Cool Bananas (11 page)

She showed Jim where the flying stones had cut her legs.

‘Now, that’s a different matter,’ he said, looking serious.

‘If you could put some crime tape round their car and say their fingerprints were found on this note,
they’ll be packing death, especially when the sign’s not there,’ said Flick.

‘Jim can’t do that!’ Kay was horrified. But Cam winked at Jim.

‘Reminds me of that payback we pulled when we were young lads,’ he said. ‘Only we didn’t have any crime tape. We had to use roadworks signs and those lanterns we borrowed, remember?’

‘Yeah, but you were only lads,’ said Kay, who’d heard that story before. ‘Now you’re grown men and one of you’s a cop, too. You have to behave responsibly.’

‘Look, I’d rather give those lads a bit of a fright than go in heavy and arrest them for dangerous driving,’ said Jim.

‘And sign-napping,’ added Kay crossly.

‘Why don’t we try the girls’ plan? In fact, my mates Joe and Janeen are on patrol just down the road. I’ll fill them in too, because it’ll look better if a cop car pulls up at the site.’

‘This is the ultimate in paybacks.’ Cam grinned as Jim got on his mobile. ‘Let’s go.’

‘What about us?’ asked Angela.

‘Better you girls stay out of it.’

‘Don’t fret. They’ll know it was us but they can’t prove it,’ said Liz. ‘Revenge is sweet.’

The two men went out to Jim’s car. He opened the boot and got out some crime scene tape.

‘Can he get arrested for doing that?’ asked Liz anxiously.

‘I don’t think the other cops are going to come screaming up with sirens blazing and guns drawn and arrest him,’ said Kay. ‘He’ll only have it there for a few minutes. Anyway, they’re part of the plan.’

Jim and Cam disappeared into the camping ground. By standing on tiptoe, Flick, who was tall, could see them talking to Randy the ranger. They saw him look surprised, then grin and nod. Then the three men disappeared, only to re-emerge a few minutes later, and they walked across the road towards the food van.

Next thing they saw Danny and his mates walking back along the road waving their arms wildly and apparently arguing with Jim, Cam and Randy just as a cop car came nosing round the bend.

‘This is the good bit. I wish we could watch,’ said Liz. ‘I’d love to see their faces when they find that the sign’s disappeared from the wagon.’

‘Better to let the men handle it,’ said Kay. ‘Otherwise the vendetta can go on and on. Those boys could turn nasty, throw rocks, write graffiti, and cause more trouble if they see you laughing your heads off. Just stay, how do you lot put it, cool
bananas. I’m only glad you found the sign and it’s safe. Once this is over we can put it back again, but this time I’ll whack in a fence post and chain it there so it’ll take a bit more effort for someone who wants to play funny buggers to whiz off with it.’

‘Sorry to spoil your little chat,’ said a thin-looking man with a posh voice, who’d been standing at the counter tapping his fingers impatiently, ‘but I’d like some service, if you don’t mind.’

‘I’m sorry,’ said Kay apologetically. ‘It’s just that we’ve had a drama here a few minutes ago.’

‘Not another murder?’ The man raised his eyebrows. ‘This place sounds like a Victorian version of Snowtown.’

Kay kept her voice even. ‘We don’t think there’s another murder but there could be one soon. Now, how can I help you?’

Her sarcasm was wasted on him and went right over his head. The man bought a packet of cigarettes and went outside. They could see him getting into a BMW, and just as he started the engine, Rob came running from the camping ground shouting at the top of his voice, ‘There’s crime scene tape round that red station wagon and the cops are here.
Someone else must have been murdered!
’

‘Oh, for goodness sakes,’ snapped Kay, as all the
people within range turned their heads and looked shocked. The BMW driver revved the engine and looked triumphant as he drove down the side road and onto the Great Ocean Road. He turned in the direction of Lorne, where there wasn’t a reputation for murders and dumped bodies like this hicksville place seemed to have.

‘No one’s been murdered,’ said Kay. ‘It’s Jim and his cop mates teaching some young bucks a lesson. Would everyone please calm down?’

In the middle of all the hullabaloo the afternoon tea bus pulled in. Kay swore under her breath.

‘Don’t worry, Kay,’ said Flick hurriedly, as Roxie came sauntering across the road looking rather pleased with herself. Liz felt Angela bristle beside her.

‘Forget it,’ she whispered softly. ‘She’s not worth it. Don’t bother to demean yourself by even mentioning Nathan. They deserve each other.’

To her surprise Angela nodded. ‘Yeah. They’re both shallow and selfish. They deserve one another for
life
!’

