Counting Stars (A Donnelley Brother's Novel) (5 page)

Over the next
eleven weeks, Gracie and I had become email addicts. She told me on
countless occasions that her husband, John, felt he needed to ban
her from her laptop. We had gotten to know each other pretty well.
Not every email was personal and intimate. Most were funny and
light-hearted, but there were the few thrown in here and there
where we talked about Derek. About loss, and love, and life.

Little did she know, but
she was already helping me heal. My steps were a little lighter and
I woke in the morning, able to get myself out of bed before crying.
That didn’t mean that I didn’t find myself aching for Derek,
because I did. A lot. But, I found that the pain was a little
easier. I had someone to talk to about it. Someone who didn’t know
Derek. Who didn’t remind me of him.

Kat was still my best
friend—and she always would be—but I couldn’t talk to her about
Derek the way I could talk to Gracie.

Bending down, I picked
up the last box. Heavy footsteps pounded on the front porch as Kat
gave a long sigh. “Whew! I hope that’s the last of it, girl.”

“It is.” I breathed in
deep, and to my surprise, a smile appeared on my face. I wiggled
the box in my arms. “This is the last box right here.”

“I can’t believe you’re
really moving.” The skin between her eyes crinkled and I knew she
was close to tears. If she cried, I would cry. Damn, I didn’t want
to cry.

“Don’t cry!” I pleaded,
making a break for the steps. “You know I’ll visit you lots!”

“Where are you even
going to live?” She leaned against the open hatch of my Mazda CX-5.
“I mean, all your stuff is in storage and you’re off to live in the
boonies for a month. But after that, where are you going to
go?”

“I don’t know yet.” I
shrugged, maneuvering a few of the boxes around so I could fit my
large hiking pack on top. “That’s kind of the point of renting the
storage facility.”

She hummed, awkwardly
toeing the cement of the driveway. “So, you’re thinking you might
want to stay up there?”

“I don’t know, Kat.” I
replied honestly. I hadn’t even begun my journey and I was already
feeling exhausted. This was a big step for me. It was just as
difficult for me to leave this house, and my best friend, as it was
for her to fathom my not being just next door anymore. “I just
don’t want to sign a lease until I’m positive that I want to be
there, ya know?”

Her shoulders fell. “I
know, sweetie.”

“Give me a hug!” I
opened my arms. “I’ve got to get on the road if I’m going to be
there before midnight. I’m already way late!”

She pouted. “What if I
don’t like my new neighbors?”

I smiled at her
last-ditch attempt at conning me into staying—not that I could. I’d
already sold the house. Papers had been drawn and signed and today
was the last day I that I was legally the owner of house number 46
on Creek Wind Drive.

“You will.” I assured,
feeling my throat tighten. “They’re a young couple—like you and
Mason. And they have a little boy who is pretty close to Macie’s
age.” I looked down. “You’ll become friends, Kat. You and her. I’m
sure her husband will get along fine with Mason. You’ll do
barbeques in the summer and game nights in the winter.”

Sadness filled the air—because that was the
relationship Derek and I had had with Kat and Mason. We were close.
We did so much together. But now Derek was gone and we
all
had to move forward with our lives.

Kat reached out to rub
my arm. “No one will ever replace you and Derek in our lives,
Reese.”

My eyes misted. “I love
you, Kat.”

She sniffled, wiping her
nose with the back of her hand. I watched her fight her tears, and
then give up entirely, as she whispered, “I love you too.”

And then I was in her
arms and she was holding me so tight, it was almost painful. But I
didn’t mind. I squeezed her back just as tight. I’m not sure how
long we stood together that way, but it felt like forever. When we
finally pulled apart, both our faces were streaked with tears.

“I’ll call you when I
get there, okay?”

She nodded. “I’ll be
waiting. I don’t care what time it is, you call!”

“I will!” I promised.
Crouching down on my haunches, I opened my arms for Macie. “Give me
some love, amigo.”

