all of it from her
for so long. Eventually, she gets over it and begins
to help on Saturdays. Of course, she brings Ridge along
because she isn’t going to get too dirty. On Sundays, we attend
church and relax.

Now, after about two weeks, things have begun to
change. Grandaddy’s legs have swollen more, so walking has become
tough. Getting in and out of the truck is damn near impossible. He
isn’t willing to give up driving, but he knows he has to for
everyone’s safety. I think that is actually worse than the cancer.
Men and their pride, I will never understand. On Sunday, I drive us
to church. I have to help him lift his legs into my truck, but we
make it. Several people ask if everything is okay, and of course,
Grandaddy brushes it off like it is no big deal. He won’t let
people see him weak. He wants their memory of him to be one of
honor and strength.

Sunday night, I begin to panic
because
I don’t want to leave him alone.
Who needs school?
I know Cole will
be here, but he’s working. They both assure me that Cole won’t
leave him alone. Plus, Grandaddy is still trying to work as much as
he can tolerate, even though there is a major difference in the
amount of work he is able to do.

Monday morning I get up, take care of my chores on
the farm, and when I walk back into the house, I can’t help but
smile as I see Grandaddy cooking our breakfast just like he would
do any other day, except this morning he is using a cane to
balance.

“
I’m gonna go change real quick. Are you
good?” I ask.

“
Lordy, I’m fine! Just hurry before you’re
late for school.” I laugh on my way up the stairs. I shower, dress,
and make my way back downstairs. That’s when I hear the sounds of
pots and pans hitting the wooden floor, or at least that’s what I
think I hear. I drop my backpack and run downstairs to discover
Grandaddy on the floor.

“
Oh my gosh! Are you okay?” I say as I kneel
next to him.

“
I’m fine. It’s just these damn legs. They
don’t want to work anymore.” When I look down, I see his ankles
bulging over his shoes, and it hurts my heart to know he’s
suffering. He insists I go on to school. Once Cole arrives, he
walks me to the truck.

“
Rae, we might have to call someone in to help
if he gets worse.” I shake my head no.

“
I’ll stay home if I need to,” I tell
him.

“
Oh, yeah, that’s gonna fly with
him.”

“
I know he won’t let me, but I will not stay
at school worrying.” Cole and I bicker back and forth for a few
minutes before Grandaddy walks out on the porch and hollers for me
to go on. I run back to the porch and hug him before going to
school.

Emmett

As I’m waiting on Raegan in the parking lot, my
phone rings, and it’s Cole.

“
What’s up?” I ask.

“
Listen, Uncle Dover fell this mornin’. He
made Rae go to school, but I have a feeling things are about to go
downhill fast. Just be ready, because she’s going to need
you.”

“
Has he been back to the doctor?”

“
Actually, Dr. Charles is
coming here today. He didn’t tell Rae, but they are calling in
Hospice.”
How am I going to keep
this from her?
Just as I begin to question
what I am going to do, I see her pulling into the parking
lot.

“
Okay, well, she just pulled
up. Keep me posted. I’ll help out any way I can.” We hang up, and I
hurry to meet
her. I open my arms to embrace
her, and she stops.

“
You’ve talked to Cole. Haven’t you,
Em?”

“
Yup, what can I do?”
I
ask.

“
Just be there. I have a feelin’ my life is
’bout to change.”

“
I believe you’re right, and I’m not leavin’
your side.” I don’t tell her what Cole told me, but I let her know
I’m here for her no matter what.

Chapter 39

Raegan

After school, Emmett follows me to the house
along with Jordyn.
I’m not sure why she
insisted on coming, but whatever.
As soon as I walk
inside, I now know. This is the end for Grandaddy. I see him in his
recliner with a cup of ice water on the side table.

“
Hey, Sunshine. Tell me ’bout your
day.”

“
Ah, ya know, same old stuff
just a different
day. How ’bout you tell me
’bout yours?”

Cole is sitting on the couch. “Come on, y’all. Let’s
give them a minute,” he says to Jordyn and Emmett.

“
Sunshine
, Dr. Charles came to
visit me today. They are calling in Hospice.” I nod my head to let
him know I understand as tears stream from my eyes.

“
How long?” I whisper.

“
They don’t know. I just want to have
everything in place for when it gets bad.”

“
Okay, what do I need to do?” I
question.

“
Nothin’,
you do
enough already. I couldn’t ask for a better girl than you. I’ve
been blessed to be your grandaddy, and
I’ve lived a
great life. I do hate that I’m gonna miss you graduating and your
wedding, but I’ll be looking down from above with your mama, daddy,
and mawmaw.”

“
How do you know you won’t make it that long?”
I cry.

“
I don’t, but I want you to be prepared.” I
nod. “Come here. You know you don’t have to put on that act for
me.”

“
Yes, I do.” I say as tears begin to fill my
eyes.

“
Why do you feel that way,
Sunshine?”

“
Because of the funeral.”

Grandaddy looks at me with a confused look. “What do
you mean? The funeral?”

“
Remember how I couldn’t get those stupid
shoes to buckle, and you helped me?” He smiles remembering. “You
told me to be extra good, and from that day forward I did as you
asked.”

“
Oh, Sunshine! I never meant for you to take
it that way. I’m so sorry. You were always a good girl. I’m so
sorry you took that to heart. I love you, Sunshine, and you are
perfect just being the Raegan Lowery that God made.”

As tears continue to spill, I hug him and don’t let
go, because I don’t know how many more hugs I’m going to be granted
with this man. I just don’t know how I’ll survive my future without
him, and then I look up to see Cole, Jordyn, and Emmett. I now know
how I will survive. I will survive because I have people that love
me.

As I stand, they all embrace me in a hug. “We
aren’t going anywhere, Rae. We love you
both too much,” Jordyn says as we all cry in each other’s
arms. Grandaddy chimes in.

“
Quit all that cryin’. I ain’t dead yet!” I
laugh as I wipe the salty tears from my face. “And, there better
not be any cryin’ when I’m gone either. Y’all understand that?” he
says as he looks at us.

“
Yes, sir,” Cole and Emmett say.

“
I’m not making a promise I can’t keep,”
Jordyn replies, and I agree with her.

When Grandaddy is tired of us
crying and moping, he turns on the TV to any game he can find. That
makes me realize he’s probably never gonna get to see the Braves
play live, and it breaks my heart. That’s one promise I’ll keep for
him. We’re going to that game
.