Courting Katarina (18 page)

Chapter Seventeen

A
lex lowered his voice. “You can’t keep covering your pain with humor, Katarina. I want you to talk about this.”

She ignored him and continued to cook the ground beef for tacos. This was her first day out of bed. Alex had been a mother hen for over a week. Why couldn’t he just leave her alone and let her live her own life?

“Where was Ron, Katarina? If the man loves you enough to spend the rest of his life with you, why wasn’t he here when you needed him? Other than your usual Friday-at-four flowers, he hasn’t even been in touch.”

“Stop it. He didn’t even know I was sick.” Considering the anger in Alex’s words, the tenderness in his expression confused her. She stirred the hamburger, then grated the cheddar cheese.

Alex leaned one hip against the edge of the counter. He closed his eyes and lifted his chin.

Is he totally frustrated with me or saying a quick prayer?
Kat pushed past Alex to drain the ground beef.

“He knew from the very first day. I called him.”

“Who asked you to do that?”

“I thought he might want to drop everything and come take care of you himself.” Alex didn’t wait to press the issue. “Where will the Boy Scout be when you have kids who need their father, Kat? You of all people can’t pretend that doesn’t matter.”

She glared at him. “That’s a low blow.”

“And accusing me of wanting to be your father wasn’t?” He paced the room like a caged animal. “Maybe it’s about time someone opened your eyes to the truth. The man isn’t going to change once you marry him. Maybe you don’t even want children. Maybe you don’t care if your husband loves you, but you should. Marriage is not only depending on each other, but giving and sharing. And I don’t see Ron doing much of either.”

“What in the world do you know about how Ron feels about me?” Katarina turned to face Alex. “Maybe he’s—”

“His actions speak for themselves. Anyone who doesn’t even call to see how you’re feeling doesn’t deserve you. And anyone content with seeing their love no more often than once a month hasn’t found the love of his life.”

“Oh?” Suddenly her mouth went dry. Was that why Alex never stayed in Loveland longer than a few nights? She felt her heart race with hope that someone would actually consider
her
important enough to arrange his schedule around and not just fit her in when it was convenient.
God, is it Alex I’ve saved myself for? It’s so sudden. I’ve known Ron for years
…

Alex took a step closer. He reached around her, turned off the stove and offered her a sympathetic smile. “I don’t want to see you hurt. You say he’s going to be popping the question soon. I want you to go into this with your eyes open.”

Katarina was torn between wanting to repay the pain Alex was inflicting on her, and wanting him even more because he cared enough to be honest. She closed her eyes, her head swirling with doubts.

What woman wouldn’t be light-headed over the kind of attention Alex was paying to her? Who wouldn’t be flattered and attracted to him? But could she take a risk like giving up a long-term relationship for a man she’d known only a few weeks?

“Who are we trying to fool, Katarina?”

She stared at him. “I don’t believe I’ve tried to fool anyone. I’ve been honest with you.” There were so many things to consider before taking a chance with Alex. If they became serious, would it be difficult on the families to have sisters and brothers to contend with? Would the age difference become a problem? Could she learn to be more open
with her feelings? He wasn’t the type of man to settle for a superficial relationship. Already he had broken through every protective barrier she’d ever mastered.

Alex’s gaze dropped to her locket and he touched it gingerly, his eyes studying it with a curious intensity. He stared at her in waiting silence.

Katarina felt like a breathless girl of eighteen again. His nearness made her senses spin, yet she trusted him as she never had another man. She inhaled a slow and shallow breath, careful not to start another coughing spasm. “Emily gave that to me when she went away to medical school. Go ahead and open it.”

“That’s okay.”

With that simple gesture of trust, he unlocked her heart and soul. She reached up and opened it. “Lisa and Emily. They are my soul mates.”

She could almost see the relief in his blue eyes. The worry lines by his mouth softened.

“I hope there’s room for another soul mate in there, Katarina.” He touched a whisper of a kiss on her forehead and stepped back. “Until there’s a ring on your finger, I refuse to give up hope that we can become more than friends. And I promise, I won’t make it easy for you to walk away.”

