Connection (Le Garde) (12 page)

“
You know you guys both like that band Cooling Agent?” I asked.

Steven and Aaron glanced at each other. “Really, you like them?” Aaron asked.

“
Yeah, they’re cool,” Steven said. He sounded so nonchalant, but I knew he’d been to four of their shows.

“
Yeah, and you both quote Anchorman way too much.” I sipped on my piña colada as the two of them laughed. “That was the stupidest movie I ever saw. Total waste of my life.”

They both started to stick up for Will Ferrell, and I just shook my head. “I don’t care,” I said. “You know neither of you knew Harper Lee was a woman until I told you? Who doesn’t read author bios? Oh, and you know that thing you do with your ear?” I tugged on my right earlobe. “You both do that.” Steven did it when he was nervous, and Aaron usually did it when he was taking a test.

Aaron dug his hands into his pockets, and Steven started playing with his ear until realizing what he was doing. He cleared his throat. “That’s weird.
 
.
 
.anything else we have in common?”

“
I don’t know,” I said. I did, but I could tell he was upset. Besides, the rest of the things weren’t simple. They wouldn’t be as easy to say, especially when my tongue was heavy from all those drinks. It was they way they both looked at me, all concerned, their eyes steady. It was the way they said my name when they were feeling strongly for me: in this whisper that made me want to close my eyes and get lost in that feeling. They both made me happy and sad and confused all at once.

There was one very big difference, though, and that was the fact that I knew Aaron was concerned right now and kind of amused and thinking about the possibility of us, wondering if I’d ever give him another change, considering Steven and the fact that the two of them were more alike than he originally thought and questioning if it meant something. I knew all of that, and he didn’t say one word. I could guess what Steven was thinking, but I had to rely on his words, his tone of voice, his body language.

Oh, and I could control electrical currents when touching Aaron. I wondered if I’d ever be able to kiss him.

His eyes snapped up and met mine, and my face warmed up. “Where’s Kaylie?” I yelled.

Sam half-turned from her conversation. “She’s with Matt. They’re really hitting it off.”

“
I’m going to go find her,” I said.

I started to leave, but Sam grabbed my arm. “Why?” she asked. “Just give them some alone time.”

I laughed, looking around at the crowded condo. Alone time in this place? I nodded, though, knowing Kaylie might want to be left alone with Matt for a bit. I held my drink out for Aaron. “Here, it’s really good,” I said. “Come on, Steven, let’s dance.”

Steven and I danced for a while, and then we went to the porch to get some fresh air. “I haven’t looked at myself in the mirror, but I just know my hair’s getting frizzy,” I said. “It’s so hot in there!”

“
Yeah, it feels good out here,” Steven said.

The brisk wind blew past us, and goosebumps spread on my arms. Steven pulled me close, rubbing his hands up and down my skin. We’d been so close all night, barely a breath between us, and I wanted to kiss him and wrap my arms around him. Even though I’d seen other couples doing it, I was too self-conscious. I knew Aaron was around here, and I kept thinking about what I’d said to them earlier. I was kind of dizzy, too, from the drinks and the dancing.

“
You know what I like about you?” Steven asked.

“
What?” I whispered, looking up at him.

“
You’re funny and you’re smart and you’re gorgeous.” They were wonderful words, but he was frowning. “I don’t know.
 
.
 
.now I’m wondering if you only like me because I remind you of Aaron.”

I grabbed his shirt before he stepped away. “Steven, it’s nothing like that. I have a type or something. That doesn’t mean anything.”

“
But you never went out with Aaron.”

“
No, but.
 
.
 
.” I trailed off.

“
But what? You made it seem like you never liked him, and then suddenly you start tutoring him, and.
 
.
 
.I don’t even know.” He sighed.

“
Aaron was my best friend for seven years. We did everything together. Just because I didn’t go out with him doesn’t mean we weren’t close.”

Steven didn’t say anything for a moment, and I let go of his shirt. He didn’t move away, but he didn’t touch me, either. “How close were you?”

“
I told you, we were best friends.” 

“
Yeah, but for nine year olds, that’s not that serious.”

“
It was for seven years.” I bit my lip, looking out at the view of the city. It kind of made me sick, so I steadied my gaze on Steven’s face. “He’s probably the person who knows the most about me. More than my mom. He was my closest friend. He was like a brother. It’s like he could read my mind.” If only he knew how true that was.

“
And what about now?”

“
What about now?” I rubbed my forehead. “We haven’t talked for nearly a year—”

“
And now you’re all buddy buddy,” Steven grumbled.

I let out an exasperated noise. “Why are you asking me this? I’m going out with you. I’m happy with you. I’m not with Aaron, am I?”

Steven didn’t respond for a moment, leaning against the banister. “No, you’re not. But all that you told me tonight made me think.
 
.
 
.well, I said it earlier. I don’t need to say it again.”

I shook my head. “If I wanted to be with Aaron, I would be.”

Steven met my eyes, nodded, and reached out for my hand.

He wasn’t Aaron, and he couldn’t know the raging confusion inside of me. Of course I wanted to be with Steven. Of course I did. I loved the time I spent with him, like when he’d try to teach me how to play video games or we’d go running together or I’d convince him to read books with me and we’d talk on the phone about them until midnight. But Aaron was my closest friend—or he had been at one point.

What I told Steven was true: I wouldn’t string him along if I really wanted to be with someone else. I just didn’t know what I wanted.