There was no time for chitchat. People were piling off the bus eager for scones, jam and cream, and the trays hadn’t been set up or the tablecloths put on the tables. Flick tore out with an armful of white linen and started hurriedly draping the tableclothes over
the tables while Liz and Angela followed with baskets of warm scones, silver bowls of jam and cream, and plates, knifes and forks, so the hungry travellers could at least start eating before they brought out the pots of tea.

‘Did you hear the news?’ said Rob in a loud voice. ‘Another murder.’

‘Shut up or I’ll murder
you
!’ hissed Kay, grabbing his arm and dragging him inside. ‘I told you that Cam and Jim have it under control. So belt up!’

‘Who’s been murdered?’

‘No one’s been murdered. Someone sign-napped my new sign, that’s all.’

‘And Cam murdered them?’

‘Listen, cretin-head,
no one’s been murdered
. How many times do I have to tell you?’

‘Thomeoneth been murdered in the camping ground,’ yelled Braden, bursting in. His hair was standing on end. ‘Thereth cop carth and crime tape all over the plath.’

‘Excuse me, but could I have Earl Grey instead of English breakfast tea?’ piped a little old lady sitting at one of the tables.

‘Omigod,’ said Liz, rushing past. ‘This is a nightmare.’

‘Omigod,’ Kay agreed. ‘It certainly is.’

Finally, order had been restored. The phone had run hot with people wanting to know who’d been murdered, and even Jim’s pals from the police force phoned and demanded to know what was going on. Fortunately, Jim was able to explain it all with the help of Joe and Janeen. Well, enough to let everything subside back at police headquarters.

The Devonshire tea crowd climbed back on the bus, declaring Coolini Beach to be more exciting than
Days of Our Lives
.

‘I’m shattered,’ moaned Kay, sitting with her feet in a basin of water into which she’d thrown a handful of Epsom salts. ‘And the media crowd will be arriving in fifteen minutes. I haven’t had time to wash my face and brush my hair. And we
have to put the chairs out and get the tables ready and —’

‘It’s okay,’ soothed Liz. ‘We’ll do the tables and chairs, and we can rope in Rob and Nathan and a few other regulars. Brett’s hanging round out there. He’s big and strong.’

‘The CFA guys are bringing over the chairs from Wye,’ said Kay. ‘They’ll probably hang round and help.’

‘Sure to,’ said Flick. ‘And Shirley and Chris will help too. Is it all right if we ask them to prep up for the evening meal and also check that Braden will be free to help usher people to seats? And we need someone trustworthy to put the sign back.’

‘Where is it?’

‘Jim said they put it under my bus in case someone else nicked it. On second thoughts, I’d better get it myself. I couldn’t stand it if it went missing again. Can you help, Liz?’

The two girls rushed off while Angela started putting make-up on Kay and doing her hair. When they reached the camping ground, the crime scene tape had been removed and the red station wagon was gone.

‘Phew. I’m worn out,’ said Flick, as they reached the bus. ‘Right, sign. Come out, come out wherever you are.’

She lugged it out and the two girls carried it down the road and set it up in its original position.

‘Kay said something about padlocking it. Oh, there’s Rob. I thought he was supposed to be helping with the chairs?’ said Flick.

‘He’s not,’ said Liz. ‘He’s trying to stir up more trouble. Let’s call him over to help us.’

She yelled out to him, and he came lumbering over at a fast trot.

‘What’s up? Have you found a clue? Some blood?’ He started peering intently at the ground.

‘Rob, we’ll tell you a secret,’ said Flick. ‘It wasn’t a murder, it’s a buried treasure, and we think this is the spot. We’re going to put the sign here so we know where it is, but someone’s stolen this sign once today and we don’t want it moved. Do you think you could maybe hammer in something like a steel fencing post or —’

‘A steel post?’

‘What a brilliant idea,’ said Liz, clapping her hands. ‘Aren’t you clever to think of that?’

‘You’re learning,’ said Flick drily, as Rob went haring off to get a steel post and hammer. ‘And can you bring back a padlock and chain?’ she called after him.

‘Pity we hadn’t suggested building a block of flats
over x-marks-the-spot and he’d have done it,’ said Liz. ‘We’d have been
rich
.’

‘No, the council would have been
richer
! They own the land. Let’s get back to the store before things get busy.’

‘What do you think’s happened to Danny and the guys?’ asked Liz.

‘Dunno and don’t care. They deserve what they got. It looks like the hot food van’s closed,’ said Flick, shading her eyes with one hand. ‘It opens and shuts more than an umbrella.’

‘Yeah, well if Danny and crew have left town, there’s no one to run it, is there?’

‘Do you really think they’ve left town?’ Flick wasn’t certain.

