Authors: M. S. Willis
When Buddy stopped crying he wiped his face on his sleeve and looked
over at me again. “My mommy is leaving, Paige. She is taking me
with her and she says we won’t be coming back to the Center. She told me
I had to be quiet about it, that I couldn’t let your folks know where we are
going.”
“But why?!” I protested. “I don’t understand. Women leave
the Center all the time and they always let Momma know where they are going.”
I looked at Buddy and my face must have given away my heartache. He
pulled me into his lap and we hugged and rocked back and forth. He
finally let out a sigh and quietly responded, “I don’t know why we are going,
or why I can’t tell no one, but I’ll get in trouble if she finds out I told
you. You have to promise to keep this secret.”
While we were talking, my mother came outside and began to call
for me. With the grasses being so high, you could barely see me when I
was standing up, much less sitting down. I untangled myself from Buddy
and stood up to look for my mother. She caught sight of me and came over
to where Buddy and I were sitting. “Paige, sweetie, it’s about time to
start heading home. It’s getting dark and you two need to get inside
before you become a buffet for the mosquitos again. You know they can’t
resist biting something as sweet as the two of you.”
“OK Momma. Buddy and I will be inside shortly.” My
mother turned to go back to the Center but stopped and turned back our
direction. “Buddy? Why does it look like you’ve been crying?
What’s wrong?” Buddy looked between me and my mother, trying to determine
if I would tell. Once he realized I would remain silent he smiled up at
my mother and said “Sorry Mrs. Stone, but I haven’t been crying. I was
just watching the sun set with Paige before you came out here. Mommy says
I have something called “avergies”, so maybe that’s what you’re seeing.”
Momma laughed and said “allergies, Buddy. You have allergies.” She
sighed. “You are probably right though, the pollen count has been
unusually high this summer. But that’s just another reason why you should
come inside, so hurry up you two. I don’t want to have to tell you
again.”
Momma turned and finally retreated back into the building. I
looked at Buddy and couldn’t help the hurt that was crushing my little
body. The pain didn’t show on my skin like the women as they arrived at
The Center, but I knew it was the same thing they felt every time they
entered. Buddy walked over to me and wrapped his arms around my
neck. He kissed me on the forehead and took my hand and started to lead
me back inside. I dug in my feet and pulled Buddy back before we walked
the full distance. I looked up into his haunted eyes and whispered, “Will
I ever see you again?”
I was shocked when Buddy laughed and drew me into a bear
hug. “I don’t know when, but someday you will see me again. I’ll make
a pact with you, Paige. You keep this to yourself and after we are gone,
I will make sure I get back here to play with you in the yard. I don’t
know why Mommy is leaving the way that she is, but I do know that she loves
your Momma and Daddy. I’m sure after a couple days she’ll want to come
back. But I promise you Paige, you are my best friend and I’ll never
leave you.” A tear ran down my cheek and Buddy wiped it away with his
sleeve.
“Now quit crying, you’re acting like a girl.”
I looked up at Buddy with
the most forceful expression that I had and said “I am a girl Buddy, and don’t
you ever forget it. Besides, you just don’t like the fact that a ‘girl’
can beat you at climbing trees.”
At that Buddy laughed again. He pulled away from me and then
wrapped his arm around my shoulder. “I guess you’re right Paige, but I’m
going to practice climbing trees every day and when I get back here, we’ll see
who reaches the top first.” With that, we walked inside. Buddy went
back to his mom’s room and I walked out the entrance with my folks. I
looked back as Buddy retreated down the hallway to the rooms. He turned
to me before opening his door and smiled.
My consciousness shifted to the next morning when I returned to
the Center and ran to Buddy’s room. I knocked on the door softly at
first, just in case he and his mom were still sleeping. I put my ear to
the door but didn’t hear anybody inside, so I walked down the hall and turned
into the kitchen to eat breakfast. After eating, I went outside and figured
that Buddy would come out to play when he woke up and was ready. My momma
came out several hours later and picked me up when she reached me. She
looked sad and I reached my hand up to her cheek to comfort her just like she
always had done for me. “Paige, I have to tell you something and I know
you aren’t going to like it.”
