Continental Divide (18 page)

It was then Tanya knew what she must do. If
she loved Imran and she did, she would do what as right for him.
God,
she prayed silently. I don’t want to. I don’t want to
hurt him and I don’t want to let him go. I want him in my life. I
love him. I want him to come back to Chicago with me. She swallowed
away her desires the same as she’d done her tears. She wiped her
hands down the side of her hip praying for strength to see this
through. How could she allow Imran to give up so much? She blinked,
she had to do it. As much as she wanted him to come with her, it
was unfair.

“Imran, are you planning to live with
Sassa?” Tanya asked. “I understand that he’s on his way here.”

“I’m not coming to Chicago to be with Sassa.
Why would I plan to live with him?”

She caught the look Heaven gave to Hamid and
wondered had they done anything to bring Imran to the airport. She
hoped not because it would be their fault as well as hers when she
ripped his heart out for his own good.

“What are you planning to do in Chicago?”
She asked in the coldest voice she had.

“I will get a job, two jobs if necessary.
And I will help you care for the children.”

Damn! Tanya stopped for a moment wondering
if it would work. “What about your writing?” she asked. “You need
to finish your book. It’s your dream.”

“Perhaps I’ve found a dream that means more
to me. I can help you fulfill yours. Yours is a noble dream. Mine
can wait. It’s been three years since I began the last book, what’s
another three years?” He gave her a look wondering why all of the
questions. He’d just presented her with the answers to both of
their problems. Why wasn’t she in his arms? Why was she backing
away instead?

“What will you do until you find a job? Jobs
aren’t that easy to find right now in America. We’re in the middle
of a recession.”

“There are always jobs for those willing to
work. I’m willing to work. Why are you asking me so many
questions?” he asked.

“I don’t need a roommate, Imran. You should
have asked me before you made your plans.” He was staring at her,
his liquid brown eyes that had been at first amused, narrowed
slightly.

“You don’t have to do this, Tanya, I’m a big
boy. I’m coming with you because I love you.”

Oh God
. Her guts twisted. He loved
her. She shook her head slightly, he was making this hard on her.
She loved him too. In this short span of time he’d captured her
heart. She thought of baby Jo Jo and all the other kids she wanted
to help. Then a picture of Lettie and her brood came into her mind.
Imran didn’t deserve to be settled with that. She took a deep
breath and released it. “Imran, I told you before we started that
we could have an affair, a brief affair, nothing more and that it
would end when I was ready to leave. I don’t want you to come with
me.”

“You’re fronting, Tanya.”

Fronting
. So Heaven had taught him
that. She almost smiled. “Imran, I’m not fronting. I mean it. It
was nice to meet you, but I have to return to my life. Thanks for
showing me the country. Good luck with your writing.” She watched
as his eyes narrowed even more and anger flooded them. Good, she
thought, she needed his anger. She waited for him to say something,
anything to make her truly glad she was leaving him behind. But he
didn’t. He turned on his heels and marched away.

He stole her breath when he walked away.
Tanya found it difficult to swallow, her chest hurt. She swallowed
again and blinked rapidly several times to keep the tears from
falling. She’d done the right thing. He’d get over loving her in
time. She lifted her head and saw the look of pity Heaven was
giving her. Hamid was staring toward the door after his cousin.
When he turned to her his look was puzzled.

“Why?” Hamid asked. “He loves you. He came
to be with you. Why did you hurt him, and why in front of us?”

“I had to.” Tanya shrugged her shoulders.
“You both know what I’m going home to. I can’t ask him to take part
in that. Just don’t tell him okay. We weren’t together but a few
weeks. He’ll get over me soon.”

“Love doesn’t work like that Tanya. It
doesn’t just go away. Yes, he can get over the hurt, but that
doesn’t mean he’ll get over loving you. Goodbye, Tanya, have a safe
trip.” Hamid turned and left them also, walking to where Imran
waited outside.

“He’s pissed isn’t he?” she asked
Heaven.

