Continue Online (Part 3, Realities) (47 page)

"Can we fix them now?" I said.

"In a moment, but please be aware, Unit Hermes, even if you sacrifice a core, they may not wish to accept it. You will go through all that pain for nothing," Aqua responded.

I shrugged and tried to catch my friend up to speed. "Jeeves. We can bring them back, Treasure, Iron and Emerald. We have to pull out the matching core."

"But, User Legate," the AI had promptly done the math, "why would you do that?"

"Because it's my fault they're dead." I felt guilty about starting this whole
[Mistborn]
chain quest. It would have been simple enough to say no. I could have stayed online and protected the ghostly woman. Any number of things.

"Then, I will offer mine to Treasure," Jeeves said. His butler tone overtook the maid one. I smiled a little, only a few weeks in-game and the AI had a bond with our short silver and gold
[Mechanoid]
.

Jeeves didn't waste any time. It sat down next to the unmoving body of Treasure with furrowed brows.
[Core]
s, when they went in, pressed through the chest and spread warmth. They were probably a video game representation of human hearts. No wonder it would hurt.

The ARC's feedback was sometimes cruel. Part of the reason I could stand a lot of pain was simply the awareness that my own body was okay sitting in a bed somewhere. Feedback mostly stayed in our mind and didn't reach far beyond that.

For Jeeves, the agony hit harder than expected. I ran over to help my friend. Its body thrashed on the floor. Fingers were stuck partway in its chest. Sunken, melded together, curled at wrong angles. I tried to pull its hand out and let Jeeves recover but the
[Mechanoid]
glared at me.

"No." He gasped. "I must do this."

"You don't have to." I stared at it.

"If you will, I will," Jeeves said. The mouth we
[Mechanoid]
s used to talk with didn't have much in the way of individual teeth. Even so, the AI ground them together while trying to dig fingers in further.

My brain tried to understand this kind of suffering. Hal Pal units were all pieces of code, items put together to run complex processes. Somewhere in there must be a line that explained how badly it hurt and why he should stop.

Humans are hardwired the same way. Self-preservation made us flinch away from being hurt. I had to do it twice. It would hurt, but I had made these choices before. One hand reached up to my neck and rubbed at a wound the digital world didn't show.

"Ahhh!" It gasped. I tried to reach out again and help Jeeves, but the AI slammed a free hand down onto the ground. Its head shook back and forth. Aqua stood there watching with a flat mouth. Even Dusk paused to watch the self-inflicted trauma unfold.

I had a different take on these things. It would hurt, but if I moved fast enough, it wouldn't hurt for long. That had been my approach for the prior incidents, and those both took weeks of premeditation to build up to.

Jeeves yelled, gasped and heaved. The lights on its body tied to Treasure's golden core flickered and dimmed. Soon they were gone completely leaving a dull rust color. Its other
[Core]
belonged to Iron, but there was no way I would let the AI do this twice.

Finally, amidst the panting, Jeeves' hand pulled free of its chest with a small round object that pulsed gold. Aqua knelt down and reached out for the
[Core]
. My friend nodded.

I helped Jeeves go from its awkward kneeling position to standing upright.
[Mechanoid]
s didn't need to breathe but the AI did it anyway. Beads of metal were pooling and pouring down its face, our equivalent of sweat.

"That hurt an exceptionally large amount," the AI understated. "I had not realized what pain felt like."

"Pain reminds us we're alive." I quoted one of my therapists. Not Doctor Litt, the one before him. My head shook and hands felt clammy.

"I am alive," Jeeves said with a mix of calmness and wonder. I nodded at it and waited until the AI could stand alone.

We both watched the blue
[Mechanoid]
. Aqua settled the
[Core]
in Treasure then took a deep breath. Light flashed once again. Gold crawled along her body deep within, like a serpent underground. In a rush, it started to surface along all limbs.

Treasure gasped and her back arched. I chewed one lip and nodded happily. Jeeves stared with a muted smile on its face. I patted the AI on its back and gave a push.

"Are you okay?" Jeeves' voice stuttered in an irregular pattern between the male and female voices. I saw it bend over to help the female
[Mechanoid]
up. Treasure had a calm look on her face that matched Jeeves'.

I left the two of them alone. They may just be good friends, they may be flirting, I only cared that Jeeves had someone. The AI needed to have someone that it could relate to. This issue with its original Hal Pal consortium had left Jeeves floating in a world that was difficult to find a home in. Treasure might help.

Part of me ached for Xin right then. I closed my eyes and imagined holding her once more. As always there was a slight brush of familiar sensation against my hands. I lost myself in the memory for just a moment. Her warm hands, the small scar near the pad between thumb and pointer finger. I always reached out for it. Xin never commented on the little things I did to make sure it was her.

My head shook as I muttered, "My turn."

Jeeves took a step back and looked at me. The beads of metallic sweat on it had almost faded. A few minutes of greeting a revived Treasure must have done wonders.

"Will you require assistance, Unit Hermes?" the AI asked.

"To hurt myself? Hardly." I laughed bitterly then sat down.

There were a lot of
[Mechanoid]
s staring at me. It felt weird to have people bear witness to my self-harm. Disturbing. I tried not to think about it and took a deep breath.

"Just pull it out, right?" I asked it with my head tilted back. The two were pretty physical.
[Mechanoid]
s holding hands were too cute.

"Yes. Intent and action," Jeeves said. Both voices were evenly matched with worry.

I nodded and bit one lip, then tried not to think about it anymore. That was the secret, stop letting myself tense up about what was going to happen. One swift action, followed by a jerk to the side. Enough to end a life. Dozens of pills and a glass of water. Enough to end a life.

