Conversations With the Fat Girl (33 page)

268 262Liza Palmer

"Do you have anything to drink?" Kate asks, as Callie finally approaches

our table.

Shawna sits next to Kate at the end of the table. Panchali squeezes

around the back and sits next to Hannah. Hannah has calmed down nicely,

and Panchali approaches her carefully so as not to rile her up again.

Shawna quickly engages Kate about her life. Kate gives her usual spiel

about the girlies and Vincent. Pictures are presented, and Shawna is a

rather active listener. Kate's stories are dotted with oohs, aahs, and

gales of inappropriate laughter. Peregrine would definitely approve.

Then Kate must pay the ultimate price. She must now obligingly ask

Shawna about herself. We learn that Shawna is single. No surprise there.

Shawna begins her canned rundown of the "single life." I imagine her

late at night practicing her pauses and facial expressions as she

breathlessly makes her way through her monologue. She has worked at the

same PR firm since she got out of school, again no surprise. And she

loves the Thursday-night television lineup. I ask her how she knows

Olivia. She thinks this is funny

"The PR firm. I introduced her to Adam."

"Did you?" Kate asks. She's getting a tad tipsy

"Not like Olivia would ever have trouble getting a boyfriend. She's

always been so popular." Kate and I exchange a look. I was not properly

debriefed about Olivia's new "history" so I decide to just keep quiet.

"So how did you introduce the two lovebirds?" Kate lifts her glass.

"I booked Adam for this conference and then told Olivia to go pick him

up. I guess you could say the rest is history, you know. But I knew. I

knew," Shawna confides.

"Knew?" Kate asks, popping a petit four in her mouth. I almost can't

hold back my laughter.

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"They belonged together," Shawna whispers.

"So you're to blame," Kate insinuates.

"I guess you could say that." Shawna beams.

I can tell this is Shawna's favorite part. She gets to tell secrets to

perfect strangers and let the entire table know they are not privy to

this knowledge. I look across the table as Panchali takes apart a finger

sandwich while she and Hannah discuss what they believe the meat to be.

Shawna is peering over to them and then back at us. She leans in. "Adam

was the one," she whispers. You're telling me. The only one if memory

serves. Shawna is leaning in so close to me I can smell the lox from her

finger sandwiches.

"I guess she had a pretty serious boyfriend back in high school, but

that didn't work out. College, you know? Of course, you know. This is

all old hat for you. You could probably tell me a ton of things I don't

know," Shawna snorts. Kate spits out her wine. Shawna knows not what she

says.

Finally, Panchali reaches across the table and introduces herself. I am

afraid of her in some weird celebrity kind of way "Panchali Nagra," she

says, extending her hand.

"Wonderful to meet you," I stutter, still a little thrown by Olivia's

mystery boyfriend in high school. Panchali pulls her hand back over the

table. "I'm Maggie. It's great to meet you. Olivia talks about you all

the time," I say

"Yes," Panchali says as she sniffs. She flips her napkin over and resets

it on her lap. I believe I have been dismissed.

Panchali orders her choice of tea. Hannah suggests Darjeeling, as it's

from Panchali's "homeland." Panchali orders Earl Grey, and Hannah hands

her menu over to Callie with a look of disgust.

I focus back on Kate. She is now discussing the Thursday-night

television lineup as opposed to the Tuesday-night lineup.

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Kate holds true to her large ensemble sitcoms, but Shawna brings some

fresh insights to the table. Kate is pointing at her with a full

wineglass, saying something about believability and how that many skinny

people would never hang out with each other. Shawna disagrees for

obvious reasons. I try to get Kate to behave, as it looks like she is

trying to take a swing at Shawna, but I'm not sure. I see Hannah looking

at her watch from across the table. I am beginning to understand this to

be one of Goodie Ratner's compulsions. One of many.

I look at my watch, too. I can't help myself. It's three thirty. The

party for Olivia started at three o'clock. No Olivia, and no Gwen. I

can't help but look around the table and project every single insecurity

I've ever felt onto these three strangers. These three beautiful,

painfully thin strangers. I can see Big Bird again. "One of these things

is not like the other," he says. I stand out like a sore thumb. A big,

fat, oversize, sore thumb. Sure, I've lost some weight, but compared

with these women I am still one word. Fat. For chrissakes, compared with

these women Olivia could lose a few. What must they think of me? A maid

of honor throws a bridal shower and the bride doesn't even show? This

will be fodder for Shawna for sure.

271

Caught Up

A t three forty-five, Hannah announces she has just spotted Olivia and

Gwen in the lobby of the hotel. The crowd goes wild. It takes the pair a

good twenty minutes to check in while the shower is suspended in this

odd motionless quiet. Even Hannah is quiet, save a few checks of her

watch. Olivia and Gwen work their way across the room. I feel like I'm

in a movie theater watching the entrance of a pair of 1940s movie

starlets. Olivia has a lot of makeup on. A lot of makeup. I've never

seen her with this much on before. Kate notices, too.

"Are those false eyelashes?" Kate asks as Olivia and Gwen approach.

"They must be," I say.

Gwen is wearing a chiffon tank top with crisp white pants and pointy

heels. She keeps her sunglasses on as she walks toward us. I have to

stop myself from ripping them off her smug-ass face. I feel like a

dipshit sitting next to the empty seat reserved by the WORLD'S BEST

BRIDE tiara. Olivia comes over and gives me a hug. She is going in for a

hug with Kate when Kate retreats from the mascara-laden eyelashes.

Olivia backs away

272 266Liza Palmer

"Are you wearing false eyelashes?" Kate asks.

