Cool School (5 page)

he class sit there staring at you. The teacher's staring at you, waiting to see your first move. That's not surprising—you're waiting to see your first move too.

In a state of total fear you open your mouth.

‘OK,' you say, trying desperately to remember how new teachers start.

‘Yes of course!' you think. ‘My name, I'll tell them my name.' So you say: ‘OK, first of all, my name is. . .'

And suddenly you can't remember your name.

‘I'll just write it up on the board for you,' you say, thinking fast.

As you turn to the board the teacher leaves to go to her class. This is the first lucky break you've had all day. You stagger to the board and stand there trying to remember your name.

While you're standing there a voice behind you says, ‘You're not really a teacher, are you?'

You turn around. The whole class is watching you. You realise you can't go through with this. It's just too big a bluff.

‘No, no I'm not,' you confess miserably.

The students start laughing and after a minute you join in.

‘So why'd you pretend to be a teacher?' someone asks.

‘I was desperate,' you say. ‘I was being chased by this kid and I ran into the first room I could find and it turned out to be the staff room. So I said I was a teacher.'

‘Was he a big kid with a crewcut?' someone else asks. ‘And did he have a skull tattooed on his face? And did he look like a bush pig?'

‘Yeah, that's the guy.'

‘Ah, phooey, he's no problem. Just breathe in his face. He's scared of germs. He'll run a mile if you breathe on him.'

‘That's true,' someone else says. ‘He's a real wimp.' You can't decide if they're joking or not, but it looks like you're going to have a chance to find out. For you can see the bush pig himself coming straight towards the classroom door.

n the bottom of the note you write, ‘Yes, yes, that'd be great!' and you pass the note back to Sam. But as you do so you get that terrible feeling that you're being watched. You look up anxiously. Sure enough the teacher, Ms Janzen, is staring straight at you.

‘I won't have people passing notes in my classes,' she says. ‘Bring that piece of paper out here right now.'

‘Oh no miss, please,' you say. ‘I'll destroy it, OK? I promise we'll never do it again.'

‘Too late for that,' she says. ‘I want it here. Quicksticks!'

You're trapped. There's an agonised look on Sam's face, but what can you do? Slowly, like you're going to a funeral, you walk to the front of the class. The teacher has her hand out, reaching for the note.

Just as you reach her you get a sudden desperate thought. If you really want to save both your hides you could eat the note. It's a desperate remedy, but these are desperate times.

ou sit there in a stew. It's a tough call to make. What are you going to do? You like Sam; that's not the problem. But it's going to complicate your life an awful lot if you start going out together. For one thing, you've already got a bit of a thing going with Nicky Wren. And for another, you're too young to get into a serious relationship. And for a third, this has been a very stressful morning already; you feel like you need another six weeks' holiday, straight away. You start thinking of all the other reasons, too:

Reluctantly you write a note back: ‘I really want us to be friends but I don't think I want to go with you, OK? But thanks for asking me!'

ou're so mad you've got steam coming out of more than just your ears! You're so mad you've got steam coming out of your butt! Sam has made a big, big mistake in underestimating you. The last time you were this angry you caused your old school principal to take early retirement.

Now you spend all day working out a way to get even with Sam. No, not just to get even, to get way in front!

When you go home after school you still don't have a plan. But at about three o'clock in the morning, as you lie awake with your mind going full speed, you get it. It's a brilliant scheme, so brilliant you're amazed at your own genius.

You have to wait till the weekend before you can do it. The week seems to pass slowly. Every time you pass Sam in the corridor you get treated to sarcastic laughter and mocking comments. But you don't mind. You can take it, because you know that the person who laughs last, laughs loudest.

On Saturday morning you get to the gym early. It's already open because the builders are working flat out on the renovations. They got held up by all the rain and they've still got half the job to do. You explain you're here to do some warm-ups and they let you in. You hurry to the south end of the gym. It's quite a mess. The changing rooms can't be used so they've put up a plywood partition and the competitors get changed behind that. You check it out, and do a bit of rope work with the big heavy knotted ropes that hang from the roof. Then you wait for Sam and all the others to arrive.

The morning follows the usual routine. There's the monthly competition, and soon most people are involved in that. Not Sam though. Being a gymnastics legend means you don't bother to go in these little local events. Instead Sam trains with a private coach at the south end of the gym. You watch and wait, knowing that every passing moment brings your hour of triumph closer.

At last Sam finishes and, after cooling down and towelling off, goes behind the plywood wall to get changed. Big Carl, who's the adult ropes champion for the whole district, starts spitting on his hands and flexing his huge muscles, warming-up. You wait about two minutes and then, with an evil grin, hand one of the ropes—the one you've prepared—to Big Carl.

‘Have a swing on this,' you suggest, then stand well back.

Big Carl takes the rope without even bothering to say ‘thank you'. He's so used to everyone treating him like a hero that he takes it for granted when you wait on him. He climbs the ladder, then, like Tarzan, he launches himself across the gym. You've taken the precaution of running the rope over a rafter and tying the end of it to the plywood partition. There's a wild scream from that end of the gym, as the partition rises two metres into the air. That's Sam. There's a second wild scream—from Big Carl—as he crashes into a heap of gym mats. Then there's wild laughter from all around the gymnasium as people realise what's happened. You sneak out into the sunlight, smiling. Now all the world knows what Sam looks like dressed in hot pink undies.