Could I Have This Dance? (21 page)

“There were twelve interns and three guys in the lab, all competing for second-year residency positions. Two went into orthopedics, one switched to ophthalmology, and two ditched into radiology. That left ten. They chose the eight best for clinical spots and offered Sam Kowalski and me an extra year in the lab to see if we could produce. If we look like we’re in the top eight next year, we might have a chance to get back into the pyramid. But remember, there’s a cut to five spots the third year, and four for the fourth and fifth. A spot in the second year only means more competition, a chance to survive one more year.”

“But certainly there are jobs in surgery somewhere, even if you get axed by Dr. Rogers’ pyramid.”

“A few, Claire, with emphasis on a few.” He picked up a flat shell fragment from the sand and skipped it into the surf. “If Dr. Rogers thinks you will make it as a surgeon, he will see to it that he is the one to train you. If he thinks you can’t make it and cuts you from his residency, most program directors look at you like you’re damaged goods or something. They have a lot of respect for Dr. Rogers’ opinion. They think if he doesn’t want you, they won’t either.”

She didn’t know what to say. “Great,” she muttered.

“Knowing what little I know of you, I doubt you’ll have a problem.”

“You’ll make it, too. We’ll both make it.” She hesitated, then added, “If we’re supposed to.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I believe I’m not ultimately in control. God is. If he wants me to make it, I’m going to make it.”

“So perform lousy, and if God wants you in, you’re in. No sweat, is that it?”

“I didn’t say that. But do the best with the raw materials God gave you, and he makes the right doors open.”

Brett stayed quiet and seemed to quicken his pace. They had nearly reached the pier. It looked like only a few die-hard fishermen were left.

They spent a few minutes looking in the fishing buckets and asking about what was biting. The people were friendly, and a young boy missing his front teeth held up a fifteen-inch flounder for Claire to admire.

On the way back, Brett offered his advice. “If you want to make it, you’ve got to work hard. There are a few mistakes that are inexcusable. Lying is one. If you don’t know something, it won’t get you fired. If you don’t know something and you make up an answer just to impress an attending, that’s another matter altogether.”

“That would be insane.”

“Well, it happens, Claire. An intern has been working all night, and an attending asks for an X ray or a lab value. It’s pretty tempting to guess and most of the time a good intern can guess right, but if they catch you guessing, you’d better pack your bags.”

“Has anyone ever been thrown out for it?”

“Only one that I know of was two years ahead of me. He lied about a potassium value to one of the cardiac surgeons. The patient had a dysrhythmia that could have been prevented if the resident would have checked the actual value and corrected the potassium deficiency.”

“Oh, man.”

“The attending surgeon called the resident at home that night and calmly told him not to bother showing up the next day.” He shook his head. “And he had already survived two pyramid cuts. He was two months away from the fourth-year level selections.”

Claire picked up a shell. “Let’s talk about something else. I don’t want to think about the pyramid.” She looked at the water. “I love it here. The ocean was one of the main reasons I chose Lafayette.”

“Don’t tell that to Dr. Rogers. He wants to believe that everyone came here to train with him.”

She tucked away the fact without replying. “Have you always liked the ocean?”

“Yep. We went to the beach every summer when I was a kid.”

“Ooh, the beach, too? Was that before or after Latin camp?”

He grinned. “Usually after.”

“I saw the ocean for the first time when I was in high school. My father couldn’t afford it, but my grandmother took me.”

They talked about their families and family vacations until they arrived back at Claire’s towel.

Brett’s forehead was glistening. The temperature was still over eighty degrees in spite of the late afternoon hour. “Care for a dip?”

Claire looked at the water, then at the jersey covering her bathing suit. “Maybe I shouldn’t. I didn’t really bring a swimming, swimming suit. I wore more of a tanning swimming suit.”

“What’s the difference?”

Claire blushed. “Believe me, there’s a difference.”

“You went in earlier.” He paused. “Uh, your hair was wet.”

“You’re right, but then I was swimming alone. Now I’m with you.”

He shrugged and headed for the surf. “I just need to cool down.”

