Contingency (Covenant of Trust) (5 page)

“I guess you’re going to tell me how to do that.” Chuck shoved his hands deep in the pockets of his slacks.

“There’s nothing mysterious about it. In a nutshell, you have to get past the guilt and shame and learn to live in Christ’s grace, and you have to make yourself worthy of Bobbi’s trust. That’s where the confession comes in. Also, you have to accept that there are some things in your marriage, in your life even, that will never be the same.”

“I know.”

“Let me throw out some things you may not have thought of yet. You can’t be alone with a woman again, ever. No meetings, no taxis, no elevators.”

“That’s going overboard, isn’t it?”

“No such thing, anymore. I’d recommend you not work late at your office, but bring it home.” Chuck didn’t protest. “You can’t give Bobbi the slightest reason to doubt you ever again. Your integrity has got to be beyond reproach.”

“You need to apologize to her for how you’ve treated her, and then break off all contact with her. I imagine she’s not going to be very forgiving.”

“Oh, it’s not what you’re thinking,” Chuck said, holding his hand up for Phil to see. “About four years ago, Gavin wanted to take his son-in-law, John, you know, Kara’s husband, and Danny deer hunting, and he asked me and Brad to go. I fell out of a tree and broke my wrist and these two fingers on my left hand,” he said, indicating his little finger and ring finger. “See, they’re kind of crooked.” Phil nodded. “I just never got my wedding band resized.” Then his voice grew quiet. “I never made it that much of a priority.”

“Don’t you have any pictures of Bobbi at work?”

“Yes, right on my desk!”

“I’m getting off the subject,” Phil said. “We don’t need to get into all this tonight. Bottom line, Chuck, is you’re going to have to let Bobbi set the pace here. Don’t force her toward reconciliation before she’s ready. It may take a long time, but she deserves to do this on her terms. Answer every question she asks, but don’t volunteer things yet.”

“Isn’t that deceitful?”

“No, it’s giving her time to absorb things. While Donna and I help her work through things, you and I will focus on how this happened in the first place. Then, we’ll get to counseling you together about where the two of you go from here. Well, the four of you. The boys will have to be a part of the healing.”

“I haven’t talked to the boys yet.” Chuck mumbled.

“Brace yourself. It’ll be almost as difficult as facing your wife. For the next couple of weeks, you may feel like that’s all you get done, admitting your adultery.”

“How many people do I have to tell? If I confess it at church, won’t that take care of it?”

“You have coworkers. You’re going to have to be straight with them. There’s your mother. Then there’s going to be gossip, embarrassment, and even when you and Bobbi reconcile, this is a specter that won’t go away. Ever.”

Chuck nodded, and Phil hoped his words registered. “Years from now, it may rear its ugly head, and you’ll feel like you have to prove yourself all over again.”

“I will do anything it takes to make this right.” Tears began to fill his eyes. “I really do love Bobbi.”

If Chuck was lying now, he was making a good show of it. Phil put his hand on Chuck’s shoulder and bowed his head. “Father, You see Your son here. You know his heart and You know what he has to face. Honor his sincerity and help him to honor You in his life. Restore his marriage and the trust between him and Bobbi. Help us come alongside him during this time.” Before Phil could say amen, Chuck began to pray.

“God in heaven, I’m not worthy to call You, Father. I have sinned ... I broke my marriage vows ... I’ve dishonored You ... and my wife ... my family and my church. God, I am so sorry. God, I need Your forgiveness again. Dear Jesus ...” Chuck dissolved into sobs.

Phil squeezed Chuck’s shoulder and picked up the prayer. “Thank You, Jesus. Bless Chuck and help him to know You’ve heard his prayer. Let him feel Your love and forgiveness. In Jesus’ name, amen.” When Phil opened his eyes, he saw Chuck with his head bowed, tears spotting his designer slacks.
Dear God, he is sincere. Thank You.

When Phil stood to leave, Chuck hugged him with a backslap that echoed through the empty lobby, causing the desk clerk to look up. He let go a deep sigh, and said, “Thanks, Phil.”

“Billings. I can’t afford to lose that many golf balls.” Phil shook Chuck’s hand. “Think about what I said, and try to get some sleep.”

*******

Silence hung over
the kitchen as Bobbi made the coffee. Could Phil Shannon really get Chuck to change in three weeks? No. No one could pull that off. Chuck was a good guy, but he was the center of his own universe. She loved Chuck—she did this morning, anyway, but she wouldn’t beg him to stay.

Worse? How could it possibly be any worse?
“Here, see if you can figure this out. That e-mail was sent Monday. Why is it just now showing up in our inbox on Thursday?”

“I never had reason not to trust Chuck. Good grief, all the traveling he does, the late nights he works ... he’s had plenty of opportunities.”

“Don’t. Don’t unleash your imagination. That’s the last thing you need. Besides, he can’t keep your Christmas presents a secret. How on earth could he hide a long-running affair or a series of affairs from you?”

“Maybe you’re right.” She twisted her cup on the table in front of her. “You know what today is?”