I already knew what she was going to say. Buddy had already
told me.
“Baby, Buddy’s mom has left the Center. She left us a note
telling us how much she and Buddy would miss us but said that she made some
decisions and had to leave.” I looked down at the ground and then back up
into my mother’s mournful eyes. “Did she say where she and Buddy
went? Did she leave us a way to find them?” I was so hopeful that
Buddy was wrong and that his mommy would have left us an address or a phone
number where we could contact them. My mother sighed and shook her
head. She placed a kiss on the top of my head and put me back down on the
ground. She knelt down to my height and took my face in her hands. “I’m
sorry baby, but sometimes when our guests leave they don’t want to keep in
touch with us. This place can carry some bad memories for those who want
to put their pasts behind them. I love that you had something special with
Buddy, but I don’t want you getting your hopes up that you will see him
again. I just want you to remember the friendship that you had with Buddy
and be hopeful that wherever his mommy took him, they will have a better life
than they did before they came here.” I didn’t cry at what my momma told
me. I couldn’t. Buddy had promised me he would find me again and
Buddy never lied. Even though Momma said I shouldn’t keep my hopes up, I
knew that there was something to be hopeful for. I nodded my head and
looked at my momma. “Okay.”
She took me into a hug again and said “that’s my brave
girl.” My mom stood up and ruffled my hair and then turned to walk back
into the building.
My body
shot forward, ripping me from my sleep. Tears burned my eyes and were
pouring down my face as I felt two arms pulling me into an embrace. I
buried my face into David’s chest and my body shook with the force of my
sobs. The pain consumed me as it flooded my body and I cried for Alex,
and I cried for the friend I lost when I was young. A dam had just broken
within me and no matter how hard I tried to stop, there was no containing the
deluge that battered my mind and body.
David
held me patiently, stroking my hair and whispering words that I could barely
hear over the sounds escaping from me. It took so much restraint for me
to keep from pushing David away. I wanted to scream until my throat was
raw, to tear apart and destroy everything around me. My mind was
desperate to break the physical objects that surrounded me to distract myself
from the agony I carried within myself. David continued to hold me and he
gently rocked me back and forth as I wept. After a while, my eyes ran dry
and my body heaved with occasional tremors as I slowly calmed myself
down. My heart pounded within my chest and my fingernails cut small
grooves into the skin of my hands from having been balled into fists.
David was quiet as he cradled my body and he waited for me to come back to him
from my misery.
When I
had finally settled and calmed to the point of sanity, David spoke softly to
me. “I’m so sorry, Paige. I had no idea he was here. If I had
known, I would have never pressured you to talk about your night with
Daemon. I’m so damn sorry.”
I shook
my head in an attempt to tell him it wasn’t his fault. My voice wouldn’t
work and I couldn’t express what I was thinking. He smoothed his hand
over my hair until I calmed even more and could look up at him. When I
was able to find my voice again, I responded to what David had said.
“It’s not your fault, David. I shouldn’t have allowed my arrangement with
Alex to continue for as long as I did. I’ve known for a while that what I
was allowing was selfish, but I wasn’t strong enough to tell him. It’s my
fault; he’s hurting because of me.”
David
kept consoling me even though I didn’t deserve his comfort. I’d been a
bad friend; I deserved this pain and I was angry that I couldn’t bear the
burden of Alex’s pain as well.
“Beautiful,
I know what happened was hard on you, and I know you are worried about Alex,
but I don’t think you should be taking it as hard as you are. Alex is a
grown man and you were always clear with him about what was going on between
the two of you. I don’t see how you can be blamed for anything that has
happened.”
My
muscles ached as I pulled myself into a seated position next to David. He
continued to lightly pat me on my back as I wiped away the tears from my face
and rubbed at my swollen eyes.
“You
don’t understand. He was in love with me. I knew he was and I knew
I could never feel the same way about him. I should have ended it months
ago, but I was too weak…”
“Stop
right there. It’s not your fault he accepted that arrangement. He
knew you didn’t feel the same way for him. You never led him on and you
never lied to him. You can’t blame yourself.”
