Read Conversations With the Fat Girl Online
Authors: Liza Palmer
It's not like I can do that another weekend. Why don't you give me these
girls' e-mail addresses or phone numbers and I'll call them and set up
your shower that way?? I am wondering how our cute little chat about my
Domenic suddenly turned into me flying to Washington, DC? ?No, that's
fine. I'll just tell them you're busy Maybe I'll ask another one of the
girls to help plan the shower. Gwen is flying out. She asked after
you.?Olivia throws what she knows to be the final blow. Olivia met Gwen
Charles when Olivia interviewed for an internship at one of the top
talent agencies in Los Angeles after she graduated from Cal. Gwen is the
personification of perfect. She is about five foot one and weighs
about-and I'm guessing here-five, okay maybe six pounds. Her hair is
almost black and cut in the height of style by someone with one name.
Olivia didn't get the job (the CEO'S daughter did, what can you do?),
but she did find a lifelong fan in Gwen-her first ?real?friend after the
bypass surgery and after Olivia rid herself of her wallet- size
?before?picture. Gwen got Olivia interested in public relations and
still lives in Los Angeles as a talent agent. Throughout
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our early twenties, I was not included more times than I'd like to
remember in Olivia's impromptu meetings with Gwen. Something about Gwen
makes me competitive. ?Gwen?? I ask. I can hear the opening chords of
?Do Not Forsake Me?in the background. High Noon. Gwen and I are standing
on opposite sides of the ghost town, fingers tickling the ivory handles
of our six-shooters, dueling for Olivia and her friendship. ?Yeah. She's
flying out for the cocktail party Maybe she can help me plan the shower.
No one is going to do it as well as you, but maybe she can get us a
little farther along,?Olivia says. ?Sure, she can help, but we've been
talking about your bridal shower for fifteen years. I'm sorry I can't
make it, but I would still like to be a part of this whole thing.?I'm
becoming upset. ?Well, we'll see. Have fun moving. I'll say hi to Gwen
for you. And we'll keep you updated on the shower. I'm going to miss
you. Are you sure about this?? ?There's nothing I can do.? I have images
of Gwen, Olivia, and all their perfect Washington, DC, friends all
sitting around drinking Cosmopolitans and talking about the Big 0-which
is how all women's films and fiction invariably end up. ?Well, I guess
that's okay then. Give me a call when you get to the new house. I'd
better call Gwen. Talk to you later.?Olivia hangs up. I hang up and feel
like someone was holding a hand over my mouth forbidding me from
speaking. My hand pulsates. Domenic. I have to set up the move, and now
is as good a time as any What's one more rejection? I pick up the phone
and dial quickly, reminding myself that he offered. Why would he offer
if he didn't want to help? Wouldn't he expect me to call? Any friend
would call. I'm just following the normal friend protocol. I dial
Domenic's number and hang up quickly before it rings. I repeat this
three times.
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I decide instead to make my appointment with Sam the Massage Therapist
first. I call the spa and make my appointment for later that week. She
apparently had a cancellation. The receptionist confides that Sam is the
most popular massage therapist and that I'm ?lucky?I got in so quickly I
thank her profusely I dial Domenic before I have a chance to stop
myself. I can't feel my extremities. ?Hello??I'm not completely sure
it's not Domenic. ?Hello, uh... is Domenic there??I have somehow spoken
without breathing. ?Sure, may I ask who's calling??the man says. ?It's
Maggie ... from work,?I say 'just a minute.?I hear the phone placed on a
surface and muffled voices. Then I hear the lower tenor of Domenic's
voice. He's being told there is a girl on the phone named Maggie. He's
either smiling or looking confused. He's walking toward the phone right
now with thoughts of us. Thoughts of what he thinks of me. ?Hello??he
says. ?Hey there.?I can say no more. I am hyperventilating, and my voice
catches. Why am I so incredibly socially retarded? ?So what's going
on??He's doing his best to move this dying conversation along. ?Not
much, I just wanted to see if you were still interested in helping me
move this weekend?? ?Just let me know what time.? ?I think we should
start early, that way we can finish before the temperature skyrockets.?
