Conscience (The Bellator Saga Book 2) (26 page)

He didn’t need to thank her for something she wanted just as much as he did. He could take exactly what he wanted from her but he always gave it back in equal measure. If she was incredible, it was because he helped make her that way.

Caroline smiled weakly. “I would do anything for you, Jack,” she whispered, right before she passed out.

The Fed

When Caroline woke up, she retched. Not that she had anything that could come back out. The dinner roll was long gone. She hadn’t had anything else aside from a few shaky handfuls of water. Procured using her useless fucking hands. Her entire body ached. Her bones, her head, her skin. Her stomach still throbbed from Murdock’s well-placed kick. All part of a purposeful plan. Dehydrate her. Break her bones. Break her spirit. Make her talk or fuck her up if she doesn’t. Make it as painful and agonizing as possible.

She hoped her spleen hadn’t ruptured on top of how many other things were wrong with her at this point. Caroline doubled over in her bed, trying not to cry. She’d never been punched or kicked in the gut before. But then again, she’d never been pistol whipped, never had her fingers broken with a hammer, never been blindsided with a blow to the head…yeah, the past few weeks had been a revelation. Many things had been done to her that had never been done before. She doubted anything else that happened would be on her bucket list.

Stockholm Syndrome was not a concern.

She’d dreamt about the night that she never wanted to forget yet was terrified to remember. Beverly Hills. That incredible, mind-blowing night when she and Jack had turned the corner and never looked back.

But even that wasn’t as bad as dreaming about food. Why did she have to dream about food? Not even real food, but mere mentions of food. Even when she was asleep she was a goddamn tease. Imaginary food was enough to set her off. A sure sign of pure desolation.

Chocolate. Her kingdom for a piece of chocolate. A Hershey's Kiss. A chocolate chip. She'd choke down a teaspoon of disgustingly bitter baking cocoa at this point. Hell, she'd cut off one of her useless hands and offer it as a sacrifice if they'd just give her something to eat. That fucking dinner roll had tricked her body into thinking there would be more. Reactivating her hunger and giving her nothing in return. Maybe that was Powell’s mindfuck. He hadn’t been there to help but to make it worse, since she now considered bartering body parts just to nourish herself.

How many times had she shoved half a meal into the trash or dumped something down the drain? So wasteful. So damn spoiled and picky. Funny how privilege could evolve so effectively into despondency. If the guards marched in and put a pile of rancid meat in front of her, she’d probably choke it down without a second glance.

The lights flickered on and she shoved the now warm ice pack under her mattress. Hopefully they weren’t doing some sort of surprise cell search. They’d never done one before, but she wouldn’t put anything past them. They actively sought ways to draw her into further misery.

The cell door swung open and Fischer dragged a small female figure inside. “I brought you a friend,” he said. “She just got here this morning. I’m sure you have plenty of catching up to do.” He shoved her to the ground, backpedaling and slamming the door behind him.

Caroline recognized her immediately. Dressed in khaki pants and a fitted white polo stained a dull red. Blood. Apparently she wasn’t important enough to deserve a change of clothes. A fresh tattoo on her arm with bruises to match. Senator Ellen Goldman was staunch in her devotion to the tenets of Judaism and hadn’t forgotten the fate her ancestors suffered under Nazi rule. How doubly oppressive to ink her skin in violation of her faith.

“Ellie,” Caroline whispered.

The other woman raised her head. “Caroline?”

Was this how it was going to be? Murdock and the others parading her friends around, tormenting them all in order to torture her? Caroline felt as if she’d walked into a supremely fucked up version of
This Is Your Life
.

Ellen didn’t get up. She just crawled over to Caroline’s bed. She shook violently but managed to pull herself onto the mattress. “Dear God, what did they do to you?”

Caroline fought back tears. “Nothing I can’t handle.”

Ellen started to reach for Caroline’s hands, then shrank away, staring at the uneven numbers on her arm. The bruises were more pronounced than Caroline had thought. Ellen had fought back when they marked her.

“No need to be strong with me, kid,” Ellen said.

“We might not have much time,” Caroline whispered. She brought her head up, nodding toward the cameras.

