Connie’s Courage (46 page)

‘No, you should not,' Connie agreed, fiercely pulling her hand free of his, and turning her back on him.

She didn't know how she was to bear this! Harry loved her. He had always loved her! But how could she allow him to give her that love?

Connie, what is it? What's wrong? Those men?'

‘Nothing's wrong,' Connie lied fiercely. ‘And those men were just … just enquiring about whether or not I could take another child!'

Harry wasn't going to be fobbed off. Not after what Nora had already told him, and even more importantly, not after the sweet passionate way Connie had just returned his kiss. She could say what she liked, he knew now that she shared his feelings!

You and I both know that that's not true,' he told her quietly. Those men had been sent round to threaten you into paying them protection money!'

Connie's face paled.

‘I don't want to talk about it. You had no right to come back in here.

Her obvious distress tore at Harry's heart.

‘I have the right of a man who loves you, Connie,' he stopped her fiercely. ‘I have the right of wanting to protect you. Why won't you let me do that? You re treating me as though I'm your enemy, and yet five minutes ago in my arms, you returned my kisses as though … Is it because of your husband? he asked her simply.

‘There was no husband!

Connie couldn't believe what she had said.

As he saw the way her eyes widened in shocked guilt, Harry went over to her and captured her hands in his own. ‘Connie, please don't look like that! Please don't. I can't bear it. If you loved him, and he …

‘No!

Despairingly Connie tried to drag her hands from his so that she could cover her face and hide her anger and shame from him.

‘Harry, I can't let you love me, she told him brokenly. ‘I wish that I could. I wish that more than I have ever wished anything. But if I were to accept your love, ultimately you would end up hating and despising me. If the truth about me ever got out in the eyes of the world, I would be a creature to be treated with contempt and loathing. I would be dragged down, Harry, and you would be dragged down with me. You saw … You know yourself what I was … what I am. If your family knew
of that …' Connie bit her lip to prevent herself from crying.

It was Bill Connolly who was responsible for the debased condition in which you saw me in Back Court. As a young woman I behaved very shockingly, Harry. I ran away from home with Kieron Connolly, Bill's nephew. Foolishly I believed I loved him, and we had planned to start a new life in America, only Bill paid Kieron to desert me.

On the occasion on which you saw me, Bill had taken out on me his rage at finding that I had survived whilst Kieron had gone down with the
Titanic.
He had threatened to put me to work in one of his brothels. Fortunately I managed to escape.'

Connie, Connie. I care nought for any of that. To me you have the only purity which really matters, and that is purity of heart! You are pure and good in ways that few other people can match.'

Now Connie couldn't control her tears. They welled in her eyes and rolled down her cheeks, causing Harry to groan and draw her into his embrace.

My love, my precious, precious love. Do you really think what others might have to say would alter by so much as a breath how much I love you? And besides, as a divorced man,' he began more humorously, I am scarcely …'

‘That is different,' Connie stopped him firmly, before adding more emotionally, Harry, I am so
afraid that Bill Connolly might see me and recognise me, and if he does, he will blackmail me. If I don't pay him I shall be totally disgraced.

Harry hugged her as tightly as he could, knowing that what she had said was the truth.

‘I can't allow you to be disgraced and brought down with me, Harry. And I won t.

‘There is only one thing that will make me walk away from you, Connie,' Harry told her quietly.

Helplessly she looked up at him. ‘What's that?

‘If you were to tell me that you care nothing for me.

Connie took a deep breath. She ought to do it; she had to do it for his sake. But no matter how much she tried, she just could not say the words.

‘Harry, you cannot do this, Connie wept. ‘And besides, you do not even know the whole yet.

‘Then tell me, he encouraged her tenderly.

‘I am not a widow. I do not have a husband, but I do have a child. And that child … I was attacked, Harry, r … raped.'

‘Connie! No! You do not have to say any more!

