CORAL - Fallen (A Romance Trilogy, Book 2) (27 page)

I BLINK MY EYES OPEN AND LOOK UP AT CINDY
. Her short black bobbed hair is very shiny today, her skin as white
as snow, she reminds me of Snow White.

“How are you feeling?” she asks.

“Good.” I answer getting up from the sofa,
and moving over to the chair.

“It’s good to hear that you had some
positive results from our last session. Hopefully, if we keep it up, we should
have you feeling really good in no time at all.” I nod in agreement and smile
at George. “Well, I’ll leave you to it.” Cindy picks up her handbag and throws
it over her shoulder.

“Thank you Cindy, I really do appreciate it,”
I tell her.

“You’re very welcome Coral, good luck. See
you next week.” I smile tentatively at her.

“George.” Cindy takes his hand and shakes
it.

“Thank you Cindy, good to see you,” George
says.

“You too.” She smiles at us both, then
heads out of his office. Sitting in his chair, George turns to me and picks up
his pad and pen.

“So Coral, where would you like to begin
today?”

“Tristan asked me to marry him,” I blurt
without thinking.

George’s eyebrows rise in surprise. “He
did?” he asks, astonished.

“Yes.” I frown and fidget in the chair.

“And what did you say?” he asks softly.

My jaw clenches. “I said yes,” I whimper.
Christ
one minute I’m mad then next…

“You did?” He answers looking even more
surprised. “Well...well that’s wonderful Coral, congratulations.” I shake my
head and stare at the floor. He instantly stops smiling. “Oh dear,” he says
quietly. “Let’s discuss.”

“George I think...I know I'm not ready.
It’s too soon,” I interrupt. “I mean I know I love him, it feels like he’s the
one for me but....” I stare out the window.

“Go on,” he urges.

“Right now, I have a bigger issue,” I snap
clenching my jaw.

“Bigger than marriage?” He asks his one
eyebrow cocking up.

“Yes.” I tell George all about Susannah,
about the strange dream, the advice Joyce gave me, and what Karen told me.

“It does sound strange,” George confirms.

“What do I do?” I ask.

“I would follow Joyce’s advice. If there’s
any chance she’s unstable, you need to keep your distance.”

“But that’s just it George, I'm afraid for
Tristan. She’s evidently still in love with him, I just have this horrible
feeling she’ll flip when she finds out about us. I don’t care what she says to
me, I can look after myself. Its Tristan I'm worried about, he’s too trusting.
What if she hurts him?”

“Worrying about the future again,” George
admonishes.

I sigh heavily and run my hands through my
hair. “So what, I say nothing? I don’t warn Tristan?” I bite back.

“It is a tricky situation to be in with you
both working for him, and he has known Susannah a lot longer than you,” he
muses.

“Exactly!” I screech. “This is the whole
reason I didn’t want to get involved with him in the first place.” I bellow
feeling angry and frustrated. “Maybe I should just quit!” I hiss.

“And what good will that do?” George questions.

“I don't know,” I sulk wrapping my arms
around myself. George shakes his head at me. “She’s dangerous,” I say keeping
my eyes on the floor.

“You don’t know that,” George warns.

“Someone tried to get into my studio while
I was there George, nothing like that has ever happened before. Don't you think
it’s a bit of a coincidence? She turns up and I have that happen?”

“What?” he bellows. “Did you call the
police?” he asks with wide eyes.

“Yes.” I hiss in frustration.

“And what did they say?”

“Nothing, they didn’t come over. Whoever it
was tried the handle and couldn’t get in, so they left.”

George purses his lips. “So you didn’t see
who it was?” he questions.

“No!” I whine.

“It could have been anyone,” George
admonishes. I huff in my seat. “Let’s get back to Tristan and his proposal. Why
did you say yes?” I shrug noncommittally. “Coral, I can't help you if you don’t
talk to me,” he peers down at me over his glasses.

I stare out the window for a moment, trying
to think of the right words.

“Well, at the time the answer was yes. I
had no reservations...I don't know, maybe I just got carried away in the moment
you know...we made love, he proposed. I felt safe, warm, protected...in love…”
I shake my head at myself.
Am I evil? –
Sometimes I feel like I am, if I
turn around and tell Tristan it’s off, he’s going to be crushed. I know he
is...
why did I say yes?

“What’s changed your mind?” George asks.

“It’s too soon, people don't…” I break off
–
I’m so fucking confused!

I want to be with Tristan, I know I’m in
love with him, but at the same time I don’t, because it scares the fuck out of
me!

“Actually they do,” George says, pulling me
from my musing. “I presume you were about to say people don’t fall in love that
quickly?” he questions.

I nod in reply.

“Coral, there are millions of people across
the world that have met and married very quickly, and it has lasted.”
Oh,
well I didn’t know that!

“He wants to know...everything,” I shudder.
“He doesn’t want anything from the past hanging between us, he wants me to lay
it all out for him, but I can’t.” I whimper.

“Why not?” George asks.

“He’ll reject me, I know he will,” I
retort.

“No, you’re presuming he will,” George
counteracts. “Coral, just because he has asked and you have said yes, doesn’t
mean it has to happen straight away,” George says softly.

“He wants it to happen soon,” I mumble.

“Ah, I see,” George shifts in his chair.
“What are you most nervous about? Commitment, intimacy, relying on another
person besides yourself?” he questions.

“All of those, but mostly...I guess...I
just keep thinking that Tristan deserves better. Someone who can make him
really happy,” I answer.

“You think you are undeserving of him?”

“Yes.” I reluctantly answer.

“Well he obviously doesn’t think that,”
George replies. “Coral look at me.”

I look up from staring at the floor.