She had long ago tried to convince herself that near kisses and embraces would never make her swoon, yet from Alex, she had no defenses. The man broke all her other rules—why not this one, too?
Katarina hadn’t realized she was holding her breath until she exhaled too quickly and ended up coughing, an annoying residual effect from her pneumonia. She put an ice chip in her mouth and let the slow release of cold liquid soothe her throat.

“Go rest. I’ll finish supper.”

The call came early afternoon. The offer she’d been praying diligently about, waiting for, working toward for four years. Unique Designs wanted to buy her company—dolls, designs, stock, and hire her as a full-time consultant. The deal included a benefit package and meant no more traveling, no more trying to sell her wares, no more bookkeeping. All of the fun and no more headaches, as Ron would say.

There was only one hitch in the deal. She’d have to move to Arkansas.

She dialed number after number, unable to reach anyone. She was itching to share her news. Emily was working late. Lisa hadn’t returned her call. Her mother was in meetings. Kevin and Alex were at Adam’s putting in another long day. The afternoon dragged on in silence.

That left Ron. Her heart sank at the thought of telling him. His strategy had worked even better than they’d expected, as she hadn’t dreamed anyone would offer her such a lucrative salary to design exclusively for them.

Katarina went to the sewing room. Just the sight
of the doll clothes brought tears to her eyes. This was her dream come true. After only four years, Kat’s Kreations would be sold nationally and internationally.

Her tears caught her off guard. She looked around and felt everything close in. She ran to her room and closed the door.
How can I cry over something I’ve wanted so badly, God? You’ve answered my prayers so generously, and I’m crying? What’s wrong with me?

There was a soft knock on the door, followed by Alex’s deep voice. “Katarina?”

She sniffed and buried her face in her hands, wiping the tears from her eyes. She didn’t want anyone to see her like this.

“May I come in?”

She started sobbing again.

Alex was sure he’d heard crying. He opened the door and peeked inside. From the way Katarina jumped he must have surprised her. She immediately turned away, but not before he saw her puffy eyes. He couldn’t hold himself back. He walked around to the far side of the bed, sat next to her and pulled her close. To his surprise, she wrapped her arms tightly around him and rested her head on his chest. “Katarina, what’s wrong?” He rubbed her back to calm her down.

She sobbed once more, then regained control. “I have an offer for Kat’s Kreations.”

His hand stopped. He looked her in the eye. “You don’t seem too happy.”

Katarina untangled herself from him and pasted a smile on her face. “Of course I’m happy.”

Alex laughed. “I may have only known you a few weeks, but I can tell there’s something very wrong here. What is it?”

“I think it’s just an overload of emotions.”

He leaned back and examined her closely. “Yes, I see it now. You’re just bubbling over with them.”

“Alex…” she chided him, stretching his name almost into two words.

“Katarina…” he mimicked. “Be honest. What is it you don’t like about the deal?”

Katarina shrugged. She listed all the benefits of what sounded like a very profitable deal. “I guess I’m feeling a little possessive,” she said, then hesitated. “I don’t want this to sound arrogant, but, well, it’s my company. They don’t just want a few dolls, they want it all. Even my name.” Tears spilled onto her cheeks.

He grinned, trying to lighten her mood. “It is a beautiful name. I’d kind of like to have Katarina for my own, too. You should feel flattered to be in such great demand.”

She nudged his shoulder with hers. “Did you feel that way about your dad’s company when you sold it?”

“Sure I did. It’s the main reason I went into smoke jumping. I had to do something totally…”

“Reckless?”

“I was going to say different. I thought it was sort of daring before I got into it. Then I realized it’s an overglamorized job from the public view. It was a great break from what I really wanted to do, which was build.”

“And now you want to go back?”

He nodded.

Katarina wiped her eyes, yet tears streamed calmly down her face. “I hoped maybe one day my father would recognize my name out there and come find us girls.” She started sobbing again. “I want him to be proud of me.”

Alex wiped the tears from Katarina’s cheeks while fighting back tears of his own. “I’m sure he is, Kat. Until he can tell you for himself, your heavenly Father is there for you. I don’t know what I’d have done without God after my dad died. I’d pushed Kevin away, Mom had her own grief to deal with, Grandpa was distraught that his son had died before him, and my other grandparents had already passed on.”