“Well, let’s say you’re not one of his
favorite people right now. I guess I understand your reasons. But
Imran’s a grown man. He knows his own mind. You should have at
least taken him to the side and told him. You shouldn’t have done
that to him in front of us.”

As if she didn’t know that
. Tanya
winced. “Don’t you think I know that? He was getting to me, making
me want to drag him into this mess with me. I don’t think you would
have wanted Hamid to have such problems, not if you could have
prevented it. It doesn’t mean I don’t love Imran. It means I do.
And I want him to finish his book. This one is the book of his
heart. Maybe if he hadn’t said he was willing to give up his dream
in order to help me. I couldn’t take that away from him. I had no
choice in this.”

Her tears ran freely. Damn. "I knew what I
was doing when I went for the jugular. I wounded more than his
heart. I wounded his pride. He won’t forgive me for that.” She
shrugged. “It was necessary Heaven.”

Tanya kissed her friend and walked toward
the jet alone. Alone, she thought,
more than likely what she
would be for the rest of her life.
Her shoulders sagged with
the weight of the responsibilities she would soon take on. She
sighed. But it was what she wanted wasn’t it? It was her dream to
help take care of children. What did it matter if she’d never know
love? She’d have the kids.

***

For three months Tanya had been home. She’d
talked to Heaven a couple of times and neither of them had
mentioned Imran. It was as though she’d never met him. The only
times when she couldn’t pretend was in her bed at night. There her
body longed for him, her nipples cried out for his mouth to suckle
her, her thighs craved his kisses and her nether lips wept in
sorrow.

At least things were looking up with Lettie.
She’d decided to take an experimental medication. The last MRI had
shown her tumors had shrunk. Of course the side effects were to be
expected. Tanya kept the kids whenever things became too rough, or
Lettie just needed to rest. On those nights she could continue
thinking her decision to not allow Imran to come to Chicago was the
right one. She loved Lettie’s kids madly, but they still drove her
crazy. She found herself praying Lettie would live a long and
healthy life for more than one reason. Sure the main one was that
she loved her cousin and didn’t want her to die. But the second one
was that she wondered if she had to raise them if she would remain
sane when the last of Lettie’s kids was old enough to head off to
college.

Tanya laughed at the thoughts. Whenever the
kids made her too crazy it seemed somehow they knew it. Then they
would shower her with hugs and kisses, reaffirming her decision and
her love.

The nights when the kids were with her, and
driving her crazy, were a thousand times easier to endure, than the
nights when she was alone. It was on those nights when she was
alone when all she wanted was to be able to lie in Imran’s arms, to
make love to him, to have him sing love songs to her that she
understood with her heart and from the look in his eyes. She wanted
to hear him tell her that he loved her. And she wanted to wrap her
arms around him and tell him that she loved him also. She wanted to
listen as he read her passages from the book he as working on about
real life in Pakistan. She wondered how close he was to finishing
it. She wondered if he missed her, or if he’d forgotten about her
completely. She wondered if he was massaging another woman’s feet
and became angry.

A sigh escaped and just in time her phone
rang. Tanya smiled as she spied Sara's number, knowing the call
would be about good news on the village project. At least something
was going well. She’d turned over every dime of her savings to
Jonathan Sandstone, all twenty-five- thousand dollars. And the
building for the second house would start any day. She’d seen the
first finished house. All it needed was a family. Things were
beginning to look up. Even Jo Jo was doing well. She’d known the
foster home she’d placed him in would be a good fit. She’d had to
force herself not to visit the baby more than she was supposed to.
He wasn’t hers. She had to sever the connection before it became
unbearable.

“Hello, Sara, I was just thinking about you.
Do we have a family picked out yet?”

“It’s gone, Tanya, Sandstone took all of the
money, even from the first house. We’ve lost it all. Neither the
house nor the land was ever bought in the organization’s name. He
scammed us all. He even lied on his background check. He has a
criminal record. He was good, real good that’s why it took this
long for the information to come back on him.”

“Slow down, Sara. What are you talking
about?”

“The house. The house isn’t ours. He tricked
us. It was never ours.”