“Coral he has asked you to be his wife. He
wants to build a life with you, I'm sure he wouldn’t have asked you if he
didn’t think you were worthy of him. You must make him very happy, otherwise he
wouldn’t have asked, surely?” I think back to what Tristan said earlier
‘I
have a beautiful fiancé to come home to, I'm on top of the world’

“Ok, ok. Maybe I do make him happy. I don't
know if he wants a family though, and you know I can't have kids,” I argue.

“Coral, why do I get the feeling you’re
self-destructing? It’s like you’re doing it without realising it, like your
trying to find all these reasons why you shouldn’t be together?”

“It’s not that,” I snap. “I just don't...if
he wants kids and I can't, what’s the point?”

“That’s ridiculous there’s always adoption,”
George scolds.

I sigh heavily maybe he’s right, maybe I am
self-destructing? I dig deep to try and find the reason why, I know I'm scared.
Scared of getting hurt, scared that Tristan might leave me, scared of really
opening my heart and letting someone love me, completely, warts and all. Ok,
I'm scared, but like George says a life without risk isn’t a life worth living.

“I'm scared,” I whisper.

“I'm sure you are it’s a big step Coral, but
I have every faith that you’ll see that you are stronger than you think you
are, strong enough for the both of you.”

I close my eyes and swallow hard. “You
think so?”

“Yes I do.” George tells me firmly.

I look up at George. “I’m scared I’ll let
him down, and he’ll hate me for it.”

George takes off his glasses and leans
forward in his chair. “Coral, we all make mistakes in relationships, married or
not. But that’s where being in love comes in, we love and we forgive, and we
move on. The successful couples who I know who are together and are still very
happy live by that motto, remember no-one is perfect, not you, not Tristan, not
anyone. He’s going to make mistakes too you know, you’ll probably be hurt,
upset, but you have to ask yourself, would you rather a life with that, as in being
love with all it’s ups and downs, or would you prefer a life of solitude?”

“Love,” I whisper.

“I thought you would say that,” he says.
“You just have to be brave Coral, find the courage and the strength within, and
you will see over time, that it all starts to feel very natural, you won’t be
worrying about this or that anymore, you’ll just be happy.” George smiles
fondly at me. “Remember Coral, you over
analyse
everything and you worry far too much, try giving yourself a break from it all,
a few days off…maybe try just going with the flow?”

“Ok,” I breathe. “I will, I’ll try.” I add.

I know he’s right, I do freak out about
stuff. I worry and
over analyse
,
but I’ve been like this for so long, I don’t know any other way?

“Now any other concerns?” George asks.

I shake my head. I feel all over the place
at the moment and I know the only cure is Tristan, I want him home…I think?

“Alright then until Friday?” he asks.

“Actually George, can I skip this week?” I
ask politely.

“Of course, any particular reason?” he
asks. I tell George about my date with Tristan and the dress that I’ve got.
Hopefully
I’ll feel ok to wear it.

George wishes me luck, I hug and kiss him
and leave his house feeling just as frustrated as I did when I walked in…

THAT NIGHT AFTER
picking
up the alarms and fitting them to the front door and the patio, I take the
baseball bat upstairs and place it next to my bed. Then I do some Yoga to try
and relax myself. I remembered to take my mobile off silent, so I actually got
to speak to Tristan for a while, but it felt strained on my part.

I don't want to tell him someone tried to
get in, he’ll worry and drop everything and that doesn’t help, he’d only have
to go back again next week. And I can’t tell him about Susannah because I know
that Joyce is right, it will come across as though I'm being difficult, and I
still didn’t ask him about the member of staff that died. I couldn’t pluck up
the courage, for some reason I get the feeling it won't be something he’ll want
to talk about.

And I'm panicking about hurting him, I know
myself, I can feel it creeping up on me, like I’ll just end it because it get’s
to be too much. I’ve already done that once, and the last person in the world I
want to hurt is Tristan. He means so much to me. I just feel like everything is
fucked up at the moment, like it’s all gone wrong since he left.

With a heavy heart, I reluctantly get ready
for bed. Curling up under the duvet, I try to clear my mind of all things,
including Tristan…

I’M DREAMING I’M
walking
down a long corridor with white walls and doors that swing open. The
fluorescent lights above me are bright, I think I’ve been here before, I think
it’s a hospital. I’m aware that someone is holding my hand.

I turn to see who it is and realise I have
to look up – I'm a child again. I see it’s a lady in a long white jacket, I
don't recognise her face but she turns and smiles warmly at me.

“Ok Coral. You’re mommy is just through
this door.” She pushes the door open and I walk with her. Mommy is sat at a
table in orange pyjamas, she looks poorly.

“Is mommy sick again?” I ask her. She
kneels down and puts her hands on my arms. I wish she wouldn’t do that, I don't
like strangers touching me.

“Yes sweetheart. Mommy isn’t very well.
Would you like to say hello?” I shake my head at her. “No?” she questions.
Mommy looks up and see’s me, her eyes are all red and puffy. She stands up and
opens her arms wide.

“Coral,” she croaks then she starts to cry.
I look back at the lady.

“It’s ok, you can say hello.” I shake my
head again. I don't like this place, it smells funny. I don't like the people
they look at me funny too. I suck my thumb and hide behind the lady’s legs, I peek
at Mommy. Her face has gone really red and she’s showing her teeth. She is
angry, just like before. I hide even more.

“Annie calm down!” The lady is talking to
Mommy, her hands are held out. Mommy is shaking her head and puffing her cheeks
in and out. Then she sits down in her chair and looks down at the table,
rocking back and forth.

“Come on Coral, come say hello.” The lady
takes my hand and goes to walk towards Mommy.