She sat on her towel and watched him dive into a wave. He disappeared under the white surf only to reappear a brief moment later, shaking the water from his face. He walked back, his broad shoulders and chest
glistening with water droplets. She didn’t want to stare.
He’s gorgeous. If only he was a Christian.
Claire looked down and tugged at the hem of the jersey, which had inched above her waist.
What am I thinking? I’m an engaged woman.

She looked up and immediately diverted her gaze to the sand.

“Would you like to join me for supper? I’m not planning anything special. We could grill on my deck and watch the sunset.”

“Brett, that sounds so nice, but I—I really should get home. I need to crash. I didn’t sleep at all last night.”

“I know the feeling well.” He waved the back of his hand toward her, his fingers pointing down. “You run along. Maybe some other time.”

She smiled, then took a deep breath and forced herself to pay attention to getting into her shorts and gathering up her textbook and towel.

“I’d better not get used to this,” she said. “Next month I’ve got to baby-sit the open-heart patients. I hear those interns just live in the ICU.”

They walked in silence back toward the parking lot, where Claire threw her stuff into the backseat of her aging Toyota. “Thanks for inviting me to the pier.”

He nodded with nonchalance. “Have fun tomorrow. Friday nights always serve up something special for the general surgeons.”

“I can hardly wait.” She said it with sarcasm toward Brett’s back as he turned to leave, but smiled to herself because she knew it was true.

Claire pulled into her driveway, surprised by the yellow cab parked at the curb in front of her house. What was going on?

She watched as the cabbie immediately hopped out and went around to the passenger door, where he began assisting an elderly woman onto her feet.

Claire walked up, squinting. “Grandma?”

“Good evening, Claire. I was beginning to think I’d be spending the night in this gentleman’s cab. He’s had the meter running for an hour.” She fumbled with her purse and handed the gentleman a hundred-dollar bill. She waved her hand. “Keep it. You’ve been a good listener.”

“Thank you, Ms. McCall,” he said, handing her a little white card. “Call this number when you want to go back to the airport. I’ll come right out.” He set her suitcase on the street and closed the trunk, then insisted on carrying it into the house.

“What are you doing here?” Claire was incredulous. This was only the first week of internship, and she was on her second drop-in guest from out of town.

“Isn’t an old woman welcome at her granddaughter’s?” She embraced Claire with a stiff hug.

“Of course, Grandma. I just wasn’t expecting you.”

“Well, I wasn’t expecting me, either. But we’ve got some things to discuss. I called you yesterday and left a message.”

“Grandma, I spent the night at the hospital. I only just heard your message today.”

“And I suppose I wasn’t available to take your call, since I was on my way.”

Claire smiled with relief.
She doesn’t know I didn’t try to call.

“I am on my way to visit my cousin Hilda on Martha’s Vineyard. It’s no extra effort to stop here.” She waved her hand in the air as if to downplay the unusual nature of her visit. She stepped away and studied Claire for a moment.

She was immediately self-conscious of her attire. Her short shorts were barely covered by the jersey she wore over her bathing suit. “I was off for the afternoon. I went to the beach to study.”

“Of course.” Elizabeth reached for Claire’s hand and smiled at the ring on her finger. “John Cerelli came through, did he?”

Claire nodded.

“Strong family. I know his father.” Her grandmother was immediately serious again. “Engagement is a tumultuous time for a young woman.” She paused, then started up the brick steps past the smiling cab driver.

The old woman paused. “A tumultuous time indeed. I ought to know. I did it several times myself,” she said, her face now locked on Claire’s. “I suppose that’s why I’m here, in a way. There are some things it’s time for you to hear.”

Chapter Thirteen

E
lizabeth inspected Claire’s barren kitchen and immediately offered to buy pizza. “Certainly there’s a delivery place available.”

Claire walked toward the stairs. “The only place I’ve used is Luigi’s. It’s only two blocks from here. The number is on the refrigerator magnet.”

“Got it,” she called.

“Order whatever you want. I’m going to get cleaned up.”

Claire showered, her mind busy wondering just what was important enough to prompt this sudden visit from Elizabeth.