“I just wish sometimes that I didn’t care, that the longing to please him would go away.”

“When you were a little girl, did you blame yourself for him leaving?”

She nodded. “I made him all sorts of things, hoping that if he just knew how much I loved him, he’d come home. After a few months I lost hope of seeing him again, and started making animals and dolls
out of old scraps for Lisa to play with. I liked how happy they made her.” Katarina pulled one of her dolls into her lap. Was her choice of profession also due to her father? Did she create dolls in order to attempt to mend some broken path in her lonely childhood? “What about Emily and Lisa? How do they feel about your dad?”

“Emily picked up the role of caregiver, since Mom had never worked and suddenly had to find a job. The first few years, Mom worked three of them. I think Emily was so mad at Dad that it was a relief to shut out her feelings for him. Emily was determined to make sure she didn’t ever have to rely on a husband for an income.” She looked up apologetically.

“We can’t handle that for Kevin and Emily. They’re dealing with that themselves. But don’t ever feel bad about trying to defend your sister.” Alex looked over at the other dolls on Katarina’s pillow.

“Lisa was only two when he left. She went to a neighbor’s when Emily and I were in school, and Mom would bring her home in time for dinner, then tuck us in before she left for her night jobs. I doubt Lisa really spends much time thinking about it, to be honest. In a sense, she really never knew what it was like to have a father, so it didn’t bother her. So I guess that means I’m the only warped sister.”

Alex pulled her close, wishing he could ease her pain. “You’re not warped. You’re a very determined young woman who turned something comforting
into an enterprising business. Your dolls make people happy. God gave you a wonderful gift, Katarina. There’s no reason you shouldn’t take pride in using it in the way He intended it.” He looked into his lap and found the doll he’d been looking at on the pillow a minute ago. He didn’t remember picking it up. He looked at Katarina. “Do you name all of them?”

“Each design has a name. This is Melissa, and the one you’re holding is Bye-Bye.”

Beautiful lavender-blue eyes, blonde hair and a pretty pout. He noticed a tear in the corner of the doll’s eye. Katarina set her doll on the bed and moved to lean against the dresser.

“Then you think I should accept the job offer?”

“I think you’re consulting the wrong man. I follow a strict code—don’t give opinions on matters that should be discussed between a woman and her fiancé.”

If possible, the tears had changed her eyes to an almost purplish color. “What if she wasn’t involved—with someone else. What would you tell her then?”

Was he imagining it, or had he seen a hint of a smile on her lips? She was so incredibly beautiful. “I’d tell her to follow her heart.”

“I don’t know what it’s telling me. Please, Alex, give me your opinion. Just an opinion. It
doesn’t
mean I’m going to do it.”

Alex’s lips curved into a gentle smile as he shook
his head. “Kat, do you want me to tell you what you should do? Or do you want me to tell you what
I
want you to do?”

“Is there a difference?”

“You’re darn right there is. I have no right to tell you what’s right for you. For that matter, no one should tell you what to do. And, unfortunately, I’m not in a position to say what I’d like you to do.”

“You’re doing this on purpose. To drive me crazy.”

“That makes two of us, then.”

Katarina had never been so confused. It had been weeks since she’d seen Ron. Was it just loneliness that drew her to Alex? After all, he was suddenly her closest confidant. They’d spent every evening talking. He’d shown her how to put her work away and listen to her heart. How to rely on God, the Father.

“Does this mean you haven’t told Ron?”

She shook her head.

“Hmm.” Alex’s dark eyebrows rose. He stood and gently placed the baby doll back on the pillow. “Then you’d best be having a lengthy talk with God. Figure out just what it is you do want.” He proceeded to the kitchen. She followed him, the electricity so intense between them that the very air around them seemed to spark.

Was Alex telling her he wanted to be the man she consulted with? Or was he, as usual, just being “Mr. Nice Guy”? He was nothing like Ron. And the more
she thought about Ron, the more depressed she became. If she sold her company, he would expect her to return to him right away. Was that the only reason she was afraid to make the call?