Conklin's Corruption (#3) (Conklin's Trilogy) (36 page)

My feet wouldn’t move as I watched Nathan drastically try to stir RJ awake.  Cooper jolted past me to the other side of RJ, tugging him to the ground.  “We have to start CPR,” he said firmly to Nathan as he positioned RJ on his back.

My eyes were fixated on the puddle of blood making its way towards my expensive shoes.  The thumping of Cooper’s palms on RJ’s chest rang like the pulse in my ears. 

Holy fuck, blood… so much blood.

Nathan flung his coat off, kneeling next to RJ.  “Come on, you asshole… wake up!”  His head swung in my direction.  “Tyler, call 911, NOW!”

I couldn’t move my hands to my pockets. I couldn’t move my feet from the oncoming blood.  I couldn’t even move my jaw from its detached position.

“TYLER!” Nathan shouted.

I shook my head, my unsteady hands fumbling as I tried to retrieve my phone from my pocket.

As I dialed 911, Cooper and Nathan switched places.  “Come on,” Nathan’s voice cracked.

My nerves took over as the phone rang.  Nathan’s voice didn’t crack; it never cracked.  He was always so sure of everything.

“911 what’s your emergency?”

My lips trembled as my eyes watched Nathan shift so his pants were completely in RJ’s blood.

“911, what’s your emergency?” the teleprompter said more forcefully.

I shook my head to bring me back to what was happening.  “Yes, someone’s been shot.  Downtown at the Conklin building.  The top floor.  Please, come quickly.”  I dropped the phone on the floor, directly in RJ’s blood.

I took a quick step to the side, not realizing what I had just done.

“Come on, RJ!”  Nathan’s hands were drastically pumping, his chest beginning to shudder with each thrust.  “Dad, come on!  Please!”

Cooper pushed Nathan out of the way, continuing the process.

“Tyler, come take a turn.”

I heard my name, but I couldn’t move.  My eyes were fixed on RJ and the giant bullet wound that blew off part of his head.

“Tyler!”

“Tyler!”

My body bolted upright, my chest feeling like a python was wrapped around it.  I couldn’t breathe. I was suffocating, my heart pounding so fast it felt like a hammer continually banging a nail through a board.

“Tyler!  Baby, it was just a dream,” Becca’s soft voice said.  It only barely registered as I gasped for air.  “Just breathe,” she soothed again, her hands tentatively wrapping around my back and chest. 

My hands were gripping the sheets on either side of me so tightly that my knuckles must have been whiter than snow. 
Damn it, where is all the oxygen in my lungs?

“Have you taken your pills?” she asked calmly.

My head shook rapidly back and forth.  I hadn’t taken any in almost two days.  Becca and I had been making such happy memories that I didn’t need them.  Maybe I should have kept a small amount in my system.

“Where are they?” she asked, running her fingers along my spine. 

I blinked rapidly, trying to think where the prescription bottle was.  “I… I… I think…” I gulped, moving my hand to my chest.  Fuck, I couldn’t calm down. The brick in my chest was making breathing and thinking impossible.

“Are they in the car?  Your bag?  Did you unpack them in the medicine cabinet in the bathroom?”

I nodded my head rapidly at her last statement. 

“The medicine cabinet?” she confirmed.

I nodded my head again, bringing both hands to the back of my neck, pulling my head in between my legs.

She quickly stood, turning on the light by the stairs as she made her way to the bathroom.

Just as I was going to look up, she was already by my side of the bed, unscrewing the cap to the Xanax. 

“Here, take two.  Put them under your tongue,” she commanded, her thumb finding my lip to help open my mouth.  She dropped the pills into my mouth then pulled my head to her chest.  She ran her fingers up and down my arms, kissing my forehead and whispering that I was going to be okay.

After a few minutes, the medicine kicked in, and I could finally breath again.  I was in a cold sweat, goose bumps forming on my arms.  Becca pulled me so we were laying down, my head still on her chest. 

