Covered in Coal (7 page)

“Okay sweetheart, just what do you plan to open with these?” he asks. I walk him over to the closet and show him the chest. He looks down at it for a minute, while rubbing his chiseled chin. Turning to me, he releases a deep huff and asks, “Where’s the key?”

“If I had the key, I wouldn’t need bolt cutters, dumbass.” I roll my eyes at him, and he chuckles back at my smart ass remark.  “I’ve never seen this chest before, and I want to know what’s in it.”

“Darlin’, are you sure you want to go plunderin’? It aint’ any of my business, but you know how Big John was. Chances are, if he hid the key, he didn’t want anyone gettin’ in this.”

“Well he ain’t here to voice his damned opinion, so pop the damn lock, or move out of my way so I can do it!” I yell at him. He chuckles a deep laugh.

Squatting down he pulls the chest from the closet to the middle of the bedroom floor. With one swift flex of his thick, strong arms, the lock snaps and drops to the floor. Oh heavens, watching his rugged strength sends a tingling, warm sensation deep to my core.

Colton stands, and backs out of the way, willing me to open the lid to the heavy oak chest. Immediately, I begin chewing on my lower lip as nerves rattle through me.

“Carly Jo, just because the lock is broke, doesn’t mean you have to open it up.” Colton says. I look up at him behind nervous eyes and nod. He takes my hand in his, and pulls me from the bedroom.

“You can plunder later Capt’n, but right now, you’re gonna sit your ass down, and listen to what I have to say, and I ain’t takin’ no for an answer.”

Colton

I pull Carly Jo down the steps behind me, with her fingers laced in mine. My body trembles with fear as I prepare my inner demons to be unleashed. There is no backin’ out now. If I want my forever with Carly Jo, it’s time to man up and lay all of the cards on the table.

I guide her into the livin’ room, and pull us both down on the couch. I keep my arm tight around her shoulders for a few minutes, as I try to steady my heart. Carly Jo turns to me, with a sorrowful look in her eyes. She looks defeated, and I ain’t even begun.

“Darlin’, I never stopped lovin’ you. I never fell out of love with you. None of that means I didn’t make mistakes. Hell, I was a stupid bastard, but I want to tell you my side of the story, so we can rebuild our relationship.” Just as I’m beginnin’ my confession, my cell phone rings, interruptin’ me. I glance at the screen, and excuse myself so I can take the call. A few minutes later, I return to the livin’ room.

“Hey, how about you join me for supper tonight with my parents? Momma’s been cookin’ all day, and they’d love to see you. “

“No thanks, I’ll just have something here.”

“Woman, just get your shoes on and get your ass in the truck. You know how persistent Emily Weston is, if you don’t show up, she’ll drive over here and expect an explanation. Besides, it’s actually better this way.”

Releasin’ a heavy huff, she laces up her shoes, and walks out to my truck. The drive is silent and nerve wrackin’. Within ten minutes, we pull up to my parents’ home. I shut off the engine to the truck, hop out and walk around to open the door for her. As she gets out, I lace her fingers within mine, and pull her toward me. I tilt her chin up, so I can look deep into her beautiful hazel eyes.

“After supper, we’re talkin’, no exceptions. For now, promise me that whatever happens this evenin’, you just roll with it. Promise me you won’t lose your shit.”

“Well now that scares me. What makes you think I’m gonna,” Carly Jo trails off as she hears the front door open and the bubbly voice of the one lady who holds my heart safely, and loves me unconditionally.

“Daddy! Daddy! I’m so glad you’re home! I’ve missed you, Daddy!” Heidi Jo shrills as she jumps into my arms and hugs my neck tight. I swing her around, like I always do and she lets out a heart-warmin’ giggle. As I turn to set Heidi Jo down on the ground, I notice the reaction on Carly Jo’s face. She is as white as a ghost, and I’m fairly sure her spirit has completely died and gone to heaven. She looked broken before, but now she looks empty.