Skyrockets? Yeah, that's verbiage I use every day Supercool of you,
gosh. Magical. ?Yeah, we wouldn't want any skyrocketing going on.? Is he
making fun of me? Did he just use the Christina Dahl tone of voice?
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?Well, it is Fourth of July weekend.?I try to convince myself that I'm
getting more comfortable. ?That it is. What do you have planned for
today??I hear Domenic tapping a pencil on a table. ?I've got some
packing to do. You know, the onesies. I plan to put together an entire
box of nonrelated items in a haphazard fashion and label it with an
unintelligible title.?Am I trying too hard? ?Well, make sure it's off
balance and the box isn't taped well. Then we'll really have ourselves a
party.? ?I'll be sure to do that.? My voice is rising in tone. I resolve
to calm down. ?Well, I don't want to keep you. I'll see you at
Peregrine's party tomorrow, right?? ?Absolutely!?Once again with the
shrieking. Domenic and I sign off. I can't remember a time when I just
did something without unremittingly second-guessing myself and finally
opting for the road more traveled. I let every opportunity walk right by
instead of grabbing it by the collar and bringing it in for a long,
sweet kiss. Once again, Peregrine is right-what am I so afraid of?
What's worse than sitting here now-alone and tormented by my own safe
and comfortable life? If I am forever cast as the fat, jolly sidekick,
it's my own damn fault.
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No Kids, Kay?
I wake up the next morning with a start. All of my clothes are packed
and I have nothing to wear to Peregrine's birthday party tonight. I put
in a call to Mom. She has left for work, Russell says. I'll call Kate.
?Hello, who is it??It is Bella. ?It's Maggie,?I say, in my craziest
voice. ?Hi, Maggie,?Bella says. ?Is your mommy there??I ask. ?Yes.?Bella
is holding the phone so close to her small cheek I can hear every
exhalation. ?Can I speak with her??I ask. ?Yes.? Bella holds the phone
even closer to her mouth. ?Do you think I can speak with her now??I am
smiling. I want to be in the warmth of the home Kate has created.
?Yes.?Bella still holds the receiver. ?Thank you, baby,? I say
?Wait.?Bella pauses. ?What is it, sweetie??I ask.
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Liza Palmer
?I like you?Bella drops the phone on the table and yells for Kate to
come to the phone. ?What's going on, Bobo??Kate asks. ?Nothing much,?I
lie. ?You sound a little Kate trails off. ?I need an outfit for this
stupid party tonight. A party this twenty-eight-year-old busboy is going
to be at-so I can let him walk right by me and never ever grab anyone by
the collar. Not once, Kate!?I can barely get a breath out. ?Sweetie, why
do you think you need to grab twenty-eight- year-old busboys by the
collar??Kate asks. ?He made a CD for me. I didn't want to like it, but I
did. There was this one song. . . but he's a busboy at Joe's. How do you
do that? Twenty-eight years old?? ?Okay, you're a little vulnerable
right now so I won't remind you that you, too, work at that very same
coffeehouse. No, you're not twenty-eight, but you will be in a matter of
weeks. How come I haven't heard about this guy??Kate is much more
distracted about not being in the loop than by Domenic's career choices.
?Yes, but I have a master's,?I say ?Sweetie, I know you're going to find
your way back to the museum of your dreams. So for now, why don't we
talk more about why you haven't told any of us about him.' ?Because ye
just been. . . I don't know, kind of embarrassed.? ?About what?? ?That
he's this guy who still buses tables at a coffeehouse and Adam Farrell
is Dr. Adam Farrell. Soon to be Mrs. Dr. Olivia Farrell.? ?Mrs. Dr.
Olivia Farrell is about to make one of the biggest mistakes of her life.
That guy doesn't know who she really is and couldn't care less.?
