Control (Book Seven) (Fated Saga Fantasy Series) (26 page)

Ivan scowled
. Sebastien’s words cut into him.

He had never feared death before.

He had to shake it off before it dragged him into a dark place. Instead, he sought out a familiar face, to tell him exactly what was happening.

The first familiar face he found was Billie
’s.

“Ivan,” she called out upo
n seeing him. “You look tired, boy.”

“I’m fine,
” he insisted. “So what’s going on? I’ve been gone.”

“The banished and the Tunkapog have
joined forces to take back the Stone from Fazendiin. You missed the part where he invited us to do so.”

“Huh?”

“Yup. Sent a message inviting us to meet him and claims he’ll just hand it over.”

“I don’t believe for a moment he would just hand it over.”

Billie chuckled, slinging a belt across her shoulder. “Neither do we.”

“Hen
ce the battle preparations,” Ivan noted.

Billie
fastened the belt, tightening it securely. “You’ll be joining us then?” she asked him. “Just me, Noah and Maura joining from my crew. The rest will stay behind to assist here. Maria and Noah’s wife will watch over them.”

“Maria’s okay then?”

“Sure sure. Just fine. She comes from hearty stock, that one. She’ll go far in this nightmare we’ve created for ourselves.”

Ivan nodded, only half-paying attention.

“
How are
you
?” Billie asked, concerned.

“
I’m fine, Billie. Fine. And yes, I will be joining you,” Ivan told her.

“Well good. If you want to say hello, Maria’s ju
st inside that house over there,” she replied with a wink, pointing over her shoulder.

“Okay.
Thanks. Um, when are we pulling out?”

“This evening. Fazendiin told us when to meet him, but we’re still waiting on the where.”

“See you then,” Ivan replied, starting towards the house where Maria was supposed to be, only to stop in his tracks.

A pack of
snarling wolverines darted right in front of him, on their way to join the army. Ivan knew that the Tunkapog could transform into animals, but seeing it still gave him an awed pause.

After the
y passed by, he looked up to see Maria standing and waving in the front door. For a moment, he thought about just waving back and turning the other way.

“So I can
battle Stripers, face a confrontation with Fazendiin, but not say hello to a girl...” He cleared his throat, continuing toward Maria, every step heavy and awkward.

“Ivan, hello,” Maria’s kind voice called out. “I was hoping to see
you again.”

Maria was no girl. She was thin, and her skin smooth with youth, but her
brown eyes cried out old soul and her kind smile welcomed him in as if he had just arrived home after a long journey. Ivan didn’t know what was wrong with him. He choked over his words, nothing coming out.

Maria bit her lip trying not to laugh at him.

“Come inside,” she offered. “Sit. Warm up. Have a nice hot meal before you...” she sucked in a breath, “go to war...” She tried to keep her smile but it weakened.

He obl
iged, stepping inside and took a seat at the table. He was surprised the kitchen was empty. It was just him and Maria. He assumed the rest of Billie’s crew would be here too.

“From what I hear, th
ere might not even be a war,” he told her, with a slight stutter. He had wanted it to sound comforting, but it sounded anything but.

“Do you believe that?” sh
e asked him.

He wanted to lie, but found he could not.

“No. I don’t believe it. Not for a minute. Someone like Fazendiin doesn’t just hand over his most powerful weapon.”

She sighed mournfully.

“Everyone will be okay
,” he promised. He didn’t know why he said it. He could guarantee no such thing.

She
leaned over the stove, lifting a burner and stoking the fire. She replaced the burner and moved a pot that was sitting near the back of the stove over the hot burner.

Ivan didn’t take his eyes off her, watching her every move.

He wanted to kick himself when she turned to come back; he should have gotten up and offered to help.

“
Do you think this will ever end?” she asked him. “I’m tired of losing everyone I care about,” she spoke honestly. “I don’t want to lose anyone else.”

The frankness
with which she spoke caught Ivan at a momentary loss for words. After a minute, he finally answered.

“Yes. I do think this will all come to an
end, Maria. One day we’ll live on the island again. Our world will be whole again.”

She clung to those
last words, as if his mere expression of them could will them into reality.

“You liv
e an exciting life,” she expressed, her words catching him off guard again.

“I... I don’t prefer to,” he said.

“But it is an important life,” she added. A hint of a smile appeared. “I think somewhere deep down, you do prefer it. Maybe not all the drama that comes with an exciting life, but you thrive on the importance of what you’re doing.”

“I think it is more like,
it’s the only way of living I know,” he said, surprised at his own frankness.

Her eyes turned to a deeper brown, if that was possible,
tinged with sadness. He felt like everything he said, which was meant to make her feel better, somehow made her feel worse.

“I don’t mind doing my part,
that much is true,” he explained, hoping to alleviate the sadness he saw. “And maybe, at times, I will admit I do thrive on the
excitement
. But I don’t enjoy it. I have never enjoyed it.”

The sadness
in her eyes deepened.

Once again, he had made it worse by speaking.
Why did people find so much comfort in sharing their feelings? This wasn’t comforting at all.

“That means you have never enjoyed life, Ivan. If this is t
he only way you have lived, why do you fight? What keeps you going?” She spoke with an earnest need to know and understand. “If this life has given you nothing but a joyless existence, why do you feel any duty to fight for it?”

