Cotton: Satan's Fury MC (13 page)

She was just trying to help, but ended up fucking everything up.

Sara had come by to check in. We’d been talking for several minutes when Dr. Clayborn came in. We were discussing my status, and just as he was about to leave, my phone started ringing. I nodded over to Sara, letting her know to take care of it. But instead of silencing the call, she answered it.

“Hello?” Then she paused for a few seconds. A strange expression crossed her face as she lowered the phone and looked down at my screen. When she read the name displayed, she quickly brought it back to her ear and asked, “Cassidy? Are you there?”

The second I heard Cassidy’s name, I shouted, “Sara, hand me the damn phone!” But by the time she put the phone in my hand, Cass was no longer on the other end. I immediately tried to call her back, but she didn’t answer. I dragged my hand through my hair and groaned, “Fuck.”

“I’m sorry,” Sara told me. “I was just trying to help.”

“No telling what she’s thinking now.”

“She wouldn’t be thinking anything if you’d just been straight with her from the beginning,” Sara snapped.

“You know why I did what I did,” I barked.

“Doesn’t mean it was right. Cass had a right to make up her own mind, but you didn’t trust her enough to let her do that.” She stepped closer and said, “You took that away from her. It was selfish, and it isn’t the way love works, Cotton. You have to respect her feelings. They are just as important as your own.”

“I was protecting her!” I shouted.

“Keep telling yourself that, Cotton,” she said sarcastically and then walked out, letting the door slam behind her.

I knew there was some truth to what Sara had said. I thought I’d sent Cass away to protect her, but I never took the time to consider how my actions would affect her. She’d always been a nurturer, always taking care of the people she loved, and it was one of the things I loved most about her. The more I thought about it, the more I realized how badly I’d fucked up. I was more determined than ever to talk to Cass. I’d been trying to call her for two days, but she wouldn’t pick up the damn phone. I was becoming more and more frustrated by the minute, and I was taking it out on everyone around me. Hell, the nurses had all but stopped coming into my room, and Maverick was doing what he could to keep his distance. I couldn’t blame him. Hell, I didn’t even want to be around me. It would’ve been better if I could just talk to her. I just needed to hear her voice, to know I hadn’t lost her by sending her away. I missed her—all of her—and as I sat there alone in that room, thinking of all the things I loved about her, I knew I’d do anything to fix things between us. The only thing that was keeping me going was knowing that the doctors were going to let me go home in a few days, so I wouldn’t have to wait much longer to lay my eyes on her. I just had a few more sessions with Melody, and then I’d be on my way.

When I came in from my workout, I had a ton of emails to sort through. My brothers and mother wanted to hear about my progress, and Guardrail wanted to give me an update on things at the club. He and the brothers had been busy preparing for our Charity Run for children with Down’s syndrome, and he wanted to go over the final details with me. It was just a few weeks away, and I wanted to be there—it was something that meant a lot to me. It wouldn’t be our first charity run, but it held special meaning for us all. When our brother, Skidrow, was killed a few months back, his wife, Dallas, had a hard time getting back on her feet. Her youngest, Dusty, was diagnosed with Down’s before he was even born. Skid had always been there to make sure his son had whatever he needed, and after he died, the club decided to start an annual fundraiser to help families in our area that had children with special needs. We were expecting a large crowd, so hopefully, we’d be able to raise a good deal of money for some pretty awesome kids.

I’d just responded to his email when Maverick walked in with a handful of sandwiches and drinks. Until I saw him, I hadn’t even realized I hadn’t eaten. He set the bag of food down beside me and said, “Figured you might want something to eat.”

“Yeah, food would be good.”

“How did things go with Melody today?” he chuckled.

I shook my head and said, “That girl is going to be the death of me for sure, but I can’t complain. Haven’t had to use that damn walker in a couple of days.”

“Give it a couple more days, and the cane will be gone, too.”

“That’s the plan,” I told him as I reached for my sandwich. “Guardrail messaged me. Things are all set for the Charity Run.”

“Yeah, he’s been busting his ass trying to get everything sorted.”

“Need to be there,” I grumbled.

“We’ll be there soon enough.”

