Count It All Joy (7 page)

Read Count It All Joy Online

Authors: Ashea S. Goldson

BOOK: Count It All Joy
13.95Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub
Chapter Eight
Alex
 
The next morning the sunlight streaming through the blinds woke me up. I jumped out of bed before Joshua, took my shower, and then slipped back into bed with him. Normally, Joshua would have been up praying at 5:00
A.M.
, followed by his Bible reading and meditation. When I touched his shoulder, he just groaned and turned the other way.
I could tell Joshua was especially depressed because of what happened with his parents last night. It was all so emotionally draining, his father's illness and his mother's aggression. I suggested that he take a day off from work, but he dismissed that idea quickly enough. Joshua never liked to take days off from work unless it was absolutely necessary. I guess he could be classified as a workaholic since that was pretty much all he ever did. In fact, the only real recreation Joshua participated in on any kind of regular basis was watching basketball games.
Yes, he loved to follow LeBron James's career during basketball season. And he even enjoyed shooting a few hoops every now and then, but this was rare.
Finally, Joshua climbed out of bed as if on his last bit of strength. He showered, dressed himself in one of his many pin-striped suits, and was ready to go off to work. He didn't even want his usual bagel and tea for breakfast.
“Everything will be all right,” I said, walking him to the door. But I could tell he had so much on his mind.
Lilah was still asleep since we were both officially on Christmas vacation.
“I'll call you later.” He gave me a dry kiss and walked across the hall, disappearing into the elevator.
I went to check on Lilah, saw that she was sleeping soundly, and then sat down at Joshua's desk. I wanted to open and read some of the Christmas cards we had received from the church. I opened one and it was a beautiful nativity scene from Sister Marguerite. Then I started to open another when a stapled group of bills caught my eye. There were old credit card statements dating back from three years ago. They were different cards with different large balances; five thousand, seven thousand, ten thousand.
“Wow,” I said to myself. There were purchases from Macys, Lord & Taylor, Neiman Marcus, Victoria's Secret, Gucci, and Tiffany's. I knew these had to be Delilah's purchases.
It must be nice to have such expensive taste,
I thought to myself. No wonder my husband was stressed out about money and could barely afford the life
we
wanted together. His first wife had buried him in debt. There was hardly anything left for me.
I looked at the thin tennis bracelet on my arm that he had given me for Christmas, and suddenly I was upset, envious, I guess. Did I have to walk in a dead woman's shadow? Couldn't I have some nice things for myself too? Why did I have to be the wife to make all the sacrifices?
Be not envious of sinners.
The Holy Spirit calmed me down quickly, and I walked away from the desk, grateful for what I did have, and mostly grateful for my husband.
He had been through so much already with Delilah that I was determined to make him forget about her. I was determined to be a better wife to him than she had been.
Later on in the day, Lilah and I headed out on an adventure of our own.
“How would you like to go ice skating?” I asked her.
“Yay!” Lilah started jumping up and down.
“All right, then, let's go,” I said.
First, I whipped up a batch of strawberry pancakes and bacon for Lilah and me, which I knew I would regret whenever I visited the gym again. Then I picked out a cute little jeans outfit for Lilah and one for myself. Mine was a little rough getting over the hips, but I'd have to work that out with myself later. In any case, we were matching in pink denim and ready for action. I took her hand, and we walked through our eclectic Brooklyn neighborhood to the nearest train station one block away.
I could see the excitement in Lilah's eyes as we boarded the train. This was our first real outing alone since I'd been married to her father, so I needed it to be special. Lilah talked the entire time about how she had seen ice skaters on Sesame Street and how she knew she would have so much fun on the ice. I hoped so because I wanted more than anything to really connect with her. Since Lilah had been so used to getting pretty much everything she wanted from her grandmother, this was not necessarily an easy task.
Finally, we arrived at the ice rink at Rockefeller Center in Midtown Manhattan. It was just as beautiful in person as it had been on television. There was a huge Christmas tree decorated with glamorous lights and the famous Prometheus statue in all its bronze glory. Lilah's eyes were big with anticipation, which made me smile on the inside and out. We rented skates and were told before starting that we should walk on the rubber matting, keeping our skate guards on. It sounded like good advice.
Since I had never been ice skating before, this was a challenge for both of us. I had wanted to go ice skating with Joshua once, but he showed no interest in it at all, so here I was with the four-year-old making it happen despite myself. I used my knowledge of roller skating to help me navigate this new world. First, we walked around the edge while holding the wall, trying to get a feel for the ice.
Please, Lord, don't let me fall.
Eventually, I began to bend my knees and lean forward as I watched the techniques of the skaters who glided around the rink. Before long, Lilah and I were moving, falling, and then moving again. Getting up wasn't easy because the ice was so slippery, but one young man stopped to help and give us advice.
“Get on your hands and knees and put one foot between your hands,” he said.
“Okay,” I replied, happy that I hadn't split my pants.
“When you want to stop, place one skate behind you with the toe facing away from you. Then drag it behind you until you stop.” He smiled. “Oh, and another thing, take longer strokes.”
“Thanks.” I looked up at him. “You sure are a lifesaver.”
“Well, I wouldn't say that. Take care now,” he said as he disappeared into the lively crowd of skaters.
“You too,” I replied.
I was so grateful for this information.
Thankfully, there were still nice people left in the world,
I thought as I watched everyone else circling around us without even a glance. Lilah and I laughed and took off again.
This time we tried to take longer strokes, whatever that meant.
I wouldn't exactly call it skating, and I wouldn't necessarily call it fun, except that we were together, an unlikely stepmother and stepdaughter forged together by unfortunate circumstances. Lilah did seem to enjoy herself though, and begged to come back again when we were leaving. I promised her that we would.
Afterward, I took her to eat at Angelos between Fifty-third and Fifty-fourth Streets. I remembered that they were nearby and had some of the best pizza that I'd ever tasted. Needless to say, Lilah and I left tired but happy. I hoped I was successfully building a real relationship with the little girl who refused to call me “Mommy.”
Chapter Nine
Alex
 