I whisper to Heidi Jo and a sweet smile spreads across her adorable face. She nods, then walks over to Carly Jo, and wraps her tiny arms around Carly Jo’s waist.  “Hi, Ms. Carly Jo.  My name is Heidi Jo Weston. My daddy talks about you all the time. Come on inside, Mamaw is cookin’ supper.” Heidi Jo says as she begins to tug the still frozen Carly Jo towards the house.

Walkin’ up from behind, I place my palm on the small of Carly Jo’s back and guide her inside the house. Kickin’ my boots off, I walk into the kitchen where Momma is just settin’ the table for dinner. When she looks up and sees Carly Jo, she squeals like a school girl, runnin’ over to hug her. When she releases Carly Jo, she turns her around and around examinin’ every square inch of her.

“Oh my, Carly Jo Simon, I’m so happy to see your pretty face. Lady, things just ain’t been the same around here without you! Sit down and have some dinner. Lord, girl, you look like you never eat,” Momma says to her.

“Ms. Carly Jo, I want you to sit between me and my daddy, please!” Heidi Jo begs with the cutest toothy grin.  Carly Jo smiles down sweetly at the little girl and sits down next to her. She still hasn’t said a word. She always loved my Momma, but I think she may have shell shock. Maybe this is all too much at once.  We say grace, then pile our plates high with chicken and dumplings.

“How was your day, princess?” I ask Heidi Jo.

“It was fun, Daddy. We got to decorate paper punkins, and I made mine extra sparkly, just for you!”

“Sweet, princess, I can’t wait to see your masterpiece.”

We continue to make small talk throughout dinner, but Carly Jo is still as quiet as a mouse. She watches intently as I interact with Heidi Jo, but a smile never forms on her face. As we finish dinner, she offers to help Momma with the dishes, but Momma declines her offer, of course.

“Carly Jo, you ain’t said two words this entire time. Go on now, get through there and spend some time with Colton and Heidi Jo. I’ll clean up. Scoot, missy!” Momma tells her as she waves her hands, shooin’ Carly Jo away.

“I’m gonna take Heidi Jo for some ice cream, then after I get her cleaned up and tucked into bed, I’ll take you home.” I tell her. She nods, still with a look of terror on her face. Heidi Jo comes struttin’ through the house with her favorite hot pink sparkly tutu on and her flip flops.

“I’m ready, Daddy.  I can’t wait to get me some rocky road! Let’s move it people!” Heidi Jo demands. I open the front door, and bow at her request as she exits the house. As Carly Jo walks past me, I grab her hand, lacin’ my fingers through hers and she immediately tenses up. I don’t say a word, because I know that she is freaked the hell out.

Heidi Jo climbs up in the back of my truck, and I snap the seat belt around her little lap, securin’ her in. I walk around to open the door for Carly Jo, but she is already in the passenger seat, safely buckled in, starin’ off in space. I climb in, roar the engine to life, and back out of the drive way. I turn the radio on instantly, because that’s Heidi Jo’s ‘thang’.

As soon as she hears Roar by Katy Perry, she squeals, “Oh Daddy, turn it up, turn it up!!!” She commences to sing and shout and twist and turn in her car seat, tryin’ to bounce to the rhythm of the music.

She misses half the words, but her effort and love for music is adorable, none the less. I look up from watchin’ Heidi Jo through the rear view mirror and Carly Jo is smilin’ lightly. I reach over and squeeze her thigh, and give her a wink. Lookin’ at me, she still looks lost, and I can’t help but feel remorseful for springin’ all of this on her so quickly. But, if there is any hope for Carly Jo and me, I can’t wait another damn second. I want her now. I want her heart, her soul, her body. Carly Jo was made for me, she is mine. I just have to right my wrongs, and pray to God that He shows her the way to forgiveness.

As we pull into the ice cream shop, I grab Heidi Jo from the back seat, then open the door for Carly Jo. We make our way inside, and order three cones. Heidi Jo is bouncin’ with excitement, she loves her damn rocky road ice cream.

Heidi Jo likes to sit out front of the shop, so we make our way back outside.  Carly Jo and I sit down on the bench, then Heidi Jo squeezes between us. “Scoot on over Daddy, don’t wrinkle my tutu!” she cries out.

