Corner of the Housetop: Buried Secrets (52 page)

Recalling the girl's face from his dream, Derek thought,
She
has a beautiful smile. I sort of hope I see it, too.
He couldn't believe as firmly as Jonathan that he would meet her, but he let himself hope a little.

After several moments of silence, Derek spoke: "Can I ask you a question?"

"What?"

Derek swallowed thickly. It was something he had wanted to ask Jonathan for years, but had never dared. He had never thought he could stand to know the answer, no matter what it was. And now that he knew about Kylie Mae, he wondered even more. "Why did you hate me? I understand Mrs. Worthington not liking me, but you said you and Kylie Mae were close. Why didn't you tell me about her? Why—" He choked on the words and did not bother to continue.

Jonathan waited for a minute then said thoughtfully, "First of all, I never hated you. I just wanted my sister and you were a poor substitute. I was very childish."

"Was?" Derek retorted with annoyance.

Jonathan made no defense. "Second, I never told you about her because Mother forbade anyone from speaking Kylie's name. She even convinced Father that it would be best for you not to know, though what reasoning she used on him, I cannot fathom."

"You were just told not to? And you didn't?"

"It became habit to forget that you were my sister's son."

In some ways, it was a dissatisfying answer, but Derek could tell it was the truth. The man looked too exhausted to lie. And why should he lie? It was a bit late for saving pride. He pressed on with the next question, encouraged by Jonathan's easily given answers. "Gabriel doesn't know about Kylie Mae, does he?"

"No." He didn't speak for a while. "Will you tell him?"

"No." Derek didn't understand at that moment why it mattered to him, but he didn't think Gabriel could handle knowing something like that about Mrs. Worthington. Gabriel knew she was demanding and arrogant, of course, but she was his mother and Derek couldn't bring himself to tell the boy something that might make him genuinely dislike her. "Will you tell your mother I know about her?"

"No. You may, if you want to have that conversation."

Derek shook his head. If he could leave without further confrontation he would do so gladly.

"You are very like her. Your mother."

"Really?"

Nodding, he said, "She was very emotional and given to passionate outbursts."

Derek scowled. "I am not emotional."

Jonathan only watched him with depthless eyes, his features set in unreadable lines. A minute later he asked, "Was that all you wanted to know?"

No
, Derek thought. It was far from all he wanted to know. He wanted to know everything. He wanted to know what Jonathan had been thinking at every step. Every slight needed to be accounted for. He wanted to know what his mother was like. How had she met Dr. Neilson? Why did Mrs. Worthington hate her so deeply? Why hadn't Mr. Worthington intervened more?

Before the boy answered Jonathan said, "You should say your goodbyes and get to bed early. The train leaves at eight in the morning." He started towards the door.

"Jonathan."

He turned back to Derek.

"Thank you."

Jonathan looked away from Derek. "I didn't do anything worth thanking." He went in the house leaving Derek alone in the evening darkness.

Beth shook her head. "I never would have thought it of him."

"You're the one who's always singing his praises," Derek countered with distant amusement. He was sitting at the table in the basement pantry eating a fresh roll. It had taken him an hour of sitting alone on the porch before he felt he could face anyone, but as soon as he went to speak to the woman who had raised him he felt ashamed for waiting so long.

"He's a decent man, no question, but really."

Derek shrugged.

After a moment, Beth said, "You'll keep your promise?"

"Promise?"

"You promised you'd write me after you left, remember?"

That seemed like a long ago conversation, but he did remember now that she mentioned it. "Of course I'll write."

With tears in her eyes, Beth set down the towel she was wiping her hands on and hugged him. She squeezed him so tightly that he thought he would suffocate, but he didn't push her away. "I will miss you."

Derek hugged her back. It was strange but comfortable.

When they separated Beth wiped tears off her cheeks.

Feeling awkward, Derek said, "I want to go see Gabriel."

Beth nodded, hiding her sniffling behind a handkerchief that seemed to have materialized out of nowhere. "Good night."

"'Night." Derek took an extra roll and climbed the stone steps. He walked up the servants' stairs and down to Gabriel's door. Knocking, he said, "Gabe, it's me."

"It isn't locked," came the reply.

Turning the knob, Derek pushed open the door and stepped into the room. It was not a place he visited frequently, but it hadn't changed over the months since he last saw it. The desk was still under the window and the bed was still against the wall by the closet. "Hi," he said quietly.

Gabriel looked at him from his place in the chair by the book-strewn desk. "Hello."

"Are those your new school books?"

"Yeah. They were delivered yesterday."

"Looking forward to going?"

"A bit. I am kind of nervous. What about you?"

Derek shrugged.

After a moment Gabriel asked, "Do you think you'll visit?"

"I'm sure you could visit me," he answered evenly.

The boy didn't seem surprised at the response. Gabriel was quiet for a while and Derek didn't interrupt the silence.

