Courtly Love (15 page)

* * *

Serena drew her mount to a halt in order to cast a quick glance over her shoulder. The groom who had accompanied her from the castle was some distance behind, and Serena clucked softly to Demon urging him off the road into a dense thicket. Soon the groom cantered by Serena's hiding place. She gave a muffled laugh before emerging from the thicket. Serena turned Demon back in the direction from which they had just come and rode until she found the faint path that would carry her into the forest and the small stream that ran through it. The leaves had long since surrendered their vibrant hues to the bitter, overcast weather of an English November and now lay in sodden piles upon the ground. Trees lifted naked limbs like skeletal fingers high into the sky, waiting silently for the first heavy snow to sever them from the trunks and send them crashing to the ground.

Serena dismounted and led Demon to the stream, then settled herself upon a cushion of leaves beneath a sturdy oak. Demon raised his head and snorted at his mistress.

"What's the matter with you?" Serena asked peevishly. "I have enough trouble today without you adding to it." Demon eyed her curiously and gave an arrogant toss of his head. "Oh, go back to your master; you and he deserve each other." A final snort from Demon and he retired to graze calmly on what grass could be found, while Serena attempted to dampen her anger.

Serena rested her head against the tree trunk and watched the clouds float through the overcast sky. The weather matched Serena's mood and she bit her lower lip in vexation. Beda. Gyles and Beda. Together. Serena's own wedding night and Beda had been present then. And yet Serena could not believe that Gyles was unfaithful to her—she was positive she would know if Gyles sought another's bed, especially Beda's. Gyles might not love her, but neither did he bear any great affection for Beda. But there was something that flickered in Gyles's eyes when Beda was mentioned—if Serena had to put a name to it she would call it fear. Serena frowned. Gyles afraid of Beda? Impossible! Or was it? Gyles avoided Beda, yet she made every effort to seek him out. Why? To resume their former relationship—was that what Gyles feared? Again, why? Gyles was no man's or woman's, puppet who would mindlessly bend to another's will. Yet . . . Gyles had had an interview with Beda before and shortly thereafter Alan was sent to Normandy. Why? The explanation Gyles gave Serena was simple enough, yet Serena felt certain there was more to it. Gyles's decision had been so sudden, almost as if it had been forced upon him.

A bolt of lightning streaked through the sky followed closely by a rolling clap of thunder that brought Serena to her feet with a start. The heavens opened suddenly, and Serena found herself soaked to the skin before she could take a step toward her mount. Demon's eyes were rolling, the whites seeming to fill the sockets and it was only then that Serena remembered his fear of storms.

Serena approached the skittish beast cautiously, speaking constantly in a low, gentling tone. Demon backed farther away and Serena cursed silently. Serena extended her hand. "Easy, boy, steady . . . come here, Demon. Come on, boy. We've got to get back home . . . and once we're there, I'll see you get a nice handful of oats. Come on, Demon . . . easy now. . . ." Her fingers closed around the trailing reins. She drew the reins over Demon's head and had just settled her foot in the stirrup when another clap of thunder rumbled through the trees and Demon reared. Serena's foot slipped from the stirrup and the reins were jerked from her fingers as she tumbled full length against the earth. Before Serena could regain her feet, Demon bolted from the clearing and was soon out of sight.

Serena stood carefully, assuring herself that at worst she had only a few bruises. For the first time, Serena regretted having eluded her groom. Well, there was no help for it now, and she couldn't get any wetter than she already was. It would be a long walk back to Camden.

* * *

When the storm broke over Camden, Gyles was in the midst of a rare display of temper, and the brunt of his anger was the hapless groom who had had the misfortune of accompanying Serena. The rafters of the stable echoed with the sound of Gyles's voice and the crashing thunder and the snorting of uneasy horses.

"Well," Gyles continued in a quieter vein, "the only thing to be done is to try and find mv ladv. And you"— he pointed a long forefinger at the unfortunate groom— "will accompany us. Edward, gather twelve of the men.