Ellen’s eyes widened. Of course she would understand. “Your hands. What did they do to your hands?”

Caroline closed her eyes. Not they.
He
. She didn’t need to tell Ellen the identity of the perpetrator. Her afflictions were great enough. “He used a hammer.”

The other woman threw her arms around Caroline. “I’m sorry.”

Both of them knew the apology didn’t really mean anything. But it was a comfort nonetheless.

“How did you get here?” Caroline asked.

“They caught us on a flight to Houston. Diverted back into U.S. territory, I don’t know how.”

Was Ellen alone? Caroline had to ask. “Where’s Daniel?”

“He’s…not here.”

Oh. She probably didn’t want to know the details. Not when she struggled with her feelings about where her own husband might be. Caroline felt tears stinging her eyes. “I’m sorry, Ellie.”

Ellen held her tighter. “Fat lot of good our words do us now, huh? Two brilliant speakers and not a single comforting thing to say.”

Caroline ignored the pain in her hands and squeezed Ellen to her. Who knew how long they would have? It wouldn’t be nearly enough time for either one of them. “Did they try to question you?”

“Not yet.” Ellen shuddered. “I haven’t been here that long.”

“They will.”

When Ellen spoke again, her voice trembled. “Is that what they’ve been doing?
Questioning
you?”

“Pretty much.” Caroline pulled back and managed a small smile. “This is what happens when you don’t cooperate.”

“I see.”

She knew she had to look a mess. Broken nose, shattered hands, a body all but denied bare necessities for what had to be weeks. She stank. Her bones cracked when she moved. Her hair hung down in matted clumps. Ellen tried to hide her expression but Caroline could see her pity. Her fear. Her despair. No sense in either one of them masking emotions.

Not that she was one to give a pep talk, but Caroline knew she had to reassure her. “They enjoy fear,” she said. “They feed on it. They’ll figure out what makes you tick and use it to tear you apart. Don’t let them see any weakness.”

Ellen shuddered again. “Easy for you to say.”

Caroline lowered her voice. “Don’t tell them anything, Ellie. Understand? Even small details. They don’t know as much as they want to know, and people like us are the only ones who can help them fill in the blanks.”

Ellen pressed her nose to Caroline’s shoulder, fighting back more tears. “I’ll try.”

“We have to be patient. Someone will get us out of here.”

Ellen laughed mirthlessly. “Keep dreaming, kiddo. Our flight from California to Texas landed in Phoenix. A flight that was never meant to cross into American airspace. They swear it was a coincidence. A mechanical error that needed to be fixed. But they knew Daniel and I were on that flight. Someone made sure it happened. There’s no one coming for us. No one can be trusted. Not anymore.” She took a shaky breath. “We’re going to die in here.”

Ellen. Sincere, idealistic, far too liberal for her own good Ellen. Done with it all. Anything Caroline told her was irrelevant. Every word of encouragement and strength would vanish into the vapor. Damn it, they were fucked.

“Someone will help us,” Caroline repeated.

“Keep saying it. Maybe you can make it happen. But I doubt it.”

Caroline didn’t respond to that. She just kept holding Ellen, ignoring the pain in her hands, until the other woman spoke again.

“Have I lived a good life?”

“What?”

Ellen broke their embrace. “Am I a good person?”

What an inane question. “Of course you are.”

“I don’t know if I am. I’ve made a lot of mistakes, made some missteps. I don’t-”

Was she getting reflective because of where they were? “You don’t get to dispute your goodness,” Caroline said. “Your worth as a human being isn’t subject to debate.”

“I don’t believe in Hell,” Ellen whispered. “But I hope Santos and the bastards in this building end up going there.”

Caroline felt brave enough to ask the question that had been biting at her. Seeking the answer she dreaded. “What happened to Daniel?”

Ellen started to weep. “They dragged us off the plane and took us to this cargo van. And they shoved me inside and…Daniel tried to get in after me. I think he knew what they were planning to do. They stopped him. And they shot him.” She put her face in her hands. “They killed him right in front of me and left his body on the runway.”

