Consumed (11 page)

Victoria

“I mean it, Victoria. Follow the rules in there.”

I tune out Reggie, who’s talking into my micro earpiece, and continue toward the dilapidated apartment.

This residential area of old homes is peppered with two-story apartment buildings that are shady but not ready to be condemned. I take a deep breath and think of Adrian before I tap on the door to one of the ground level dwellings.

Sensing someone peeking through the peephole, I rub my nose, trying to appear desperate for a hit. The door opens, and the man we’ve been trying to nail for months looks me over.

“Hey,” he says before he glances around outside.

“Hi, I’m Angela.”

“Pete.” He steps aside for me to enter, and I pass him. His baggy, torn jeans fall farther down his hips as he stretches his thin arm up to scratch the back of his dirty, blonde hair.

I touch my nose. This time it’s from my reaction to the stench of trash and what smells like backed-up sewage. He’s living like a junkie, not only a dealer.

“Wendy said you’re wanting to join us,” he says, almost more as a question.

“Yeah, I need cash to cover my own shit.” He believes I want to sell cocaine. Wendy is a prostitute, who is pimped out by Pete’s brother. I have a knack at friending the hookers in this city and offering them deals in exchange for information.

Wendy’s life will be in danger over this snitch, but her alternative was a year behind bars. She has teenage siblings to support and decided to take a deal. I’m trying to find a way to get her off the streets.

I sometimes meet those who I don’t view as criminals. They truly were dealt a shitty hand and are only doing what they think they have to for their survival or the survival of those they love.

They’re not capable of envisioning a better way of living, having mentally separated themselves from the rest of society they deem superior.

I take in the sight of the cramped, filthy room as Pete locks the door and glances out the dingy blinds covering two windows.

I think of Adrian’s penthouse, and I’m a world away from that life. There is a worn, brown couch and a folding chair sitting across from it.

A cheap glass table is piled with old fast food bags, containers and beer cans.

I make note of the Kel-Tec .380 pistol shoved between the back of his wife-beater tank and the back of his jeans.

“Strip,” he orders after turning to face me.             

“Uh, what?”

“Strip. I want to see you’re not wearing a wire, and then you’re doing a line with me.”

“You want me to strip off my clothes?”

“Yeah, bitch, do it now.” Pete rubs his own nose as his anxiety becomes heightened. The man is in his late twenties, but he looks forty.

“Don’t do it, Victoria,” Reggie says in my ear. “I have a bad feeling about this. Get out of there.”

I hold my hands up. “OK, OK, give me a damn second.” Since my purse has a microphone sewn into it, I carefully lower it from my shoulder and set it at my feet. Next, I take hold of my black t-shirt and pull it over my head.

My ponytail I’m wearing, to somewhat disguise my healthy hair droops, so I separate two pieces in my hand and pull them outward to tighten the holder.

“Bra. Take it off.”

Once I’ve calmed my rattled nerves with a deep breath, I reach behind me and unhook my satin, black bra. It hits the floor, and I feel disgusted as he eyes my tits with a smile. He’s missing a few teeth, and he might as well lose them all since the remaining are brown and gross.

I keep thinking of Adrian and imagining what this would do to him. For the first time ever, I’m not comfortable doing my job.

“Pants off.”

Once I’ve removed my old tennis shoes, I unbutton my raggedy skinny jeans. I jerk one pant leg off and then the other. Reggie is in my ear, swearing and talking about me undressing.

“Get the fuck out of there, Vic,” he says desperately. “This wasn’t part of our deal.”

“I like the black panties. You can leave them on for now. Turn around,” Pete commands over Reg’s voice.

“We’ll do a line, and then we’ll fuck,” he adds after I’ve done a 360 degree turn, showing him I’m free of a wire.

My brain is racing as I think of what to do to get out of snorting coke with him, yet still earn his trust. He plops down on the couch and motions for me to come over.

I pad slowly across his floor and imagine burning my socks upon leaving this hellhole. Once I’m within arm’s length, he clasps my wrist and pulls me down next to him.

Removing a baggie from under the couch cushion, he pulls a block of blow out. “You haven’t been using long, have you?” he asks.

“No.”