It was an average winter day for New York City. Now that Christmas vacation was over and we had welcomed the new year, I was glad to finally return to work. It gave me something to focus on besides my fertility issues. There was the usual office banter between coworkers and administration on how the holidays were and who received what for Christmas. The holidays had become so commercialized that I could hardly stand it sometimes. There were new students starting new classes, and lots of exciting new plans to look forward to, plans that could preoccupy me for a few hours per day. Missionary had been given a generous donation in order to expand its library. I was excited that a whole new wing was being built in honor of the benefactor, Dr. Joseph Calholm. Then there was talk of a commercial and a new Bible radio show headed up by Dr. Harding himself. That would really put a new spin on Missionary.
Marisol didn't seem to be interested in either. She was too busy watching for tall, eligible bachelors on the registrar's list. And I do mean that she was seeking them out literally.
There should've been a law against what she was doing, and, in fact, there probably was. I stayed clear of her and her plans.
Marisol came over to my desk with the registrar's list in her hand. “Here is one registered for a full-time credit load, studying for his master of divinity, and he paid his tuition in full.”
“Go on with that foolishness, Marisol. You shouldn't be digging through people's personal business.”
“Oh, please, it's my job,” Marisol said.
“No, it's your job to check for certain items on the list. Not to scrutinize people's lives.”
“Okay, whatever.” Marisol put up her hand. “Either way, I'm going to be seeing the same information.”
“But not to use for your own benefit.”
“All I'm doing is keeping my eyes open, that's all. You never know who I might run into.”
“Marisol, you're a mess.” I shook my head. “Now get off of my desk with your work before we both get in trouble.”
Marisol hunched her shoulders, gathered her papers, and left with a smile. “I'll catch up with you later,
chica
.”
“Not if I see you first,” I laughed.
Marisol nodded and pointed at me as she was leaving. “Oh, so it's like that. Okay, I got you, girl.”
With all the work we both had for the new year, we never did catch up with each other.
By the end of my shift, I was tired.
After work, I drove down the highway with the wind in my hair, noticing the snowcapped trees and the icy walkways. I hated driving in that kind of weather, especially when I was in a hurry. An old coworker of mine lost her life because she skidded into the side rails on the highway one winter evening. I was determined not to fall into that trap, so I prayed for God's divine protection over my life, and I kept my speed to the bare minimum.
I was almost late for the meeting with Mr. Bowman, the business attorney who filed my not-for-profit status for Giving Life Ministries. Surprisingly, parking turned out not to be a problem, and I caught the elevator going up just in time. Mr. Bowman and I completed our business in a timely manner, and I was on my way with all the paperwork I needed.
Up to now, the group and I had been meeting at the church, but in a few months when the renovations to Taylor and Keith's fitness center were completed, our group would be holding our meetings there. At least that was the plan until Joshua and I started our own church.
The whole project was scheduled to culminate at the Push It Fitness Center's official grand opening. Since Taylor and Keith had purchased the center from its former owner, they had kept everything the same, both the décor and the policies. The much-needed changes would give them the opportunity to show off the new management and the new ideas they would soon implement.
I was just grateful that Giving Life Ministry could come along for the ride and could be separated from Missionary. It wasn't that I didn't love Missionary, but I needed this separation for two reasons. The first was so I'd be able to qualify for the donations and grants necessary for my programs by having a 501(c)(3) of my own. The second reason was that my vision was big, and I knew we'd already outgrown Missionary's place for us. Pastor Martin was generous enough to put me over the program, but I knew he had no idea what he was getting himself into.
I was still amazed that I was delivered and was now able to help other girls who were struggling with the abortion and/or fornication issue. I wanted to catch them before they made these mistakes and teach them about their true worth. I wanted to emphasize the importance of purity before marriage, and the special gift of giving oneself to one's own husband. I wanted to teach them about starting over and abstaining from sex, even if they'd already been involved in a sexual relationship. Oh, how I wished I had known that sooner.