As much as this moment comforted me, it bothered the hell out of me at the same time.  I felt like such a pussy, my fiancé holding me like I was some little toddler having a night terror.

Mine was a nightmare… completely different.

“Do you want another one?” Becca asked gently, running her hands through my hair.

I shook my head no, pulling away from her.

“No… I’m sorry I woke you,” I mumbled, grabbing the pillow and hugging it to my chest.

Becca pulled on my bicep, forcing me to turn to face her.  “Don’t hide from me, Tyler.”

I sighed, debating if I should tell her about my dream.

“Tell me why you had an anxiety attack.  Maybe talking about it would help.  I know I’m not your phsyciatrist, but…”

I groaned, rolling to my back, rubbing my face with my hand. 

“I’m sorry, I know you don’t like talking about going—”

“I hate that I have to see one of those doctors, okay?  I hate that I have fucking panic attacks and have to be coddled like some little kid.  It’s embarrassing, Becca,” I grumbled while interrupting her.

She sat up straight, pulling my hands from my face.  I didn’t like that she could see my expression because of the light.  I liked being able to hide in the dark.

“You should never be embarrassed by needing to talk to someone.  The doctor has helped you.”

“No, the medicine has helped me.  Do you know how awful it is sitting in a room with your mother spilling her guts to you for an hour?  Feeling like a complete asshole for ignoring and resenting her your entire life because you didn’t know the truth?  You didn’t know she really wanted to be there for you but didn’t know how and was constantly shoved to the side?” I rambled.

Becca’s eyes went wide as I realized what I just told her.  I closed my eyes, slowly sitting up next to her.  “I hate that my mom comes with me,” I whispered.  “I hate this awful feeling that seeps into my chest.  I hate all these memories of her flooding back into my mind.”  I paused, shaking my head in disgust.  “My grandparents wouldn’t let her be a mother,” I confessed, my heart breaking at the same time.

“Becca, I have all these memories that I somehow pushed away.  I remember her rushing to get me when I had bad dreams, but my gran would race past her, reaching for me.  I remember sitting next to her watching cartoons, but my gran pulled me away to go do something with her.  She’d kiss me goodnight, read to me, but my gran would hover over us.”

“My mom admitted giving up after a while, letting my grandparents take over.  She let them control her; she let RJ control her for so long.”

I dipped my head back between my legs.  Becca raised her hand to touch my back again, but didn’t say anything.

“I feel so terrible for hating her all these years when it wasn’t her fault.  But she doesn’t care that I’ve been an asshole.  She doesn’t care that I haven’t given her the time of day the past 20 some years.  She still
loves me
.”

I let out a huge breath, feeling a portion of the weight that had been on my shoulders lifting.  It felt good to finally let out some guilt for my mother.

“It’s not too late, Tyler.  You can tell her how much you love her.  You can still have a relationship,” Becca said calmly.

“I know,” I whispered.

We were quiet for a few moments then Becca tentatively asked, “Was your dream about your mom?”

My eyes screwed shut.  Did I really want to talk about that horrific morning?

I felt pain and hurt radiating off her when she spoke.  I knew it was hard for her when I wouldn’t open up, but my throat felt like it had needles surrounding it, waiting for me to speak so they could penetrate.

Running a hand through my hair, I decided the risk of spilling my guts was worth it.

“It was about RJ.  How he… died.”

Her hand tensed on my back, and I was pretty sure she stopped breathing until I started to talk again.

“There was so much blood,” I whispered.  “I just stood there… I couldn’t move.  Nathan and Cooper kept yelling at me to help… but my feet wouldn’t budge.”

I scrunched my eyes; the picture so vivid in my mind.

“We all knew he was dead, but Nathan kept trying.  Then after paramedics came and declared him dead, Nathan cradled RJ’s bloody head.  He was crying.  I’ve never seen him cry before.”  I closed my eyes, fighting tears.  “I couldn’t touch him, but I couldn’t take my eyes off him either.  Part of his skull was showing.”