He thought of telling Gabriel about Kylie Mae. He didn't know why, but it suddenly seemed cruel to keep a secret like that. But did he really want the other boy to know? In the end, Derek said, "Well, I just wanted to say good night. I don't know if you'll be up in the morning. Mr. Todd and I are going to town pretty early."

"I should be up."

"Well, either way, good night."

"Good night."

Derek waited a moment then left the room. He would miss Gabriel. If not the boy himself, then the presence of someone following him around. It was a similar feeling to when Gabriel started spending more time with Anthony, except more permanent.

Walking into his room, Derek sighed and fell onto his bed. He lied awake late into the night.

The tension was nearly unbearable. Derek had hoped everyone would sleep late allowing him to slip easily out the door with Mr. Todd: the family meeting on the porch was not in his plans.

Derek stood awkwardly holding his small bag which contained only the books Gabriel had given him, the envelope of money from Jonathan, and a spare shirt—also from Gabriel—and looked around. Gabriel looked like he was at a funeral. Holding his hand out to him, Derek said, "Goodbye."

Gabriel shook his hand. "Bye. Promise you'll write."

"I will." Derek shifted his bag from one hand to the other and turned to Beth. He couldn't think of anything to say so he just hugged her quickly and walked down the steps. Mrs. Worthington and Jonathan were standing in the drive saying goodbye to Mr. Todd as he approached them.

"Have a safe trip," Mrs. Worthington said with a smile.

Mr. Todd tipped his wide-brimmed hat. "Thank you, ma'am. Jonathan," he said, facing the man and reaching for his hand. They shook firmly. "We'll keep in contact." He turned to his horse and checked the pack and saddle, tactfully leaving the family alone to say their goodbyes.

Jonathan nodded then looked at Derek.

"You had better behave," Mrs. Worthington admonished in farewell.

A swell of vindication grew in him and Derek, despite his resolve, replied quietly, "I will, Grandmother."

The woman's face drained of color. She gaped at him for several seconds, then looked at her son, her wide eyes furious.

With a light smile on his lips as he peered at his mother out of the corner of his eye, Jonathan held his hand out to Derek. "Goodbye, Derek."

Despite his smile, the man's eyes were blank and Derek thought they would be for a very long time. The meaning of the familiar expression he had never been able to read suddenly became clear and he smiled a little to himself: Jonathan would think of him frequently and knowing that made Derek happy for some reason. He took the man's hand. "Goodbye, Jonathan."

"You had better behave," Jonathan instructed, his tone only mildly more kind that his mother's. "Do not make this a waste of my money or Mr. Todd's time."

"I won't." With a final look at the house, Derek walked towards Mr. Todd and his horse. He accepted the man's help up.

"Are you sure you don't want to take the carriage to town?" Jonathan asked.

"No, I couldn't put you out more than I have. Besides, this'll be quicker." Mr. Todd waved briefly to Gabriel then brought Sky around and coaxed her into a light trot.

Derek leaned against Mr. Todd, his bag slung securely around his chest. He risked a glance over his shoulder and as the tree-lined drive melted away he felt like everything might really end up all right.

12th of May, 1842

To Gabriel:

I am writing with several pieces of good news, but first let me congratulate you. I think you'll do fine in New York and I'm glad Mr. Smithfield could take you on with his group. I'm sure Jonathan is very proud. I have to say though, your last letter was inconvenient. It arrived just as I was finishing one to you and I had to start over after reading it.

I dare guess you will find my own good news exciting as well. This morning I finally mustered the courage to ask Mr. Todd—that being Todd Senior, not Eli—for permission to marry Ann. He did not consider as long as I thought he might before saying yes. So I make my first official engagement announcement!

Another announcement, just as exciting, I think, is that I have finally raised the capital to start my own ranch. Mr. Todd is giving me my full pay from working with him in land and I saved enough money out of my Christmas gifts from you and Jonathan to build a small house and stable. Evan and Michael have been helping me clear the land and we start building in June.

Mr. Todd is expanding his father's business and has agreed to pay me to stable next year's spring foals. I'll also be stabling two horses of my own: the mare the Todds gave me when I finished my apprenticeship and her new foal, Buttercup.

And the final piece of good news for this writing: I will be coming to visit. My last job for Mr. Todd as his employee will be to escort the horses Jonathan bought in April. Mr. Todd will be coming with me—four are a bit much for one person to drive—and we will arrive at the end of the month. Jonathan already knows, but it would not surprise me if he hasn't told you.

I suppose I should go. I've been at this letter for twice as long now as I expected and Michael will accuse me of leaving them to do all the chopping on purpose. Again, congratulations and I look forward to seeing everyone. Say hello to Jonathan for me and give Beth my love. (Don't tell her about Ann. I'd like to do that myself while I'm there.)