It would have kept me free from so many meaningless relationships. I wanted them to know that Jesus could cleanse them from all unrighteousness and that they could be clean again, no matter what they'd done. I wanted to talk about how to fall in love with Jesus, and so many other valuable things I'd learned over the years. There were so many young girls who just fell through the cracks and ended up broken. With God's help and mercy, I wanted to rescue them all.
Just thinking about the ministry made me tingle. It was as if I were born for this task.
By the time I returned from the meeting, stopped at the grocery store, and picked up Lilah from Mrs. Johnson's place, it was almost time for Joshua to get home from work. I scurried around the already posh apartment, fluffing every throw pillow and neatening the tablecloth, making sure everything was perfect. I set a pot of water on the stove to boil so I could make spaghetti. Then I proceeded to let the seasoned ground beef simmer in the skillet as I continued to slice green peppers into it. Lilah sat at the kitchen table quietly playing with her doll until we heard the front door open.
I lifted Lilah into my arms, and we went to greet her father at the door. “Hi, baby.”
“Daddy, Daddy,” Lilah squealed as I plopped her down in front of him.
“Hi, you two.” Joshua looked tired and tense. He gave me a quick kiss on the lips, and bent over to give Lilah a peck on the cheek.
I grabbed his arm and led him toward the center of the room. Lilah followed.
Joshua tugged at one of Lilah's thick, wavy ponytails. “Something smells really good.”
“It's your favorite,” I said, still holding his arm.
Then he loosened himself from my grip, went to his desk, took out his checkbook and bank statements, and started hitting the digital calculator. I didn't dare bother him, but I knew he looked worried. Whatever it was I wished he would've shared it with me. Lilah ran over to hug her father. He scooped her up in his arms, and I could see the joy on his face. He really did love children, and I felt a little sorry for him. I was sorry I couldn't easily give him the second child he longed for. I walked over and hugged them both tightly. This was my new family, and I'd do anything for them.
Lilah giggled and ran off without a care in the world. Instantly, I remembered Kiano and the little mud huts from his village. I knew that a boy his age should be just as carefree as Lilah, but he wasn't. I decided in my mind that I had to get him out of there soon. Yet I didn't want to bother Joshua with my concerns.
I walked up behind my husband and threw my arms around him. With a look of surrender, he sat back and let me massage his back for a few minutes.
“Mmm, that feels so good,” he said.
“You're so tight, Joshua.” I squeezed his upper back and shoulders.
“Yeah.”
I sat on his lap. “Are you sure you're okay?”
He kissed me on the forehead, pushing me gently off his lap. “I'm fine.”
I knew he wasn't. I just couldn't figure out why he was acting so different. I went back into the bedroom, paced the hardwood floor for a while, then sat on the edge of my bed with my head in my hands. I wasn't sure what was wrong or when it had gone wrong.
Before I knew it, I had picked up the phone to call my dad. I hadn't had a serious talk with him since before the wedding. Sure, I had seen him, and we chatted a little, but still we hadn't talked like we used to.
Dad sounded like he had been sleeping. “Alex, is that you?”
“Yes, Dad. How are you?”
“I'm okay, but what's wrong?”
I sighed. “Nothing, Dad.”
“Oh, come on, I'm your father. You can't lie to me. I can hear it in your voice.” Dad cleared his throat. “Something is wrong. Now, what happened?”
“It's nothing, really. I'm just a little tired.”
“Okay. How is Joshua?”
“He's fine, just very busy,” I sighed. “Always working when he gets home.”
“Oh, I see.”
“He's just swamped with work this time of year, that's all.” I couldn't believe that I was making excuses for him.
Love covers all things.
“If you say so,” Dad grunted.
“Why do you sound so skeptical?”
Dad chuckled. “Because
you
called
me
, remember?”
“I know, and I'm sorry.” I paused before continuing. I had to take time to organize my thoughts and speech. “I guess neither of us has been acting like ourselves lately.”
Dad coughed, a consequence of his previous years of smoking. “Maybe the two of you are working too hard at everything. Maybe you need a little break, Alex.”
“Maybe you're right,” I said.
“Are you sure you're all right?”
I hesitated for a moment before I decided not to go deeper. “Yes, I am. I'll talk to you tomorrow.”
“Get some rest. Good night.”
“You too. Nite.” I hung up the phone, feeling slightly foolish.
Was I that desperate that I had to run back to my daddy like a little girl? Mama always said I was a daddy's girl. Maybe she was right. In any case, I needed someone. I just wasn't sure getting my dad involved in my marital problems was the right answer.

Other books

Boyracers by Alan Bissett
Witch Way Out (Witch Detectives #3) by Eve Paludan, Stuart Sharp
Dragon Stones by James V. Viscosi
Suddenly Expecting by Paula Roe
01. Labyrinth of Dreams by Jack L. Chalker
Half Black Soul by Gordon, H. D.