Consciousness Beyond Life: The Science of the Near-Death Experience (10 page)

In the first few years after the NDE especially, people are prone to depressions, feelings of nostalgia, and loneliness. As a rule, the positive aspects come to the fore only once people are capable of accepting and integrating their NDE. But the process of integration cannot get under way properly until the experience can be shared. When someone first tries to disclose the NDE, the other person’s reaction is absolutely crucial. If this initial reaction is negative or skeptical, the process of accepting and integrating the NDE typically presents far greater problems than if this initial reaction is positive, sympathetic, or neutral. Evidence has shown that positive responses facilitate and accelerate the integration process. In fact, without the possibility of communication, the process of coming to terms with the NDE often fails to get under way at all. Most NDErs feel an urgent need to talk about their experience. This need stems not only from a desire for affirmation, but above all from a desire for support. That said, of course there will always be some people who prefer to come to terms with their NDE in silence.

An Overview of the Various Changes

What follows is an overview of the various aspects of the post-NDE process of change. Many of the potential changes described here are not common to everybody. Similarly, many elements of the transformation are not experienced until many years after the NDE. This overview is based on the findings of a number of articles, the aforementioned eight books, and my conversations with the hundreds of people who shared their NDE and its consequences with me.
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Self-Acceptance and a Changed Self-Image

The experience of transpersonal aspects during the NDE changes people’s sense of who they really are.
Transpersonal
refers to those aspects of someone’s consciousness that transcend the personal or the ego. This experience can be accompanied by a heightened sense of self-worth. Thanks to their changed self-image, people become less dependent on the approval of others, better at dealing with stress, and more adventurous, and they also take greater risks. It changes people’s attitude toward their body and alerts them to new ways of thinking. They are more likely to look at the bigger picture and are capable of forming more objective opinions, even at the risk of seeming aloof. And because they are more easily engrossed in things, they are less aware of their surroundings. Increased levels of curiosity coupled with a hunger for knowledge spark a particular interest in theological issues, philosophy, psychology, and natural sciences (especially quantum physics), although their education often fails to satisfy this need for deeper knowledge. They also develop a noticeably greater interest in physical and psychological processes and the possibility of (self-) healing.

Compassion for Others

After the NDE, relationships with others change noticeably, and people are now capable of greater compassion.

People are more forgiving, more tolerant, and less critical of others. They are also more emotional. Appreciation of relationships increases; people spend more time with family, friends, and relatives, and they are more willing and able to share emotions with others. They are more compassionate and caring and set greater store by unconditional love. Yet relationships are also more likely to run into problems. Sometimes there is more, sometimes less interest in sexual intercourse. Some people have trouble communicating with others because they struggle to find the right words. A greater sense of justice is coupled with the urge to tell the truth and say what is on one’s mind. Any trace of past aggression is usually gone. It is replaced by the need to help and support others, which usually leads to a career change in favor of the care professions, such as nursing, care of terminal patients, or voluntary work with elderly people or low-income families. NDErs are also more likely to donate to charities or to dedicate themselves to a social cause.

Appreciating Life

The near-death experience brings about remarkable changes in what people see as the true purpose in life.

Apparently, I still have a task to fulfill in this life.

People who have a near-death experience seem positive of a new goal or new mission in life. They also appreciate the little things in life, pay more attention to the here and now, and enjoy the moment. They are less likely, however, to allow themselves to be restricted by social convention. People are more confident of their ability to handle problems, more open to change, and less preoccupied with time and schedules. But even though they struggle with the concept of time, they do tend to honor appointments. They are better at putting things into perspective, they take an unbiased view of life, and they are quick to smile while at the same time more serious. Their increased respect for life also reveals itself in the greater appreciation of and interest in nature. They are now much more aware of seasonal change and like doors and windows to be open to admit fresh air. They also take more pleasure in classical or soothing music and are less tolerant of noise. NDErs attach less importance to status, money, and material possessions and distance themselves from the competitive elements in contemporary society.

No More Fear of Death and a Belief in Life After Death

The experience of feeling utterly unchanged as a person after temporarily leaving the sick or lifeless body teaches people that death is something entirely different than they previously thought.

Dead turned out to be not dead.

In most cases this realization greatly reduces the fear of death and bolsters people’s belief in life after death.

For figures on the reduced fear of death and the increased belief in an afterlife, see the table “A Different View of Death After an NDE.” The table lists people’s attitudes prior to their NDE alongside the changes that occurred at least twenty years after the NDE. Those who believed in life after death before their NDE have become absolutely certain after their experience.

A Different View of Death After an NDE

The fear of death decreases even further over the years after the NDE (see the table “Life Changes After a Cardiac Arrest” on Chapter Three). The loss of the fear of death also changes people’s outlook on life; some aspects of life become important while others become completely irrelevant. After an NDE, people only want to spend time and energy on things of lasting value. Almost all ephemeral and material things, such as a lot of money, a big house, or an expensive car, become less important. People also identify much less with their own body, believing it to be “merely” the physical, material aspect of somebody’s personality. “I can live without my body, but apparently my body cannot live without me.”

The effect of the loss of the fear of death can be illustrated with the story of an eighty-two-year-old patient with serious heart failure who had been admitted to the cardiac ward where I worked as a cardiologist. This man was terminally ill, as his shortness of breath no longer responded to medication. Normally doctors and nurses give a wide berth to a dying patient’s room; having finished treatment, they can do nothing more. But this was a completely different story. More than ten years earlier, this patient had suffered a massive myocardial infarction with cardiac arrest for which he had been successfully resuscitated. During his cardiac arrest he had experienced an extremely deep NDE and had lost his fear of death. The man knew he was dying. Yet there he was in bed, looking radiant despite his difficult breathing. Beautiful classical music could be heard at all times, and from morning till night his room was filled with nursing staff, family, and fellow patients, all of whom he tried to help. He was attentive and in good spirits, and it was a real joy to be in his presence. And this is exactly how he went: good-natured, cheerful, and supportive of those around him. After he died he lay in bed with a big smile on his face, and people kept coming into his room to pay their last respects.

A Decline in Religious Affiliation Coupled with Greater Religious Sentiment

A near-death experience can sometimes engender profound religious feelings and give people the impression of a personal bond with God.

But an NDE leads some people to believe that they are one of God’s chosen. This sense of salvation can make them feel relatively invulnerable and extremely important and may result in a strong urge to spread word of the NDE as a deeply religious experience. Such proselytizing is often seen as intrusive and stirs a great deal of resistance. But generally speaking, people’s religious sentiment increases after an NDE while their interest in organized religion declines sharply (see table “Changes in Religious Affiliation After an NDE”).