I tossed the bag of food back onto the table and said, “I need to get the hell out of here for a little while. The walls are closing in on me.”

“Can’t blame you there. Hell, I feel like I’ve aged twenty years just sitting in this place over the past few weeks,” he laughed.

“You and me both, brother. I don’t care where we go. Let’s just get the fuck out of here for a few hours.”

“You got it. I’ll let them know we’re heading out. I’ll meet you out front,” he told me as he headed toward the door.

We spent a few hours driving around Chugach State Park. While it was a beautiful place, I couldn’t stop thinking about how much I’d rather be at home. I missed my drives along Cape Flattery. I missed the club and my brothers. I missed Cass. When it started to get dark, we headed back to the center. As soon as we got back to the room, Maverick headed out front to call Henley. She’d had a doctor’s appointment earlier, and he still hadn’t heard from her. The room was too damn quiet, and I needed to blow off some steam, so I headed to the gym for an extra workout. I couldn’t get Cass out of my head. I needed to see her, so I could see for myself she was really okay. I felt better knowing the brothers were keeping an eye on her, but it wasn’t the same. It was time to talk to Dr. Clayborn. As soon as I got back to my room, I called his direct line and left him a message, letting him know I wanted to see him as soon as possible. Thankfully, I didn’t have to wait long for him to show up at my door.

“I just finished my rounds and thought I’d stop by on my way home,” he told me as he entered the room.

“I appreciate that,” I told him. “Wanted to tell you I’m heading home.”

“You’ve done well, Mr. Walker. I don’t have a problem with you taking that next step as long as you can assure me you will keep up with your rehab. I’ll put in some calls and get you lined up with a specialist in your area for further checkups. A few more weeks of hard work, and you’ll get rid of that cane.”

“I’ll do whatever it takes,” I promised.

“I’ll get your release papers ready first thing in the morning.”

“Thanks. I appreciate all you’ve done, doc.”

He smiled and said, “Glad I could help. It’s good to see you back on your feet.”

He shook my hand and headed for the door. I finally felt a sense of relief. I was going home, and once I got there, things were going to change—drastically. I’d made my mistakes, but I wasn’t going to let them destroy what I had with Cass. Come hell or high water, she would be mine again. 

By the time I’d gotten home from work, Henley was already gone. She’d promised Dallas she’d look after Dusty for the night, which meant I’d have the apartment to myself if I could just find a way to get rid of Smokey. I’d spotted him following me home from work, so I knew he’d be knocking on my door at any minute. Biding my time, I went to the fridge to grab the pitcher of sweet tea I’d made the night before and was surprised to see it was already gone. Henley didn’t care for sweet tea, so unless her pregnancy completely changed her taste buds, I knew it wasn’t her. That meant Smokey or Clutch had been helping themselves to the contents of my refrigerator again. Assholes. Trying to ignore the empty pitcher of tea that sat in my fridge, I grabbed a bottle of water and headed over to the thermostat. I was freezing, had been all day, and it was only getting worse. I just wanted to lie down for a minute and warm up, so I walked into the living room and set my bottle of water on the coffee table. I reached for the remote before curling up on the sofa with my favorite blanket wrapped around me. I was instantly hit with the strong scent of a man’s cologne. I brought my blanket up to my nose, and sure enough, it smelled like Old Spice and cigarettes. Damn. I couldn’t get away from them. I was just about to get worked up into a real tizzy when there was a knock at the door.

I threw my blanket back and headed for the door. When I opened it, I wasn’t surprised to see Smokey standing there. Before he even had a chance to speak, I stepped forward and poked my finger at his chest as I scolded, “When you drink a gallon of milk or a pitcher of tea, don’t put the empty carton back in the stupid refrigerator.”

“Okay,” he said apprehensively.

I turned and headed back into my apartment. When I heard the door close behind me, I asked, “Are you hungry? We have some leftover pizza in the fridge.”

“Nah, I’m good. I’ve gotta head over to Mom’s in a bit to check on her furnace. I’ll grab something there,” he explained.

I smiled and said, “Can’t blame you there. Your mom is an amazing cook. I’d wait all day for a piece of her lasagna.”

“You want to tag along?” he offered. “She’d love to see you.”