‘No please, please let me finish,' she begged him when he made to comfort her. ‘I must tell you the whole, and if I stop now … It was an act of hatred and violence against me, Harry, a punishment rather than an act of lust.

‘Whoever he is, I shall –‘

‘Harry, he is dead, she told him. ‘And although I should not do so, I thank God for it! As I thank Him, too, that Lyddy has none of him in her. When
I first discovered I was to have her, I couldn't bear it; I even thought of taking my own life. But then, by some chance, I stepped into the street in front of our friend Iris's car. She recognised me and took me home to Preston and Ellie.

It was Ellie who counselled me to pretend that I had been married and widowed. You must despise me for such a lie!'

No,' Harry told her vehemently. Never … never, Connie. I could never ever feel anything for you other than love!' he assured her.

No, Harry, you must not love me,' she protested. I cannot let you love me, Harry. Knowing my past, who would believe -'

Putting his fingertip against her mouth he corrected her lovingly, Knowing you, who would believe? You do yourself and those who love you the gravest injustice, Connie, if you think we cannot see you for what you are.'

But you must see …'

What I see is a beautiful, courageous woman from whom love and compassion shine out to others like a beacon. I can't wait to meet Lydia Harriet … We must be married before she learns to talk, Connie, so that she will learn to call me Daddy and not Harry.'

‘There is Georgie as well,' Connie reminded him.

And I have Christopher,' Harry agreed calmly, before adding softly. And I hope most sincerely that there will be others …'

Connie turned away from him. The temptation he was offering her was almost more than she could endure.

‘Harry, I should not be allowing you to speak to me like this. You are a schoolmaster. You hold a position of great respect, my past …

‘I care nothing for any of that. If necessary you and I can create a whole new life for ourselves. There are other countries in which to live besides this one, Connie.

‘You are thinking of America?

Harry shook his head. ‘I was thinking more of Australia or New Zealand. But in all honesty, Connie, I do not care where we live, just so long as we live there together.

‘No, Harry. I …

She gazed up at him as he took her back into his arms.

‘Harry! she began to protest, and then stopped as he cupped her face and kissed her. Just as she had so longed for him to do, for such a very, very long time.

‘I can't believe the difference in Christopher, and it's all down to you!

Harry shook his head in bemused disbelief as he watched his son playing happily with the other children under Connie's lovingly firm gaze.

‘I didn't have to do very much, Connie told him drily. ‘All the poor little scrap needed was a bit
of love, and to know that he wasn't going to be kicked or smacked every time he came near an adult. He must have had such a hard life with Rosa and Gerald. I get little ones coming here who haven't a piece of clothing to call their own, and who are so hungry it breaks your heart, but they are still loved, and well-loved, too. But Christopher … Are you really sure he isn't yours?' Connie asked him quietly.

They had no secrets from one another now, other than the most intimate special secret of one another's bodies.

‘As sure as I can be!' heanswered Connie grimly.

He must never know that, Harry. Don't let him grow up feeling that he doesn't have anybody of his own. Ellie, John, and I, all know what that feels like and I would never wish it on another child! Lyddy and Georgie have me, even if Georgie isn't mine. After all, he's never known anyone else but me.'

‘It's just as well the Headmaster's house at school is a good size,' Harry commented, grinning as Connie pretended to look severe and then blushed delightfully.

‘Oh, so you're after Mr Dodd's job now, are you?' Connie teased him. Does the Headmaster know that you aim to take his place?'

As a matter of fact, he does! And what's more it was his idea,' Harry told her, enjoying watching her expression change. ‘And,' he told her, getting up out of his own chair and coming over to her
to take hold of her hands and pull her to her feet, ‘I've got some even better news for you.

‘What?

‘Mr Dodd thinks that the school governors will allow you to use the empty house adjoining the Headmaster's for the nursery.

‘What! Oh, Harry, are you sure? Is he serious?'