“But we have keys. I’ve been there. We even
had a party in there.” Tanya’s head was buzzing. “I was just there
last week we’ve furnished the house, everything. We were just
waiting to place a family in there.”

“Tanya, listen to me. It was all a scam. The
house belongs to a realty company. Sandstone was supposed to be
selling it. Oh God. It’s such a mess.”

"The land we were buying for the other home,
what about that?”

Sara started crying. “It was fraud all of
it, even the lawyers he brought in. It seemed so real. It’s all
gone. We have no land, no house, no money. It’s over.”

“But I put all of my money in there. I gave
him a check for twenty-five-thousand dollars a week ago.” Tanya
groaned and held her belly. “I gave it to him when he was telling
me that the first family would be chosen in a couple of days.”

“I’m so sorry,” Sara moaned. “We were all
taken.”

“But that was every dime I had,” Tanya
yelled.

“I’m sorry,” Sara answered.

“You got me into this. You told me
everything was taken care of. I never would have done this if it
hadn’t been for you. You’re a millionaire I’m not. That was all the
money I had.” Tanya slammed the phone down and began rocking. "God,
I don’t believe it. How could I have been so stupid? What am I
going to do now?"

***

Imran held Tsukama in his arms, bouncing
him, amused at the baby’s antics, giving him a smile as the infant
patted his cheeks as though to comfort him.

“Imran,” Heaven called to him. And for a
moment he thought not to answer her. If it were not for the baby he
would not visit them. For a time he hadn’t. But he missed
Tsukama.

“Imran?”

This time the voice that called him was
annoyed and it belonged to Hamid.

“Are you deliberately ignoring Heaven?”
Hamid asked. “She has done nothing to you.”

That was true. Imran stiffened his spine and
turned to face his cousin. “Your wife annoys me,” he said softly in
Urdu.

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me. She keeps giving me these
pitying looks. I’ve warned her many times not to mention her
friend’s name in front of me and to stop looking at me in that
manner.”

“If my wife annoys you then you should not
be here in her home. Why are you here?”

“Your son does not annoy me.”

“Are you saying that I also annoy you?”

“Yes.”

Hamid smiled in spite of Imran’s words. He
sighed. “It’s been months, Imran,” he stopped as Imran glared at
him. “Heaven wants to know if you’d like to stay for dinner.”

“She doesn’t use enough curry.”

Hamid gave his cousin a look that meant he
was going to get angry in about two seconds. “That’s enough. No
more insulting my wife, no more talking in Urdu either. You stay or
you leave. Either way you will apologize to my wife for your rude
behavior.”

Imran opened his mouth to protest and as
Hamid removed the baby from his arms he thought better of it. He’d
been wrong to blame Heaven for Tanya’s rejection. Sure she’d been
the one to set them up. He’d suspected it long before Fatima
confessed it. Still Hamid was right. That was not a good enough
reason to continue treating Heaven in the cold manner he had the
last few months.

He glanced at Hamid knowing he was a second
from throwing him out of their home and a minute from disowning
him. Neither, he wanted. “Very well,” he said. “I will apologize to
Heaven.” He reached for the baby, but Hamid held him away and
pointed his finger toward the nursery door, his message loud and
clear.
You will not hold my son until you make amends with my
wife.
So be it, Imran thought and walked out the door and up to
Heaven.

“Heaven, I’m sorry I’ve been so rude to you
and most especially in your own home.”

“You know, Imran, you’re being a big baby.
I’ve been trying to be nice because I know how it feels to love
someone and to be dumped.” She saw Hamid wince and immediately
caressed his back. “So maybe Tanya wasn’t the right woman for you.
If she left you so easily she couldn’t love you. Forget her. There
is more than likely a woman just waiting for you to let go of the
anger.”

“She did love me,” Imran insisted for the
first time since Tanya had returned to Chicago. He’d refused since
then to speak her name let alone admit to anyone how he felt about
her still. Now he didn’t care if Hamid disowned him. He would not
stand there and allow Heaven to say that Tanya didn’t love him.
That was a lie that he wouldn’t accept.

“I know why Tanya left me. She has
responsibilities and she needs a man with money to help her.”