“Excuse me Princess. What happened to sittin’ on my lap like you always do?”

“I wanna sit next to Carly Jo. She’s my new friend, ain’t ya, Carly Jo? We even have matchin’ names!” Heidi Jo says, just as she wraps her chunky little arms around Carly Jo’s arm. 

Carly Jo’s eyes fill with tears, and she just giggles, “Sure am sweets, sure am.”

First damn thing she has said since she laid eyes on Heidi Jo. Tears continue to stream down her face, as I reach up with my hand to caress her soft cheeks. She smiles at me, then takes a lick of her ice cream cone. Carly Jo and Heidi Jo share some laughs over their ice cream, and I just sit back and absorb it all in.

It’s such a beautiful evenin’, watchin’ the loves of my life as they get to know each other. I’ve always dreamed of it like this, but my heart falters at the thought of the discussion I have to have with Carly Jo when I take her home. This can make us, or break us, but regardless, I owe her the honesty.

Heidi Jo is in a fit of tears when I take her home to Momma. "Daddy, please let me go to Carly Jo's with you, I promise I'll be a good girl, please Daddy!"

It breaks my heart to leave her behind but I need to reconcile with Carly Jo. "Princess, you have to get your beauty sleep, you have school tomorrow. Mamaw is gonna run you a warm bubble bath and if you're extra good she might just let you watch Beauty and the Beast while you eat milk and cookies in bed." I bribe her. She hugs my waist tight, wipin’ her snotty face on my shirt. 

Turnin’ to Carly Jo she hugs her tight and says, "You promise you'll come back and play with me soon?"

Carly Jo squats down and whispers in her ear, sendin’ Heidi Jo into a fit of giggles. "Goodnight, Daddy, I love you. Goodnight, Carly Jo." Heidi Jo says as she bounces down the hall to the bathroom. 

We drive in silence to her house. The tension between us is so thick, you can cut it with a knife.  As soon as we pull into her driveway, she jumps from the truck and stalks toward the house. I follow suit, quickly on her heels. She goes straight to the kitchen, grabbin’ a fifth of Jack Daniels and a shot glass from the cabinet. She pours herself a shot and tosses it back, her face scrunchin’ as the hot sour fluid trails down her throat.  She motions the bottle in my direction and I shake my head no.

In one swift movement she smashes the bottle down on the counter and glass shards fly into the air as an ear piercin’ scream erupts from her tiny frame. I'm at her side in two strides, pullin’ her close to me. She keeps me at arm-length and begins poundin’ her small fist into my chest. Screams and cries escape her as she continues to last out. Finally her legs go limp, and she slides down my body into a crumpled heap on the floor.

I sit next to her and pull her into my lap. I brush her long brown hair away from her damp face and rain kisses down all over her forehead as she continues to cry.  I don't know how long we sit, tangled together in each other’s arms, but I try to comfort her the best I can. This is what Carly Jo needs to do to heal. If it takes her beatin’ the ever lovin’ shit outta me for her to heal then I'm all for it.

Suddenly, she untangles herself from my embrace, stands and walks into the livin’ room. I follow behind her like a lost puppy, and sit down on the couch. She paces back and forth for a few minutes, wipin’ her snotty face roughly on the sleeve of her shirt, before she finally works up the courage to ask the one question that's eatin’ at her heart. "How old is she?"

I lean my head back on the soft cushion of the couch and pinch the bridge of my nose, tryin’ to suppress the anxiety that lurks behind the walls of my chest. "Heidi Jo is six-years-old."

"When was she born, Colton?"

"January 21st 2008."

"Where is her mom?"

"She died givin’ birth to Heidi Jo. I've raised her since the day she was born."

"Who was she, Colton? Say her damn name NOW!" Carly Jo yells.

"Kari White. I don't think you knew her. I met her at a party."

"So you left me for her? Why, Colton? What did she have that I didn't? I thought you loved me, I thought we would always be together, for life. Colton, my soul belonged to you until you ripped it out of my chest and shattered it with your bare freakin’ hands."

At that burst of anger, I fall apart. The truth spews from my mouth like a foul vomit. 