“Thanks, but I can’t tonight. I have to get some laundry done or I won’t have anything to wear to work tomorrow.”

“Not sure I see that as a problem,” Smokey teased. “But I’ll come back later to help you bring it back upstairs.”

“That would be great. Thanks, Smokey.”

“Not a problem, doll,” he answered as he turned toward the door. “Clutch will be by in a bit. He had to run by the clubhouse to see Guardrail about something first.”

Needing some time to myself, I said, “Tell him I’m fine. There’s no need for him to come.”

Walking toward the door, he laughed as he said, “I’ll tell him, not that it’s gonna matter.”

I locked the door behind him and returned to my spot on the sofa. I started flipping through the channels, searching for something that might be boring enough to let me fall asleep for a little while. I stopped when I came across some old western with John Wayne. Just seeing it reminded me of Cotton. He’d always had a thing for old westerns, saying it was something he loved watching with his dad. It was crazy how some old movie could make me miss him so much. I remembered I’d received several text messages and emails from him over the past few weeks, but I hadn’t read them. I just didn’t have the strength to even look, so I just left them in my inbox. I grabbed my phone and stared at the screen for several minutes before I had the nerve to open one of the text messages. The first few messages were typical, bossy Cotton:

Monday, (two weeks ago)

Cotton:

Answer the phone, Cass.

Wednesday, (two weeks ago)

Cotton:

This is crazy.

I shouldn’t have sent you away.

I’ve said that. Over and Over.

I don’t know how many times you need me to say it.

There were tons of these short, berating messages, and when I got tired of trying to sort through them, I opened my email. There were over forty messages waiting to be read, but one instantly caught my eye. It was labeled
Lonestar
, the title of one of my favorite songs by Norah Jones, and he’d just sent it a couple of days ago. I quickly opened it and began to cry as I saw what was written inside.

Cass,

              I was sitting here, listening to one of the songs you used to sing. I’ve always liked them, especially when you were singing them. But tonight, this one got to me. It reminded me of you. Every time I close my eyes, I see your face that day in the hospital. I watch the spark in your eyes disappear over and over again in my mind. Knowing that I was the one who stole that light from you has haunted me since the day you walked out that door. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do to bring that light back, and I will never stop fighting for the chance to make things right. It’s made me realize something… Cass,
you
are my Lonestar.

Always,

Cotton

By the time I’d finished reading the letter, I was crying uncontrollably. Cotton had let his guard down, and for the first time, I saw a vulnerable side to him… a side I wanted to treasure and hold close to my heart. I read through several of the emails, finally learning about his rehab facility and all the work he’d been doing so he could walk on his own again. I couldn’t help but laugh when he went on and on about some lady he called his own personal drill sergeant. Some of the letters were more like journal entries, just short messages telling me about his day, while others were some of the most endearing letters I’d ever read. Once I’d gone through all of the emails, I went back to my text messages. I quickly skimmed over the first six or seven messages, until his words stopped being so demanding and intense. As I’d hoped, they eventually turned into something completely different. I needed to know he was capable of that kind of honesty. Reading his words changed things. My heart was softening after all the hurt and humiliation of being sent away. Until the letters, Cotton had shown no understanding of my feelings.  Now, maybe there was a chance. I couldn’t stop the tears from streaming down my face as I read the words written in all the different messages. I was so torn.  I loved him so, but I wasn’t sure I could ever really trust him with my heart again.

Sunday, (a week ago)

Cotton:

I’d rather be in hell than in this place.

I know I shouldn’t complain. I’m doing better.

The walker is gone and replaced with a cane.

It’s progress, but it’s not enough. I want to be home.

Cass, I’m sorry. I miss you more with each breath I take.

Friday, (less than a week ago)

Cotton:

Remember the day you told me about your grandmother’s house, and how it was your favorite place? I wish I were sitting on that swing with you right now, looking out at the ocean.

I wish I were anywhere with you.

Sunday, (this week)

Cotton:

I miss your face, your smile, and the way your eyes light up when you get your way. I miss the sound of your voice when you sing. I miss holding you in my arms, kissing you, making love to you.

You’ll always be mine, Cass.

I’m not giving up on you.

I’d read through so many messages, each one tugging at my heart, but one… one short text message took my breath away.