There was no adequate way to respond to that bit of information, so Caroline put her arms around Ellen again. “You’re a good person.” She swallowed back her own tears. “And so was Daniel.”

“I didn’t stop this.”

“You tried. So did I.”

Ellen wiped her eyes. “We should have stayed in California. Where we belonged. But we thought it was safer to get out entirely.” She shook her head. “How stupid I was. How stupid I am.”

“Don’t say that. Don’t give up hope.”

“There is no hope, Caroline. Can’t you see that?”

Caroline heard footsteps coming down the hall. “We don’t have much time,” she said. “I may not – this may be the only opportunity we have.”

“I love you,” Ellen whispered.

Caroline leaned in for a hug, determined to never let go. “I love you too.”

The Past

Election Night. Caroline was nervous as all hell. The summer passed in a blur, as did the fall campaign season. Their entire family spent most of the chilly November evening camped out in one of the hotel suites they’d reserved, with Marguerite and Sophie bounding around the main sitting area with seemingly endless energy. Christine was in a suite across the hall. Every once in a while she’d send Caroline an anxious text message. She wasn’t nearly as confident in her exit polls as Jack. Both of them were likely to win, but there were no sure things in politics.

Around ten o’clock, the concession call came. Jack left the room to take it. He wasn’t gone long and refused to tell Caroline what was discussed. He didn’t waste any time after that, giving an emotional speech to a ballroom packed with supporters. Caroline shed just a few tears when it was over, whispering her encouragement and appreciation as the cameras flashed.

The newly elected governor had many people to thank. She and Jack shuffled the girls off to bed, leaving them with a staffer who would be well-compensated for her troubles. Caroline spent the remainder of the night with Kathleen, glued to the television as more returns came in. A good night for the Republicans since they weren’t currently occupying the White House. Typical for a midterm, but many Democrats were holding their own. There was still no word on Jen’s race. Maryland’s First District was solidly Democratic, so either returns were coming in slowly or Jen had run a poor campaign. Caroline refused to believe that it was the latter.

It was shortly after eleven when Jen’s face flashed across the screen. Caroline grabbed Kathleen from behind. They had their arms around each other as the camera panned back to the anchor, who confirmed the victory. After a quick cutaway to Jen’s victory party, the channel moved on to other races. Caroline and Kathleen started jumping up and down like crazy women, hugging and whooping. They were still hugging each other when Caroline felt a buzzing in her suit jacket. Her personal phone. The call she’d been hoping to get.

“Hello?”

“Hi, Caroline.” It was Jen’s fiancé.

“Hi, Eric. How’s my girl?”

“Just finishing up with an interview. But you were the first person she wanted to call.”

Caroline was touched, but amused. “Then why are you calling?”

“You know how efficient she is. It’s going to be a busy night.”

“And now she goes into full wedding mode.” The ceremony was a little over a month away, just before Christmas. “Are you ready?”

He hesitated. “I guess so.”

“Don’t let your enthusiasm overwhelm you, Eric. Try to contain yourself.”

“It’s been a long night,” he said. “Oh, here she is.”

No doubt Eric was eager to hand off the phone as quickly as possible. A breathless voice came on the phone. “Caroline?”

“Hi, Jenny. How’s it feel?”

Jen sounded manic, but in a good way. “It’s incredible. Like I’m floating on a cloud. Did you feel this way when you first won?”

Caroline laughed. “I did. Don’t you remember?”

“I don’t remember a lot from that night. I think Katie spiked my drink.”

“I was high as a flipping kite.” Caroline had been quite happy when she won the general election but most of the elation came during the primary, when her victory had been a huge upset. “Congratulations, kid. You deserve it.”

“I wouldn’t have been able to do it without your help.”

Caroline might have pulled a few strings, called some donors on Jen’s behalf, made a few campaign appearances with her. But that wasn’t the deciding factor. Endorsements and behind the scenes work only took a candidate so far. “It was all you, Jenny. You’re very good at what you do. Hell, you managed to convince people I was marginally competent for six years.  You wrangled me and kept me in check. That’s a huge accomplishment.”