‘I don’t know. Look, let’s forget about them and go and get ready for the shake contest. I wish I could’ve gone in it,’ she added wistfully, as Rob came charging back up the road with a steel post, a sledge-hammer, a length of chain and a padlock. ‘I would’ve done Strawberry Blush. I had it all worked out. A punnet of strawberries, some strawberry syrup, and low fat milk with just a dollop of strawberry ice-cream. I gave the recipe to Kay but she said that staff couldn’t enter because it might be construed as favouritism if I won. But
she said she’d feature Strawberry Blush as a special next week.’

They hurried to the store. Already some of the campers and holiday-makers were settling in the front row seats. Cam and Jim had a table set up on a makeshift stage, with the milkshake machine at one end. Each contestant had to stand at the table, explain how they’d invented their entry and make their shake using the ingredients as stated in their recipe. Then different sections of the audience were to sample the drinks and vote on the ballot papers Kay had somehow found time to print out.

In the middle of the final preparations, the PR guy from the council drove up with Freddy Burns and a reporter and photographer from the local paper.

‘A TV crew’s arriving by helicopter,’ the PR guy announced. ‘It’ll land on the beach. In the meantime, we’ll get a few photos of the girls with the sign. Where is it?’

‘Safely staked out on the roadside, courtesy of Rob,’ said Flick.

They all walked to the sign, and Kay, Liz and Flick had their photos taken with it. Cam said it was a girl thing and didn’t want to be in it. Half the camping ground turned up to watch the action. As they were posing rather self-consciously, Danny and his mates
drove past, honking loudly and making rude gestures, followed by a truck. They pulled up near the van while the truck backed up and the guys hooked the van on.

‘What’s going on?’ asked Kay.

‘The council didn’t give the owners a permit to operate here,’ said Freddy. ‘I thought something wasn’t right, because the council doesn’t usually let a new business start up so close to an existing business that’s selling the same product, so I double-checked when I was in Apollo Bay. They’ve got a permit to operate near Calani, not Coolini Beach. So they’ve had to move on.’

‘That’s the other side of Mareno,’ said Kay in surprise.

‘Yes. Unfortunately, mistakes do happen sometimes.’

‘They sure do,’ said Liz as she gave a sedate wave to the infuriated-looking Danny.

‘Thought you were smart with the sign, eh?’ he bellowed, as his mates made cut-throat and rude gestures out their windows. ‘You lot are fish bait.’

‘Not if we see you first,’ yelled Liz, as the truck drove off, towing the van like a fat white slug behind it.

‘What was that all about?’ asked the reporter, his pen poised.

‘Oh, nothing. A bit of friendly rivalry.’

Just as the photographer finished, a helicopter came whirring over the hill and with a flurry of sand, landed on the beach. Out piled the TV crew and Kay, Flick and Liz had to do some more posing.

‘Okay. Onward to the big Coolini Beach Shake contest,’ said the TV commentator. The cameramen followed the entourage back to the store with the holiday crowd cheering and waving and trying to do a Mexican wave while walking backwards so all their relatives and friends could see them on telly that night.

At last the cameramen were in position, the boom mike operator was ready and the crew producer was ready to film the contestants.

The audience had been divided into three sections to do the judging because Kay didn’t have enough cardboard cups, and also she’d decided that the judges would all throw up if they had to taste fifteen concoctions one after the other. So the left-hand side of the audience was judging the first five entries, the middle section the next five and the right-hand side the last five. Twenty voting papers would be given to each group so it was fair, then the winners of each section would make their shakes, and everyone in the audience would taste the final entries.

Kay and Cam had sat up half the night figuring all this out, so Kay was hoping their plan would work, especially since the contest was being televised.

‘Thank God it’s not hot like yesterday,’ Kay said to Flick and Liz. ‘We’d have had dust in the ingredients, the ice-cream melting, the milk going sour and people flaking out from heat exhaustion.’

First up was a twelve-year-old boy who’d invented Chocolate Velvet, which consisted of Mars Bars mashed up in a blender with scoops of chocolate ice-cream, chocolate sauce and a cup of chocolate milk, and a blob of whipped cream on top. Flick, Liz and Angela poured it into the little cardboard cups so that the audience who were judging could taste it and vote. The drink was so rich that the adults took only a quick sip, but the kids loved it.

Then followed a woman with Pineapple Dream, which consisted of crushed fresh pineapple, pineapple juice and coconut cream whipped together.

‘It tastes like a pina colada without the white rum,’ whispered Roxie. ‘Too sweet.’