He just
stared, unable to find the words to reply. He had been fighting for so long he didn’t know any other way to live. And now that his mother was alive, and everyone knew Juliska Blackwell was evil, what was his purpose in this life?

“I’m sorry,” she said suddenly.
“I shouldn’t say such things. I don’t normally rattle on so much, I’m just afraid, for everyone. For you,” she admitted. “All I have ever wanted is a simple life. I was so happy when we returned to the island. I thought everything would go back to the way it used to be. Naive, I know.”

“
Not naive,” he insisted. “Hopeful, and that’s not wrong. I may not live a simple life, by any meaning of the word, and I might not know my exact purpose in this life, yet. But there are people who depend on me. I have a sister who depends on me. And I will always put duty first. Winning this war and overthrowing the people responsible for creating this perverted version of our world is the most important thing I can do with my life. Maybe, if we are very lucky, that simple life... you could still have it, Maria. It is not lost yet.”

Maria beamed, her eyes swimming in tears not quite falling.

“I
think you just found your purpose, Ivan Crane,” she whispered, adding, “You know, I think you would make an incredible leader.”

“Me?
No.”

“Yes. You embody ever
ything we are supposed be about, Ivan. You’re fair. You’re brave. You’re honest. You stand up for what’s right no matter the cost to yourself.”

Ivan’s face got hot.
“You think too highly of me.”

“
See,” she argued. “That’s why right there.”

He tossed her a confused look.

She just smiled and turned back to the stove.

Ivan felt lighter.
Tired still. Very tired. However, the constant pressure that had been squeezing his chest for days had lessened.

With little effort, Maria had shown him that he did have a purpose in this life. He stared in awe
, watching her ladle stew into a deep bowl.

How was it she could
needle her way into his feelings so easily? Feelings he hadn’t even admitted to himself, and yet somehow it didn’t hurt him. It didn’t bother him that she did this. It was a pleasant sort of pain.

She returned to the table with
a steaming bowl of stew. “Eat,” she ordered gently.

Ivan
obeyed at once.

He didn’t know if it was because he hadn’t had a normal meal in days, or that the food was truly delicious, but he couldn’t get enough.
Each bite melted in his mouth, an array of flavors, each blended together, perfectly.

“I never
got a chance to thank you,” Maria said after awhile.

“Thank me for what?” he asked between bites. “
Sorry, I just have to say, this might be the best thing I’ve ever eaten.”

“There’s plenty
more,” she replied lightheartedly. “And the reason I needed to thank you, was for literally carrying me across a meadow when I was injured by that falling tree. You probably didn’t even know it was me you were carrying...”

“No, I did,” he let slip out.
“Someone shouted you’d been injured and I rushed over to...” he stopped and hastily shoved a spoonful of stew into his mouth.

Maria
turned away unable to hide a shy smile.

When she turned
back, Ivan was yawning.

“You’re tired. You should get some rest.”

“No time,” he said sleepily.

“You have time,” she insisted.
“You’ve got hours before the army pulls out.”

Ivan’s eyelids started to feel heavy. They desperately wanted to close.

“Here, let me help you to bed. There’s an empty one just in here.” She assisted him into the room and he fell onto the bed. She lifted his legs and took off his boots.

“Sorry,
I feel so tired all of a sudden,” he slurred.

“Just rest,” Maria encouraged
. She leaned down and kissed him on the forehead. “You’ll feel good as new in a few hours. I promise.”

Ivan fell into a deep sleep.

For what felt like days.

His dre
ams were vivid and yet distant; sometimes reliving the previous months of his life, sometimes melting into nightmares about the months to come.

What seemed like ages later,
his eyes burst open and he sat up, his mind suddenly awake and sharp. It took him a moment to remember where he was.

He looked down and saw his boots, all cleaned up and ready for him to put back on. His jacket was hanging over the edge of the bed.

He got dressed and went back out into the kitchen.

Maria was sitting at the table.

“You’re awake,” she said with a kind smile.

“Yeah, um, how long was I out?”

“About four hours.”

“That’s it? It felt like much longer.”

An apologetic grin spread across her face.

“You did that, didn’t you?” I
t came out more harshly than he planned.

“Don’t be mad,
please. You looked so tired. I wanted to repay the favor, help
you
in some way. To say thanks for everything you’ve done and everything you’re about to do. Rest was all I had to offer you.”

He wan
ted to be mad. But he felt better than he had in weeks. Renewed. Sharp and ready to face the oncoming battle. He also wanted to tell her that she had much more to offer than just a sleeping potion, but he suddenly felt his cheeks burning and decided to reply, “Maybe next time just warn me or something, before you drug me.”

“So you can be all manly and stubborn
and refuse?” she exclaimed innocently. “I’ve been taking care of my dad since I was a little girl, so I know a thing or two about stubborn.” Her eyes grew watery as she finished, and she turned away from him so he could not see.

Ivan had two realizations just then. One, he
wanted there to be a next time. And second...

“Maria, you lost your father,
didn’t you?”

She did not respond. He heard her trying to hide her sniffles.

Hearing her cry was possibly the most dreadful thing he had ever heard. It felt like
someone was trying to reach in and pull out his heart.

“This is why I
keep fighting,” he told her. “It won’t always be like this. I know it doesn’t bring your dad, or anyone else we’ve lost, back. But we can make their deaths matter. Make sure they didn’t die in vain.”