Once she emerged, she found the table set and the pizza on the counter. She lifted the lid, taking in the wonderful aroma of cheese and pepperoni. “I didn’t hear the doorbell.”

“He only knocked.”

“Was it the boy with a nose ring?”

“Yes,” she said, shaking her head. “Have you ever seen the cooks?”

“I’ve never been in the place. It’s probably better not to know.” Claire giggled. “I always get takeout.”

The two sat facing each other at the kitchen table. In spite of Claire’s probing, Elizabeth would only make polite superficial conversation until she’d finished a generous slice of pizza. “It’s never proper to engage in serious conversation until after eating. It’s contrary to natural digestive processes.” She gave her a look which implied that certainly Claire, being a medical doctor, should know such things.

Claire scrutinized her grandmother’s face for clues. It had to be either money, the will, her own health, or Wally. Nothing else could have prompted such a trip.

Elizabeth pushed away her plate. “I want to talk to you about your father.”

Claire nodded. “I thought so.”

“That boy’s been a heaviness on my heart for years, you know that. I’ve let him go his way. Since he was your age, I haven’t had any control over him.”

“He’s a man, Grandma. He’s made his own decisions.”

“Certainly.” She nodded. “We haven’t been close, not for years, but your grandfather’s funeral and your graduation forced us together again, and has started me thinking, wondering about a few things.”

Claire fidgeted with her fork and fought the urge to interrupt.

“I know how you feel about the Stoney Creek curse. Your reaction at graduation was perfectly clear.” She paused. “But when you called me the other night and asked me about your father, I, well, I just haven’t been able to rest, thinking about this whole thing. You wanted to know if your father was adopted.”

Claire nodded.

“What you really wanted to know was whether John McCall was Wally’s real father.” Elizabeth twisted the napkin in her hand.

Claire winced. Her mother was right. She shouldn’t have brought this up to Elizabeth. She’d offended her and now her grandmother was upset. “Grandma, the last thing I wanted was to offend—”

“Let me finish, Claire. You didn’t offend me.”

“I’m sorry, Grandma, I—”

Elizabeth held up her hand. “I’m not done. I’m not stupid just because I’m old. I realized what you were worried about. You wanted to be sure that there wasn’t some horrible inheritable disease that could affect you.”

Claire nodded. Grandma had nailed it on the head.

“Well, I am concerned, too. But in a different way. I believe that the actions of one generation can affect subsequent ones.” She halted. “God visits the sins of one man down to the third and fourth generation.”

“Grandma, God forgives—”

“I want you to hear me, child. I’ve heard about generational curses on inspirational TV.”

Claire looked away and rolled her eyes.

“A curse can be passed from generation to generation, Claire.”

“Okay, Grandma. What does this have to do with me?”

“First, I need your word. This has to stay between us, okay? You’re a doctor now. You should know about confidentiality.”

“Of course I do.” What could be so important?

Elizabeth’s hand trembled. “I was once engaged to a man other than your grandfather. I loved him dearly, but my parents never approved. I was so young, only in high school. Eventually, I gave in to my father’s demand that I break the engagement and see others. I started dating your grandfather, and my parents were thrilled. The McCalls were the richest family in the valley.” She spoke slowly. “I learned to love him, too, and my mother convinced me that my life would be so much easier as a McCall.”

Claire shifted uncomfortably. Talking about old boyfriends wasn’t normally something a girl did with her grandmother.

“My first boyfriend would never give up. He came to me the night before I married your grandfather. He made one last effort at persuading me to cancel my plans. When I refused him, he flew into a jealous rage and—” She buried her face in her hands. Her voice broke. “He raped me, Claire.”

Claire reached for her grandmother’s hand. “Grandma, I’m so sorry.”

Elizabeth lifted her head. “It’s okay, Claire, it was a long time ago.” Her eyes searched Claire’s. “I’ve never shared this with anyone, not even your grandfather.”

“But why? Why not share your pain? The man should have been punished.”

“You don’t understand, Claire. In those days women prided themselves in going to the marriage bed pure. I wanted to be a virgin for your grandfather. I know he was for me.”

Claire felt a stab of remorse, then focused on her grandmother’s words.