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?I know, I know I just... I think I'm having a hard time looking at this
realistically if that makes any sense.? ?It does. Maybe this is a good
thing, you looking at all of these factors you never thought about
before. You know, Texas Steven was a complete loser, but you never even
gave that a second thought.? ?You thought Texas Steven was a loser??
?Honey he was a loser.? ?He was golden.? ?Well, then he was a golden
loser.? We are silent as I mourn Texas Steven. Kate sniffs. ?So what's
going on with you?? I change the subject after crossing myself. ?I got
Olivia's wedding invitation in the mail today ?Yeah?? ?There's this
classless handwritten note on the bottom that says, 'No kids, kay?' Is
she kidding me?? ?At least you got an invitation.?I haven't received
mine yet. I have a sinking feeling I might not get one at all. Kate and
I go on to cattily discuss those quiet, intimate moments before Dr. and
Mrs. Adam Farrell initiate some kind of sexual intercourse. We picture
them in two huge, queen-size beds. They yell sweet nothings across their
respective beds as Olivia romantically plucks the bright orange earplugs
from Adam's ears. He stops. Drops. And rolls over to his beloved. Some
nights he keeps the black sleeping mask on; other nights he pulls it off
in a fit of passion, only to catch a glimpse of himself in the
full-length mirror behind the door. I am officially cheered up after
several minutes of imagining these scenarios and dissolving into fits of
laughter about what Dr. Adam Farrell's tiny hands really mean. ?We'll go
shopping with you. What about Mom??she asks.
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?She's at work.? ?Well, we'll just have to go it alone.? I close my door
and leave Solo in the House of Emptiness. She has become more and more
ornery since we have decided to move/been evicted. The lack of a routine
and the fact that all our belongings are in boxes have been just the
recipe to turn my dog into a raving lunatic. So I called around and
found this huge dog emporium that grooms dogs and has obedience classes
as well. I thought I would take her to get groomed the day of the move
and, if things go well, sign her up for obedience classes. I rub Solo's
ears as she leans into me. I drive over to Kate's house lost in thought.
I find myself somewhere on Colorado Boulevard and can't remember how I
got there. I've been driving for a full five minutes and cant remember
one turn or one red light. Because I've never had an actual
relationship, my family treasures these little crushes as the crumbs
they can feed on until the real thing comes along. So naturally I worry
what Mom will think of this newest crush. Does she ever look at the man
Olivia snared and wonder why I can't reel in one like that? I pull up to
Kate's house and once again the Bat Daughters run out to greet me. Kate
saunters out behind them. ?You ready??I say ?Mom is on her way?she says.
?Oh.?Bella and Emily stare at me and wonder why their Aunt Maggie isn't
excited to see their precious Grammy ?What's going on??Kate asks. She
continues, ?Emily Bella. Can you go inside and get whatever you want to
the mall with you??This is the battle cry of moms everywhere. Sending
the children away Not only that, but sending them inside to search for
unspecified items to take with them to a 'mall. This is a
precedent-setting offer.
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As soon as the girlies leave, I begin. ?I don't think Mom is going to be
as gung-ho about Domenic as you are. Her little grandchild light is
flickering as it is.,, I'm speaking quickly I shouldn't really put so
much stock in what Mom thinks of the men I like, but I just can't lie or
keep anything from her. ?Honey, we just want you to be happy For pete's
sake, you don't have to marry the boy?In a moment of horror about what
she has let the girlies do, Kate turns to the house. Then she turns back
to me. 'His name is Domenic?? ?Domenico,?I breathe. ?How could she not
like that? Look, at some point you just have to bring someone home and
not worry so much.?Kate becomes distracted again by the time that has
elapsed since the girls ventured into the house in search of the
ill-gotten booty We hear a crash from inside and quiet shushes. ?She
just wants what's best for you. That's all we've ever wanted.? Kate
starts walking inside, calling the names of her lovely daughters. I
follow her and decide to try one last point of debate. ?Did Mom approve
of Vincent when you first brought him home??I ask. ?Of course she didn't