"Damn it, NO! I never left you. What happened with Kari and me, happened one freakin’ time and that was it. I was at a party, drunk off my ass and lit from snorting coke. But somehow friggin' Big John found out and black mailed me. He said no cheatin' bastard deserved his daughter and that if I didn't break up with you that he'd make me take a piss test. He knew I was on pain meds for my knee, but he also knew I had a drug addiction. He knew more about me than I did. But it didn't matter because as soon as you left, Carly Jo, he fired my ass anyways.” I grip my fists, tryin’ to control my anger. “You were gone and I had lost every damn thing in my life that mattered. I didn't expect you to run Carly Jo. When you left, I lost half of my heart, half of my soul. Why did you run? Why the hell did you have to stay away for seven damn years? My God, darlin’, think of all the time we lost! I know I screwed up, but I did it to protect you!" With this confession I break. I run my fingers through my hair and release a deep rattlin’ roar as the tears break free.

"Just go, Colton." Carly Jo whispers. I raise my head from the grip of my palms and look at her in disbelief. She wants answers, but am I not deservin’ enough to hear the answers to my own questions?

"Hell NO! This ends here, tonight. All this shit between us, all these damn lies and buried secrets, it all comes out. I want answers too, Carly Jo, and damn it, I'm gonna get ‘em! "

Carly

One word. That is all it took for my heart to crack a little more. Daddy.

One look. That is all it took for my world to come shattering down around me.

Waves of dark brown hair flow down her small back. Her face is chunky and round, with light freckles sprinkled across her nose, and deep set dark brown eyes, sparkle back up at me. As soon as my eyes meet the sweet innocent face of Heidi Jo Weston, I know in that moment why Colton left me. Why he left us. He found someone new. Why wasn't I enough? I always loved him with every ounce of breath within me, wasn't it enough? So I guess now he wants me back since he's grown bored with his life? What kind of game is he playing?

Heidi Jo walks up and hugs me which instantly melts my heart. She is a spunky little sass, so full of life, so full of love.

We carry on the evening with dinner, and a sweet treat. We even had a sweet old couple compliment how precious our little family is, which saddened my spirit. After taking Heidi Jo home, Colton and I drive back to my house in dead silence.  Rage boils deep within my blood. By the time we pull into the driveway, I’m about to combust.

I go inside, and literally lose my shit. Grabbing a fifth of Jack I slam back the warm smooth liquid in one instant then smash the bottle across the counter. From that point, I just remember a lot of crying and screaming.

Colton cheated on me. Daddy found out, and to protect me, he black mailed Colton into breaking up with me? What the hell! This is all so screwed up. Is there anyone in my life who isn’t twisted and corrupt? Anyone who isn’t dead set on ripping my heart out of my chest, tearing it to shreds while it lifelessly pumps its last few beats. How is my heart still beating?

Not able to sustain any more pain, I ask Colton to leave. "Just go, Colton." He raises his head from the grip of his palms and looks at me, with such disbelief.  

"Hell NO! This ends here, tonight. All this shit between us, all these damn lies and buried secrets, it all comes out. I want answers too, Carly Jo, and damn it, I'm gonna get ‘em!"

“Answers to what, Colton?”

“Why the hell did you leave?”

“Because you hurt me. I needed to get away, I needed time to clear my head.” I lie, but I am terrified to tell him the truth.

“LIES, Carly Jo, I know you better than that! It took you seven damn years to clear your head? Come clean already, damn it! I want to know the truth, damn it I deserve to know the truth.” Colton yells as he clinches his fists as his sides.

He’s right. I’ve kept this demon buri
ed deep within my soul for far too long, and nobody, at all, knows this buried secret. I can feel the bile crawling from my stomach, as I rush to the toilet to expel the food that comes along for the ride. Colton is right at my side, pulling back my wavy hair. I wrap my arms around my waist, and take a moment to calm the trembling, before I stand to brush my teeth.

As I walk into the living room, Colton is waiting, arms wide open, and welcomes me into his lap. Without hesitation, I climb into his lap, and rest my head upon his rock hard chest. We sit together for a long while, tangled up in each other’s arms, just enjoying the silence.