I heard Becca gasp, catching a glimpse of her hand covering her mouth.

“Tyler,” she said sympathetically.

I shook my head, not finished telling her my story.  “You want to know the worst part?  I was mad at him.  Furious.  I kept seeing red, and for the slightest moment… I was happy he was dead,” my voice cracked.  Uncontrollable guilt filled my lungs as I choked back a sob.

Becca dropped her hands from her mouth, instantly reaching for me, cradling me the best she could.

“He called the night before, after we’d made love.  You were asleep, and I crept up to my office.  He left a message, telling me he wanted a relationship, that he wanted to start fresh.  He told me he loved me… that he was…proud,” my voice cracked and I hated feeling so remorseful.  “My hand was on the phone, Becca.  I could have picked it up and talked to him, but I didn’t.”

“The next morning, Chino emailed me with lies, and I believed him.  Chino wanted RJ and me to fight so RJ would sign the deal in spite of me, but it didn’t matter.  That fucker killed him, Becca. He practically admitted it.”

Becca gasped again, holding me tighter.  “What do you mean he admitted it?”

“When we ran into him at the club.  He hinted towards killing RJ.  I don’t know anyone else who hated RJ enough to put a bullet in his head.  And I know damn well RJ didn’t pull the trigger.  He also hinted about the tear gas and the drugs hidden in our house.”

I pulled my head from Becca’s chest, wanting to see her reaction towards Chino infiltrating everything.  Shockingly, she didn’t look as terrified as I thought she would.  Her mind was ticking, and I got the feeling she was keeping something from me.

“What is it?” I asked, trying not to sound too stern.

Her eyes found her hands, pulling the pillow to her chest.  “Promise you won’t get mad?”

My jaw ticked.  What was she keeping from me?

Without my answering, the words began to spill from her lips.  “I went to Connor. I didn’t tell him anything specific or names.”

“Becca,” I scolded.

“No, just listen,” she pleaded, her big blue eyes finally meeting mine.  I sighed, laying back down on the bed with my hands behind my head.

“After talking to Connor… I think you should talk to Anderson.”

Was she crazy?  “Becca, that sounds like a terrible idea.”

“Tyler, you have no control over what Chino is doing.  Anderson obviously wants to take Chino down, and you can help him.  Maybe if you told him everything, showed him everything you’ve had to put up with, things he’s said and emailed.”

I shook my head.  “I don’t see that ending good for me or the Conklin empire.  I may have different feelings about my name lately… but this company is all Nathan has and wants.  I couldn’t jeopardize the status of the company.  Nathan would spiral out of control if he weren’t distracted by work.”

“Maybe Nathan would agree to go to Anderson with you.  After all, neither of you have taken part in what’s going on.  You have proof with the legal papers you’ve found that RJ stopped it.  I’m sure Anderson will take those papers as a sure sign for RJ’s death being a murder.”  Becca moved the pillow to lay on top of me. 

Any uneasy feelings in me evaporated from the skin on skin contact.  My hands instantly wrapped around her.  She ran her fingertips along my eyebrows to calm them.  I guess I was scowling without knowing.

“I think you can trust Anderson,” she whispered. 

I was apprehensive still.  Maybe a phone call to Nathan should be in order.  For the most part, Becca was right.  We had no idea where he was hiding drugs and never authorized him to do so on our properties.

“Let’s go back to sleep,” Becca said softly, leaning in to give me a peck.  “I don’t want to worry about Chino this weekend.  I want the next 52 hours to be about you and me.”  Her hand stroked my jaw, and my eyes fluttered closed.  She was right.  My Becs deserved to be the center of my universe this weekend, and every other second of my life.

Chapter 23

Becca

Tyler’s confessions last night were sobering and terrifying at the same time.  He’d never had an anxiety attack that bad, at least not since the one time I found him struggling to breath in his office.  I was thankful he brought the Xanax, and I was going to slip it in his food if he didn’t start taking it regularly.