Contessa (53 page)

“
I hate you!
”
I tell my dad as I pick up Jon
’
s messenger bag and go toward the basement. Sobs break out as I make my way down the stairs.

“
Livvy,
”
my mom says to me.

“
I don
’
t want to talk to you,
”
I tell her, slamming my bedroom door and burying my head in my pillow to hide the uncontrollable crying. I have every right to cry. It
’
s not Dad
’
s place to say whom I can and can
’
t love, and how I can express those emotions to Jon. If he wants to give me a ring, that
’
s his decision. If we want to sleep together, that
’
s
our
decision.

I
’
m so mad I could scream!

I roll over on the bed and stare at the angry painting on the opposite wall. Betrayal. That
’
s what I see in it now. I feel like I
’
ve been betrayed, and abandoned. And I
’
m completely misunderstood.
And I hate him!

If Nate was my father–the man who could convey these emotions so easily and readily in this painting–he would surely understand the feelings I have for Jon. He
’
d be happy that someone like Jon would love me. He
’
s an amazing boyfriend. He cares about me. He loves me completely. He
’
d do anything for me. Nate would totally get that. He felt that way about Mom.

I take my tennis shoe and throw it against the door as hard as I can. If I could hit someone, I would.

“
Honey?
”
my mom calls from behind the door.

“
What?
”

“
Can I come in?
”

“
Why?
”

“
I just want to talk for a minute.
”

“
I don
’
t feel like talking.
”

She cracks the door and peeks in.
“
You
’
re not going to throw anything else, are you?
”

I glare at her and simply shake my head.

“
Okay.
”
She walks in and shuts the door behind me, sitting next to me on the bed.
“
Let me see,
”
she says as she takes my left hand in hers.
“
It
’
s beautiful.
”

“
I know,
”
I say, sniffling away more tears, intrigued by Mom
’
s interest in the gift that nearly brought the house down.
“
I love it.
”

“
You love
him
,
”
she says plainly.

“
I do.
”

“
I know you do, sweetie. Stop crying,
”
she says as she moves some hairs out of my eyes.
“
Tonight could have been so much worse,
”
she says with a tiny lilt to her voice.

“
How?
”
I laugh.
“
How could it have been worse? Dad made Jon so uncomfortable he had to leave.
”

“
For awhile, I thought it was going to be the other way around. Jon held his own quite admirably. I heard the whole thing from the staircase.
”

“
But Dad won.
”

“
Were we listening to the same conversation unfold, Livvy? Your father did not win. I think Jon won that battle, fair and square.
”

“
No, he didn
’
t. Dad threatened to keep me from seeing him.
”

“
But it never got to that. Jon earned your dad
’
s respect tonight, honey. That
’
s what happened. Whatever words were exchanged were subsequent to the outcome. I think your dad was very impressed–with
Jon
. This isn
’
t about him anymore. This is about
you
.
”

“
Why is it about me?
”

“
Your brother hasn
’
t thrown a temper tantrum this bad since he was three and we made him leave the monkey exhibit at the zoo.
”

“
That
’
s not fair, Mom,
”
I tell her.
“
I
’
m so angry and I don
’
t feel like I have any say in anything anymore! Why is dad involved in my relationship at all?!
”

“
I
’
m pretty sure you can blame your boyfriend for that. This could have all been avoided if he
’
d just given that ring to you while it was just the two of you. You know your dad probably wouldn
’
t even take a second glance at it.
”

“
He should have given it to me in private.
”

“
But do you see what he did?
”
she asks.
“
He faced this whole thing head-on. He assumed your dad would find out, and he knew the battle you
’
d be up against. He took the brunt of it, not you. There
’
s no question about how much that boy likes you.
”

“
Well Dad doesn
’
t see it.
”

“
Sure he does, Livvy. He
’
s
afraid
of it.
”

“
He
’
s an unfeeling robot!
”

“
Whoa, honey,
”
my mom starts with a hint of a smile.
“
That
’
s the most inaccurate thing I
’
ve ever heard you say about your father.
”

“
Well, he doesn
’
t understand what love is!
”

“
I beg to differ, Liv. Your father is the most romantic, selfless man I have ever met.
”

“
But Nate fell in love with you when he was sixteen. And he still loved you years and years later. He knew it, and he held back, and he waited, and in the end he only had months with you, when he could have had a lifetime! He knew what it was like to be my age and in love.
”

“
Nate may have had feelings, but the kid I knew at sixteen wasn
’
t the same man I fell in love with at twenty-nine. We didn
’
t know who we were as individuals yet. We wouldn
’
t have worked. Just like your father and me. We would have never worked had we started dating in college. I was flighty and selfish, and he was completely ensconced in his business. I could tell you from that first kiss that he was someone special, but I think we would have messed things up. I think things happen for a reason, Livvy.

“
I can
’
t imagine my life any better than the way I
’
ve lived it, even with the tragedies I
’
ve had to face. It
’
s how it was supposed to be.
”
She shrugs her shoulders.
“
I couldn
’
t be happier than I am
every day of my life
, now. With your dad... we were meant to be together. To be in this world and to love one another and to fight these battles to keep our kids safe and–
”

“
Jon will keep me safe! He loves me!
”

“
I don
’
t doubt that. I believe,
one hundred
percent, that you love him, and that he loves you. But when you start to learn more about yourself, you may feel differently about each other.
”

“
Well, that
’
s for us to find out, isn
’
t it?
”

“
We just want to help you. We want to keep you from making mistakes, that
’
s all.
”

“
It
’
s not a mistake to be with him.
”

“
Now that, Liv, I can
’
t say that I believe that one-hundred percent.
”

“
Dad
’
s gotten to you,
”
I tell her.
“
You were on my side before.
”

“
I
’
m always on your side, honey. It may not look like it to you, but I
’
m your biggest supporter, and I stick up for you a lot. And contrary to what you perceive to have happened tonight, your dad is a close second behind me. I can say with certainty that I think he
’
s undoubtedly the best father you could ask for. I couldn
’
t have asked for anyone better to help me raise you.
”

“
Nate would have been better.
”

“
I
’
m sorry?
”
The color drains from her face.

My comeback is much less confident.
“
Well, he would have.
”

“
No.
”
She laughs, but I can tell she
’
s not amused.
“
First of all, I don
’
t know why you
’
d even bring him up in this context–
”

“
Because he was a lover,
”
I explain to her, using Granna
’
s word.
“
He
’
d understand two people being in love, which is something Dad will
never
understand.
”

“
Right,
”
my mom says.
“
I
’
ll tell you right now, Olivia Sophia, if you ever bring Nate into a contest of who
’
s a better father, between him and Jacks, I will ground you for a month. Longer if you do it in front of your dad. You have
no
right.
”

She stands up and starts to walk out of my room. She opens the door and turns around, her expression one of disgust.
“
You never knew Nate. You don
’
t know him now, and you never will.
”
She shuts the door, leaving me to sob in my pillow once more.

It
’
s a few hours before Jon finally calls.

“
Hey,
”
I whisper, my head pounding from all of the tears.

“
Olivia, have you been crying since I left?
”

“
Yes.
”

He sighs heavily.
“
Don
’
t panic, Liv. That wasn
’
t so bad.
”

“
Really?
”

“
Has he said anything more to you?
”

“
No.
”

“
Did he ban us from seeing each other?
”

“
No.
”

“
Well, then we haven
’
t lost anything at this point. And we know what we have to do.
”

“
What is that?
”
I say, sniffling.