Finally, Colton breaks the barrier, with a light whisper, “Carly Jo, we need to heal. Please darlin’, let us heal together. I need you, you are the other half of my heart, the other half of my soul. Whatever it is, just say it. I need to hear it.” Colton’s plead is gut wrenching. I can’t stand the thought of hurting him any longer.

“The mornin’ I left, I wasn’t feeling well. I woke up, nauseous and vomiting. Somethin’ felt off. At first, I couldn’t put my finger on it, then when I glanced at the calendar on my phone, I realized I was late. So, I ran out to the pharmacy, and bought a pregnancy test.” Colton’s eyes are wide with fear.

“I was pregnant. I had no intentions on leavin’, but I was scared. I went to the mines to see Daddy, expectin’ him to understand my dilemma. Boy was I wrong! He laughed in my face, told me that there was no way in hell he was going to raise Colton Weston’s bastard child. I was crushed. Daddy was my life, next to you. I didn’t know where else to turn. So I lost my shit, and ran.”

Colton stares off into oblivion for a few moments, before I try to pull him back to reality. “Colton, please say something.”

“You were pregnant? Why didn’t you come to me, Carly Jo?! I was there, why didn’t you come to me?”

“I was scared.”

“You still should have come to me, damn it!”

“Colton, you broke up with me the day before. Daddy was so cold and mean to me. Refused to help me at all.  I felt alone and afraid. I didn’t know what else to do. So, I packed my things and left. I went to the only place I knew as well as Williamstown; Myrtle Beach. I thought that if anyone loved me, they would come to look for me. But nobody ever came. After a couple weeks, I started my life over, all alone.”

Colton’s body immediately becomes rigid and tense, sweat beading at his forehead. He bites down, then takes a deep breath, before speaking.

“Sweetheart, that was seven years ago. Where the hell is my child?”

Tears immediately sting, then free fall from my swollen lids. Chest wracking sobs escape my chest, as I shake uncontrollably. Colton wraps his arms tight around me and tries to slow his heavy breaths. 

“Carly Jo, please, honey. What happened to the baby, I need to know!” Colton cries.

“I-I l-l-lost it.”

All of the blood drains from Colton’s face, as he begins to gasp for air. Taking a few deep breaths, he clinches his teeth together, begging me for answers. “Carly Jo, darlin’, what do you mean, you lost it? Did you have a miscarriage?”

Another rush of rage rips through me, as I think back to the day I woke up alone in the hospital after I had been beaten and raped; as I think back to the baby that I lost. I rip away from Colton’s embrace, standing in front of him, I begin to yell my confession at him, shouting to the heavens for everyone to hear.

“I was beaten. I was raped. I was stripped of the one sweet love in my life that I truly deserved, that would have loved me unconditionally. I’ll never be able to hold my child. I’ll never be able to nurse her! I’ll never be able to cuddle her, love her! I’ll never be able to watch her play in our back yard! I’ll never be able to watch her grow into a young lady. NEVER. And it’s all your damn fault, you damn bastard! If it weren’t for you, I would have never left Williamstown, I would have never been there in that parking lot that night to be attacked. I would have never experienced so much heartache, so much desperation,
so much loss. But I did, all because of you, you damn son of a bitch. You ruined my life! You left me broken! You caused me to lose my child!”

Just as Colton stands, reaching for me, my right fist connects with his left jaw. His head whips back, but he reacts quickly. Wrapping my tiny wrists between his large hands, he pulls me towards him, wrapping his solid arms around my waist. An overwhelming gush of tears release from my eyes, as I scream gut wrenching cries for the child I lost.

Pulling me back down onto the couch, Colton tightens me deep in his arms, as he nuzzles his face in the nook of my neck, bawling his eyes like a baby. I have cried relentless tears for our child over these last seven years, but being able to mourn together with Colton helps bring closure to the loss.

But, seeing him with Heidi Jo, knowing that he has a daughter, that isn’t mine, is just a slap to the face. That thought cracks my heart a little harder, and I truly don’t know how I will ever recover from all of the lies, secrets, and heartache that Colton Weston has consumed me with.