“I can tell. You’re hot. Keep this up, and you won’t look like that for long.” He chuckles and rubs his nose as he sets the coke on the glass surface. “Especially if you start using crystal. That shit will age you.” He’s referring to meth, and no thanks.

Whipping out a pocket knife, he uses the flat side of the blade to smash the lump a few times, breaking it up. He straightens his knife and begins crushing it with the blade itself.

Next, he makes two neat lines of blow. His gun is on the opposite side of me, but I could reach it if I had to.

Think fast, Victoria.

“That’s it, Vic, we’re coming in. We’ll at least get him for possession.”

I want to scream for Reggie to stay put. He’s going to ruin everything if he barges in. I can snort one line if it means Pete will hand over the goods.

I’ll fake sick after and give an IOU to fuck him next visit, and I’m out of here with the drugs. When I return with cash in exchange for more coke, he’ll go down. I don’t care what Reggie and I agreed to. I’m not in the danger he thinks I’m in.

“Here, ladies first,” Pete says, his words laced with his nasty breath. I smile and take from him the dollar bill he’s rolled up.

“We’re coming in, Vic. We’re coming in!”

“Fuck,” I say.

Pete’s head jerks my way about the time the door busts open. I reach around his back and pull his pistol straight from his pants. His right hand comes up, the blade of his knife just missing my arm as I jump to my feet.

In only seconds, I’m holding him at gunpoint at close range. Reggie and Tucker stand in the doorway, with a red dot on Pete’s forehead, shouting for him to drop his weapon.

Pete reaches under the couch cushion beside him, and I go to squeeze off a round, but Reggie fires first.

Our drug dealer is fucking dead.

“What the hell were you thinking? I had it under control!” I scream a string of profanities as Reggie charges toward me.

Tucker is calling into dispatch on his radio as he approaches our subject who has been shot in the head. Fragments of Pete’s bloody brain are spattered over my naked body, and I’m furious.

I’m also sad and confused, having feelings I typically don’t experience with my job. Along with those emotions are images of Adrian and his name being said over and over in my mind.

“I was so close, Reggie. One line, and I would’ve gotten the hell out with the drugs.”

“You expected me to leave you with a guy who said he was fucking you after he was jacked up on that shit!”

“I could’ve handled him.”

A blanket is wrapped around me, and that’s when I notice the apartment is now crowded with emergency medical personnel and law enforcement.

“We had an agreement before you went in, and as usual, you broke it,” he says to me in a much quieter yet angrier voice.

“Why didn’t you let me take the shot?”

“Because I’ve killed before and you haven’t. You just returned from your suspension, too; although, you losing this job might be the only way to keep you alive.”

“If I were male, you would’ve let me undress and snort that line without interfering. That’s where this is messed up. You let your feelings make this decision.”

***

The water, almost scalding, is turning my skin beet red. I don’t know how long I’ve been in here, but I’m nauseated, so I turn off the shower.

I almost went to Adrian’s, but I couldn’t bring myself to tarnish his place with the vile remnants of a wasted life. When did Pete’s soul become so lost that evilness won? Do the drugs cause that? Or is it a horrific childhood left unspoken?

I get it; drugs numb the monumental pain of a tragic event or of countless malicious moments someone never deserved to experience.

The problem is, the numbness has to wear off, or we’re dead. No drug, money, sex, love or perfect condition classic car is going to stop the pain from returning as long as we’re breathing.

This also includes the thrilling rush of adrenaline we feel when risking our lives. Until we face the torment, the pain will always win.

I dry off my skin until it’s raw. I grab my phone and tap my thumb on the screen as I contemplate texting Adrian.

Me:
It’s wrong for me to ask with all you have on your plate, but would you please pick me up? I need your strength today. I don’t have any left.

Adrian:
It will never be wrong to need me. On my way.

Adrian

I can’t drive fast enough to get Victoria back to my penthouse. She hasn’t spoken since I picked her up. I asked her then if she was OK, and all I got was a nod and a peck from her lips. Her mind is clearly somewhere else.

She smells sensational, and her hair is damp, but why did she leave work and go to her apartment to shower? I have a feeling whatever she’s been through is bad, and I despise this dangerous job that could take her from me.