“The twenty-eighth? What?”

“The day Chuck asked me to marry him. Twenty-one years ago today. Now we’re on the brink of divorce.” Bobbi looked up at the ceiling to keep the brimming tears from spilling onto her cheeks. “The last thing he said to me was that coming home was a mistake. Rita, if he divorces me, I can’t maintain this house and everything on a teacher’s salary.”

“If he divorces you? Listen, if that jerk—”

“The jerk is still my husband.”

“If he has the nerve to file for divorce after what he did,” Rita said, tapping the table for emphasis, “you take him for everything he’s worth, and you do it with a clear conscience.”

“I can’t wait for that. I need to tell them tomorrow.” She took a long drink from her coffee. “They look up to their dad so much. I hate ... I hate to destroy that.”

“Chuck destroyed it.”

As they sat in silence, Bobbi mulled over everything Phil and Donna had said, along with Rita’s advice. Forgive and reconcile, or divorce. She couldn’t decide without hearing from Chuck himself. “Saturday,” Bobbi blurted out.

“Saturday, what?”

“I want to talk to Chuck on Saturday. Alone. Here.”

Friday, July 29

Chuck gave up trying to sleep and dragged himself out of bed before his alarm buzzed. ‘Think about what I said,’ Phil told him, as if he could think about anything else. Phil was wrong. He loved his wife. Just because he didn’t say it yesterday, or Monday before he left, or ...

People can’t be married for eighteen years and not love each other. He loved his wife, and he would prove it to her and everybody else. Everyone was overreacting, blowing things way out of proportion. It wasn’t like he was unfaithful to his wife, he just had sex with ...

Chuck, you idiot, that’s what unfaithful means. Phil’s right.

But he didn’t love Tracy. He didn’t want to be with her. Didn’t that count for anything?

He took a long, hot shower, but he didn’t feel any cleaner afterwards. He wiped the condensation from the bathroom mirror so he could shave, but seeing his reflection, he wished he could re-fog the mirror. He, Chuck Molinsky, cheated on his wife. He hadn’t imagined it. He hadn’t dreamed it. He’d done it. What did that say about him as a man? If he would sink to committing adultery, what else was he capable of?

He had a meeting with Walter Davis, senior managing partner of the firm, at eight o’clock to discuss ServMed. Yesterday, he couldn’t wait for this meeting. He visualized Walter saying, ‘You are the key member of my team here at BD&M. No one else could have handled ServMed.’ That tone would be a little different now.

As he tied his necktie, watching himself in the mirror, he rehearsed the rest of the conversation. He planned to ask for a leave of absence. He had no choice. Bobbi would be watching to see if he would take Phil’s advice. If Walter wouldn’t agree to it, he would threaten to resign.

Granted, he was gambling, but if he overplayed, Walter would take a step or two back. The old man would think he was being gracious, and Chuck would end up with what he wanted. Everybody won. Then Bobbi had to believe he was serious about making things right.

*******

Bobbi showered and
dressed, thankful for the comfort of her morning ritual. In the early hours of the morning, she protested when Rita suggested she come up to bed to get some sleep. It wasn’t that simple. It wasn’t just her bed. She shared that bed with Chuck. His affair swept aside every memory of late nights, early mornings, lazy Saturdays, private jokes, intimate conversations. The very bed itself was defiled.

Before she started with the moisturizer, she stopped to study her face in the mirror. What changed? What was so undesirable that Chuck would look for someone else?

Granted, gray hairs stood out against the black ones, but her shorter, trendy haircut took a few years off. The wrinkles around her eyes betrayed more than a poor night’s sleep. She carried the extra pounds of a two-time mother. Chuck bought his midlife crisis car. Was he ready to move on to a trophy wife as well?

Dear God, what is going on with Chuck? Has he changed, or have I been blind all these years? How do we even begin to work through this?

Opening her eyes from her prayer, Bobbi reached for the bottle of moisturizer, but there beside it, her engagement ring and wedding band lay in a small crystal dish. Sometimes during the summer, the rings were tight, so she wouldn’t wear them. Yesterday, after her morning shower, when the rings didn’t slide on, she left them in the dish.

Should she leave them in the dish until she resolved things with Chuck? “I am still married,” Bobbi said, pushing both rings on. She vowed not to take them off again unless Chuck divorced her.

*******

Walter Davis welcomed
Chuck into his office with a hearty handshake. “So, I understand things went well.” Walter outlived the firm’s other, much younger, founding partners, Jim Benton and Jim Molinsky, and attributed his longevity to bourbon and cigars.

Walter’s suits were black, his ties striped, and his cuffs French. He was sour, difficult, and humorless. Several of the firm’s attorneys remarked that after interviewing with Walter, facing a judge was a piece of cake.

“Very smooth,” Chuck said. “We got everything squared away quickly. I think both sides were closer than they realized.” He slid into one of Walter’s office chairs, the very same chairs Walter had when Chuck visited his dad’s office as a little boy.