Tell them what has transpired, and have them make ready to leave within a few minutes. At least Serena is riding a gentle mount, that is something we can be thank —Yes, what is it?" Gyles snapped impatiently to the groom who had dropped on one knee in front of him.

"B-beg pardon, m'lord, b-but your lady ... that is, her steed ..."

"Get on with it, man!" Gyles said impatiently. The groom swallowed nervously and hurried on. "Lady Serena is riding the stallion, Demon, m'lord."

Gyles's face darkened and a muscle in his cheek began to tic. "I left instructions—ah, the devil take it. Edward, set out as soon as you can. And as for you"— Gyles faced the groom—"you lost my wife, and 'twould be to the betterment of your hide if you found her again!"

The groom needed no further urging and was astride his horse before Gyles could draw the bridle over his own mount. With a final exasperated look at Edward, Gyles led his mount out of the stable only to be brought up short by the sight of several men trying to calm a terrified Demon. The empty saddle brought back Beda's ominous words with a vengeance and a shaft of fear stabbed at Gyles's heart. Gyles hesitated no longer, but threw himself upon his horse and drove his heels hard into its flanks.

At last! Serena thought wearily as she neared the grey walls of Camden. Her hair was plastered to her head and back and the material of her gown clung tightly to her body. Her cloak hung over one arm; she had grown far too warm with it on and the damp wool had only served to encumber her steps. Serena hoped that her groom had not told anyone of her precipitous actions, it would only serve to anger Gyles and add to his worries. She really shouldn't have taken Demon out today, especially against Gyles's expressed wishes, but then, that was precisely why she had selected Demon. It went against her nature to be told what she could and could not do. The sound of a horse's hooves churning up earth caused Serena to look upward and through the downpouring rain. Much to her dismay, Serena saw Gyles coming toward her. So the groom had talked after all, and judging by the look on Gyles's face as he drew closer, Serena's interview with her husband was going to be far from pleasant.

Gyles halted beside Serena. "Enjoying your walk, my lady?" His green eyes raked her from head to toe, and though Gyles smiled, the smile did not touch his eyes.

Serena bent her head and studied the wet grass. Above all she did not wish to quarrel with Gyles, so she said nothing.

"Your silence is most appropriate, as is your demure attitude. I can but hope this will continue." With one fluid movement, Gyles bent and swept Serena onto the horse, in front of him. "I will be forever in your debt if you will hold your tongue until we gain the privacy of our chamber. After that, you may bite, scratch, kick and scream; but you will be the proper lady in front of our servants."

Serena snuggled closely against Gyles, letting the heat that emanated from his body warm her. "Yes, Gyles," she murmured obediently.

Their return was met with silence and a few of Gyles's men glanced at Serena with a mixture of apprehension and pity. Gyles fairly dragged Serena from the horse and pulled her roughly along behind him up the steps into the castle and to her chamber, calling for hot water as they went. His grip was excruciatingly painful, and to struggle only caused more pain. So Serena gave up and let him have his way with her. Gyles nearly threw Serena into the room, and closed the bedroom door with a slam that could be heard in the great hall.

"You are, without a doubt, the most infuriating, exasperating woman it has ever been my misfortune to meet!" Gyles roared down at Serena.

Serena smiled and began to strip the wet clothes from her body. Serena knew, his anger was caused by his concern for her. She could not blame him, and neither would she fight with him. There was a knock on the door and servants were admitted to pour steaming water into the tub. Gyles subsided temporarily into tight-lipped silence. When they were alone, Serena lost no time in settling herself into the water. Gyles paced the room while Serena sank deeper in the tub to drive the chill from her bones.

"Were you thrown?" Gyles asked abruptly.

"No. Demon was frightened of the storm and bolted," Serena answered easily.

"You were not to ride him. Did I not forbid it?" Gyles's voice rose.