I also hate that I have to leave her and fly to New Jersey tomorrow. I hope Victoria and I can get lost in each other today, so I can escape what lies ahead a little bit longer.

Once in the penthouse, she takes a seat on the sofa.

“I’m going to change into something more comfortable.”

Green eyes tilt up at me, and there’s an unfamiliar nervousness I sense from her. I hurry, changing from my dress clothes into only a pair of lounge pants, and when I reach the hallway, I hear it. Damn, Victoria is crying.

“Tell me what happened today.” Sitting next to her, I pull her against me and stroke her hair.

“I never cry. You make me want to cry.”

“Uh, OK. What did I do?”

“You do everything right.”

“I wouldn’t go as far as saying that, but talk to me. What happened?”

“You’re going to get extremely angry.”

Pulling back from Victoria, I look down at her.

“Did Reggie touch you again?”

Her head shakes no, but she cries harder.

“What the hell, Victoria?” Stretching my arm over to the end table, I grab some tissues and hand them to her. She blows her nose and calms down some.

“I’m going to tell you everything that happened.”

***

“Please, say something.”

I stop pacing, which I began doing somewhere around the time Victoria said she knocked on this fucker Pete’s door. My pulse is flying as I turn to face her, and I need to connect my fist with something.

“What do you want me to say, Victoria? Sorry you had a rough, fucking day at the office?! What I’m sorry for is that your partner got to kill the asshole and not me.”

“You don’t mean that. I understand you’re ang—”

“Yes, I mean it with every fiber of my being. If you think I’m only angry that you
almost
snorted cocaine while you were
almost
naked with a psycho drug dealer, who could’ve raped and killed you, then you’re mistaken. I’m furious, Victoria. Fucking furious!”

Needing to unleash my fury, I yank the large sailboat portrait from the wall next to me and smash it over my knee.

A lamp on the end table is thrown next as Victoria screams my name, begging me to stop. “Fuck!”

She said she needed my strength, and this isn’t the kind she was referring to. I fall to the floor at her feet and go to cradle her face, but she pulls away, seeming frightened by me.

“I’m sorry. Please, let me touch you.” I try again, and tears coat my palms as I take hold of her cheeks. “I love you, and I–I can’t lose you. I just got you. You’ve become my world, Victoria. My whole fucking world.

“How am I ever supposed to be OK with you doing a job that recklessly? Tell me because I sure as hell don’t know.”

Her forehead falls against mine, and I feel her eyes tightly shut against my thumbs. She’s trying to hold back more tears, and all I’ve done since she opened up to me is scare her.

I sit on the sofa and pull her to me. Leaning back, I encase her in my arms and kiss her hair over and over between my apologies.

“There is a reason I keep breaking the rules,” she whispers.

Victoria

Adrian’s heart is hammering against my cheek. He’s kissing the top of my head, trying to calm down. He thinks he scared me. I witness outbursts every day, so he didn’t.

What scares me is the anguish and shame I felt as I told him what I did in front of Pete. I’ve never wanted to protect another human beings feelings as much as I wanted to guard Adrian’s. I hurt his heart, and it’s killing me.

I also fear sharing the other story I’m compelled to tell him.

“I know I didn’t show it the best earlier, but you’re safe with me and so are your secrets,” he says.

“Dad picked me up from school two days a week when I was young. He would take me back to the station, and I would hang out while he completed paperwork. I felt extra special since my sisters were younger and couldn’t go.

“A guy named Darrin began working at the station when I was about twelve years old. He was in his early twenties, and I remember liking him right off the bat. He was cute and funny. I don’t recall his title, but he was always doing administrative work.

“While Dad was busy, Darrin would take me to the break room and buy me snacks. We would walk around the building and talk. He discussed police work and cars with me.”

“He sounds cool, but I have a feeling the story doesn’t end that way,” Adrian mutters against my hair.

I sigh heavily. “After a few months, my dad was called out on a case one day, and Darrin offered to pick me up from school. Instead of taking me straight to the station, he stopped to show me his apartment.”

Adrian’s arms wrap tighter around me. He squeezes, bringing me even closer to his thundering heart.