‘Don't get too excited, it's nothing like as grand as this place, he warned her. ‘It will need a fair bit of work doing on it. There is a garden, although it's very overgrown. Still, I reckon that Frank will probably be prepared to give Davie a hand getting it straight. When Connie stiffened he demanded quietly, ‘What is it? What's wrong?

‘You haven't said anything to your family about us, yet, have you? Only you did promise that you wouldn't. Not, not until I've got everything sorted out here.

‘No, I haven't said anything, Harry told her tersely, a frown replacing his normal smile. ‘But you know how I feel about that, Connie. And it isn't just my family. What about your own? Your sister didn't seem too pleased to see me here the last time she called. I'll bet a guinea to a penny she thinks I'm not good enough for you.

‘No, Harry, Ellie doesn't think that at all,' Connie assured him truthfully.

‘No? Then why did Gideon come over on that trumped-up excuse of wanting to check the roof timbers? Harry asked her grimly.

Connie's face flushed guiltily. The truth was that
Ellie and Gideon were concerned, as Ellie had worriedly put it, that Harry might have dishonourable intentions toward Connie!

I've learned my lesson in that department, thank you, Ellie,' Connie had told her sister quietly.

But he is forever calling here and it is plain that he is on very intimate terms with you, Connie. Only last week when Iris and I called, I could have sworn that prior to us entering the parlour, he had been embracing you,' Ellie had announced primly.

And since that had in fact been the case, Connie had not been able to come up with a very satisfactory denial. However she knew if she told Harry the truth, he would insist on making his intentions toward her very plain. And she was not prepared to allow him to do that until she felt confident that Bill Connolly had no idea who she really was.

Physically he may not recognise her – he hadn't known her that well – but if he were to hear her name …

Just thinking about him was enough to have her heart thumping anxiously. In two days' time his men would be coming for his money. Harry was adamant that she was not to pay it, but Connie was terrified of the consequences if she didn't.

I wish you would let me tell Frank about this,' he had told her during one of their more heated discussions, he may not still be in the police but he has friends there.'

Harry, you don't understand. Bill Connolly is not afraid of the police. He's a horribly cruel and
violent man who enjoys frightening and hurting others.

‘I can't compel you to report him to the police, Connie, Harry had acknowledged.

‘No, you cannot, Connie had agreed. ‘Perhaps he will change his mind and not send his men round? she had offered hopefully.

And there, for now, the matter had been left, neither of them willing to change their stance, but neither of them either wanting to deepen their quarrel over it.

‘Mavis keeps asking me if you have said yet when you might have time to visit her and the twins, Harry said now.

‘I should like to see them Harry but …

But she was afraid that somehow Mavis would guess how things stood between Connie and her brother.

‘I don't like deceiving people like this, Connie. I love you and I want the whole world to know it, never mind those closest to us. Mr Dodd is all set to retire at the end of this term, and then the Board of Governors have already told me that they wish me to take over from him.

‘I very much want us to be married before school re-starts at the end of the summer holiday. That way we can move straight into the Headmaster's house with our children, and you can run the nursery in the house next door.

‘You think I can be your wife, a mother to our children, a Headmaster's wife with all that
that involves, and still run the nursery?' Connie demanded mock-indignantly.

I think you can do anything you wish to do, Connie. You have such strength my love, such courage.'

‘Courage? Me?'

Yes, Connie,' Harry told her gently.

She didn't feel very courageous on Thursday, already dreading Friday and the visit she knew it would bring.

They were up in the nursery, the children having gone home, leaving just Christopher, Georgie and, of course, her own precious Lyddy. And Connie couldn't help smiling indulgently when Harry picked Lyddy up.

‘Did you really name her Harriet because of me?' he asked Connie softly. ‘Yes.'

Still holding Lydia, he leaned across and kissed Connie lightly on the tip of her pretty nose.

It's time these three were tucked up in bed,' Connie began, and then frowned as there was a sudden commotion on the stairs and the door to the nursery burst open. The open door revealed three men, one of whom, Connie realised with a sickening surge of shocked fear, was Bill Connolly himself.