I
considered what David was saying and couldn’t see past my part in the
situation. I was always up front with Alex, always the one to clearly
identify what type of relationship we had, but I still knew how he felt.
What was I supposed to do when I realized that his heart was involved?
“Are
you blaming him, David?”
David
sighed as he took my hands in his. He absently rubbed at the marks my
fingernails had made in my skin as he replied, “Paige, no one is to
blame. Alex may have had the foolish idea that he could change you, but
if he had just opened his eyes, he would have seen that you couldn’t love him
back. If he thought being intimate with you would change things, then he
only has himself to blame. I don’t want to see you beating yourself up
over this. It happened. Give it some time and I’m sure Alex will
move past this so that you can be friends again. Sitting around being
upset about it won’t do anybody any good; so stop.”
I
raised my face up to David and he laughed as he wiped away the remnants of my
breakdown. “I know this situation sucks, but you need to let it
go.” I nodded my head in agreement and he smiled at my acceptance of what
he was saying.
“I’m
happy that you agree. Now, I need you to get your pathetic ass up and
jump in the shower. I have a date coming over tonight and I’ll be damned
if your drama is going to mess it up.”
Laughter
bubbled out from me and I began to push myself up from the bed. “I’ll
make sure I’m presentable for your date.” An image of David in an
apron with the feather duster popped in my head. “Is your date the reason you
were dressed like you were this morning?”
“Yes.
Matt will be here at five and I want everything to be perfect. First
impressions are important and I won’t let anything screw this up.”
David’s
last words were a warning. I knew better than most that when David wanted
to make a good impression, he would stop at nothing to do so. If I
continued to wallow in my self-pity, it was possible that I would find myself
tied up and stored safely away in my closet until Matt left. Hoping to
avoid that fate, I sucked up my melancholy and went about getting myself
cleaned up.
Once I
had made myself presentable to David’s standards, I was allowed to park my ass
on the living room sofa where I was intent to remain for the rest of the
evening. Annie came home and marched into the room to collapse on the
couch beside me. Her face was contorted into a painful looking scowl and
I was instantly worried that things had not gone well on her date with Logan.
“How
did it go last night?” My voice gave away my uneasiness at having to ask.
She
pulled herself away from her thoughts and looked at me inquisitively.
“Huh?”
“Last
night. Your date with Logan. How did it go?”
“Oh!
It went great. Logan is an amazing guy. I wish I would have met him
months ago when you first mentioned him to me.” She nudged me with her
elbow. “I think you are right, I need to reconsider my dating criteria.
My eyes
rolled at her admission and I withheld the ‘I told you so’ that begged to
escape my lips. “Did you two go out, or did David hold you captive for
the rest of the night?”
Annie’s
eyes brightened and she shifted her position to look at me face to face.
“He took me to the beach and, oh my god, it was so romantic. We walked
along the shoreline in the moonlight and he showed me all of his favorite
places. He asked me to hang out with him at Tomb tonight until he gets
off of work.”
My
relief was palpable. I was performing a victory dance in my head and my
face couldn’t hide my excitement for her. Logan was worth my approval and
I hoped that Annie would learn the difference between her normal type of guy
and a good one. “So, what was up with the scowl plastered to your face
when you got home?”
“That
was because of work. I love the job, Paige, and I’m happy to be working
in the industry, but the people I have to work with are awful. I was five
minutes late getting into work today and someone complained to the office
manager that it wasn’t fair that I get to come in whenever I want. It was
ridiculous. I have never been late, I work evenings and weekends when I
have to, and I rarely take a lunch. But yet, when I’m five minutes late
one day, those bitches go complaining to management. I swear they need to
get a fucking life! All they do is sit around and talk about how crappy
their lives are and about other people. They need to stop pushing their
noses into other people’s lives. Sometimes, I swear that they have
nothing better to do than to spread around their misery. It’s pathetic.”
Annie’s
tirade was amusing and I laughed at hearing it. This was the same
complaint I got from David most days and I wished they could find a better
place to work. David had switched jobs several times trying to escape the
people he couldn’t stand, but he realized that no matter where he worked, the
people were the same. He finally settled down at the office they
currently work at and I was glad they had each other for company.