(Two hours ago)

Cotton:

I’m coming home.

I was still trying to wrap my head around everything I’d just read when someone knocked on my door. I wiped the tears from my face, grudgingly threw the covers back, and got up to answer the door. When I opened it, Clutch was standing there with a big smile on his face, holding a bag of groceries. He was wearing an old baseball cap and a pair of faded jeans with his favorite Braves t-shirt. As he stepped inside, I noticed he hadn’t shaved in several days, making me wonder if he’d decided to grow a beard, but before I could say anything about it, he asked, “Hey, beautiful. You okay?”

“I’m fine. It’s just my allergies acting up,” I lied as I tried to rub the remaining tears from my eyes. I could’ve told Clutch about the letters, but they were written for me, just me, and I didn’t want to share them with anyone.

He gave me an apprehensive look, but didn’t question me about it. As he walked into the kitchen, he asked, “You hungry?”

“Yeah, I could eat something. Whatcha got?”

He started unloading all the groceries on the counter and said, “Thought I’d make us a pot of chili.”

“With one of your grilled cheese sandwiches?” I asked excitedly. His grilled cheese sandwiches were legendary.

“Of course,” he smiled. “I know how you like them.”

I looked over to him and said, “You know, you don’t have to babysit me, Clutch. I’m fine. Besides, I’m sure all your little girlfriends are wondering where you’ve been lately.”

“Nah… they know I’m worth the wait, darlin’,” he snickered.

“
Whatever
,” I teased. “You are so full of it.”

“Maybe so, but I haven’t heard any complaints,” he laughed as he put the burger meat in the skillet. In no time, he had everything simmering on the stove. We made our plates and brought them into the living room to eat. Once I was settled on the sofa, I looked over to Clutch, seeing he’d already kicked back the recliner and made himself comfortable.

I tossed the remote over to him and said, “Find something.”

“You’re giving me free reign with the remote?” he teased. “I feel special.”

“Don’t get used to it,” I warned. “It’s just my way of thanking you for dinner.”

He smiled as he started going through all the different channels, and I wasn’t surprised when he stopped at the movie,
Silver Linings Playbook
. I knew he didn’t care for watching that movie, but he remembered it was one of my favorites. He was always thoughtful of things like that. It was one of the things I liked most about him, that and his goofy personality. He always knew how to make me smile. We ate our dinner, only talking between commercials as we watched Bradley Cooper do his best to keep up with Jennifer Lawrence. It was the perfect distraction. My stomach was full, the movie was just as awesome as I remembered, and having Clutch around was just what I needed to keep my mind off Cotton. He only made it halfway through the movie before he was sound asleep in the recliner. His muffled snore sounded like an old, dying hound dog, but I didn’t mind. Despite my earlier disposition, I actually enjoyed having his company.

When the movie was over, I was tempted to grab my phone and read through all of Cotton’s emails again, but figured it would just make me miss him even more. I decided to wait up for Henley, so I reached for the remote and started looking for something to watch until she got home. I’d been scrolling through the channels for several minutes when I got an eerie feeling something or someone else was in the room with me. Thinking it might be a mouse, I muted the TV and tried to see if I heard anything moving around in the apartment. I didn’t hear anything, but still felt a gnawing sensation I wasn’t alone. I sat up straight on the sofa and looked around the apartment, searching all the dark corners of the room, but I didn’t see anything. I was just about to give up my search and lie back down in my spot when something in the window caught my eye. I turned back to get a better look at the fire escape, and a rush of adrenaline surged through me when I realized there was a man standing there, looking at me through the glass. It was dark, but I could still see his eyes were glaring directly at me. There was something about the way he was looking at me that gave me the feeling I’d seen him somewhere before, but the pure terror I was feeling made it impossible to recall the memory. And crazy enough, he knew I’d spotted him, but he just stood there, rooted to his spot as he stared back at me. His eyes were hollow and cold, making me feel a fear I’d never felt before. I wanted to run, to shout out for him to leave, but I couldn’t do anything except stare right back at him.

After several seconds, I finally forced myself off the sofa and immediately started backing away from the window as I yelled, “Clutch! Wake the hell up!”