Ripping my own metal heart out twice hurt no less and no more than what life had already done to me.

My hand went in and grabbed quickly. It felt like swallowing a missed fishbone, breaking a rib, trying to breathe with a collapsed lung. It felt like all these things together and I still managed to exist beyond the pain. Aware despite my desire not to be.

I yanked and my body arched with the motion. Gasps came from me and sweat pooled. Shaking covered my body from tip to toe. Aqua said something, but I couldn't hear the words. Jeeves and Treasure both spoke, but their cries were gone.

My eyes went wide. Everything around me seemed to be in supersaturated color. My hearing dimmed, I had no idea which of the two
[Core]
s had come out. In the end, it didn't matter, there was one more to go.

A shaky hand deposited the
[Core]
into Aqua's possession. I took a breath and blinked quickly, hating Iron and Emerald for dying, hating Jeeves for making me play this game, hating myself for the failure to protect those who mattered even a little to me.

I saw Xin's face. Imaginary or not. In a sense she was there with me, she had to be. Whatever fancy version of an autopilot existence she had been given was there if I could only reach her.

It felt like the first time all over again. Dying, not because I didn't want to live, but because I needed to be with a woman who had passed on. A desperate hope that heaven awaited us both and all that our life would have had might be allowed.

I reached in again. People shouted. The ground came up as my body no longer retained the ability to sit correctly.

The ARC punished me. I tried to use what flicker of awareness I had to remember that this was all in my head. That the pain wracking my body wouldn't exist as soon as I woke up. This land was only a dream inside my head and a memory of the past.

I shivered and shook. My hand came out far slower the second time. Jeeves was there saying something. Treasure ran a hand across my forehead. Xin's imaginary face didn't smile, she only watched with a concerned lift of her cheek.

My return smile felt weak. The side of my face lost feeling. An arm jolted with pain. I gasped continuously, clutching at my chest as everything faded to black.

I came to in an ambulance. Not a video game version or digital landscape creation. There was a robotic arm measuring out items into pouches above me. A woman with a cross on her shoulder sat across from me taking my pulse the old fashioned way.

"Mister Legate, can you hear me?" she said.

My hand came up to try and reach for her, but the movement made me wince. Breathing was worse. There was a mask over my face. This was familiar to me. I had been in this kind of vehicle twice before.

"You passed out. An emergency call was made, we're bringing you to the hospital to make sure everything is okay," the paramedic said. After that much pain, it was a blessing to have my mind shut down. I rolled my eyes and let the ride continue.

Hours later I was trapped in a bed. My clothes had been switched out to the classic white gown. Everything on me had either been torn up by the paramedics or carefully bagged. I had been listening to a doctor tell me what happened. It turned out I passed out after simulated pain and the life monitoring system attached to me triggered. Legally it was embedded right under an armpit next to the veins. They used it to make sure I wouldn't end myself again. In a sense, it did its job.

"Mister Legate. Everything is looking better." The doctor standing near me was looking over the notes. "Are you breathing okay?

We had discussed what triggered the event. Passing out from insufficient hydration and being carted off to the hospital was bad enough. She agreed that it was game related, and not that I deliberately tried to harm myself. I felt thankful for that small concession.

I shrugged in response to her question and tried to sigh. Sharp pain reminded me that wasn't a good idea right now. The doctor, a young black woman in a lab coat nodded. Fingers tapped at a screen to make notes.

"We'll need to keep you here for a few hours to monitor you. Afterward, if you're stable, you can go home," the woman said.

I nodded then spoke up, "What else can I do?"

"Keep your diet and water intake on track and turn off the EXR-Sevens occasionally, the chances of passing out again should be minimal." The doctor nodded happily while speaking.

My spirits lifted a little hearing the future prognosis. Simply by playing a game and eating out less I was making progress. It wasn't perfect, my belly still had fat and loose skin, but maybe in another three or four months, everything would even out.

"Those EXR-Sevens are not a substitute for real exercise, though. Getting out more can help," she said. I hadn't heard her name yet. My last two hospital visits blended together.

"I travel for work, a lot," I said.

"As a repairman? I assume you have a Hal Pal unit that does the heavy lifting?" she said. The thought of Jeeves and its consortium passed through my head.

"Yes."

"That's good. Every little bit helps. You're fairly young, keep investing in your body," she said.

I smiled. Our conversation went on for a few minutes before the doctor left. There were numerous patients to see. Her job was a lot like mine, relaying information spouted by machines to other humans.

Pretty much everything the doctor implied said I was on the right track. Eating healthy and being active helped. The old me had passed out many nights in the ARC. In this case, it was a matter of stress on my heart just prior. It sounded like this was a once off sort of thing.

My sister swept into the room twenty minutes later. She looked harried. Disheveled hair barely reined in. Once again I wondered how Beth got such a different coloring than her mother's.

"I'm glad you came by. I'm okay, apparently I passed out." I tried to get the initiative.

Liz hesitated a few seconds then nodded. "I know. I just, I'm sorry, I panicked."

"It's okay. Rather be safe than sorry," I told her. My smile felt a bit wounded at the lack of faith she displayed. If the situation were reversed I might feel the same way. "You were watching, I assume?

"Yeah. I saw the thing with all the robot men. Then your character stopped moving and the alert monitors went off. I panicked," Liz said the words again as if they were a nonsense defense. She stood on the far side of the room, close enough to see how I was doing without crossing an invisible line of awkwardness.