8. le mystère (mystery)

Aaron

I talked with Sam most of the night, effectively avoiding dancing. She teased me about being a wuss, and I definitely wasn’t afraid to admit I was afraid of looking stupid. I reserved dancing for very select school dances when everyone else looked stupid, too. Here, most of the guests knew what they were doing. There wasn’t that group of kids doing the chicken dance off in the corner like at Homecoming.

Some college guys took a liking to Sam and taught us how to play beer pong. I saw Anna here and there as she danced with Steven, and when they went out onto the porch, I felt her thinking about me. I tried not to mentally eavesdrop, but it was a little hard.

It was around midnight when Tara and Tom walked over to us. “Aaron, are you ready?” Tara asked.

I shrugged. “Sure.”

“
Oh, you should stay!” Sam said, touching my arm. “I’m sure Matt could give you a ride home. We could all pile into his car.”

“
I don’t know.” I glanced around for Anna. “I’ll probably go.”

Sam pouted. “Are you sure?”

“
Yeah,” I said. “When are you going home?”

“
Tuesday,” she said with a roll of her eyes. “I’m in my cousin’s wedding in Montana.”

“
Sweet.” I nodded. “Maybe we can all go see a movie before you leave.”

“
All of us?” She tilted her head. “What about just us?”

I hesitated, scratching the back of my neck. “Uh, maybe. We’ll see.”

I felt Anna approach, pushing through the crowd with Steven behind her. One of the guys playing beer pong backed up into her, and she tripped on her heel. I reached out for her instinctively, and she grabbed my arm for balance. The lights flared again, and I felt the electricity running through the apartment: the currents powering the lights, the stereo, the appliances. It sent a shock through my body, and Anna let go of me, giggling. 

I laughed. We had to stop doing that.

“
I know, right?” Anna exclaimed.

“
What?” Sam said.

“
What?” Anna grinned and shrugged.

Tara poked me in the shoulder. “Are you ready?”

“
Yeah.” I turned to the others. “I’ll see you guys around.”

“
Let’s hang out again,” Sam said as she touched my arm again. I’d really have to tell her I wasn’t interested soon.

I smiled and stepped away. I made eye contact with Steven, who nodded to me. “Have fun. Don’t let Anna drive home.”

“
Very funny,” Anna said, trying to glare around her smile. She was adorable.

Tara tugged on my shirt, and I left, waving over my shoulder. I saw a girl by the beer pong table watching me. I did a double take when I saw she had different-colored eyes. I felt like a jerk for staring before I realized she was definitely staring at me, too.

* * *

The next day, Anna and Sam invited me to a movie with the group. Monday afternoon, they both texted me to tell me they were going to the pier. Either they didn’t know they were both inviting me to things, or they didn’t mind making me feel popular.

Tara wouldn’t let me drive her car, so I took the bus to the pier. Between Tara and Tom’s apartment and the pier where I met the others, three homeless guys asked me for money, and I ended up giving out a couple bucks. I’d go broke if I lived here. I swore there were like four homeless people in our town.

We walked up and down the pier—watched magicians and street performers; saw the fat, lazy Sea Lions; rode the carousel. The girls paid for a caricature, and Matt, Steven and I watched as the cartoonist drew the three of them. He really captured Anna’s big lips, Sam’s maniacal look, and Kaylie’s crooked tooth. We walked to the Wax Museum after that—against Sam’s protests. Those wax people freaked her out, which was hilarious, especially in the Chamber of Horrors where I scared her twice.

Sam was leaving the next day, so, again, both she and Anna told me to come over to Matt’s house to make pizzas and hang out. I felt weird going to Steven’s family’s house, but he’d been cool with me the last few days. I don’t know if he would after Sam went home since she spent most of her time flirting with me and distracting me from Anna.

Tom had time to drop me off, and I told him I’d call him whenever I was done. Tom was cool. He and Tara had met three years ago at some art show for Tara’s friend.

“
You on your way to work after this?” I asked as we pulled out of their apartment parking garage.

“
Yep,” Tom said. He worked a local museum. “We’re putting up a big exhibit on earthquakes over the years. 1906, 1989. You know there’s earthquakes going on in this area? It’s just that most of them are too small for people to feel.”

“
Oh, yeah?”

“
Yeah, there’s probably been ninety in the last six months, but usually the magnitude is one or two.”

Tom was full of interesting, and sometimes useless, facts like that. He was like this wealth of knowledge. He told me all about earthquakes as we drove to Steven’s cousin’s house. They lived on one of those hilly streets in a narrow two-level that reminded me of the Full House home.

I opened my door and got out. “Thanks, Tom.”

“
Tara will be off around four, but if you’re done before then, are you cool with taking the bus?”

“
Totally, I’m a pro.” I even had a bus map in my back pocket.

“
Right, two rides and you know everything.”

“
Three,” I corrected him.

He grinned. “All right, whatever. Have fun!”

He drove off, and I walked up to the door. I knocked and shoved my hands into my pockets as I waited.

Steven answered the door and smiled at me. That was a good sign. “Hey, man, come on in,” he said.

The living room was spacious and had spotless white carpet. It looked like the people who lived there weren’t home often: too clean, not enough books or pictures, almost like those houses my parents rented when we went on vacation.

Squeals and screams floated in from the kitchen; Steven shook his head as he led me through the living room. In the kitchen, pizza dough and flour was spread all over the island, sauces and all kinds of toppings covered the counters. The girls were fighting with the flour—not one of them had escaped the white dust. I laughed as Sam smothered Anna’s shirt with flour.