“I guess I should’ve felt alarmed, but I had developed a crush on him. I thought he was trustworthy and even felt excitement when he kissed me for the first time inside his place.”

Adrian’s lips leave my hair as his head falls backward. He blows out a breath.

“Maybe I shouldn’t share this. You’ve had to hear enough disturbing news today,” I say.

“No, Victoria, I can handle it. Please, tell me the rest.”

“Well, he only kissed me that day and told me I shouldn’t tell anyone, so I didn’t. The next week, he managed to pick me up from school again. This time he was more forceful and felt me up under my shirt.

“I told him I didn’t want to do anything else. I’d never even been kissed before Darrin, and it was beginning to feel wrong.

“He said if I didn’t go along with it, he would tell my father he caught me stealing from some of the female employee’s purses at the station and make up other lies.”

I let out a laugh. “I honestly believed that he would get me into trouble. I also thought my dad would be ashamed of me for messing around with Darrin.

“So, four more times, over a few months, he picked me up and took me to his apartment. I would do what he wanted, and the fourth time, he took my virginity.

“I was thirteen by then, and it was the last time he ever touched me because I finally got the nerve to tell my father.”

“How did your dad not kill him?”

I sit up and take a glimpse at Adrian, but as fast as I do, the shame takes over, and I look away.

“After I told Dad everything, he said I’d never see Darrin again, who was fired and prosecuted. I overheard that the beating he took from my father left him deaf in one ear.”

“Damn, Victoria, I’m sorry.”

“After it was settled, my father and I never spoke of it again, but I was more devoted to him. He already was the more patient parent. My impulsivity and attention issues didn’t seem to bother him the way they did my mother.

“I also felt responsible for the guilt he owned for trusting Darrin. I decided I would become a cop and make him proud.”

“I don’t know how he could not have been proud of you and what you’ve accomplished.”

I smile because I do believe I became the woman he wanted me to be.

“Thank you. I thought I had gotten passed what Darrin did to me, but I had an epiphany today. I’m defiant about following the rules with my coworkers since I know being in law enforcement doesn’t make them honest and trustworthy people.

“It’s why I break the rules when doing my job. When trust matters most, I change the intended outcome to feel in control.”

“Shit,” Adrian mumbles.

“What?” I ask. He hugs my face in his hands and gives me a pained look I’ve seen displayed in his dark eyes before.

“The authenticity of your soul leads me to loving you deeper every day, and it makes the love you’re giving me that much more real.”

I hold my hand over his as it cups my cheek.

“That’s a good thing, right?”

“It is, except my integrity isn’t a match for yours, Victoria.”

“I don’t believe that.” My lips land gently on his, but I’m soon kissing him passionately. Needing him to replace the ugly images of the day, I graze my fingers down his broad chest. “Touch me.”

“After what you’ve shared and been through, are you sure?”

“I trust you, and you always make me feel amazing.”

“Then, stand up. I think I know how to help you.”

Adrian leads me to his bedroom and begins removing my clothing. My green top is first, and my jeans are next. He kisses his way up my thighs until he reaches my panties. His teeth hook onto them and pull downward.

I whimper and shove my hands deep into his thick hair. Groaning, he pulls them the rest of the way off with his hands.

“I’ll be right back.” He treads to his closet, and my heart races with anticipation. “Remember when we’ve kept your hands restrained, and I only gave you pleasure?” he asks as he returns with a black belt and red tie.

“Yes,” I barely utter while staring at the belt.

“I’m going to bind your hands to my bed. If you become panicked, recall the previous times we’ve been together. Remember how good I made you feel.”

As I drag my bottom lip through my teeth, my gaze flits from the belt to his eyes, and I study them. I remember how much he enjoyed those times, too, especially when I called him “Sir.”

“OK.”

He takes hold of the lip I’ve been abusing. Once he pulls it between his teeth, he scoops me up and centers me on the bed. “Wrists please.”

My arms go above my head, and Adrian loops one end of the belt around the wood base of the headboard, between two vertical slats. Weaving it through the buckle, he tightens it and climbs off of me. Admiring me at the end of the bed, his gaze wanders from my fingers to my toes.

I can trust him.