"Yes, Gyles. But had you allowed me to ride astride rather than forcing that odious sidesaddle upon me, I should have ridden him with greater ease." Serena rinsed the soap from her body and rose. "Would you hand me that linen, please?" Gyles angrily complied, hurling the cloth at her. "Thank you," she said and stepped from the tub, walking toward the fire to dry herself. "There is no need to shout at me, Gyles, I can hear you quite well. I am sorry I disobeyed your wishes, but my punishment has already been meted out, has it not?"

Gyles regarded her silently before he nodded reluctantly. Even if he wished to punish Serena for her disobedience, Gyles knew he could not bring himself to do so. She looked so delicate standing before the fire— so tempting. It had been a long time since Serena had last come to him, and Gyles felt himself responding to her nearness. Serena was tousling her hair with a linen and before Gyles could stop himself, he had reached out to touch one of her gold-flecked curls and rub it thoughtfully between his fingers.

Behind the curtain of her towel, Serena smiled. If nothing else, Gyles did desire her. Serena was ashamed of the way she had treated Gyles since Alan's departure. He was only doing what he thought best for his son. The towel dropped from her fingers and Serena looked up into Gyles's intense green gaze.

"Forgive me for doubting your judgment, Gyles. Twas wrong of me—and cruel." Serena reached up to touch the scar on his cheek, something she had never done before. Deliberately she traced its path. "I have missed you these past nights, Gyles. This room is far colder than yours . . . and I have grown accustomed to having you beside me when I awake."

She was in his arms then, and Gyles bent to place gentle kisses on her lips and neck. "I must tell you," he said at last, "why I sent Alan away." Gyles seated Serena in a chair, and seeing the serious expression on his face, she remained silent. Gyles drew a deep breath and began.

"There is much you do not know of me, so 'tis important I start at the beginning. I was born in Normandy; the old lord and his family are Norman as was my mother. My early life is of little importance; my mother was a serving girl in the castle, and because of the lord's position, I was sent to one of his friend's estates to begin training as a squire. When I had earned my knighthood, I returned. My mother was dead of the fever and my father had a legitimate heir, Kier, who had been born shortly after I had left. There was nothing to bind me there, and William was gathering an army to cross into England, so I joined William. Understand, Serena, I bore no grudge against your people, but I had to make my way in the world." Gyles seated himself on a stool in front of Serena, and caught her hands in his. "I was— and still am—a bastard. I was entitled to nothing from my father and I could not foresee spending my life in the service of someone else. William offered the chance of a small fief, and I had nothing to lose and everything to gain. William was victorious, and I was granted a small estate in Normandy, where I lived peacefully for five years."

"Aside from Alan's birth," Serena put in.

Gyles's face softened. "Yes, Alan. I have often reproached myself for his birth, 'twas my wish never to force my lot on another, but—" Gyles raised his hands helplessly. "I could not allow his mother to deny him life. And after his birth, when I held him, touched him, watched him grow, I swore he would not endure what I had had to. Then my own past caught up with me. That part you know already, my father's wish that his blood line continue to hold these lands was agreed upon by William and I was summoned to remain at Camden until Kier should sire a son." Gyles stood and began to pace the room. "Kier hated me and my son. It seemed we quarreled constantly, and Kier lost no opportunity to insult and badger Alan. Alan deserved nothing, so my half-brother believed. He would have made my son his servant—and a servant only learns his place by repeated beatings. I came upon them one day—Kier had sent me out with a patrol to find a band of thieves that was plaguing the area. We found them easily, and upon our return to Camden I learned that Kier had whipped Alan for entering the great hall during a meal. Kier and Beda had gone riding, so I followed and found them resting by a stream." Gyles pressed the heels of his hands over his eyes. "I was blind with rage, I struck him, we fought—and then, I don't know! Kier must have struck me on the head. Anyway, I lost consciousness. When I awoke, Kier was floating in the stream—dead. I had killed him. I don't remember it, but I must have murdered Kier. If it became known, I would have been executed or, at the very least, exiled. There was Alan to consider, he was only two. Beda offered me an arrangement. She would swear Kier's death was accidental if I would ... agree to become her lover."