"Aren't they fabulous?" Olivia cries.

Kate and I are silent. She looks like a drag queen.

"I bought out the makeup counter this morning. I got a free tutorial,

they taught me how to do everything. I wanted to use my own products

when I meet with the makeup artist back in LA," Olivia says.

"This morning?" Kate asks.

"We flew in first thing," Olivia says as she removes her purse from her

shoulder and begins hugging Hannah.

I don't know what to do with this information. It makes sense on the

page, but in my head it gets all mucked up. Olivia has been in Las Vegas

since early this morning and has not returned one phone call. Has sipped

nary a martini with yours truly. And now she arrives late to my high tea

bridal shower looking like a two-bit whore? How does this add up? I look

to Kate, and her face is just as puzzled as mine. We are both still

standing. Everyone else has seated themselves, smoothing their napkins

on their laps. There is a moment of awkwardness as Kate and I slowly

sit. I lock eyes with Gwen.

"You look great," I say over Kate and Shawna. Gwen has seated herself in

the farthest chair from me.

"Thanks. We've just had a spa," Gwen says, rising and giving me an air

kiss. Being from the Los Angeles area, I understand this odd ceremony

"Excuse me?" I ask.

"Well, Olivia had a gift certificate and I decided I would partake of

some services, too." A gift certificate? My gift certificate. Olivia's

birthday present from me, thank you very much.

"I know how you hate the spa, Mags." Olivia fluffs her hair across the

table.

Callie comes back and attempts to present Olivia with the

273 Conversations with the Fat Girl267

WORLD'S BEST BRIDE tiara. Shawna fumbles for her camera. Olivia

dismisses the tiara, instead asking Callie if she has mineral water. She

sets the tiara underneath her chair. Olivia turns to Kate and grills her

for the next thirty minutes about basic wedding etiquette. Kate is

getting more and more liquored up. At one point, she tries to convince

Olivia that the bride stands at the altar from the beginning of the

wedding and that the wedding march plays as the bride and groom exit the

ceremony. I am lost in thoughts of Olivia and Gwen chatting on the

phone. Olivia returning a call. Olivia doing a favor for someone. Olivia

being on time for someone.

"Well," Olivia says. Her eyelashes brush my face as she inches her chair

toward Kate. I want to rip them off and stomp on them. "It's going to be

beautiful," she continues.

"What do your centerpieces look like?" Even drunk, Kate knows all the

right questions to ask. The conversation at the table falls into a

hushed silence. Shawna missed the WORLD'S BEST BRIDE photo op, but she

can capture Olivia telling Kate about her centerpieces.

"The centerpieces are perfect. Patrona is setting up topiaries with ivy

and tuberoses at every table. They're set just high enough so you can

still talk to people across the table. There will be small candles at

every table. I wanted the lighting in the garden to be natural yet

intimate. Let's face it, we all look better in that type of lighting."

Was there a study done that I wasn't aware of? Is that what these girls

talk about-proper lighting?

"What about the rehearsal dinner?" Shawna asks. Why? I want to say. You

won't be eating any of it.

"I am holding it in the courtyard of The Athenaeum on the Caltech

campus. It has vaulted ceilings with Italian frescoes and these amazing

gardens. I don't know which event is going to be more beautiful." The

crowd gasps. Olivia continues. "Patrona

274 268Liza Palmer

has everything planned right down to the slide show of the history of

Adam and me. You know . . . all those embarrassing little lovey-dovey

shots of us." Olivia blushes as the crowd sighs in unison. Kate holds

her wineglass up to Callie; tapping it with her perfectly manicured

nails, she mouths, Another. Shawna squeals. Olivia smiles and continues,

"It's going to be just perfect." The crowd oohs and ahhs. Shawna's flash

goes off in her purse as she tries to put the camera away. Hannah shakes

her head at Shawna's waste of a shot.

"Is it just going to be you and Adam at the head table?" Kate asks.

"It's going to be just you and me, right, Olivia?" I blurt.

"Well, Adam's brother wants to sit with his parents, and we have the

other groomsmen and bridesmaids to think about. But yeah, the maid of

honor does traditionally sit at the head table," Olivia says. Gwen

sniffs at the end of the table.

"For everyone to see, huh?" I say. Where's the overdramatic twirling?

"It's usually a focal point-anyway, let's get some menus, huh?" Olivia

snaps her fingers at Callie.

High tea drags on through retellings of the marriage proposal, the

engagement announcement, and how Dr. Adam Farrell told Olivia she could

have any kind of wedding she wanted. Considering Mr. Hobbs Morten is

footing the entire bill, I'd say Adam was being a bit generous with his

offer.

Our dinner reservations at Prime., the Bellagio steak house, are for

seven thirty. The high tea crowd begins to disperse. Panchali and Hannah

are going to go to some of the other casinos. Shawna wants to start

getting ready for dinner and the Ghostbar now, so she quickly retreats

to her room.

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"I've got to go to the restroom before we settle up here," I say,

needing a moment to myself. Kate is counting the money left by the other

girls and working out the tip that Callie will get. Olivia is checking

her messages from her cell phone. She is punching in such a long series

of numbers she looks like a small child with a play phone.

"I'll join you," Gwen says. I panic. How can I take back having to go to

the bathroom? Can I say I'll just go in our room instead? I drop my

shoulders and push my chair out from the table. Gwen knocks Kate's head

with her huge Tod's bag as she comes around the table. Kate stops

counting and glares up at Gwen. I assure Kate I'll hurry.

Gwen and I make our way through the babbling casino. Bells and whistles