Jen laughed. “Making you look competent was the easiest part of my job. I left the wrangling to Katie.”

Caroline smiled at Kathleen, who still had her arm around her. She looked incredibly eager to talk to Jen herself. “Speak of the devil,” she said. Kathleen mimed yanking the phone out of her hand. “I think Katie wants to catch up with you.”

Jen spoke in a heartfelt tone. “Caroline, thank you for hiring me six years ago. I had no experience. You really took a chance.”

Jen and Kathleen were the only two people who’d shown any confidence in Caroline’s ability to make a serious run for Congress. Representative-elect Whitcomb wasn’t the one who needed to be grateful. “No, I didn’t. I was a long shot candidate with no money and you were cheap.”

Jen laughed again. “I know. But you kept me around after you were elected and I really appreciate it. You helped me live my dream.”

Caroline closed her eyes, fighting back tears. She and Jen were very much alike. They’d always wanted careers in public service and had been terribly idealistic during Caroline’s first campaign. She was quite pleased that Jen had followed in her footsteps.

“You’re going to do a fantastic job.” Caroline choked up a little. “I want you to know how incredibly proud I am of you.”

“Thank you.” Jen couldn’t hide the emotion in her voice, either. “I’m really going to miss you.”

Caroline didn’t want to think about that. In a couple of months she’d be in Harrisburg, living a very different life from the one she had now. Exciting but daunting. “Let’s not talk about that now,” she said. “We’ve got your wedding next month and in case I forgot to mention it, you promised me you’d help me pack up all the shit I still have in my office in Rayburn. You can skip orientation if you really want to help.”

Jen laughed. “I’ll help you pack up, but I’m not missing the lottery. It’s my only chance to get a tiny sixth floor office assignment somewhere.”

Her luck was good enough that she’d probably get one of the nicer suites on the first try. “Katie really wants to talk to you,” Caroline said. “I love you, Jenny.”

“I love you too,” Jen said. “Give Jack and the girls hugs for me. You’re gonna make a hell of a first lady.”

“They won’t know what hit them.” Caroline laughed. Kathleen was practically wrestling the phone out of her hand. It made it hard to speak coherently. “I’m going to hand you off to Katie before she beats the shit out of me.”

Kathleen and Jen chatted for a few minutes before hanging up. Caroline only eavesdropped a little, a significant improvement for her.

Her chief of staff handed the phone back with a grin. “Way to cry all over your electronics.”

“My people are very emotional,” Caroline said defensively.

Kathleen gave her a quick hug. “Believe me, I know. Jen’s people are emotional too. You two need to learn to keep your shit together.”

Caroline stared down at the phone before tucking it back inside her suit jacket. Kathleen would leave her too, she just knew it. She had no reason to follow Caroline to the relatively small confines of the state capital, even if she was a Pennsylvania native.

“So, does this make me a state employee or what?” Kathleen’s voice brought her out of her reverie.

Caroline stared at her. “Huh?”

“You still need a chief of staff, right? Even with a different job title?”

She hadn’t really thought about that but instantly decided that if she needed to, she would push Jack until he agreed. “I guess so.”

“Do I have to submit my resume and shit, or ask you nicely?”

Caroline beamed. This was more than she had hoped for. “I’m really glad you don’t work that kind of language into my speeches. Asking nicely is fine. Maybe you should repeat your request, phrased a little differently, eh?”

Kathleen got on her knee in a mock proposal. “Your First Lady Highness, may I have the honor of serving as your chief of staff?”

She didn’t think she could feel any more elated than she already did, but Caroline was tempted to tackle her to the floor. She’d never been one to tactfully express her joy. “Of course,” she said. “But what about Liz?” Kathleen’s girlfriend still maintained an apartment in the District when she wasn’t traveling.

“We talked. Harrisburg isn’t that far from D.C. We’ll have weekends, and we’ll figure something out if it comes to it. She knows this is important to me.”

“You don’t-”

“You don’t get to talk me out of it.”

“I wasn’t. I was just going to say that if you needed to move on at some point, I’ll understand.”

“First off, you won’t understand, because you’re too damn attached to me, and second, we’re not talking about that now. Because it won’t happen.”

