Courted by Karma (The Adventures of Anabel Axelrod) (45 page)

So I did.

Taking careful steps to exit the barn as quietly as I’d arrived, I was aware of Svettie starting to cry piteously in the background.

Hugging a boot under each arm, I started running full out the minute my feet hit the ramp outside
. I didn’t let myself think or stop while I ran as fast as I could. My feet pounded the ground in time to the refrain pounding in my head, “Please, just get me home, Please, just get me home.”

No matter how fast I ran, the lane seemed endless
, but I finally arrived at the pink limo waiting patiently on the road.

Throwing the boots in through the door Phil held politely open, I was about to
throw myself in when a car honked. I looked up in a daze.

I didn’t recognize the silver sedan
. It slowed to a stop alongside me. I was in such a numb state; I didn’t react at seeing John and the senior Drake’s.

John and Damaris both rolled down a window, but other than giving me a sharp, searching look
and a small nod of hello, John didn’t speak.

In the front seat,
Paul leaned forward to see past John and smiled genially. “Good morning, Anabel! Are you coming over to have some coffee with us?”

From the back,
Damaris added her greetings with a warm smile and I smiled back automatically. Then I heard myself lie without compulsion when she asked if I was arriving or leaving.

“Oh,
just this minute arriving.” My driver earned a big tip because he didn’t bat an eye. “I was going to come and work out with Luke, but I just got a call from my cousin that I’m needed at home. Guess I’m not going to be working out after all.” I smiled politely at Luke’s father, “Sorry I can’t stay for coffee, but we’ll see you all later, right?”

Damaris smile dimmed
, as she looked at me searchingly with her piercing brown eyes. She must be good with prevaricating witnesses on the stand because I had to glance away while feeling ashamed for my phony smiles and lies.

Luke’s mother
said slowly, “Yes, we’ll be over at two. I’m looking forward to getting to know you better, Anabel.” I glanced back and saw the slight frown between her brows, so like her son. I dredged up a smile because I was really bummed we won’t be getting to know each better. With a ghost of a smile, she said in her quiet way, “I have a feeling you and I share the same fighting spirit, dear. I hope you don’t mind, but Luke and John shared what you and your family have done for Blanca. I’d like to talk to you more about this later today, if that’s okay with you?”

“
Sure,” I agreed.

At this
moment, I’d agree with anything to get them to leave. This was agonizing for me, knowing I won’t be getting to know them or probably ever see them again. Luke’s parents teased me about the pink limo, and then with friendly waves and another nod from the silent John, they drove off and turned into the lane from hell.

“Phil,
give me a minute, please.” Without another word, I climbed into the far back bench seat and sat stiffly staring sightlessly out the window.

I was able, l
ittle by little, to start compartmentalizing my raging emotions so that I could sort out my thoughts over what I’d witnessed in the barn.

Was I surprised to hear Luke own
ed the company and was not simply an operator like I was led to believe, or assumed?

At this point, if I found out he
was the Messiah, I wouldn’t bat an eyelash.

D
o I think Luke was having a thing with Svettie, or would have a thing?

No
t while she worked for him, but who the hell really knew?

Was
Luke my boyfriend?

No, he
was not.

D
o I have any rights to barge in and accuse Svettie of anything?

No, I d
o not.

Was not
Luke very clear that he’s never told a woman he’d be faithful in his life?

Yes, he was
very clear.

Was I not completely happy to hear this from him less than twenty-four hours ago?

Yes, I was.

So then why
was I completely devastated right now?

That
was the question I was struggling to put into words to answer. For my soul to understand why I think it was best if we parted ways, I felt I owed it some sort of an explanation.

I have met
the man that I’ve come to understand fulfilled me in all the important ways--brain, body, and soul. Luke made me think, scream, laugh, and after last night, love. I have never experienced such overwhelming and complete attraction. If the last twenty-five years of being out in the world and surrounded by men were any indication, I probably won’t ever experience it again.

People have an idea of me that couldn’t be farther from the truth, but since I don’t care what most folks believe,
and since it’s nobody’s business, I haven’t bothered defending myself or correcting any misapprehensions. NanaBel knows who I am, and that’s good enough for me. Nobody else in my circle of family or friends has ever asked me for the truth, and so I let people assume what they want.

Bottom line, I
was practically a virgin in the scope of my sexual experience.

Not that I care
d about virginity, except in this case as a word to describe the status of my cha-cha in direct relation to its limited contact with men’s penises. Without giving a play-by-play of the last fifteen years, suffice it to say Mike and I just started to have sex before we broke up. Before Mike was my boyfriend, I was a virgin. For all practical purposes, I may as well have been one since we broke up. In depressed desperation, I tried to have sex a couple of times in the early years after Mike and I ended. I threw myself in for the kill, but without sexual attraction or interest, it was just too empty and no fun for me.

I’ve spent the last ten years trying to be attracted
enough to all sorts of different men to want to have sex, but like forcing the love doesn’t work, this hasn’t happened for me, either. Perhaps it was strange, but I’ve never worried I have a low sex drive or mental problems. Well, not serious ones, anyway. This was probably because I wear out my toys quite regularly, my jeep could drive itself to The Smitten Kitten sex shop in Minneapolis, and I owned stock in Energizer batteries.

So
mehow, my serial dating in the quest for a man that set off even a glimmer of attraction had morphed into a reputation of me being a woman of enormous sexual appetites. It was a fallacy that I, unashamedly and without a backward glance, screwed anything that wasn’t nailed down that struck my fancy. This has always saddened me, as I think it sounded quite fun and only wished it was remotely true.