Macie ran into my arms,
hugging me tight. “I looooveyou a-miigo.” She spoke the words in
her three-year-old mumble.

“I love you too.”

Standing, I watched as
Kat propped Macie up onto her hip. I shut the hatch of my SUV and
gave the house one last look. The inside was empty of the
belongings Derek and I had accumulated together, but it was filled
with memories that would forever live within those walls—within my
mind.

Before my eyes could
mist again, I turned to Kat. “I’ve gotta get on the road.”

She nodded. “I
know.”

I walked on what felt
like jello for knees. I knew this was the right thing; it was what
I needed. But I never imagined walking away from this house would
be so hard. I opened the driver’s door before sliding into the
seat. Starting the car, I rolled down my window. “I love you both
and I’ll see you again soon!”

I watched as they both
waved, tears streaking their faces as my car rolled from the
driveway. As soon as my tires hit the asphalt, I felt relief. I’d
made it this far. There was no turning back now.

I drove until I couldn’t
see the place that had once been my home with Derek, before I
Bluetooth dialed the phone number Gracie had given me to call when
I was on my way.

Ringing filled the car.
“Hello,”

“Hi, Gracie, it’s Reese.
I’m just phoning to let you know I’m on my way.”

“Oh,” she sounded a
little odd. I couldn’t make it out, but then we hadn’t had all that
many conversations over the phone. Mainly, we’d stuck to email.
“Drive safe and call me if you get lost!”

“I will.” I replied
hesitantly. “I’m sorry I’m running a little late, Gracie.”

Was she mad at me? I’d
had a lot to do today with emptying the house and cleaning. I’d
honestly thought I’d be on time when I made plans.

“Oh, don’t be silly!”
Gracie scolded. “I didn’t expect you to be on time.”

“You didn’t?” I asked,
frowning.

“No, of course not. You
had a lot on your plate and you’ll get here when you get here. You
just drive safe.”

“Thank you, Gracie.” I
whispered.

“See you soon-ish.” She
sounded like she was smiling now, but I wasn’t sure.

“See you.”

I pressed end and the
music I’d been listening to before my call flooded the space. I
couldn’t help but ponder over the way Gracie sounded on the phone.
I didn’t think she was mad, but she sounded almost nervous. Well, I
suppose that would make sense, I was nervous to meet her too. We’d
talked so much through email and some over the phone. I was a
little worried for how we’d mesh in person, so I imagined she was
feeling the same way. Whatever it was, I was sure it would be
fine.

. . . Well, Derek, I’m
on my way to meet Gracie. You would be proud of me—I’m driving
myself. Yes, I know, I know, I am fully capable of driving myself,
but you know how intimidated I get of the open road. Of getting
lost. Of taking a wrong turn. Of being without you. But I’m taking
the chance and I’m finding that it’s really not all that bad. I’ll
admit I still wish you were here in the driver’s seat. Then I would
have my feet tucked beneath me on the seat and a book in my
lap.

But I’m staring up at
the road ahead instead of sneaking glances at you from the pages of
my book. I’m doing as you always said—reading the road signs. I’m
almost to Calgary. That is my halfway point. I’m starting to feel
nervous because the sky is growing dark and I’m alone. I need to
stop at a gas station, too. I should probably fill up the car and
my bladder (full of coffee) feels as though it’s about to burst. If
you were here, you would scold me for drinking so much caffeine,
but you’re not here. You can’t give me trouble for my caffeine
addiction and you can’t praise me for taking this leap and making
such a journey on my own.

I know it must sound
like you did everything for me. And in a way, you did. You cared
for me, always. But my whole adult life and half of my teenage life
was with you. I never knew anything else. I simply always had
you—and you always made everything so easy for me. You never tested
me or pushed me. Instead, you comforted me and provided for me.
That’s just who you were—the man I fell in love with . . .