Kathleen’s devotion was too much. Caroline didn’t deserve such loyalty. “Has Liz managed to deal with your unrequited love for me?”

“Oh yeah. She thinks it’s kind of sexy.”

Caroline suspected it wasn’t quite that simple, but didn’t want to ruin the moment. “This is awesome,” she said.

Kathleen threw her arms around her. “Can’t break up a winning team so soon, right? We gotta shoot for the ten year mark at least. I assume that’s when you’ll start giving out bonuses like the rest of the world.”

Caroline ardently returned the hug. “Thanks, Katie. This pretty much caps off my night.”

“Well, I knew if you were going to miss Jen you’d miss me more, since I’m the more likeable of the two of us.”

Caroline kissed her cheek. “You and I are going to have a lot of fun causing trouble at the Governor’s Mansion.”

Kathleen smiled. “I can’t wait.”

*              *              *              *              *

Caroline and Jack said their goodbyes to the staffers and friends who gradually trickled out of the ballroom. They indulged themselves as the night wore on, as had just about everyone else who lingered until the early morning hours. Kathleen had already shuffled back to her room, mumbling something about a late check-out time. The girls were sound asleep in the suite next to theirs. Jack grabbed a final bottle of champagne as they headed for the elevator. The bartender looked happy, though. Folks in a celebratory mood tipped well.

Caroline took one last look behind them. Drink cups and decorations everywhere. “This place is a mess.”

“That’s why we gave them such a large deposit,” Jack said.

“Not our problem to worry about, I guess. Let’s go upstairs.” She waltzed into the elevator as soon the doors opened, spinning around to face him. “Wanna make out?”

Jack pulled her into his arms. “Fuck yes.”

She could feel the cold champagne bottle at the small of her back as he leaned in closer. “Cameras?” she murmured against his lips.

“Do you care?”

She tugged at his hair. “No.”

“We’re not moving,” Jack said.

“You need to hit the floor.”

He dragged her over to the side and pressed the button. “Good idea, sweetheart. You’re so smart.”

“That’s why you married me.”

He squeezed her ass with his free hand. “I married you for a lot more than that.”

So loquacious after a night when all he’d done was talk. She was surprised he still had a voice. “Shut up and kiss me,” she said.

Jack bit her bottom lip, granting her request. “You’re fucking sexy.”

She could already feel his erection against her thigh. “And you’re drunk.”

“Is that a problem?”

Only if there were pictures to prove it. “I hope no one noticed.”

“Everyone noticed. It’s three in the morning. Anyone still awake is drunk.”

She let out a little whine as he bit her earlobe. “
I’m
not drunk.”

Jack kissed her again, his hand drifting up her skirt. “You are. It’s okay. I won’t judge you.”

The car started to slow. “We need-” It was hard for Caroline to think. Maybe she
was
a little tipsy. “We need to get to the room.”

Jack straightened up as the doors opened. “I agree.”

He took her hand and marched down the hall, pulling off the sober candidate convincingly. Anyone who ran into them would be none the wiser. He even opened the door to their suite without fumbling the key. Caroline dragged him into the room by his tie, starting to remove his jacket.

“Aggressive, aren’t you?” He tossed the bottle from hand to hand and wriggled out of his suit coat. “I forgot booze makes you horny.”

She strode ahead of him into the bedroom. “Don’t shake the bottle. You’ll ruin it.”

“It’s fine,” Jack said, pulling the foil off the top of the champagne.

“Less talk, more kissing.” Caroline pushed him into a chair in the corner of the bedroom, straddling him and starting to loosen his tie. “Have I ever told you how attracted I am to powerful men?”

“You may have mentioned it once or twice.” Jack pressed his thumbs against the cork and grunted. “This bottle is being stubborn.”

Caroline grabbed the bottle out of his hand. “Let me do that.” She slid her thumb up the side of the cork and it flew across the room, barely missing an expensive lamp.

“Nice job, sweetheart. We’d have a hell of a time explaining if you broke that.”

She turned to him. “I did that on purpose. Aren’t you impressed?”