Serena was frozen in her chair. "But ... then why did you wish to marry?" she whispered.

"I didn't! I never wanted a wife!" Gyles raged. "I wanted no one else to complicate my life or Alan's. 'Twas Beda's suggestion, for as the estates fell to me I would have need of a legitimate heir. God! How I hate all women and their cunning, devious minds. What need had I of a wife?" Serena paled, her blue eyes enormous, and Gyles went swiftly to her side. "Nay, Serena, do not think that. Those were my feelings before I met you. I admit I resented you at first, our marriage was forced upon me as it was upon you. I would have resented any woman I married, not just you. And then, the night of our marriage—I shall never forget how you looked at me, at Beda. It sickened me as I know it did you. Believe me, Serena, I have not touched Beda since we were wed. And now . . . now she threatens to expose the fact that I murdered Kier if I do not return to her bed. That is why I sent Alan away, and why you must leave as well."

Gyles stood at the hearth, arms braced against the mantle, and Serena felt the tears spring to her eyes. She wet her lips several times before she spoke. "Is it your wish that I return to my father?"

Gyles's shoulders slumped. " Twould be safer for you should Beda decide to accuse me," he said haltingly.

Serena rose and touched Gyles lightly on his shoulder. When he turned, her eyes searched his face earnestly. "That is not an answer, Gyles. I shall speak more plainly. Do you no longer want me? If so, tell me and I shall leave; but if I go, I promise you I will be back. I will not leave your side forever."

"Serena," Gyles pulled her into his arms. "You are being foolish ... if I should be taken—"

"If that happens, be assured I will run all the way to my father's lands. I am not foolish nor even very brave. You are my husband, my life is with you. And if that means fleeing England or proving Beda is lying, then so be it. She is lying, Gyles, I know it and you must also. You may have quarreled with your half-brother, but you did not murder him. One way or another we shall force Beda to tell the truth."

"You believe me? God's truth, Serena, I do not remember." Gyles drew a shaky breath, then laughed harshly. "Beda thought you would leave me when you found out about Alan. Instead, you gave him love, became his mother, protected him." Serena's loyalty and devotion had touched something deep within Gyles, and it was as if an emotional dam had burst. Feelings Gyles had not believed he possessed found their way to the surface to flood his heart and brain. "And you loved me though I offered you nothing in return. I tried to drive you away, I was close to hating you for a time because of your innocence—I was never allowed that luxury." Gyles crushed Serena against his chest. "I am a selfish man, Serena, I do not wish you to leave me, yet I cannot place you in any danger. I never thought to find a woman who would discover the way into my heart. You are dear to me, Serena, more precious than anything I own. I would move heaven and earth to stop that which would take you from me. You alone can twist a blade deep into my heart with a harsh word or cause my day to be brightened with a smile, and that disturbs me greatly."

Tears rolled down Serena's cheeks as the words she had waited so long to hear were spoken by Gyles—but there were unspoken words as well. Gyles's pride would not allow him to ask Serena to stay and help him but the plea was there all the same. Gyles's arms had become almost unbearably tight around Serena, and—as if their minds touched in that instant—Serena suddenly realized that Gyles was afraid. He was afraid for Alan, for Serena, and not least of all, for himself. Instinctively, Serena knew what she must do and say.

"Gyles," Serena said quietly. "Will you allow me to stay? I cannot return to Broughton. My father would send me straight back to you; and I will not retire to my dower estate. Camden is my home, Gyles, will you not allow me to fight for it, and you?"

"You are stubborn," Gyles said with a brief smile. Then he sobered. "Never leave me, Serena, for without you I am not whole."

Serena wrapped her arms around Gyles's neck and pulled him downward. "Nay, Gyles, I shall never leave you, not so long as I have breath in my body." Serena began to caress Gyles, and she admitted to herself that she had missed sharing his bed.