And then I met Luke Drake. He walk
ed into my store and my blood boiled from twenty feet away. He got called away to work, but he couldn’t stop thinking about me for months, either. We had a first date and he pulled my panties off within five minutes and buried his face between my legs. We fucked like rabbits, dogs, monkeys, and humans every chance we got. He was taking me places sexually I’d always dreamed of visiting. We reflected each other’s light, and we feed each other’s darkness.

So wh
at does this have to do with being devastated at what I witnessed in the barn?

It took only one hour of loving Luke
Drake, and I’ve gone and ruined everything I just described. I don’t feel it was very fair I got to experience love for only one hour before it went to hell, but that’s karma for you.

I heard a saying lately that everyone you meet in life
was either a blessin’ or a lesson.

In the first hour of experiencing this phenomenon called lov
e, I’ve also experienced my blessin’ and my lesson with Luke.

The
blessing I received was to be transported by the happiness, exhilaration, and rightness of these incredible feelings. Mac was right; love was much different from the infusion of chemicals into the bloodstream called sexual infatuation—even from the enormous overdoses of sexual infatuation that I’d experienced.

I know
. How odd was that, right?

Since meeting
Luke, it was no secret that there hasn’t been a zeptosecond when I haven’t worshiped the man’s penis. To understand the depth of my love for Luke, simply put, it meant I wanted what was best for Luke, even more than I wanted to worship his penis.

The
lesson I learned eavesdropping in Luke’s barn was that I was not the best woman for Luke.

M
y devastation was the direct result of knowing I could have killed Svettie while watching her disrobe for Luke. I could have beat Luke for acting like a typical man and looking at her bared body for even a moment. If those dark, flip-side feelings of my love for Luke existed without any discussion of a commitment between us, I could only shudder imagining how scary I’d be in a relationship.

I don’t like Svettie and never will, and I’ll have a very hard
time restraining myself at Thanksgiving dinner, but she’s not the real problem. I was the problem.

I never kn
own this until fifteen minutes ago, but apparently I was a violently jealous woman. Luke’s a man that raised violently passionate feelings in women. I couldn’t live that way. He’ll never know how close I came to asking him to go steady, but even as I was aching already at the thought of him and his penis gone from my life, it was for the best.

It’s not that I don’t love him any longer after seeing him with Svettie.
I’m afraid I was going to be cursed with loving Torquemada for a long time, if not forever. I’d deal somehow. While I wanted to boil Svettie in hot oil and I don’t get why Luke dealt with her so gently, I did have faith there was a reason. I might not agree with his reason, but I know Luke’s got one.

I
trust Luke Drake.

It
was the cold-hearted killer in me that I couldn’t trust.

Turning from s
ightlessly watching out the limo’s window and with a quivering lip held firmly checked, I told Phil to drive me home. I ignored the voices in my head and I ignored the vibrating text from Luke on my cell:
John said he just saw you?
Sorry you had to leave.

Chapter XX

“Mustang Sally” by Muddy Waters

Thanksgiving 11/22/12

7
:53 AM

“Stop!”
I ordered Phil the driver. “Take me back to the farm!”

“Uh, I haven’t left yet.”

I threw open the door and started running back up the lane.

‘
What in the HELL was I thinking? Has love made me insane already in less than two hours? Am I not the woman that knows there is no other man that makes me scream, laugh, and think like Luke Drake? Am I going to slink away with my tail between my legs because I am scared of my passionate yet oddly sociopathic nature?’

‘HELL NO!’
Everyone screamed back, laughing and jumping in the air while high-fiving.

I saw the silver car ahead of me about halfway up the lane, cautiously navigating the ruts and valleys.

‘That’s right, hell no! I NEVER run from myself because I’m scared! I have a fighting spirit!’

‘GO ANABEL!
’
The roaring and clapping in my head was louder than a stadium of Super Bowl fans trying to drown out the opposing quarterback’s play calling. I threw my arms over my head and waved my fists. Then I tucked my head, and pumping my arms and legs, got down to some serious Terminator running.

I ha
ve a penis to claim for my very own and a Russian bitch to maim, but not kill. It was Thanksgiving after all. I have a lot to be thankful for, and so will Luke once I was done with him.

It took only a few seconds for me to c
atch up with the silver sedan. As I drew abreast of the heaving car from the safety of my narrow path on the left side of the lane, I glanced over. The surprise on John’s face made me laugh, but I didn’t slow down.

I heard windows whir down and I glanced over again. Damaris
was holding onto the overhead strap and calmly watching me from the back seat of the bucking car with a slightly raised brow and a small smile. Paul was swaying and waving with a big grin from the front.

I grinned back and shouted over to them all, “I’m on my way to sit your son’s ass down and tell him some hard facts, so you all better steer clear of the barn for a while!”

Paul laughed and called back, “Go get him, tiger! Then come to the house for a cup of coffee with me!”

Laughing, I huffed out a breathless, “If Luke
ever allows me into his house, does that offer include Mama Drake’s baklava?”

Damaris
’ smile widened into almost a grin when she answered, “It does, dear!”

John stared
back at me with an inscrutable face behind his Ray-Bans.

Pulling ahead of the car,
I glanced back and gave him another dose of the Viggo V. “No cheating and calling ahead to warn your little buddy you saw me again, snake man!” Jumping over a puddle at my feet and glancing back again, I called to Damaris, “Don’t let him call, Mama D!”