Annie
began to squirm in her seat and I watched her as she mulled over whatever it
was she was thinking about. “How was your night with Daemon?”
Her
question took me by surprise. From the way she had been acting just
before she asked, I could have sworn something more serious had been on her
mind. “It was good. We went to a coffee shop for a while and then
back to his place.”
She
nodded her head, still obviously struggling with something. “So, Logan
told me some things about Daemon last night, and I don’t want to bring it up,
but I think you have the right to know before things become serious between the
two of you.”
My
heart dropped. This had to be bad. Annie is the type of person that
had no filter. There was not a phrase, word or sentence in existence that
didn’t roll off her tongue at any moment, despite whether it could be deemed
appropriate or not. For her to be struggling with what she wanted to say,
it meant that my feelings for Daemon were about to be shattered.
“Spit
it out, Annie.”
Annie
squirmed some more, fidgeted with her hands and checked out the state of her
toenail polish before responding. “Logan is worried because Daemon has a
reputation for being a player. He said it’s a new girl every couple of
nights and obviously, he can’t say anything to Daemon to warn him off of you,
being that Daemon is his boss and all; but he wanted me to tell you to be really
careful.”
My
breath rushed out of me as she said that and my head dropped into my
hands. I knew what Logan was saying. Hell! I’d personally
observed Daemon’s man-whore ways. Images of slutty redheads marched
before my eyes and I simply chose to look the opposite direction.
However, Logan was right. It would be ridiculous for me to think that
Daemon would change. I’d be guilty of the same type of mistake Alex had
just made with me.
“I
know. I saw the women congregating around him Saturday night while I was
at Tomb. I also saw him and one of those women half naked on his balcony
the following morning. Logan warned me that night as well.”
David
came around the corner as Annie and I were talking. “Why the long face?”
Annie
looked up at David as she answered for me. “Logan told me that Daemon had a
reputation for being a player and I just told Paige to be careful.” Her
eyes suddenly widened and an excited expression came over her face. “I
know! I’m going there tonight to see Logan. I can watch Daemon and
report back to you if I see him with another woman.”
I was
about to decline her offer when David interrupted. “I have a better idea.
Paige, you’re an investigator, right?”
This
can’t be good.
“Yeeeeesss,”
I said in my best skeptical tone. “Why?”
“Well, since
you are an investigator, you happen to have the exact skills necessary to find
out if Daemon is still seeing other women.”
One
eyebrow went up as I tried to determine where David was going with this. “So,
what you’re saying is…”
David
huffed out an annoyed breath as if I should know what he was suggesting.
“I’m
saying
that you need to spy on Daemon.”
A laugh
burst from my lips at David’s idea. “And how am I supposed to do
that? Somehow I think he would find it odd if I sat at the bar all night
and videotaped him working.”
He
tsked at me. “There’s no need for video and he wouldn’t recognize you if you
were in disguise.” His excitement dripped heavily on that last word.
Annie
let out a squeal and clapped her hands in front of her. “That’s an excellent
idea! It’ll be so much fun to get you ready. What will we dress her up
as?”
I
jumped up from the couch and held my hands out in front of me to slow their
momentum. “Wait, no, that’s absolutely ridiculous. He would recognize
me! There is no way in hell that I’m going to go into that bar,
disguised
,
to spy on Daemon. There’s a word for something like that. It’s
called ‘stalking’.”
David
waved off my protest and continued in his decision making. “Paige, Annie
and I will take care of everything. Daemon won’t recognize you once we
get finished and we have everything we need to make you into a totally
different person. Matt will be here soon and he just happens to be going
to school for cosmetology. We could totally pull this off.”
I shook
my head at what he was saying but my brain was telling me it just might
work. Obviously, they would have to completely transform me, but there
was a slight chance I could pull this off. I’ve never been undercover
before and it’s something I’ve always wanted to try. This could be
easy. I would go in, sit in an inconspicuous spot, have a couple drinks,
and watch to see what Daemon was up to. It wouldn’t take long to get my
answer and then I could scoot out of there before anyone noticed a thing.
David’s plan was actually pretty good.