The concoctions followed in rapid succession. Citrus Sunset, which was a bit sour, Coolini Coconut Surprise (the surprise seemed to be no coconut taste), and Coffee Au Lait, which was just instant coffee in hot water added to ice-cream and mashed. The
middle section judged Blackberry Fool (bright purple), Mango Heaven, which wasn’t too bad only the contestant had used tinned mangoes instead of real fruit so it was very sweet, Coolini Caramel, which was like a caramel milkshake, Apple Dapple (apple juice, green ice-cream and milk which, when finished, looked like a frog had hopped into the blender), and A Walk on the Rocks, which was chocolate-based with marshmallows floating in it. A few people in the audience were looking decidedly queasy by this stage, even though each cup contained only enough shake for a small taste.

The last section of judges braced themselves for Canteloupe Creme (which was rather revolting if you didn’t like rockmelon), Kola Koala (Coke and cream), Cool Bananas (bananas, banana syrup, yoghurt, malt, milk and banana ice-cream), Grape Escape (purple and green grapes with grapefruit juice and ice), Strawberry Crush (which was rather like Liz’s Strawberry Blush) and Blue Beach Blues, which was the most hectic-looking blue drink imaginable.

During the counting of votes for the last section (Flick, Liz, Braden and Angela had managed to count the others during the contest as it progressed), Nathan entertained the crowd by playing his guitar and singing his own composition, ‘Coolini Beach
Blues’, which seemed to consist of the same words over and over:

‘I’ve got the Coolini Beach Blues

Coolini Beach Blues

For you, you, you.

Coolini Beach Blues

I’m blue over you, true,

Coolini Beach Blues.’

Then Kay stood up and announced the three finalists — Chocolate Velvet, Coolini Caramel and Cool Bananas.

The voting had actually worked out well because an older woman named Norma had submitted Coolini Caramel, an eighteen-year-old girl called Rosie had submitted Cool Bananas, and of course the young boy, Tom, had submitted Chocolate Velvet, so all ages were represented.

Now the three of them had to make their drinks again and everyone in the audience were to taste them and then make a final vote.

There was more frantic counting while Rob did his magic tricks which were rather pathetic, but as the general camping community didn’t want him to quit as the official dunny budgie they all applauded like mad, even went the ribbons came out of the hat at the wrong time, and the ace of clubs came
out instead of the king of diamonds when he did his card trick.

Kay finally stood up to make the announcement. The TV camera zoomed in for a close-up, and the photographer knelt down in front of her and did an upwards shot, which Flick guessed would make Kay’s legs look huge and her head like a pin. Kay would be really mad when she saw the photo plastered all over the paper.

‘Third place, with a consolation prize of unlimited burgers and Coke for a month for one person, courtesy of Coolini Beach Kayah Cafe, goes to Tom for Chocolate Velvet. Second place, with a runner-up prize of free takeaways for one person for a month, courtesy of Coolini Beach Kayah Cafe, goes to Norma for Coolini Caramel, and first place, with the first prize being that magnificent weekend away, all meals and accommodation for two and an additional prize of two tickets to see Ricky Martin, goes to Rosie for Cool Bananas!’

‘Fantastic free advertising,’ whispered Flick to Liz, as the audience clapped and cheered, obviously pleased with the result. ‘She got in Kayah Cafe twice for TV.’

Kay held up her hand. ‘From now on the winning shakes and some of the other shakes will be available
as part of the menu, which the owners of these recipes have agreed to let me do.’

More cheers and shouts came from the audience.

Cam hobbled forward. ‘Kay and I would like to thank the Coolini Beach campers and residents for their support, and especially to our wonderful staff who’ve worked so hard to make this day possible!’

The audience yah-hooed, whistled and clapped even louder than before.

‘Go on,’ said Flick.

‘What?’

‘Get out there and thank Kay.’

‘I can’t.’ Liz stared at the audience like a petrified rabbit facing both barrels of a shotgun. ‘Omigod!’

But Flick gave her a push and next thing she was standing there looking at a sea of upturned faces.

‘Er,’ Liz stuttered. ‘Um, well, on behalf of the staff and all the people who are here today, and … um, the one’s who aren’t, well, I’d like to say thanks to Kay for being such a nice person and running the store and cafe. Thanks. Oh, and for putting on this contest. Thanks.’

‘Onya Liz,’ yelled a familiar male voice from the back of the crowd.

‘Josh!’

Josh came charging through the crowd as Liz leapt off the stage and ran into his arms. He gave her a long, satisfying and slightly salty kiss. His face was as brown and shiny as a hazelnut and his hair was dry and unruly like a mop of steel wool.

‘Hubba-hubba,’ yelled some kids cheekily.

‘I’m so glad you’re back,’ said Liz, resting against his chest while his well-muscled, tanned arms held her cosily. How could she, even for a minute, have thought that Danny could replace her Josh? She must have been temporarily insane.

Hand-in-hand, they walked up to the stage where people were milling round Kay and the contestants. Nathan was trying to flirt with Roxie and Angela at the same time so he could be sure of getting his face on TV.