The road leading to the
Donnelley’s was long and gravelly. My little SUV hadn’t seen more
than a kilometer of gravel in its life. It had been acquainted only
with paved city roads and the occasional pothole. Other than that,
Mazzy, (my car has a name) has had a spoiled existence. I had
already driven at least twenty minutes up the winding roads of the
paved mountain, but for the last ten minutes I had been driving (or
crawling) at the pace of a turtle over the gravel. I knew I was on
the right road, because there had been a sign reading “Wild Land
Tours—The Donnelley’s” stationed at the corner. However, I was
beginning to wonder how much longer I would be driving. I hadn’t
seen any lights and there had been nowhere for me to turn, so I
kept driving. It didn’t help that it was nighttime and the sky was
black. Barely any stars were peaking from the ebony so I had only
my headlights to shine my way.

Finally, when I thought
I was going to drive off the face of the earth, I saw lights. As I
drove closer, I got a good look at the Donnelley house. It wasn’t
enormous, but it definitely wasn’t small. The exterior was made of
log. There was so much intricate detail crafted into the outside of
the house I couldn’t wait to take a good look at it in the
daylight. Connecting to the house was a smaller building with a
sign hanging over the door reading “Wild Land Tours—Welcome!” The
lights in what I assumed was the customer greeting place were all
turned off and I wondered if I was supposed to walk right up to
their front door. That seemed a little presumptuous—but I didn’t
know what else I was supposed to do.

I decided I would call
Kat before making my next move. Taking my phone from my purse, I
dialed her number and listened to it ring. After two rings, I heard
her voice. “You made it safe and sound?”

“I made it.” I answered.
“Thank God!”

“Why?” She chuckled and
I could only imagine she was envisioning my confused expression as
I tried to navigate the road I’d travelled.

“Well, I thought for a
moment I was going to drive all the way to the top of the mountain.
They have a pretty amazing piece of land here. You’ll have to come
back one day with me. Maybe make it a girls retreat.”

“I’d love that,
hun.”

“Me too.” There was
silence for a few minutes.

I opened my mouth to say
something when a heavy knock on my window made me yelp. With my
heart slamming in my chest, I swung to face the window.

“What is it?” Kat asked
with worry in her tone.

I stared through the
window at a growly looking man. I whispered. “Um, I have to go,
Kat. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

“Wait,”

I hung up. Dropping my
phone into the abyss of my purse, I opened my door. As I stepped
from the car, I felt goosebumps scatter over my flesh and I didn’t
know if it was from the chilly night air—or the man standing in
front of me. He looked dangerous and annoyed—and that was not a
combination I liked in a man.

I allowed my eyes to
wander over the man and I felt my heart speed in my chest. He was
remarkably good looking—and I felt guilty for thinking that. But it
was true. He wore a black cowboy hat, so I couldn’t make out his
hair color or type, but his eyes were piercing and black. Or at
least a really dark brown. His lashes were long and thick, also
black. His nose was stern, his cheekbones high, and his lips were
strong and full. His jaw was square, darkened by a shadow of hair.
And the man was enormous. He stood tall, at least six-foot-four,
towering over my oh-so-intimidating five-foot-three. His shoulders,
concealed beneath a blue plaid button-up shirt, were broad. His
waist was narrow and his thighs were firm beneath his dark blue
jeans. He wore cowboy boots. I hadn’t seen a man in cowboy boots—at
least not in real every day life. I’d been to rodeos where men
dressed up—but this man wasn’t playing dress-up.

“Hi.” I muttered. I
didn’t know what else to say with those piercing eyes glaring down
at me.

“Why are you sitting in
your car?” He demanded gruffly. Holy moly, the man was rude!

“I was calling my
friend.” I stuttered through my answer even though my mind was
telling me to reply with ‘it’s none of your business.’ I continued
to explain when his dark expression didn’t change. “I was letting
her know I made it safely.”